Midlife Dimensions


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"What is the longest period of time when you've been sexually sober—one week, 10 days, 25 days?" A second question, "When did you start sexual acting out, with yourself or others?"

When most sex addicts face those two questions they realize that their sexual addiction is a long-term problem, which they've not been able to control. Honestly facing these two questions often causes the Sexaholic to become very discouraged and pessimistic—“Will I ever recover from the terrible grip of my addiction?"

You can stop lusting and sexually acting out! It is possible! Thousands of men in women worldwide are sexually sober -- some of them for more than fifteen years. You will be sexually sober as you work the program which is being suggested in this book—modeled after the Sexaholic Anonymous 12-step program.

It is important to realize that none of the pieces will keep you sober—not the 12-step program, your counselor, your sponsor, attending meetings, or even God himself—unless you commit yourself to stop lusting. No one else is going to do the work for you. Even God is not going to keep you sober, unless you do what you can to be sober. You can't stretch out in your hammock expecting someone else to keep you sober.

To keep focused on victory, make a regular habit of repeating the Serenity Prayer:

"God, Grant Me the Serenity to Accept the Things I Cannot Change,

The Courage to Change the Things I Can,

and the Wisdom to Know the Difference."

For a moment think about the three distinct areas in this prayer. First, you're asking God to give you peace about the areas in your life which are beyond your control. You cannot go back or undo all of the shameful things which you've done. For example, if you hammer several nails into a tree, you will permanently scar the tree. Yes you can pull out the nails, but the scars will always remain.

Later in your recovery program you will make amends for some of the damage which you've caused, but you'll never be able to change those experiences—as if they never happened. Trust your past with God.

Second, you're asking God to give you the "guts" to be a godly person -- the determination, commitment, and strength to do what you know is right. You can't change the past -- but you can change the way you think and act today. You can turn away from lust, you can stop flirting, you can stop yourself from driving past those bookstores or down those streets which are toxic for you, you can choose an Internet provider who screens pornography before it ever gets to your computer. These are choices that you can make for the next ten minutes. And these small choices will accumulate so that you will become sexually sober—the morally upright, godly person you want to be.

The third part of the serenity prayer asks God to give you insight so you'll not confuse the areas which you can and cannot change. If you keep on obsessing about your past failures, you may become so overwhelmed that you'll not make the choice to remain sober for the next ten minutes.

Keep asking God to help you understand the difference—between those things which you can change right now—and those unchangeable areas which you must surrender to God.

Conway / Farrel Articles ~    Reprint by permission only,  ©2011

Midlife Dimensions ~ www.Midlife.com


The Conways and Farrels are international speakers and popular authors.

Midlife Dimensions is a ministry founded by the Conways and continued by the Farrels.