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Oct. 10, 2009 / With Jim Conway / Live from the Chat Room Retreat

"Live from South Bend - It's Saturday Chat" with Jim Conway

1:16 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:15 Dr. Jim Conway: Did you leave Sally whilst in your MLC?

1:20 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Morwenna: No I did not leave Sally. But I wanted to run away from everything. My church, my graduate studies, my family, and everything. I was working 100 hour weeks, collapsing on the floor in my office from stress, and I was looking for a legitimate reason to escape, but God kept hanging on to me. In the middle of my decision of wanting to run away, I asked myself, "Jim- how do you know if it will be ok if you run away?" I answered my questions, "I believe that God will take care of me." At that point, God joined the conversation and He said to me, "If you believe that I will take care of you when you run away, why don't you believe that I can take care of you if you stay?" After God's question to me, I was totally silenced and began to trust God as I worked through my midlife crisis.

1:17 Brin2: Jim, How long did it take you to completely heal from your MLC?

1:21 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Brin2: Jokingly I tell people, I'll let you know when I’m completely over it. But seriously, it was about a 3 year process.


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“Live From South Bend — It’s Saturday Chat”

with Jim Conway & the Chat Room Retreat Guests

12:57 Cricket [Facilitator]: Hey Morwenna - We're with you from South Bend.... a whole group of us.

12:57 sbky: Hello Morwenna. I am in South Bend also

12:58 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Thank you for being here with us Lord. I ask that all those who come into the chat room for fellowship, or who read these notes, will be encouraged and uplifted. Please help us to remember to look to you for guidance and for strength. In Jesus’ name. Amen

12:59 Cricket [Facilitator]: AMEN

12:59 LisaK [Administrator]: Welcome everyone!!! Thanks for coming!

12:59 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Hiya! How lovely for us to get together like this! PTL!

12:59 Swanlake: Hello everyone, how are you today?

1:01 Swanlake: Hey Morwenna - it is a fun, sunny day here in South Bend, at retreat.

1:02 Brin2: Hey Morwenna, We miss you here!

1:02 Cricket2: Morwenna - Have you been in touch with Faithfull or did you see her update?

1:03 Swanlake: Hello Digimom, hello how are you, welcome

1:03 sbky: hello

1:03 sbky: Hello DigiMom

1:03 Brin2: Hi Digimom. Wish you were here with us!

1:03 DigiMom: Hi Swan, Morwenna, Sbky, Yoli, Cricket, Brin, MJ, and Lisa

1:03 Cricket2: All - Yes we've had a full day already with Jim and everyone. Jim even brought us sunshine.

1:04 Cricket2: DigiMom - How are you today?

1:05 DigiMom: Cricket, hangin in there. My h is here right now but hasn't come in the house yet. He wants an answer to mediation.

1:05 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:02 Cricket2: I saw today that her H told her he has a GF. Has anything happened since then?

1:05 Cricket2: Morwenna - No just that she is still absorbing this new information.

1:06 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Hello everyone, we're talking to you from So. Bend Indiana, where all the trees are beautiful, and all the women are beautiful, and the men are handsome, and the children are above average.

1:06 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Hello Jim, Lisa and everyone and welcome to chat! Glad to hear you have good weather! Sorry for the delay my screen looks a bit funny - been trying different settings :-)

1:07 sbky: Morwenna, I have Vsingh and MAS with me at my laptop.

1:07 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:06 Dr. Jim Conway: Sounds more like Heaven, Jim!

1:07 sbky: Morwenna they said to tell you hello

1:07 Cricket2: Morwenna - Everything looks good to us.

1:07 Cricket2: to us

1:07 sbky: Digimom Mas says hello and she is still praying for you.

1:07 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: We are in the middle of our Chat Room Retreat. We have 22 total guests, and we've been having a great time, sharing with each other, praying for each other, and learning from each other. It has also been fun to see how God is speaking to different people in the group while we are here at this retreat. So, thank you for joining us, and let's talk about whatever your concerns might be.

1:07 Yoli: Morwenna: I was just checking to see if I could type. I’m supposed to be logged of

1:07 Brin2: Morwenna, they even sell English porcelain cups and saucers here, including Irish mugs. Thinking of getting an Irish mug.

1:08 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:07 Cricket2: No it's my old monitor that I’m having to use at the moment :-(

1:08 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:07 sbky: Hiya Vsingh and MAS! *waves*

1:08 Cricket2: Morwenna - Isn't it funny how we get used to new technology so quickly and get frustrated with the old

1:09 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Morwenna, thank you for the work that you do in helping people in the chat room. It is a great ministry that you have in helping to save marriages. Remember that what you do for marriages now is helping to save marriages for the coming generations - so thank you again very much.

1:09 sbky: Morwenna has been to retreat before..

1:09 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:08 Cricket2: Oh yes!

1:09 Cricket2: Morwenna - Now I couldn't imagine not having wireless!

1:10 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Hello and welcome to chat Jan1!

1:10 Cricket2: sbky - She's never been to retreat so I guess we need to travel across the pond.

1:10 sbky: cricket. . I just learned she was in UK

1:11 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:09 Dr. Jim Conway: You are most welcome Jim! If it weren't for yours and Sally's books I wouldn't be here - so thank you!

1:11 Cricket2: sbky - Yes that's why it's so hard for her to join us at other chat times.

1:11 Brin2: Morwenna, Digimom, We watched a DVD from "Life Without Limbs" by a man born without arms and legs and who lives his life serving as an evangelist. It was so moving - many tears. W e are also excited about Jan's new book "The Finisher" [contd]

1:11 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:10 Cricket2, 1:11 Cricket2: Perhaps the retreat will be here in the UK one year? :-D

1:12 Brin2: Morwenna [contd] about figuring out what God wants us to do in the 2nd half of our lives.

1:12 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Morwenna, we would love to do a retreat in the UK, could you round up a bunch of people who would be interested in doing something like that?

1:13 sbky: principal glad you got in

1:13 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:11 Brin2: Is the man you speak of Australian?

1:13 Principal1: Hello everyone, we're having a good session in South Bend

1:13 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Hello Principal1 and welcome to chat

1:13 Cricket2: All - Helping was picked up by her H and they were going to visit with her son today so we covered her in prayer today.

1:14 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:12 Dr. Jim Conway: I wouldn't need to - I’m sure you guys will all fly over here :-D

1:14 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: I NEED SOME IMPORTANT QUESTIONS TO ANSWER. LOL

1:14 Brin2: Morwenna@1:13, I think he is - I forget his name "Nick " or something. His accent sounded Australian.

1:14 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Hi MJ2 and Yoli and welcome to chat

1:15 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:14 Brin2: Yes, that sounds like him - a wonderful man!

1:15 Principal1: Morwenna A lot of people would like to fly over but the cost is prohibited Maybe if we win the lotto

1:15 Yoli: Morwenna: Hi, how are you today?

1:15 Surety: Digimom: you are missed...this is Surety

1:15 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: TO EVERYONE IN THE CHAT ROOM: Since nobody is talking to me, I think I’m going to go upstairs and take a nap. Would that be ok with you all???

1:15 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:14 Dr. Jim Conway: OK, fire away everyone!

1:16 Principal1: No naps!

1:16 Cricket2: Morwenna - Yes Hannah just burst our bubble in explaining the fact of life and the cost of airfare to your neck of the woods.

1:16 Swanlake: NOOOOOOO@!!

1:16 Surety: no way

1:16 Brin2: Jim@1:15, No naps allowed!

1:16 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:15 Dr. Jim Conway: Did you leave Sally whilst in your MLC?

1:20 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Morwenna: No I did not leave Sally. But I wanted to run away from everything. My church, my graduate studies, my family, and everything. I was working 100 hour weeks, collapsing on the floor in my office from stress, and I was looking for a legitimate reason to escape, but God kept hanging on to me. In the middle of my decision of wanting to run away, I asked myself, "Jim- how do you know if it will be ok if you run away?" I answered my questions, "I believe that God will take care of me." At that point, God joined the conversation and He said to me, "If you believe that I will take care of you when you run away, why don't you believe that I can take care of you if you stay?" After God's question to me, I was totally silenced and began to trust God as I worked through my midlife crisis.

1:16 MJ 2: Jim: No you may not leave:) We would miss you.

1:17 Brin2: Jim, How long did it take you to completely heal from your MLC?

1:21 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Brin2: Jokingly I tell people, I'll let you know when I’m completely over it. But seriously, it was about a 3 year process.

1:17 sbky: Morwenna good question some of us don’t know the story

1:17 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Jim my H is not communicating with me at all at the moment. What stage might he be in?

1:18 Principal1: Jim: How do stress to your son that is not ok to walk away when the example of his father says it's ok

1:24 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Principal 1, it's good to talk to you kids, and tell them that this is a temporary time in your husband's life - they are not at fault. But they can learn from what's happening so that when they choose to get married, they will make a wise choice, and they will then walk with God all their lives, so as they go through the various difficult life stages, they will not make their adjustments with destructive patterns.

1:18 DigiMom: Jim, okay, are the chances for a reconcile better if the husband is only out for 6 mos. It seems those are the ones who had luck.

1:26 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Digimom, generally, the sooner everyone starts working on the issues that have created marital stress, then the sooner there's likely to be restoration. If nobody does any changing, then nothing will likely happen, and the months will drag on. A saying to remember is, "IF NOTHING CHANGES - NOTHING CHANGES."

1:19 DigiMom: Jan, thanks, I am sure you are all having a wonderful time.

1:19 Yoli: Jim: My h continues to be standoffish with both daughters? Any suggestions or thoughts on this?

1:27 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Yoli: Generally your husband is probably pulling away from your daughters because of his own personal shame and fear that if he gets too close to them, they might probe about what's going on in his life.

1:19 DigiMom: all, I guess we just bombarded Him with questions. No nap for you.

1:20 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:19 DigiMom: I think Jim went anyway ;-)

1:20 Swanlake: DigiMom - there are many in this group as well as in contact with Rejoice Ministries who have returned to their spouses after many years, some who have returned after a short time, haven't really worked through their issues and many leave again.

1:20 Morwenna [Facilitator]: All, is Tamashii and Geebo with you?

1:21 Swanlake: Digimom - continued - the amount to time really isn't a factor it is more about when they begin to accept their crisis and work through the process.

1:21 sbky: Morwenna Tamashii is with us but napping..

1:21 Brin2: Morwenna, Tamashii is at the retreat, but he's not at chat now as he's taking a much needed rest.

1:21 Swanlake: Morwenna - Jim isn't gone, he is in the process of answering a question.

1:22 Surety: Jim: my h is commenting on our relationship a lot more with questions or concerns on why it is happening and how change it

1:31 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Surety - tell your husband that you've been reading a book about men in midlife, and the book helps me to understand that this is a normal developmental stage and that there are specific things that we can do to work through this.

1:22 Yoli: Jim: I admire you. As Athena says though, God is always talking to us, including people in MLC but are any of us listening?

1:22 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:20 Dr. Jim Conway: Thanks Jim. My H has not been saved - yet. I guess God wants to work on him and me whilst we are apart.

1:23 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:21 sbky, 1:21 Brin2: Please say Hi for me

1:23 DigiMom: all, my h is here, and he wants an answer (from and email), but he didn't say a word. Coward? He writes thru email like I am a business assoc.

1:23 Brin2: Morwenna, Will do.

1:24 sbky: Hello faithhope

1:24 FaithHopeLove: hello

1:24 DigiMom: Swan, thanks, My h has been in this funk for almost 3 years now, one year out, and I feel like I am just beginning and don't see an end in sight.

1:24 Surety: jim@ 122 is it Surety asking......

1:24 Swanlake: Morwenna - Honestly being saved doesn't get them through MLC any quicker, in fact some who have gone through crisis and are in ministry run further away from God because there is more guilt.

1:24 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Hello FaithHope and Jo2 and welcome to chat

1:25 Brin2: Digimom@1:23, Perhaps, he's feeling safer doing email than confronting and maybe he wants to avoid getting angry during a face-to-face. It also may be guilt, and guilt can cause anger.

1:25 FaithHopeLove: thank you

1:25 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:24 Swanlake: Thanks Swan

1:25 Brin2: Hi FaithHopeLove and Jo.

1:26 Brin2: Jo, Heard your good news. PTL for that!

1:26 Cricket2: FaithHopelove - We were just talking about you and wishing you well.

1:26 Swanlake: FLH - Hey sweetie, how have you been, miss seeing your angelic face this weekend

1:26 Brin2: Morwenna, We are waiting eagerly to try Swan's turtle cake tonight. ;)

1:27 Cricket2: We're all at retreat and many of us were thinking of you and missing you joining us.

1:27 FaithHopeLove: Praise The Lord. Thank you

1:27 Jo2: Hello Brin and Morwenna -- Good to see everyone being in touch like this, no matter where we live. Wow!

1:27 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:26 Brin2: Save me a piece without a turtle, please

1:27 Principal1: FHL-Hi good to have you

1:27 Yoli: Athena says: that she read Jim's books, spoke to him and followed his advice even when it went against what she would have done and her H is now home. They're still on thin ice but he has come home ! :)

1:28 Swanlake: Morwenna - but girl, the turtle is the best part!

1:28 FaithHopeLove: :) Principal1

1:28 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:28 Swanlake: Yes, but it's dead!!!

1:28 Brin2: Swan@:28, Morwenna, Ditto to Swan's post

1:28 Cricket2: FaithHopeLove - Hannah says to tell you hello for her.

1:29 DigiMom: all, are you all sitting together in the same room?

1:29 Brin2: Morwenna, Of course it's dead - chocolate, pecans, caramel...

1:29 Yoli: Athena also says that prayer has been and continues to be HUGE God's grace is the only way to get thru the midlife transition

1:29 sbky: digimom most of are. but within hearing distance of each other

1:29 Principal1: Digimom yes we are all in the same room

1:29 DigiMom: Brin, guilt and shame?

1:29 Morwenna [Facilitator]: All, I’m not sure if I’m the only one, but the enemy has been really having a go at me lately - relentlessly

1:29 FaithHopeLove: Hello, Hannah...

1:30 FaithHopeLove: Ditto to what Yoli said

1:30 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:29 Brin2: He! He!

1:30 Swanlake: Morwenna - NO, alive and crawling! Guess I should ask, I did make it clear last time we talked about the Turtle cake in chat, that a turtle is caramel, chocolate and pecans?? Living across the pond and all, I might be thinking I am funny and instead

1:30 Swanlake: Morwenna - continued - confusing you.

1:31 sbky: Morwenna. no real turtle there..

1:31 Brin2: Digimom@1:29, I learned at a workshop that guilt and shame can cause a man to get angry. it's the way they numb the guilt and shame.

1:31 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:30 Swanlake: Yes you did, but I have that wicked sense of humour and love to tease!

1:32 Swanlake: Morwenna - humor is good, in fact during this season a wonderful thing, just wanted to make sure we were both being humorous.

1:32 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:32 Swanlake: Yep, I’m laughing :-D

1:32 Brin2: Morwenna@1:32, We were reminiscing about that joke at breakfast this morning!

1:33 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Yoli at 1:22, listening to God is a skill that you can learn - the more you quiet your heart before God, and ask Him to speak to you, the more you will experience Him connecting with you.

1:33 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:32 Brin2: I have been thinking of you guys all day - and praying for you. I’m guessing that's why the enemy has it in for me

1:33 Brin2: Morwenna@1:29, Trust me. You're not the only one whom Satan is attacking.

1:33 FaithHopeLove: Dear Dr. my husband does not really what to know he is having a "Midlife"....don't Blame him, I did not want to hear at certain times Back when....God help him if he or anyone said I was going through "PMS" lol. Your Books and Sally’s have been invaluable

1:36 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: FaithHopeLove: I’m glad that our books have been helpful to you, I've also found that when people are going through midlife crisis, pms, menopause, it's better to help people - but without labeling them as having this problem. If we label them, people tend to become defensive. So just use the skill you are learning and give them the help they need without the labels.

1:34 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:33 Brin2: We're the spiritual twins, right?

1:34 DigiMom: Brin 1:31, ahhh, see I don't believe my h has anything to be angry about. And he hasn't shown any anger, other than the gritting of the teeth if he has to talk about feelings.

1:35 Swanlake: Morwenna - Tamashii is here with us, Geebo had other obligations and wasn't able to make it, but we do miss him and all of you who are not here. Thanks so much for your prayers, they are treasures to us.

1:35 Principal1: all- Sunday I cried most of the afternoon and evening because of all the pain I see from satan.

1:35 FaithHopeLove: Dr. Jim, connection is what prayer is all about, I agree.

1:35 Morwenna [Facilitator]: All, I will share in ESG what happened to me and my Dobie last week. My S is really struggling with his anger and is having counseling at school. He doesn't want his dad to know why though

1:36 sbky: Principal we are glad you are here with us so you can get rejuvenated

1:36 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:35 Principal1: I’m sorry to hear you feel so sad (((((((HUG)))))))

1:37 Principal1: Morwenna- That is one of the good things that has come out of this crisis in my life - My personal relationship with God has blossomed

1:37 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:37 Principal1: PTL, me too!

To all: This is Lisa the Office Manager. I just want to remind you that if you have a private question you don’t wish to discuss here, please consider scheduling a 1-on-1 phone counseling session with Jim. Contact us at 714-768-1777 or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to set up a session. You can find information on phone counseling on our website: www.midlife.com. Remember, Jim always offers his live counseling in the chat room without cost. If you wish to donate to our ministry to support the Website/Chat Room upkeep, please do so at www.Midlife.com. Thank you.

1:38 Principal1: Morwenna - There has been a lot of sadness in my life but also much joy. A part of me is dying that's true but another part of me is just beginning to live.

1:39 Surety: Jim :.... so you think it’s safe to tell him about the book, and infer that he is in MLC?.... We have never talked about that reality, him in MLC.

1:41 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Surety - you don't have to say, or even infer that he is in midlife crisis. Just talk about stages of life such as childhood, teenagers, young adult life, midlife, retirement, and aging - these are all different stages where adjustments are likely to be made.

1:39 FaithHopeLove: Dr. Jim, amen to that....I believe save God, if our marriage is to be saved, I owe it to your books. However, without God, I do not see ever being equipped to implement the process...

1:44 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: FaithHopeLove , It is absolutely essential that God intervene in any difficult marriage or nothing positive will happen.

1:39 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Jim, my Son (13) would like to know if you think his dad will come back to us?

1:46 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Morwenna - 13-year-old children generally only want yes or no answers. So, the answer is yes - if both mom and dad do sufficient growing personally and connecting deeply with God so that they can understand each other's needs and meet those needs. Or, the answer is "no" if nobody works on anything and everyone consciously or unconsciously condemns each other.

1:39 Brin2: Principal1@1:37, My M crisis definitely brought me closer to God, and I am sure many people hear found this to be true.

1:40 Cricket2: Morwenna - I’m worried about what you shared about your dobie... hope it's not too serious. Our pets are like our kids.

1:41 Principal1: Brin2 - That is cause for rejoicing

1:41 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:40 Cricket2: We are both fine Cricket, but we had an adventure that I wouldn't have chosen to have!

1:41 Brin2: Morwenna, What happened with your Dobie? I must have missed the email or chat room.

1:42 Cricket2: Morwenna - Okay I can wait for the rest of the story as long a you are both okay.... Still it sounds like you need a hug... (((((MORWENNA)))))))) and probably your son too.

1:44 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:41 Brin2: No, you didn't miss anything Brin. I've been out of touch due to ongoing computer problems. Will catch up soon.

1:44 Principal1: FaithHopeLove are you all living in the house together? This is Hannah

1:45 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:42 Cricket2: Thanks for the hugs!

1:45 Yoli: Jim: Thanks for the answer. I feel that my h wants to be a friend to our daughters rather than a father. If I was so difficult for him to live with, with why was I good enough to take care of younger daughter. I had no help for the past 3 years. Now,-any contact is on his terms and gf is always with him. Daughters are afraid to say anything because he begins to threaten being cut off financially. Is this the card he's always going to pull on them?

1:49 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Yoli: I’m sorry that your husband is playing the financial game with your kids. Eventually he will learn that he can't control and manipulate the daughters with money.

1:48 Cricket2: Morwenna - I know it doesn't help that much - but do remember that when the Lord is really working in our situation, the enemy attacks. SOOO, when we are getting attacked, I try to PTL and thank him for what he' s doing that is scaring the enemy

1:48 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Jim, my S (13) is worried about telling his dad that he prefers not to be with him and OW (who is his aunt) together, but to be with his dad alone. Would it be reasonable for him to put this to his dad?

1:51 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Morwenna: yes it is very reasonable for your son to tell his father the truth - you husband probably already knows that.

1:49 Cricket2: Jo - We heard that you had a really nice phone call today...... WO HOOO .... Those calls are always nice to receive.

1:50 Cricket2: Jo - We're also anxious to hear from Helping.

1:50 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:48 Cricket2: Thank you for the reminder Cricket - yes Mum and I have been praising the Lord :-)

1:51 Cricket2: Morwenna - I know only too well how difficult it can be when we are under attack ..

1:53 Brin2: Jo, I wish you could have been here!

1:53 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:51 Dr. Jim Conway: My S says thank you Jim.

1:54 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Welcome to CMS! Great to have you.

1:54 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Hello cms and welcome to chat

1:54 Brin2: Hi cms

1:54 Cricket2: All - WE had some excitement here last night, Jim was sitting on a glass antique table giving Tamashii an answer when the glass broke and Jim fell through making the answer very dramatic. Luckily he has a hard head!

1:54 cms: thank you..

1:54 FaithHopeLove: I find that my relationship during my h midlife, has propelled by life towards God/Christ/H.S. and my propeller stops in His Presence - - there I am maintained through this trail, for nourishment and growth..there my....

1:54 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:54 Cricket2: Oh my! Was he cut by the glass?

1:55 Jo2: Cricket - Yes, it was a very nice, even enlightening conversation.

1:55 Cricket2: Morwenna - No God was with him, no injuries and now we have a lot more room in the gathering room without the large antique table.

1:55 Cricket2: Jo - I’m so glad.... especially the enlightening part.

1:56 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: ALL: What kind of advice can you give me on buying a marvelous anniversary gift for Jan? It's our anniversary today you know!?!

1:56 Mystery Guest [Administrator]: Jim -- How do I get my husband to do what I want him to do? He doesn't seem to respect and obey my coaching’s about his character traits

1:57 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Mystery Guest: Affirm to him specifically in any ways you can which will help to retrain that behavior.

1:56 Brin2: Jim@1:56, A 2 carat blue diamond ring!!!

1:56 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:56 Dr. Jim Conway: Congratulations!

1:56 FaithHopeLove: symbiotic relationship exist with Him daily, instead of burdening my h....yet it is to be filled to then flow forth.

1:56 Yoli: Jim: Tamashii said that you told him that the OP doesn’t not exist. How are we supposed to think that when they are the focus of their life? Especially when he allows her to hang up on me, one of the two times I have called him in the past 3 years.

2:07 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Yoli: The OP is only in their life because they have something that they feel that they need.

1:57 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Jim, a big hug and kiss and tell her you love her!

2:01 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Morwenna: I make a practice of telling Jan several times a day, not only that I love her, but why I love her. I try to be very specific, such as "I am grateful for her deep spiritual connection with God" - "That she has a real heart for hurting people" - "that I love her because she is fun, flexible, easy to live with, and that she is willing to put up with all of my foibles.

1:57 Principal1: Jim: Yourself (your time), you are the best gift

1:58 Swanlake: Morwenna - @1:55 - the Lord works in marvelous ways, He knew we would need more more and make it so we could not doubt, He just removed the table completely. After all the gasps, Jim started making jokes to lighten the tone.

1:58 Cricket2: Faith - I agree - If it weren't for my H having left and this journey, I would definitely not have reconnected with the Lord as I have and would have missed so much in my spiritual growth.

1:58 Brin2: Jim@1:56, From Plumcrazy - run her a nice hot bubble bath, light candles, bring her a cup of tea, when she gets out, give her a big hug and kiss and "ILY"

2:00 Brin2: Morwenna, others, It was neat that Jim felt led by God to pray for various people. They got made to sit on "The Chair" and 2 people from the group prayed, as led by God.

2:00 Cricket2: cms - We hope we haven't neglected you. Is there anything you want to share, how can we help.

2:00 Brin2: Brin [contd], Plumcrazy was the first person to be put on "The Chair".

2:01 Brin2: Jim@2:01, That's so sweet.

2:01 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Thanks Cricket for facilitating with me. Sorry I’m not up to speed everyone - I have problems reading this screen...

2:02 Principal1: Jim-That's wonderful, after 26yrs with my h I do not know why he thought I was special, he never told me why he loved me specifically.

2:12 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Principal1, I’m sorry he never took the time to clarify and be specific with you about how he loves you. You can see the need for that is important. I encourage you to use this technique when you tell your daughter that you love her.

2:03 Brin2: Principal@2:02, Where are you and your H at these days?

2:03 FaithHopeLove: Cricket2: just like the song says "No one understands like Jesus....."

2:05 Cricket [Facilitator]: FaithHopeLove - We just noticed that you are new to our group. We were confused as we had a member a few years ago with the same name. We are still happy to have you here and want to help if we can.

2:05 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Jim @ 2:01, your response to your W encourages us that one day our relationships with our spouses will be as wonderful!

2:06 Principal1: Brin2-Our divorce was final 8/14. He moved back into our home with our daughter when I moved to another city.

2:07 Cricket [Facilitator]: Faith - Yes no one understands like Jesus.

2:07 Brin2: Principal@2:06, He moved back, after the D? You have 2 homes?

2:08 Brin2: FaithHopeLove, I used to love singing "What A Friend We Have In Jesus" when I was a teenager and sad when felt deserted by friends and family.

2:09 Jo2: All - SUZ215 'update' ---- She has turned north at Highway 69, heading into Michigan. She's 2 hours from Flint. "I am so thankful and blessed for having been able to spend time with my sisters and brothers in Christ, at the retreat." TTFN

2:10 Cricket2: Jo - THANK YOU -

2:10 Swanlake: Jo - thanks for the update

2:11 Cricket2: Jo - We had worried about Suzie on the trip here as it took her a long time so glad to get an update on her trip home.

2:13 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 2:12 Dr. Jim Conway: Could my S do this affirming with his dad as well?

2:14 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Hello faithfull and welcome to chat

2:14 Brin2: Hi faithfull!

2:15 faithfull: Hello everyone

2:16 faithfull: Jim h confirm he has a gf and she if the same one 20 year old from Wales, wants me to live him alone and let him live his life.

2:16 Swanlake: Morwenna - Yes, yes and yes, often a mlc’er needs that affirmation from not only us but their children. One of the things that MLCers seem concerned with being the good guys, so affirmation will meet that need. Tell your son, to use things his dad

2:16 faithfull: Does not want me to call him or come by to see him anymore.

2:17 Swanlake: Morwenna - did with him or how he acted as far back as three to five years, when things were more stable.

2:17 Swanlake: Morwenna - Jim is out of the room, I read the question to him and the response if part me and part him.

2:17 Brin2: Morwenna@2:13, I think your son can do the affirming too. I think Sally Conway's book talks about how kids can really help their Dad in their MLC

2:18 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 2:17 Swanlake, 2:17 Brin2: Thank you from me and my S - he is lying on the couch behind me.

2:19 faithfull: Jim I told him I will not give him the divorce and he will always have a home. He does not have any money is getting behind on his bills. I am concern about my credit as he has two accounts in both of our names.

2:20 Cricket2: Morwenna - Yes I would have your son affirm your H when he can. Remember they have such low self esteem during this that compliments and affirmation are very important from us as well as their kids.

2:20 Cricket2: Morwenna - Jim stepped away so I answered for him.

2:20 Surety: Morwenna: thank you so much for all your prayers. it is a blessing to be here.... you are missed

2:21 Brin2: Hi sugarmama

2:21 Surety: Morwenna: thank you

2:21 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]:
When we close the Chat Room, I hope you’ll all take time lift each other up in prayer. Continue to grow closer to the Lord this week by reading His Word daily. I thank you for joining me today, it’s been fun talking with you. If you got lost during the chat process, check back later to find the edited chat dialogue posted in the archives, there you can read it at your own pace. We, at Midlife Dimensions, will remember you and your marriages in prayer throughout the week. Warmly in Christ, Jim. (Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8)


2:21 faithfull: Cricket how can my son affirm h due to he does not like being around his father. s26 miss his father but does not know how to reach out to him as h never has time for him.

2:21 Brin2: sugarmama, Plumcrazy says Hi to you!

2:21 sugarmama: my h came to visit today stayed almost 3 hrs he still doesnt want to come home

2:22 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 2:20 Cricket2: Thanks. My S would also like to know if it's OK to express sadness at things they didn't do together, that he wish they did?

2:22 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Hello sugarmama and welcome to chat

2:23 Swanlake: Morwenna - yes, he can express sadness, however, explain to him how to do so in a positive way, so that it is not blaming.

2:23 sugarmama: thanks Morwenna

2:23 Swanlake: sugarmama - that is wonderful

2:23 Cricket2: Morwenna - I think that something like this that your son shares from the heart is always good, as long as he shares it in a loving/caring way, not angry.

2:24 Cricket2: Faithfull - Letting your H know that he would always have a home and you will always care is good.

2:24 sugarmama: it seems cricket is having the same thing we have my son is angry at his dad also

2:24 Brin2: Morwenna@2:22, Agree with Swan. He can express sadness, and at the same time make suggestions on what his father can do to make him feel better.

2:25 Cricket [Facilitator]: Sugarmama - We were talking at retreat about how children deal with this, some do get angry at their Dad and others clingy. It helps to explain to them that their Dad is dealing with some pain and not himself.

2:26 Swanlake: Bye all, see you later this week

2:26 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Thanks Cricket and Swan. Perhaps my S could say he wishes they'd done so and so in the past and perhaps they could do it now? He is very angry with his dad at the moment and is well aware he had no time for him in the past. He told his dad it hurts to know he spends more time with his nieces (OW's children) than his own sons.

2:28 sugarmama: I have and my h is staying without son at this time (the last 3 wks) but son is avoiding h as much as he can he just thinks his dad should just go home

2:28 Brin2: All, bye for now from Brin and Plumcrazy. Take care and have a great weekend.

2:28 MJ 2: FaithHopeLove: That you for being my prayer partner this weekend. You have blessed me with your scripture.

2:29 Morwenna [Facilitator]: All, have the prayer partners been revealed?

2:29 Cricket [Facilitator]: Sugarmama - If you can explain to your son that many people go through a difficult time as they get older and that it causes a lot of pain but their father still loves them.

2:29 Cricket [Facilitator]: Morwenna - Lisa was just doing that now....

2:29 faithfull: Cricket I tried talking to my d12 and she hates h and s26 understands but is very upset because h is not wiling to get any help. He says he is just willing to dwell in his self pity.

2:30 faithfull: Sugarmama I tried to stay positive with my kids about h and tell them he is hurting also but is very hard for them to understand as they know he talking to ow.

2:30 Cricket [Facilitator]: Faithfull - It is hard, but listening to them and letting them know you understand and then let your actions be a good example.

2:31 faithfull: Cricket at 2:30 I try but at times is very hard to be positive. I have really been trying to change subject but is very hard for me.

2:31 Cricket [Facilitator]: Faithfull - I wonder if sharing Jim's book would help, particularly the older one.

2:33 Cricket [Facilitator]: Faithfull - Jan Conway suggested the book by Jim Conway — “Adult Children of Legal or Emotional Divorce”

2:33 faithfull: Cricket h has the book and my s was the one that mention MLC to me when h first moved out. He has read on it just does not understand how someone can change so drastically. Plus this is the third time h had had an affair.

2:33 Cricket [Facilitator]: Adult Children of Legal or Emotional Divorce by Jim Conway - May have to find a used copy

2:34 faithfull: The last two time he was under great conviction and repented right away. This time he just does not care.

2:34 Cricket [Facilitator]: Faithful - You might want to share how you have met many people here who also describe the same things and that there are also many who are now healed and back with their families

2:35 Cricket [Facilitator]: Morwenna - I need to leave - will you close for us?

2:35 faithfull: Cricket I will try and buy the book.

2:35 Cricket [Facilitator]: Faithfull - Yes it is sad to see the anger and back and forth - WE joke that it’s like someone stole our H's and left a clone in it's place

2:35 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Yes Cricket thanks for your help have a great weekend!

2:36 faithfull: Cricket yes I have shared with my son and he knows how this chat room has help me stay on the path and encourage me.

2:36 Cricket [Facilitator]: Faithful - Hopefully he will know he is not alone and that there are many who are healed.

2:36 faithfull: Faith are you new to this group I do not think I have met you?

2:36 Cricket [Facilitator]: All - I’m being called to leave - have a good night.

2:37 Morwenna [Facilitator]: All, I have missed not being able to chat these last couple of weeks whilst I had computer problems

2:37 sugarmama: I asked h if he would like a weekend trip on the 23 for his bday, he wouldn’t accept, said he would think about it and let me know

2:37 faithfull: Morwenna I know what you mean I do not have computer problems but am working when chat is going.

2:38 faithfull: Sugarmama I would also invite h to go places with the kids when we had something plan and he would always say we see. I stop asking him to go anywhere

2:38 Morwenna [Facilitator]: I think the computer problems were part of the enemy's plan to cause me problems and feel isolated as well. PTL I’m back now!

2:39 faithfull: Morwenna yes PTL, that is what I pray for H computer that it would go down.

2:40 Morwenna [Facilitator]: All, I will need to close up shortly. Chat is usually for an hour on Saturdays. I’m not sure if it was going to be for longer today or not though...

2:41 faithfull: I have to go to and get supper started. Talk to you all on Mon God willing

2:41 Morwenna [Facilitator]: All, I’m so thankful for the support that we are able to give one another. We're all in the same boat together and at least we can share our hurts and our praises with fellow LBS

2:43 Morwenna [Facilitator]: FHL, Jo2 and cms are you still here?

2:46 FaithHopeLove: MJ2 ur welcome. This is my first time and I must confess I trying to keep up with the chat...

2:49 FaithHopeLove: Thanks for your wonderful help and compassion, Morwenna, Cricket and all

2:50 FaithHopeLove: yes

2:51 FaithHopeLove: All good things do have an end, but with a beginning to :)

2:52 FaithHopeLove: Will continue to pray for all here, Dr. Jim/Jan and ML ministry

3:02 Morwenna [Facilitator]: Thank you Heavenly Father for a wonderful time of fellowship with you and with one another. I ask that the retreat will be a time of real blessing for all those attending and that these blessings will be taken home to share with family and friends. Help us to remember to always keep our eyes fixed on you and not on the circumstances surrounding us. All glory, honor and praise be to you. By the power of the Holy Spirit and in Jesus' name, amen.

3:04 Morwenna [Facilitator]: I think Jo2 and cms have gone without signing out, so I'll close the chat room now. Goodnight Johnboy! Goodnight everyone!

"Live from South Bend - It's Saturday Chat" with Jim Conway

1:16 Morwenna [Facilitator]: 1:15 Dr. Jim Conway: Did you leave Sally whilst in your MLC?

1:20 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Morwenna: No I did not leave Sally. But I wanted to run away from everything. My church, my graduate studies, my family, and everything. I was working 100 hour weeks, collapsing on the floor in my office from stress, and I was looking for a legitimate reason to escape, but God kept hanging on to me. In the middle of my decision of wanting to run away, I asked myself, "Jim- how do you know if it will be ok if you run away?" I answered my questions, "I believe that God will take care of me." At that point, God joined the conversation and He said to me, "If you believe that I will take care of you when you run away, why don't you believe that I can take care of you if you stay?" After God's question to me, I was totally silenced and began to trust God as I worked through my midlife crisis.

1:17 Brin2: Jim, How long did it take you to completely heal from your MLC?

1:21 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Brin2: Jokingly I tell people, I'll let you know when I’m completely over it. But seriously, it was about a 3 year process.

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