6:17 hepsy: dr. Jim - my h continues to sleep on couch. It is inconvenient for me if I want to get up and do something in the kitchen or den. Should I ask him to sleep upstairs in extra bedroom? And why doesn't he anyways? why the couch when we have plenty beds
6:24 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: hepsy @ 6:17: I would strongly urge you not to make an issue out of whether he sleeps on the couch or the be. It's important that he doesn't see you as a controlling person.
6:23 Yoli: Jim: H continues to force the girlfriend on daughters. Despite the fact that they can't stand her and the feeling is mutual. Are they so blind that they can't see this or don't care?
6:34 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:23 Yoli: Your daughters need to make their own decisions about your husband's actions. Your focus should remain on your own growth and changing.
6:02 hepsy: Hi Dr. Jim - my h comes home every nite drinking - makes communication even more impossible. Sometimes I feel so hopeless like nothing will ever get better. He is so changed...
6:10 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:02 hepsy: Alcohol is used by people as a way to cover up pain, disappointment, rejection, etc etc. If alcohol has been a long standing problem with your husband, it probably is related to some painful issues which came out of his childhood. Generally midlife men will use the same kind of pain medications more extensively than they did earlier in their lives.
6:22 MAS: Jim: My H and I had a major argument today which has really affected me emotionally and physically. I had been doing so much better, and feeling so much stronger, but now, this has really set me back. I felt as if he finally closed the door on our He seems to be very happy with her, today he told me that he had nothing left to give me...at least not the kind of relationship I wanted and that I needed to move on with my life. ...without him. All he wants is to be "friends."
6:40 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:22 MAS: Usually this kind of speech indicates that your husband is not satisfied with the kinds of changes that have taken place so far in your relationship. And that he is not so sure that changes are possible. Talk to me a bit more about some of the changes you've been making on yourself so that I get a better understanding of your situation. Anytime we have a negative incident in our lives, we will feel depressed. But this argument does not necessarily mean that the door is closed. Think of it as when you have an argument with your teenager, and they say to you, "I hate you, I never want to talk to you again." We know that's just a teenager speaking - so it is best to think of this argument as a conflict with a teenager, because midlife men frequently act like teenagers.
6:07 Free to fly: Dr. C: H is taking OW to places where the family use to be. The children play a sport and he has recently been bringing her there. The kids are very embarrassed and have told him but just yesterday he took her there. The kids were not there but one of my D friends told him about it and called the OW an obscene name and it caused a big scene. H got upset. Do you think he is doing it to hurt me but it is really hurting the kids?
6:12 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:07 Free to fly: Probably your husband is viewing the new woman as buying a new car. They don't see any problem with trading in the old car and showing off the new car. To most it is insensitive, but to him it's just showing off the new car. It's good that the kids are reacting because it may be a wake up call for him.