Midlife Dimensions
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July 12, 2010 / with Jim Conway
6:31 MarySarah: Jim & David, recently I set some matter of fact, sort of stern boundaries with my H re picking up & dropping off kids, as my H still thinks I must go along with all he wants (did that 25yrs.) I stayed calm & stated what I was willing to do, he hung 2X & later called back & compromised about meeting me few mi away his house. I will not be exposed to his AW making out with him in front of me if I pick up our kids. Trouble is he planned another vacation he "told" me about ahead time, but had planned it ahead so as to leave on "my weekend" He still expects to ALWAYS get his way as he has for years. I want to say no even though he is acting a bit less cruel. I can't trust it's for any reason but to get his way.
6:35 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:31 MarySarah: Boundaries are good to set, but remember that the Bible teaches us that we are to not be vindictive or punishing as we set these things. The Bible phrase is "speak the truth in love". It is a difficult thing to begin to establish boundaries when it has not been a couple's experience earlier in their marriage. I encourage you to read some of the Boundary Books by Townsend and Cloud. They will give you some guidance in this process.
June 28, 2010 / with Jim Conway
6:07 BETH2: Why do some spouses be gone for, 8-10 years and suddenly file for divorce? My H is filing in July and we have never had a legal separation.
6:11 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:07 BETH2: It may have been that your husband was hoping that something would change, but has now decided it's not going to change, or he may have finally met someone who is interesting to him - there could be several other reasons as well.
June 21, 2010 / with Jim Conway
6:07 Ro828: Jim. Why do some men never come out of crisis?
6:09 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:07 Ro828: Some men never face the real issues at midlife, so they keep on struggling. Generally, midlife men do some adjusting as they push some of their midlife crisis to the background. Then when they come to retirement the issues erupt again, with double intensity. So it's better if people will face the issues as they come along in life, rather than letting them stack up.
June 14, 2010 / with Jim Conway
6:14 Free to fly: Dr Conway: With Father's Day coming up, is there anything to say or do or don't do?
6:21 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:14 Free to fly: AND EVERYONE IN THE ROOM: with Father's Day coming up, it makes your marital stress get worse. Don't expect your mate to suddenly act better because of the holiday - they will likely pull away even more and perhaps even do something rather ugly. So focus beyond the holiday and plan to do something with safe encouraging people so that you're not sucked into unnecessary trauma.
June 7, 2010 / with Jim Conway
6:11 Plumcrazy: Jim---He has had a couple of bad days and nastiness. He has been initiating intimacy more. But then he retreats.. One morning I was half awake and I swear he gave me kiss on the mouth!!!!
6:13 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:11 Plumcrazy: Retreating after showing affection is very common to midlife men. They basically feel that they may have suggested too much by being friendly - they are afraid that their wife might put too much meaning into expressing affection. Just let the process unfold.