Midlife Dimensions

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Lisa Kahan, Midlife Dimensions Office ManagerMidlife Dimension's Office Manager, Lisa Kahan, has experienced a midlife crisis journey with her husband and can relate to the situations that many of our website guests are going through.

Lisa enjoys writing for the Midlife.com website and prays that you will be ministered to through Midlife.com and the Midlife Chat Room.

Let Him Be Your Strength

In talking with many women after their husbands left them, I’ve noticed how their self-image is very wrapped up and intertwined with their husband’s. They don’t know how to live life as themselves. They can’t fathom going to church or a family event without their husband next to them, as though they have become a half of a person. It’s important to know that although a couple is married, they are still two individual people, and are still important to people in their circles, with or without their spouse present.

When my husband left me and the kids, I made a conscious decision to hold my head up and get out and continue participating in life. In doing so, my children followed my lead and felt confident about continuing with their various activities knowing they are each important individuals and can still be someone special without dad present.

I was still a mom, aunt, sister, daughter, cousin, and friend to many – desiring to get out and be myself with them. I was still a member of my church and small group Bible studies. I was still a volunteer in the booster club and class room. There was no reason to stay home and hide, which I hear so many women do.

We are not who we are because of a spouse, a parent, a boy/girl friend. We are who we are because of God. He created us and knows every detail about us inside and out. He is with us everywhere all the time. Take His hand and walk into the world with Him. Let Him be your strength and your confidence. Identify with Him, after all – you were created in His image.

How Should We Handle Holidays?

Even when times are filled with more "downs" than "ups" - it's important for you, and your children, to keep family traditions alive, especially during holiday seasons and special days like Valentine's or 4th of July. Whether it's driving down the street of a decorated neighborhood at Christmas, or going to the big egg-hunt in your community on Easter, make the time to get out there and do it. It shows your children that family and traditions are special and will continue no matter what is going on in your lives. It gives them a sense of stability at that time, and they'll appreciate your effort for the continuity in the years to come. 

Tired of Santa getting all the credit for Christmas? Here's a fun way to teach your children about the meaning of Christmas - it's a tradition passed down from the Conway family to ours, and we cherish the memories we've made over the years.

When you get out the Christmas Nativity set, just put out the "stable" in your special place, hide the baby Jesus until Christmas morning, and keep the other pieces in a box nearby. Each day you'll hide a character (1 for each kid to find) to place in the stable. Each evening, read the Nativity story and then have the kids find the hidden characters. Mary and Joseph would always be saved for Christmas Eve. And here's the best part - when the children go to bed on Christmas Eve, that's when you'll place the baby Jesus in the manger. On Christmas morning - our children would race down the stairs to see if baby Jesus arrived. It was a delight for everyone! 

A couple more special ideas:

On Christmas Eve, we'd decorate a birthday cake for Jesus, and place a candle on it for each of us, and a white candle for Jesus. We'd also make a home-made birthday card for Jesus (with our family photo on the front) and everyone would sign it. We'd put the cake and card out Christmas Eve next to the Nativity set. When the kids raced to see the baby Jesus, they'd find a piece of His birthday cake missing and His birthday card is gone. Right then and there - we'd light the candles, sing "Happy Birthday" to Jesus, blow out the candles, and enjoy cake for breakfast!!

Now, our kids are in high school and know we're the ones making it all happen. Even though - they still enjoy decorating the birthday cake on Christmas Eve, reading the Nativity from their Bibles, and looking at the Birthday cards in our special album.

To Take - Or Not To Take MEDS!

Occasionally our Chat Room guests bring up the question if it's ok or not ok to take meds as a Christian.

I'm going to share my opinion on the subject here.   Remember, this is just my opinion.  

I do believe it's absolutely ok to take meds "the right way".   That means that you  go to the doctor, discuss your situation, get a prescription, and follow the prescription orders. Many people abuse prescribed meds, and that's "the wrong way".

  

This is what Jim would tell you in the chat room:

  

I know that many people have trouble temporarily using meds, but it is the same kind of thing that we do when we go to the dentist - we have a toothache - we go to the dentist - he injects our jaw with pain numbing chemicals - he fixes the tooth - and we go home and our jaw returns to normal. Meds can be helpful with emotional struggles, the same as with a tooth problem.

-- Dr. Jim Conway

  

If you're confused about whether to take meds or not, you need to read the book, "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" by Dr. Daniel G. Amen.   It will help you understand how meds, when used right, can help your brain to function correctly, in other words: without the meds, your brain is depleted of what it need to function.   If your doctor told you to up your vitamin intake because you're depleted, you'd do it - no questions asked.   The brain, however, is a serious organ, and you need an accurate diagnosis to know what you specifically need to make it work better.

  

My husband and I were absolutely 100% against meds!   So much so that we chose to do home births for Rachel and Jonathan, because I didn't want meds entering my body, that would also be entering my baby's body, plus I didn't want them sticking all kinds of meds into my newborn and on their eyes. We also made an educated decision to not vaccinize our children.   

Then, as Jonathan grew older, and we noticed extreme OCD going on, we knew we needed to seek help, because that is what was best for him, and what parent doesn't choose to do what's best for their child?   We fought the suggestion to put him on meds all the way, of course trying every other method out there, without success.  

Then I read "Change Your Brain, Change Your Life" by Dr. Daniel G. Amen.   it gave me an understanding of how the meds can really help, and are ok to use. We have found success with Jonathan on meds, but have needed to change them over the years as he's grown and changed.  

It was a few years later when I recognized depression in my own life, and sought out help, and have been on meds for many years.   Every once in awhile I'll run out and not have the chance to get back to a doctor to get a refill for a few weeks.   I try to tell myself, "Maybe I don't really need the meds, it's mind of matter, I'll do it without them".   Before you know it, I'm on the couch every day, I don't care about anything, I'm not "me".   The "real me" is who I am when I take my meds correctly. Taking my meds brings the "old Lisa" back to life and accomplishing tasks for my family, church, and job that will bring glory to God. I certainly wasn't glorifying Him sitting on the couch not caring about anything!

  

So, I support the choice to get help, that's what the Lord would want you to do.   God just doesn't want you to take more than prescribed, start having to buy them off the streets, and living your life for the sole purpose of getting enough money to get more prescribed drugs from an illegal dealer. That does happen out there, and if that's happening to you,or someone you know, you need to seek intervention immediately.

  

You can find the book mentioned via the www.Midlife.com MLD Amazon store.   Here's a link for your convenience.   You'll find the book listed under "Jim's recommendations":

http://astore.amazon.com/midlife-20