8:07 PM [mariposa] Jim and all: I am so confused after Thanksgiving!! H went to our Thanksgiving service at church Wed. night with us and held my hand (first time in a long, long time) then came to the house and spent the night (on the couch) --had a great day Thursday with lots of interaction and then he left Thurs night about 10 to go back to his apartment. Did not hear anything else from him all weekend although I invited him to come over for the big football game to watch with our son. So very, very confusing to my emotions.
8:10 PM Jim: mariposa at: 07, you are experiencing the typical type of reactions that midlife crisis men have as they are stumbling toward reconnection. When they are with their wife, they feel good and secure and they give off vibrations of wanting to be closer - but as soon as they get away, they begin to ask themselves, "what in the world did I just do"? Then they drop back into an isolation mode hoping to get better control of their emotions. Overall, this is very good news and you just keep doing things you have been working on that are drawing him back to you - but don't assume that 1 good time means that he is ready to jump back into the relationship with both feet. He is merrily dipping his finger in the water of the marriage swimming pool to see what the4 temperature is before he decides to go for a swim.
8:07 PM [Bluesky] Hi Jim, I feel like I have fallen off the face of the earth to my in-laws, no invite for TG, no compassion or anything since h announced he wanted a div. Your thoughts.
8:15 PM [Jim] Bluesky @:07, intellectually you understand what is happening, in that your in-laws are siding against you, nevertheless - try to understand that they are siding with their own flesh and blood, try to plan some events that will be fun for you with some other supportive friends.
8:54 PM [MarySarah] Jim when a spouse finds ways around consequences, even legal ones & cont to lie in ways that can somehow be justified, but is still wrong, should the LBS cont to be firm with legal actions, etc.... What if no matter how free the Fleeing spouse is, what is the LBS to do when the other cont to try to come back & take more or calls when they are stressed to push our buttons & relieve their stress on us instead of ow? I feel like my H still expects & uses me as his excuses & stress relief, like he won't be content unless I leave the country or die
9:02 PM Jim: MarySarah at :54, basically - don't try to orchestrate consequences, focus on understanding the needs of your mate and increasing the intensity of your prayer for him.
8:51 PM [KM2] Jim - question for you. my w and I have been separated now for 7 1/2 months. over the past several months, she has shown a real interest in reconciliation, however without ever really saying it. Much like a roller coaster. Would welcome and feedback you could provided.
8:55 PM Jim: KM2 at: 51, I hope that you can come to the retreat. (see front page of www.midlife.com) It is very positive that your wife is beginning to test the water about a possible reconciliation - let her set the pace.