Midlife Dimensions


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The Connection Between Lust and Self-Hate

Lust is driven by self hate. Lust tries to convince us that it, lust, will enrich our lives—we will feel better, experience a new sparkle, and we'll be energized.

But all that is a lie. What is really pushing us to lust is that we don't like ourselves. The depressed scenario goes like this, "I feel empty, alone, worthless, and unimportant to anyone. If only someone would love me. If only I could feel better for just a little while."

Then the memory kicks in, "I've always felt better in the past when I -- got on the Internet, looked at Playboy, went to an adult bookstore, or secretly rented an X-rated video. I could always depend on them to stimulate me sexually. Then I could satisfy myself with masturbation -- and no longer feel empty."

There is also a success scenario which goes like this, "I'm very successful in almost everything I do. But my success has made other people jealous. I feel isolated, alone, and misunderstood. I wish someone would really connect with me."

Again the memory clicks in and the person remembers that sex in the past had always been reassuring—even if only for a short time. And so the person seeks sexual stimulation and satisfaction.

The sad thing is that self-hated is not being eliminated by lusting and sexually acting out. Self-hatred is being reinforced. As soon as the sexual acting out is completed the person begins to experience a "downer". The surge of adrenaline which they experienced during lust, now begins to wear off.

In addition, guilt begins to set in. Intuitively the person knows that lust and sexually acting out will not enrich their life. They know they have done a shameful thing which has put them into deeper trouble. Now the guilt and shame reinforce their self-hatred. So the end result of lusting and acting out is a negative impact on our self-image.

Sadly the cycle starts all over again, "Wow, I feel terrible! But I know what will make me feel better, etc., etc., etc.

Don't believe the lust lies. Lusting and sexual acting out will not help to make you feel better about yourself—it will only drive you into a deeper hole.

Conway / Farrel Articles ~    Reprint by permission only,  ©2011

Midlife Dimensions ~ www.Midlife.com


The Conways and Farrels are international speakers and popular authors.

Midlife Dimensions is a ministry founded by the Conways and continued by the Farrels.