Midlife Dimensions


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Turning Away from Isolation

Isolation will keep you in your addiction. Most addicts will agree that their addiction isolates them from the real world. Deep inside they know that the magazines are not real people, that they are only fantasizing with the actors in the porno videos, and sex with themselves just increases there isolation.

But some addicts think, "I'm not isolated, I'm having regular sex with the person with whom I'm having an affair", or "I'm really connecting to people in the "chat Rooms" on the Internet", or "What you mean I'm not connecting -- these are real live girls at the topless bar, they connect with me when they lap dance".

But all of the addicted sexual acting-out is self-deception. These I'm not healthy, human relationships -- only isolation.

Keep focusing on connecting daily with other people in your program, with God, with your mate and children, your sponsor, and regularly with your counselor. At first you may feel that many of these connections are rather artificial, hard for you do. But gradually you will move from a duty relationship, to a friendship.

Friendships develop as people are mutually vulnerable, sharing some of the secret parts of their lives. As trust develops it is easier to share even more honestly. Friendship also grows as the people mutually care for each other, and expressed concern and interest in the other persons well-being.

To gain victory over lust try to do two things every time you are connecting with your sponsor or some other person in the total step group. One, ask them how things are going in their lives. Don't be phony, only ask about the areas which are your genuine concern. Help them to connect more deeply to themselves and other people as you ask appointed question, "how does that situation you just told me about make you feel?"

Two, share with them was happening in your life. Be a bit more vulnerable than you were the last time you talk to each other. Again, be sure to share some of your feelings related to the event your sharing.

Isolation is your enemy -- it will keep you trapped in sexual addiction. As you faithfully work the 12-step program, you will increasingly feel "connected".

Conway / Farrel Articles ~    Reprint by permission only,  ©2011

Midlife Dimensions ~ www.Midlife.com


The Conways and Farrels are international speakers and popular authors.

Midlife Dimensions is a ministry founded by the Conways and continued by the Farrels.