Midlife Dimensions

6:20 helpme: Jim; H has been coming around from time to time...sometimes just to talk and other things have been happening....right now we are more like friends & get the feeling that's what we are 'friends'. He has ask if I would like to go to a ballgame with him. I had said something to someone and they thought this would be like tell H that what he is doing is ok, but don't feel that way myself but just going as a friend...what is your thoughts on this?

6:27 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: helpme: many men use the friendship approach as a way to test out whether it's possible to rebuild a relationship.

6:21 jankb: Dr. Conway: my h owes me some money per the d agreement. he hasn't paid and I’m thinking of taking back to court. is this a wise thing for me to do if I want to reconcile with him someday/

6:28 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: jankb: use your lawyer to help you resolve this financial situation. Don't be terrorized into giving up the finances that rightly belong to you.

6:42 bethel: Dr Jim: any advice for me and jankb with our pending divorces?

6:47 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bethel: Delay as long as possible - let your lawyer fight your battles - protect your family and assets - use the time for your own personal growth - don't consider the divorce as a final solution for your situation.

6:23 kbird: Dr Conway: Yes, our divorce was final in September. My husband said he did it to protect me, because he is having financial problems. He cried through the hearing...his emotions tend to upset me when we are together.

6:29 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: kbird: Since you are divorced, it is appropriate to set reasonable boundaries, and remember in this process to speak the truth with love and respect. Keep the door open by being friendly, but not so friendly that he has a key to your house, he reads your email, etc. etc.

6:42 CindyJ: Jim, I have a ? for you. How does a man say things like..."You know me. I’m a man of my word" and then leave his wife for another woman? Does he really not understand what he just said?

6:47 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: CindyJ: Many midlife men have trouble sorting out right from wrong and some of them feel that they are beyond anyone's questioning -- that they can make the rules as they go along.

6:11 bittersweet: Dr. Jim Conway: I sent you an email today. Basically ,I have been doing all you said to do. As a result we have restored marriage except he keeps emailing her . Also I noticed by doing paper work that he calls her every time he leaves. He told me all kinds of beautiful things like I am a very rare and precious Gem and I am the wind beneath his wings and He loves me so much and it does not get better than this to me. I am confused why he continues with her then????

6:16 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bittersweet: He is keeping his options open -- he is not sure that your changes will really last -- keep demonstrating that you are a changed woman who will not be a controller -- allow trust to grow.