Dear Dr. Jim,
I first read your book “Adult Children of Legal and Emotional Divorce” when I was in my early twenties. And now, here I am in my late 30's re-reading it. I read your chapter on forgiveness with new-found interest. I love what you say on page 216:
Neither does forgiveness mean that you don't have a right to:
I've come to believe that many good people have misguided ideas about what forgiveness actually is. My husband and I both come from families with issues (you are right, victims tend to attract. I think that we understand each other in ways others could not). I really struggle with other family members, friends, and acquaintances who assume that we are unforgiving, and, by implication, un-Christian, because we limit contact, refuse information, etc. It rots my socks to think that these people expect us to pretend that everything is “OK” and expose our children to the very insanity that we ourselves have worked so hard to overcome. Thank you for your words of wisdom and guidance.