How Do I Help My Children Adjust After My Divorce?

One of the major questions to face during this reconstruction period is "How do I help my children?" The children need to continue to be kids, but they can also become allies with you in the process of reconstruction. Don’t force them into adult roles or use them to replace adult friends. In truth, not only do you need to rebuild your life, but your children also must rebuild theirs. There are several issues that might help you think through this task.

The abandoned woman typically goes to one of two extremes in communicating information to the children:

  • She doesn’t tell the children anything, thinking that the less they know, the less they’ll hurt.
  • She tells the children everything, especially how evil their father has been.

You need to find a middle ground. Consider the children’s capacity to absorb information. If the children are very young, give them simple information in an easily understood form. On the other hand, older children can understand a lot more detailed information. Do not lie to them! Assure them that you’ll always tell them the truth. Answer their question, even if you don’t share all the details and don't pump your kids full of negative stuff about their dad. Assure them that you both love them.

Conway / Farrel Articles ~    Reprint by permission only,  ©2011

Midlife Dimensions ~


The Conways and Farrels are international speakers and popular authors.

Midlife Dimensions is a ministry founded by the Conways and continued by the Farrels.