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Six Steps to Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a private decision between an individual and God. It is a decision in our hearts to not allow the actions of anyone else, other than God, to determine our well-being. For this reason, we truly can forgive anyone for anything. The reason we forgive is to combat bitterness. Once bitterness takes over, it will continue to grow until it has completely destroyed the heart of the one who is holding onto it. This is why Paul stated in Colossian 3:13, “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” The simplest way I know of to make forgiveness real is to say the following six statements out loud when I need to forgive an individual:

1. I forgive (name the person) for (name the offense).
2. I admit that what happened was wrong.
3. I do not expect this person to make up for what he or she has done.
4. I will not use the offense to define who this person is.
5. I will not manipulate this person with this offense.
6. I will not allow what has happened to stop my personal growth

If you can say all six sincerely, you have forgiven. If you can’t, then ask God to prepare your heart and try again tomorrow.
Although this protects your heart from bitterness, it does not address the relationship. In order to restore the relationship, there must be repentance on the part of the one who caused the offense.


Farrel Articles ~  Reprint by permission only,  ©2012

Midlife Dimensions ~ www.Midlife.com

The Farrels are international speakers and popular authors.

Midlife Dimensions is a ministry founded by the Conways and continued by the Farrels.

My Love Remains

photo credit: © Vertes Edmond Mihai | Dreamstime.comFor some of you, Valentine's Day is a time of expectation and good memories. You are glad to be with the love of your life and you are grateful that things are going well. If that is you, enjoy the day and enjoy the connection you have with your life partner.

photo credit: © Scootz | Dreamstime.comSome of you, however, are not looking forward to this day at all. It is a reminder of painful rejection, forced personal growth, and the agony of learning to live "alone." I know this can be an agonizing time but may I remind you that Jesus' greatest accomplishment took place on one of His most agonizing days. He knew the crucifixion was coming. He knew it would be incredibly painful. He knew He would be deserted by the people He cared about the most. In the midst of the pain, however, He secured salvation for all of us. It is a reminder to all of us how committed He is to redeeming everything in life that is broken.

Read more...

"Consistency Is Key"

Having balance, or consistency in life, during a separation or divorce, is to be who you want to be instead of living in reaction to the person who is out of control.

Keep asking yourself:

* How do I want to live?
* Do I want to be a person who has healthy boundaries?
* Do I want to be someone who can communicate effectively?
* Do I want to be someone who can confront in a constructive manner?

When you are being true to who you want to be, you tend to be less reactive to the other person and more responsive to what God is trying to do in your life. Certainly not easy but I have seen it to be effective.

Hang in there...

It can be very devastating when your spouse is going through a midlife crisis. It creates a traffic accident in your life that threatens to derail everything you have worked for. It is vital that you keep growing when you don't feel like it, stay productive when you want to lay around, and stay connected when you want to isolate. You have already suffered a loss but you don't want to continue losing by stifling your own progress. Hang in there.

"Grief Is Temporary"

We experience grief for many different reasons such as the loss of a loved one, the loss of productive employment, the loss of a dream, or the loss of health. Anytime we have a significant loss in our life, reactions get birthed inside us that are unpredictable, unexpected and, at times, unexplainable.

Read more...

"Confrontation in Relationships"

When it comes to relationships, I have seen that we are afraid to confront our spouses because we all want to avoid loneliness. Adam joined Eve's decision so he wouldn't have to be alone. Spouses put up with a lot of bad behavior so we can avoid being alone, it is one of life's most powerful influences. The best way I know to combat this is with personal consistency. Keep asking yourself:

  • How do I want to live?
  • Do I want to be a person who has healthy boundaries?
  • Do I want to be someone who can communicate effectively?
  • Do I want to be someone who can confront in a constructive manner?

When you are being true to who you want to be, you tend to be less reactive to the other person and more responsive to what God is trying to do in your life. Certainly not easy but I have seen it to be effective.

"The Way Of Life"

When we develop effective relationship skills, our interactions with the people we care about are very satisfying. When we lack the skills, we revolt by overreacting and placing too many demands on others and too few demands on ourselves.

When we develop technology skills, we find many enjoyable ways to enhance our lives and make the processes of life more efficient. When we lack the skills, we get overwhelmed by the newest developments and watch from the sidelines as the rest of the pack passes us by.

When we develop life productivity skills (time management, budgeting, etc.), we get more done in an average day than the average person. When we lack these skills, we tend to live in personal panic wondering what happened to all our time and money.

And the list goes on but the principle is clear. The more skilled we are, the easier life seems.

"God is a redeemer!"

One thing I encourage us all to keep in mind is that God is a redeemer. He takes broken things and turns them into good things. It is always an amazing mystery when He does this. We are all here [in the Chat Room] because we are aware of the brokenness in our lives. In the midst of that, it is good to look for God's redemption among the ashes. Often kids develop remarkable character or compassion [while their parents go through a midlife crisis]. We find strength we didn't know we had and never really wanted [during such trials]. We gain insight into other people's pain, etc.

Family Talk with Dr. Dobson

Bill & Pam Farrel on "Family Talk"

Ryan Dobson, Bill & Pam Farrel, Dr. James Dobson

Wives, have you ever asked your husband what he was thinking and he replied, "Nothing"? He might be telling the truth!

Husbands, have you ever felt your wife needs to have a full-fledged converstaion about everything? She does!

These are just two of the MANY differences between men and women that cause real conflict in marriage. Bill and Pam explain how to embrace the distinctions and strengthen your marital relationship.

Click here to listen:  Waffles & Spaghetti In Love