Midlife Dimensions


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I Want to be Wanted

The problem with lust is not really sexual. Lust is triggered by a deep emotional need to be wanted. Men who struggle with lust often say to me, "When I see a very attractive woman, I have an almost uncontrollable urge to be with her sexually".

Yes there is a physical sexual component in that desire, but as people look behind the physical, they begin to hear their soul crying out—“Please hold me, please want me, please fill up my emptiness".

If a person is wanted by a very attractive person, then they experience an ego boost—an adrenaline surge. If additionally, the attractive person tells them how wonderful they are, then they are hooked even more. Now also suppose that this attractive person wants to cuddle you.

Suddenly this person has tapped into a deep childhood need to be cared for, to be praised, to be loved. It is very important that you understand your deep need to be wanted, and how that childhood need is really driving you toward lust.

Talk your counselor and your sponsor about this connection. Listen as other people in the group share about the connection between lust/fantasy and "wanting to be wanted".

Conway / Farrel Articles ~    Reprint by permission only,  ©2011

Midlife Dimensions ~ www.Midlife.com


The Conways and Farrels are international speakers and popular authors.

Midlife Dimensions is a ministry founded by the Conways and continued by the Farrels.