Midlife Dimensions

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Nov. 16, 2009 / with Jim Conway

6:16 Kathy215: Jim: He was calling me fairly often. Then we went away overnight in October and had a great time. Since then he's pulled away. He said it was so comfortable being with me and he's afraid he would fall back into it.

6:29 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Kathy215: This is secret talk for saying that the situation has not changed enough so that I feel comfortable. Why is your husband not comfortable with you, and how can you change any part of that?
6:27 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: TO EVERYONE IN THE ROOM: You often hear me talking about surrendering your stresses to God. Rick Warren's wife, Kay, has just published a new book that might help you in this general area. It is called, "Dangerous Surrender".

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Nov. 9, 2009 / With Jim Conway

6:10 sbky: all how do I stop my brain.. it am usually good at it..

6:25 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: sbky: AND ALL, this is a good question: The way that this works for me is to rehearse to myself the character of God -- He loves me, He wants the best for me, and He wants me to experience peace. Feelings of negativity and fear are not from God. So I surrender my problem to God as I thank Him for who He is and how He loves me. I ask Him to take the problem and to give me peace. Then I visualize in my mind taking the problem in my hands and transferring it over to Jesus' hands. If the thought pattern reoccurs, then I realized that I have not fully surrendered the problem, and I’m not really trusting the situation to Jesus, then I repeat the process of surrender again.

6:32 taxi: Dr. Conway: I don't understand why he would feel insecure. I am still here and told him I was in love with him too. I have showed him unconditional love. DR. CONWAY: I go out of my way all the time to make sure I do not try to control or manipulate him trust me on that.

6:35 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: taxi: Insecurity likely has more to do with several factors more than just the fact that you are still there. There may be issues related to his work, or to something in his childhood background.

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Nov. 2, 2009 / With Jim Conway

6:18 faithfull: Jim He does not want any confrontation, he wants to be lifted and made to feel good. He does not want to face reality. The other woman makes him feel good. I do not know how to meet his needs due to he does not want to talk to me or be around me.

6:25 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: faithfull: Right now he is just glad because the other woman does not demand anything from him -- she is sort of like a day at Disneyland. I would encourage you to give him a little bit of space while he is recovering.

6:20 Kathy215: Jim - My H says that he can forget our past and the mistakes we've made, but he can't forgive himself for not being a good step-father to my other children. He says that he can tell that I've changed. We've been separated a little over a year. What can I do to make him interested enough to come back and let him know that our relationship does have the strength.

6:30 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Kathy215: Remember that most guys are fairly shallow, they like to sit on the couch and have the remote and watch tv. They also like things to work easily and not have to talk about it. And remember that most men are very visual, so it's important to make sure that you keep looking cute and that you come across a little bit flirty.

  

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Oct. 19, 2009 / With Jim Conway

6:15 writingmom: Jim, thank you for the welcome. I have read your book and "When a Mate Wants Out". I am finding that as I get stronger, I feel less inclined to have sympathy for H. Reconciliation seems totally impossible!!

6:18 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: writingmom: Remember to take this process 1 day at a time and let God direct your emotions. This is a time when both of you will be changing - so don't make any decisions about reconciliation at this time.

6:24 faithfull: Dr Jim. I have stopped nagging him and have given him space like he wants it. He says he appreciates it and thanks me for being so understanding. Could it be that he is so emotionally attach to ow that he does not care. He told me to leave him alone. to let him live his life. He knows he is taking a risk with this girl but is his own fault.

6:28 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: faithfull: I’m glad that you are taking off the pressure because most men interpret nagging as being mothered. Husband's want a fun wife for a companion at midlife - not a mom. Frequently the OW is a playful time at Disneyland without feeling obligations and duties.

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Oct. 10, 2009 / With Jim Conway / Live from the Chat Room Retreat

"Live from South Bend - It's Saturday Chat" with Jim Conway

1:16 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:15 Dr. Jim Conway: Did you leave Sally whilst in your MLC?

1:20 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Morwenna: No I did not leave Sally. But I wanted to run away from everything. My church, my graduate studies, my family, and everything. I was working 100 hour weeks, collapsing on the floor in my office from stress, and I was looking for a legitimate reason to escape, but God kept hanging on to me. In the middle of my decision of wanting to run away, I asked myself, "Jim- how do you know if it will be ok if you run away?" I answered my questions, "I believe that God will take care of me." At that point, God joined the conversation and He said to me, "If you believe that I will take care of you when you run away, why don't you believe that I can take care of you if you stay?" After God's question to me, I was totally silenced and began to trust God as I worked through my midlife crisis.

1:17 Brin2: Jim, How long did it take you to completely heal from your MLC?

1:21 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Brin2: Jokingly I tell people, I'll let you know when I’m completely over it. But seriously, it was about a 3 year process.

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