Midlife Dimensions


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Getting Started Part 3

Remember what we covered in part one and two of getting started. Let's review:

1. Tell at least two people that you’ve found this website--and that you intend to work this program. Remember, The purpose of step 1 was to get yourself on record with your determination to be different person, and not be controlled by lust and sexual addiction.

2. Think about your daily schedule. With that second step you're supposed to ask yourself, “When can I find 30 minutes to do the necessary reading, praying, and writing so that I will be successful in this program?” Hopefully you were courageous enough to face all of your flimsy excuses and really set the time aside.

Now let's look at part two of getting started.

3. Buy a new Bible. Choose a modern translation of the Bible, such as, The New Living Translation, The Message, or the New International Version. Start with a clean unmarked Bible, so you won't be influenced by a someone else's markings, or when you may have read that section before.

Remember you can get all of your books on the Internet by clicking on www.Amazon.com, Tyndale.com. Or you can go to a local bookstore. While you're there look at one or more of the following books, or similar books which may be helpful in dealing with lust addiction:

  • Don't Call It Love by Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.

  • Every Man's Battle by Arterburn and stoeker

  • Breaking Free by Russell Willingham

  • Reclaiming Surrendered Ground by Jim Logan

4. Call S.A. International for the telephone numbers and locations of Sexaholic Anonymous meetings in your area. Following is the national number which will help you get started:
National Office -- Nashville, TN (615) 331-6230

Now lets look at part 3 of getting started.

5. Start Looking for a Counselor.

Here's How to Do It:

  • Ask the two people you have told about your decision for their suggestions of possible counselors.
  • Ask one of the pastors in your local church for suggestions. They will probably ask why you are wanting help. Just tell them that you feel the need to work on some of your dysfunctional childhood issues.
  • Call other churches in your area for their recommendations for counselors--give them the same reason.
  • When you attend your first SA meetings, ask several people who they are seeing for counseling.

After talking to all of these people, you will probably begin to notice the same counselors are recommended by several people. These are the counselors you want to start with.

Talk to each of these counselors by phone. Ask them if it would be okay to interview them on the phone, as a potential counselor for you. Explore some of the following areas in your talk with them:

  • Tell them that you are looking for a counselor who can give special help with sexual addiction, and who is familiar with the 12 step SA program. Ask them, "Have you had experience helping people with sexual addiction's?"
  • Ask if they have personally participated in any 12 step programs.
  • Ask what percentage of their clients are dealing with sexual addiction.
  • Talk about fees.
  • Ask them where the strongest SA meetings are located in your area.

After talking to a few counselors you'll begin to get a feeling of comfortableness with one of the counselors. Make an appointment to get the process started. Set up once a week appointments during the early stages of this process. Later you may change to twice a month as you begin to get stabilized.

If you have trouble connecting with your first counselor, feel free to choose one of the other counselors. But remember not to run to another counselor just because this one is being tough on you. You want a counselor who will push you. Most addicts are controllers, with big ego problems. So when their counselor begins to put on pressure, addicts run, and then blame the counselor for the counseling failure.

Stick with this counselor for a while, and learn to be submissive. Let God teach you through another human being about how to get recovery from your lust addiction.

6. Surrender to God. There is a saying in the SA movement which goes like this:

"Without God, you can't,
Without you, He won't."

Recovery from lust only happens as you learn to surrender yourself, and your lust to God. You probably have asked God a thousand times to take away your lust. You may feel discouraged about God's power, or even resentful that He has not removed this terrible shame from you.

Look again at the above two lines. You can't do this without God, and God is not going to help you unless you commit yourself to the process. You can’t sleep in your hammock and sip lemonade while God does all the work.

So the starting point is your surrender to God—and your commitment to Him that you will really work the program. Following is a prayer which has helped many people surrender their lust and themselves to God. This simple prayer will also help you:

"God I am powerless over my lust, and I ask you to help me.
I'm sorry that in the past I have dumped the whole problem on you.
Forgive me for not doing my part.
I give you my life and my addiction.
Guide the events in my life, as I work this program."

God is eager and willing to do the miraculous in your life -- but he waits for you to be just as eager.

The story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead as recorded in the Bible, is a good illustration of how we can work together with God.

Jesus came to the tomb after Lazarus had been dead three days and said, "Roll away the stone." Then Jesus did what the people could not do -- He raised Lazarus from the dead. After Lazarus came up those 30 plus steps out of his tomb, Jesus said to the people, "Unwrap him."

Don't you think it's strange that Jesus would bring Lazarus back to life, but asks the people to roll away the stone and unwrap him? Wasn’t Jesus powerful enough to do that also? I believe that Lazarus would NOT have been raised from the dead if the people had not rolled away the stone.

This is a picture of the co-operation that God expects from you as together you and God work on your addiction. The Bible says, "We are co-laborers together with God". Do your part and watch God do His.

Conway / Farrel Articles ~    Reprint by permission only,  ©2011

Midlife Dimensions ~ www.Midlife.com


The Conways and Farrels are international speakers and popular authors.

Midlife Dimensions is a ministry founded by the Conways and continued by the Farrels.