Should I Try To Reconcile With My Mate After We've Split?

It may seem that reconciliation is impossible, but we encourage you to think of the impossible. You’ve been hurt, betrayed, misunderstood, exploited and generally feel as though you’ve been run over by a truck. Why should I even try? you say. They’re the one who walked out! Your pain is terribly, terribly real. But if you skip over this stage in the healing process, you will never successfully negotiate the next stages and will never fully recover from abandonment.

You believe in marriage--you have believed in your marriage. You aren’t in favor of divorce. Even if the chances look slim, the right thing to do may be to try, with your best efforts, to get communication flowing so that you and your mate can consider whether reconciliation is possible.

It is also important for your own personal growth as well that you try to restore your marriage. If you don’t try, you’ll be like a person who is afraid to drive again after a terrible auto accident--never again able to have the benefit of using a car. For our own future health--as painful as it will be--you must try!

It is very crucial that you try to restore your marriage, even though it may be the last thing you want to do. If you omit this stage, your unresolved issues may result in more personal struggles--and more marriage problems if you should choose to remarry.

If you want to attempt to put your marriage back together, you need to commit yourself for many months to work on your own personal growth--and on understanding your mate and their reasons for abandonment.

We’re not talking only about a long period of time--we also mean working intensely, being willing to accept additional disappointment from your spouse, and being willing to face any of your own marital inadequacies which may have contributed to your breakup. Give it some time. Think about it and talk to God about your decision.

But remember, if you skip over the possibility of salvaging your marriage and don’t really make a sincere attempt at reconstructing your relationship, you are likely to regret your decision somewhere down the road. You may always wonder whether you should have put more energy into rebuilding your marriage.

Conway / Farrel Articles ~    Reprint by permission only,  ©2011

Midlife Dimensions


The Conways and Farrels are international speakers and popular authors.

Midlife Dimensions is a ministry founded by the Conways and continued by the Farrels.