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Sept. 7, 2009 / With Jim Conway

6:22 RJM: Dr. Jim Conway: I've also bought a few other books. I've never read this much before. I've been going for counseling for a while now and doing what I can to plug into God. lately it's been really tough, I think she's seeing someone.

6:27 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: RJM: If she is seeing someone else, it is probably her attempt to just feel good about something. For now, don't get tense about someone else, just focus on your own personal growth as an understanding man and a working at a deeper relationship with God. How are you doing with the issues that women typically complain about when they want to leave their husbands? Women often say their husband: 1) is too controlling, dominating and “it’s all about him.” 2) doesn't understand that I'm growing (spiritually/mentally) as a person and he is not encouraging me in my career, education, or other activities. 3) doesn't take care of his physical body, hygiene, and general appearance (sometimes I can't stand to touch his flabby body).

6:00 LisaK [Administrator]: See www.MidlifeRetreat.com for information on THE 2009 ANNUAL CHAT ROOM RETREAT in South Bend, Indiana, October 9-11. There are sessions with Jim and Jan Conway, and time to visit and share with your Chat Room friends. There is no fee to attend the Retreat. Attendees are responsible for their own transportation, food, and lodging expenses. Please contact Lisa at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. for more information and to be on the Chat Room Retreat Informational email list. Limited scholarship funds are available to help those in need of financial assistance to attend, if this is you, please write to us ASAP with your need.

6:03 sbky: hello

6:03 RJM: good evening. I'm new here. nice to meet all of you.

6:03 sbky: rjm nice to meet you'

6:03 RJM: nice to meet you too sbky

6:04 sbky: hello cricket

6:04 faithfull: hello RJM

6:04 sbky: hello Dr Conway

6:04 Cricket2: Hi all - Good to see everyone. Hope you had a nice weekend.

6:05 sbky: cricket I had a lazy weekend, and sometimes with my kids

6:05 RJM: hello faithfull

6:05 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Hi Everyone. Over the weekend, Jan and I have had several groups of company at our house - we still have one group here. Today several of us walked the Mackinaw Bridge, which is 5 miles long. It connects the upper part of Michigan with the lower part. It is a great annual event with about 50,000 people walking the bridge. We have been having a great time with lots of different families and friends. Now, I know that this may be in stark contrast to what some of you are experiencing, because the holidays can be very painful and lonely. I hope you did not have a lonely day today, and I encourage you to remember to plan ahead so that you are not alone when it comes to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years. I will only be in the room for a short time this evening because we still have company - but I wanted to say hi to all of you.

6:05 faithfull: Dr Conway my h just text me back a few minutes ago and ask how I was doing. He has not done that since he left. Dr Conway I am making plans for Christmas to go to San Antonio with my kids and my sister.

6:11 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: faithfull: It is encouraging that your husband is making some sort of overture toward you. I think it's good to plan stuff for Christmas, it keeps you from scrambling at the last minute.

6:06 sbky: Dr Conway glad you are having a great time with family and friend

6:06 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: RJM, WELCOME! I’m Jim Conway, President of Midlife Dimensions. This room is here to encourage you and answer questions you have about your current situation. Important: Do NOT share personal information such as an email or home address, phone #, or any names. Here’s how to join in: 1) Type the name of the person you want to speak to followed by your entry. 2) You’re limited to 250 keystrokes per entry. If your entry is long, then click “chat” to post it and start your next entry with the word ”continued”. 3) Type “To All” if you have a general entry not directed to one person. 4) If you’d like to contact someone in the room, email or call us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or 714-768-1777. We’ll have them contact you to exchange information.

6:07 RJM: Sounds like a great walk.

6:07 Cricket2: Jim - Laneous asked me this: Her H married 2nd OW in 2006. Lately he's connected with her Sister & a friend. Both of whom had pulled away recently from Laneous. He also changed churches to one 1 mile from Laneous. I told her I think these are good.

6:09 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Cricket2: You probably have more insight into this situation than I do.

6:08 helpme: Hello everyone

6:08 sbky: hello helpme

6:08 helpme: sbky; Hello, how are you?

6:08 RJM: I haven't even thought that far ahead. I guess Christmas is probably going to be somewhat lonely, but who knows hey.

6:08 RJM: Hello helpme.

6:09 helpme: RJM; Hello

6:09 Cricket2: Jim -Cont'd Laneous worries that these ladies are in an angry place twd Laneous & that her H & they are talking bad about her. Her sis is angry due to father's death & difficulties, turned anger twd Laneous (oldest).I don't feel that's her H's motive. Thanks for confidence. I told her that God uses the most unexpected ways to open the mlcr's eyes and bring her sister closer to her as well.

6:12 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Cricket2: Keep encouraging Laneous to not let other people's struggles become hers at this time. She needs to protect herself from getting sucked back into all of that bad stuff with her husband.

6:09 MAS: Lisa: I just got off the phone with Surety. I think we are going to be able to work something out.

6:11 Dr. Lisa Kahan [Administrator]: MAS: That's great news! Thanks for letting me know.

6:11 Cricket2: ALL/Jim - Yes Swan & I had encouraged others to plan activities to keep busy during the holidays. I really had a nice holiday but I remember how lonely and sad those times used to be. Even getting to the gym, an exercise class, a movie... keep busy

6:12 RJM: I'm new here, not sure who knows what, but my wife walked out on me three months back after four years of marriage, one weekend she said she was unhappy and thought separating would be good and the next week she was talking about divorce. No kids so no major ties for her.

6:13 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: RJM: Talk to me a little bit about how old your wife is and what might make her want to be away from you.

6:12 faithfull: brb going for a walk

6:12 MAS: Lisa: We will be talking again soon.

6:12 helpme: sbky; I'm a bit tired tonight, went to a Creation Museum today with some church friends...boy are my feet tired of walking but it was fun.

6:12 RJM: not quite sure where to go from here or what to do. she's violently against me. I haven't seen or spoken to her for three weeks. we're both 29. she had a miscarriage in Feb.

6:16 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: RJM: Sometimes the loss of a child through miscarriage causes a person to start looking for anyone else to blame. I am curious why your wife would be violently angry at you -- does she think of you as insensitive about the loss of this miscarriage?

6:13 Cricket2: Faithfull - I made plans each Xmas to spend it with my sister & BIL. I knew if things changed, my H would always be welcome there or they would understand if I cancelled but best to have plans in place.

6:13 Cricket2: Helpme - Great example of keeping busy during holidays

6:13 sbky: helpme I am going out this weekend. and will be walking for two days at community yard sales

6:14 Cricket2: Jim - Especially since the death of her dear friend who had been such a shoulder during her journey. Also Laneous had spent the day with the friend, saw she didn't feel well, invited her to stay with her but friend went home & died, so guilt for Lan

6:17 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Cricket2: I'm glad that you guys are in a strong position to be encouraging Laneous during this tough time.

6:15 RJM: she said that I destroyed her for years - accusing me of being abusive verbally/emotionally.

6:19 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: RJM: Marriages stay together because people understand each other's needs and they do all they can to encourage and build up one another. Your wife believes -- for whatever reasons -- that you have been a negative influence in her life, so she wants to escape. I would urge you to pick up one or both of our books entitled, "When A Mate Wants Out" and "Women In Midlife Crisis". You can get both of these books via our website, and our Amazon store.

6:15 helpme: Cricket2; You'll never guess, H called and waited to know if I would doggie sit this week.....this is so odd...this contact after over 3 yrs.

6:16 RJM: that's awesome helpme.

6:17 RJM: she's been depressed for years and the depression that came from the miscarriage just seemed like it got too much. no matter what I did, I wasn't ever doing it right. I do admit, there were times when I could have been more sensitive or used a bit more tact. she refused to see anyone for the miscarriage. I begged her for months to because as much as I tried, I couldn't be all she needed to get through it. I had loads of work (she wasn't getting paid in full for the time off work) and the financial stresses just got crazy. then she healed up and started going out with work colleagues. that lead to clubbing until 4am while I was at home waiting.


6:24 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: RJM: It's no doubt that the early life depression and the depression caused by miscarriage combined to make an explosive situation. She is probably hanging out with people as a way to try and forget her pain - it's like a temporary pain sedative. Right now your wife needs care and understanding - not problem solving. She just needs to know that you actually hear and feel her pain.

6:17 Cricket2: RJM - It sounds like her miscarriage brought on depression. Were you two able to get counseling for your loss.

6:18 Cricket2: RJM - Don't beat yourself up, you had to deal with your grief too. Has she ever gotten help or tried medication for her history of depression before the miscarriage?

6:20 Cricket2: RJM - Are her parents willing to talk with you as far as the past history of depression?

6:20 RJM: thanks Jim, I'm busy reading "when a mate wants out"

6:21 Cricket2: RJM - There are many here who have restored marriages or in the process of restoring their marriages and they all say that the things they learned from Jim and his books were HUGE in helping them. I know how much help it gave me (& here in chat)

6:22 helpme: Jim; My H is staring to have contact, first to doggie sit out of the blue, then on Facebook...I have not heard ANYTHING from him for about 3 yrs...he has even gotten old job back here in town...yes we are D, but is it 'normal' to want to connect like this even though he is still living with ow?? Yes, I do talk & speak to ow when we are all together, I guess the Lord has helped me move pass the anger and all...but it seems odd that H would want to connect so much now.

6:25 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: helpme: Sometimes, these contacts are really for the purpose of apologizing - and should not be confused with trying to reconnect.

6:22 RJM: Dr. Jim Conway: I've also bought a few other books. I've never read this much before. I've been going for counseling for a while now and doing what I can to plug into God. lately it's been really tough, I think she's seeing someone.

6:27 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: RJM: If she is seeing someone else, it is probably her attempt to just feel good about something. For now, don't get tense about someone else, just focus on your own personal growth as an understanding man and a working at a deeper relationship with God. How are you doing with the issues that women typically complain about when they want to leave their husbands? Women often say their husband: 1) is too controlling, dominating and “it’s all about him.” 2) doesn't understand that I'm growing (spiritually/mentally) as a person and he is not encouraging me in my career, education, or other activities. 3) doesn't take care of his physical body, hygiene, and general appearance (sometimes I can't stand to touch his flabby body).

6:23 RJM: Cricket2: thanks for that. I really am struggling to find testimonies of reconciled marriages of men who's wives left them

6:24 RJM: Cricket2: her parents are divorced, her mom has said to me that she's not getting involved. we're in England and all our family is back in south Africa.

6:24 Cricket2: RJM - We have some male members in our group who are standing. But there have also been others in the past who restored their marriages. Continue to come back to chat and let the other guys & us encourage you. It's helped so many of us.

6:25 steadfast: Jim: Wondering? MY MIL came back into my h life about 6 months before I started to see signs of MLC in h looking back. MIL left h and siblings when he was about 15. He has reconnected big time with her. Talks to her about everything. Moved into same apartment building with her. Camps at same trailer park etc. Do you think her reappearance in his life had anything to do with h MLC starting?

6:31 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: steadfast: He is just trying to catch up for all the years he lost.

6:25 sbky: all. I hate taking new meds. my d is on prozac and her chest is hurting.. but she did a lot htis weekend too

6:25 RJM: Dr. Jim Conway: how do I do that when no matter what I do is just seen as an aggravator. I sent her flowers last weekend because it was the weekend the baby was due and she just threw them in the bin apparently.

6:31 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: RJM: I'm sorry that you had to go through the pain of being visibly rejected by the flowers being discarded.

6:25 Cricket2: RJM - We have another member in England who comes to chat & she actually leads chat on Saturdays as the time frame is easier for her.

6:27 helpme: Jim; Ok, was just wondering, it just seems so sudden all this...and odd I might add.

6:27 RJM: Cricket2: thanks for that. I couldn't sleep tonight so I thought I'd join in, but yes, Saturdays are definitely better for me.

To all: This is Lisa the Office Manager. I just want to remind you that if you have a private question you don’t wish to discuss here, please consider scheduling a 1-on-1 phone counseling session with Jim. Contact us at 714-768-1777 or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to set up a session. You can find information on phone counseling on our website: www.midlife.com. Remember, Jim always offers his live counseling in the chat room without cost. If you wish to donate to our ministry to support the Website/Chat Room upkeep, please do so at www.Midlife.com. Thank you.

6:27 Cricket2: RJM - I do agree with Jim about not problem solving. I'd keep reaching out to your regardless of her reaction. Not flooding her with things, but a cute card (not too mushy though), an email when you see something she'd like. Regardless of anger.

Attention Everyone. I really need to get back to my company. I'm so grateful you are all here to help and encourage each other. I'll take the questions that come by the 1/2 hour, then I better get going. Sorry about the short visit, but Lisa will stay here for all of you to continue to visit.


6:29 sbky: cricket my h spent the weekend at his parents. that is something that comes and goes

6:29 RJM: Dr. Jim Conway: 1) I can honestly say that even though she's accused me of being controlling, I feel like I was a push over. 2) she claims that I never encouraged her re. furthering her edu. but I was the one emailing her links all the time regarding possible courses for her to do. 3) I'm a little overweight and working on that at the moment.

6:33 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: RJM: Remember that since I don't know you very well yet, I can't make definitive statements about your situation - but I throw out this information so that you can evaluate it to see if any of it might be helpful to steer you into areas of growth. Remember to look at your marriage and to look at yourself through your wife's eyes - not as you see it - but as she sees it.

6:30 Cricket2: Helpme - Regardless of what your H's motives are, the fact that he is contacting you is a praise. Keep your reactions light and friendly but show him that he can contact you without you having expectations or reading too much into it.

6:31 RJM: Dr. Jim Conway: thanks for your time.

6:31 Cricket2: sbky - BE sure to let Doctor know about any reactions you/she notices to any new meds, especially anti depressants.

6:31 steadfast: Jim: Thanks for your response.

6:32 RJM: Dr. Jim Conway: it's ok, I somewhat expected the reaction.

6:33 Cricket2: sbky - It seems good that he spent time with his folks. I assume OW wasn't there so quality time with them is good.

6:33 helpme: Cricket2; Yes, that sounds like a good thing to keep in mind!

6:34 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Good night everyone.

6:34 RJM: Dr. Jim Conway: of course, thanks for giving some pointers and advice, it's greatly appreciated. I will keep working on myself.

6:34 helpme: Cricket2; I am glad to see our dog again, have missed her all this time :)

6:35 RJM: LisaK: Hi LisaK, thanks for your message earlier.

6:35 Cricket2: RJM - Often men think they are encouraging us but we feel like we get mixed messages. Like Jim said, you can look and see if there are areas you can work on more in the future. When your W is depressed, she is probably more critical than reality.

6:35 LisaK [Administrator]: RJM: I hope you can come back on Saturday when we have more here from England.

6:36 LisaK [Administrator]: Thank you for joining me in facilitating Cricket. :o)

6:36 sbky: I am I kicked out again

6:36 RJM: Cricket2: you're right, to be honest, the last few years were just so frustrating, constantly trying to guess what was right and what wasn't.

6:36 Cricket [Facilitator]: RJM - Still I've learned that if we hear complaints, it's good to do what we can to improve in this area. You may be doing okay but in times of stress she may need more. As you said, a lot of stress fell on you due to finances & your own grief.

6:37 Cricket [Facilitator]: Lisa - You are welcome

6:37 helpme: Lisa; Have you been to a Creation Museum?? VERY COOL!!

6:37 LisaK [Administrator]: RJM - Cricket and Helpme are both here tonight, and they are both facilitators in our regular chat sessions. All of our facilitators know Jim well, and know his answers to most questions. They'll take good care of you here. And our Saturday Facilitator, "Morwenna", from England, is a wonderful facilitator.

6:37 RJM: LisaK: thanks, I will definitely try log on this Saturday.

6:38 LisaK [Administrator]: 6:37 helpme: OH --- I think I saw that museum on that tv show, "19 Kids and counting" with the Duggar family. That looked like a great place. Was that in Ohio??? I'd love to take the kids there.

6:38 RJM: Cricket: definitely, i'm doing all I can to improve myself and my walk with God just in case she gives me a second chance.

6:38 Cricket [Facilitator]: RJM - As hard as it is to hear their complaints, it still gives us an area to work on. I had to step back and look at areas I could improve. It feels so good now for me to look back at areas I've grown & to hear friends comment on my growth.

6:39 steadfast: All: I just decided to pop in for a few minutes to say hi and thought of a question for Jim. I am preparing a Bible Study for one of our groups at the church so I can't stay in chat. Love you all; praying for you and hope your week goes well God bless

6:40 Cricket [Facilitator]: RJM - Jim told me early on - Make the changes you see where you can grow. Do this for you, to be better... the added benefit is that your H will see these changes. If for some reason it isn't God's plan to restore my marriage, then I will be much better in the future.

6:40 LisaK [Administrator]: 6:37 RJM: And Saturday will be a much easier time for you to be with us. Occasionally Morwenna stays up late to meet with us at this time, but not too often. We also have a few men that are "regulars" that are in your situation. If you look in the archives, you can watch for them in the sessions. They are "Geebo" and "Tamashii".

6:40 RJM: Cricket: that's true, I know it's only been 3 months, but friends have already said that they can see change in me already, it's a great feeling - except for today when I had an absolute wobble... really been dealing with depression and today it

6:40 helpme: Lisa; Yes, that's the one! Very much worth a visit!! But that one is a bit far for you, isn't it? I would think/hope there are a lot more of them in the US

6:41 Cricket [Facilitator]: RJM - Holidays are always hard. They are such family times or couple times so depression hits harder. That's why we talk about making plans to keep busy during holidays.

6:41 RJM: Cricket: cont.... it exploded and I just lost focus and really ended up getting carried away in a massive blow up.

6:41 LisaK [Administrator]: 6:40 helpme: I don't know if there are any more like it? When they showed the museum on the tv show with the Duggar family, they had the man who built the museum escorting them. What a wonderful thing to build for many people to enjoy. One of these years when we're in South Bend for competition in July, we'll have to drive over to see it.

6:42 RJM: LisaK 6:40: I will keep a lookout for them. thanks.

6:42 Cricket [Facilitator]: RJM - What do you mean by a blow up - It's important to blow up here in chat or with a trusted friend. Be very careful to avoid contact with your wife during stressful times.

6:42 LisaK [Administrator]: Any retreat questions for me tonight?

6:43 RJM: Cricket 6:41: yeah, holidays are going to be hard, my w will probably be heading back to South Africa, but due to finances I have to stay here, not that she would spend it with me anyway.

6:43 faithfull: I am back.

6:43 RJM: Cricket: well, just lost focus and went off on a massive rant to a close friend. in those moments it seems so much easier to just walk away from the marriage and let her have what she wants.

6:44 Cricket [Facilitator]: RJM - That's okay, I can tell you that the holidays are hard for them too. They are filled with reminders of us even if they don't admit it. I know, my H began reconnecting with me a year ago & told me this and others with restored marriages say the same.

6:45 Cricket [Facilitator]: RJM - Well good that it was a close friend. You can call that friend and apologize & he will understand that you were in pain. We all go thru those times of throwing up our hands & think why am I working this hard when it's all thrown in my face.

6:45 RJM: Cricket: that's great to hear that you and your husband began reconnecting. I hope she thinks about us, it doesn't seem so on the surface though, she's ALWAYS out with friends or the guy friend she's so close to. always clubbing etc.

6:45 MAS: Lisa@6:42: Yes...What is the room cost again?

6:46 Cricket [Facilitator]: RJM - She does. Although right now she is running from the memories. She's looking for a quick fix & self medicating by partying etc. But she can't run forever.

6:46 vsingh: hello all, sorry so late got busy

6:46 Cricket [Facilitator]: Hi MJ2 and Vsingh -

6:47 RJM: Cricket: I know it's just a way of ignoring the situation though. I just fear that she may end up doing stuff she won't forgive herself for. We both agreed we'd get counseling, but it's been three months now and she still hasn't bothered.

6:47 RJM: Hi MJ2 and Vsingh

6:47 helpme: Cricket; Dil is mad & hung up on me cause I wouldn't keep the grandbabies tonight...would you pray she would try to understand I'm just flat out tired tonight & don't feel like it? I don't want this to blow up like did does most of the time with her.

6:48 LisaK [Administrator]: 6:45 MAS: $50 per night, includes full wonderful breakfast, drinks and afternoon home baked treats.

6:48 faithfull: Cricket h has been texting back and forth tonight for about half an hour. He is the one initiating the text and is very polite. PTL

6:48 MJ 2: All: Hi. I received a text from h that was meant for ow. Is it best to ignore or is it OK to say something about it?

6:48 MAS: Lisa: Is that $50 per room, or per person?

6:49 MAS: Lisa: Is it usually 2 to a room?

6:49 faithfull: Lisa I do not think I will be able to come to retreat. My s5 is having issues with all this. He is afraid I am going to leave him. I figure it will be best if I wait.

6:50 Cricket [Facilitator]: RJM - I would start counseling on my own & invite them to join you or go on her own. Show her that you are going.

6:50 vsingh: all: sorry I was catching up, is Jim gone?

6:50 MAS: vsingh: Hi. Yes, Jim had to go. He had company.

6:51 vsingh: Hi MAS: Did you find someone to watch cat

6:51 RJM: Cricket: I'm sure she knows I’m going, she has the car - we only have one car - and i've asked her a few times if I could use it as my sessions are 1hr away and so by bus it takes a good 1.5 hours to get home afterwards.

6:51 LisaK [Administrator]: 6:50 vsingh: Hi Vsingh, yes, Jim has company, he could only stay a short bit tonight. We have a new guest with us, RJM. He's in England, and is in the situation that Geebo and Tamashii are in.

6:51 MAS: vsingh: No. I needed to work out travel arrangements first. Thanks for asking, though.

6:51 Cricket [Facilitator]: Lord we pray that you will touch the heart of Helpme's daughter in law. Give her understanding and peace. Lord we ask you to lift her anger, remove it from her body and remind her of all that Helpme does for her. In Jesus Name, AMEN

6:52 sbky: all. I am back it seems to throw me out halfway through

6:52 geebo2b: Hi all..blessings

6:52 faithfull: Hell geebo

6:52 vsingh: Hello RJM: welcome, we can support you anyway we can

6:52 faithfull: I meant hello at 6:25

6:52 Cricket [Facilitator]: 6:48 MJ 2: It's best to ignore the text. If you mention it to your H he will just get defensive & excuse as a mistake. If you say anything, keep it light.

6:52 helpme: Cricket; Bless you! And I mean that from the heart!

6:52 vsingh: all: I need to go my son needs me good night

6:52 RJM: Cricket: I sent her an email asking if she wanted to meet up for a coffee and I got no reply.

6:52 geebo2b: All: I need prayer..that piece of music I have been working on for almost 2 months..I inadvertently deleted it..

6:53 LisaK [Administrator]: 6:48 MAS, 6:49 MAS: Whoops, sorry. That is $50 per night per person. Some rooms will have 2 sharing a queen bed, and some have 4 beds, for those who like to have a bunch in 1 room! That'll be a fun room.

6:53 RJM: Vsingh: Hi thanks for your support.

6:53 Cricket [Facilitator]: Geebo - So good you joined us. WE have a new male member & had told him (RJM) that there are other men walking this path

6:53 geebo2b: All: I am running a recovery program..pray that it can be found and recovered

6:53 MAS: Lisa: How do we book the rooms? Is that done through you?

6:53 helpme: geebo2b; You got it!!

6:54 geebo2b: Thank you

6:54 geebo2b: yank you?? lol

6:54 LisaK [Administrator]: 6:52 geebo2b: oh my goodness. I'm so sorry to hear that, it's so frustrating. Ws it the song you sent to the ESG? We can route it back to you.

6:54 Cricket [Facilitator]: RJM - That's okay - send a text when you make your appt with the counselor (or an email). Invite her to join you if she'd like but that you want to do this for you. That you know there are areas you need to work on and want to get started.

6:54 geebo2b: all: this weekend was the 5 year anniversary of my W leaving..she left labor day 2004

6:54 LisaK [Administrator]: GEEBO, we have a new guest, RJM. He's in England and going through this like you and Tamashii.

6:54 helpme: geebo2b; : )

6:55 Cricket [Facilitator]: GEEBO - I still have the text that you sent me for the piece you talked about in chat. Would that help?

6:55 geebo2b: LisaK.. it was the Ye'did nefesh that I shared the Lyrics but all the music that I have painstakingly written note by note..I trashed the folder by accident

6:55 RJM: Cricket: I will text her again sometime soon, I have a feeling she's changed her number though... but I will, I’m just not sure if now is the right time to invite her.

6:55 Cricket [Facilitator]: Also - I often there are ways to retrieve something deleted. Maybe Tamashii can help with ideas.

6:56 LisaK [Administrator]: 6:49 faithfull: awww, that's so sad. Well, maybe you can join us next year. OH -- We'll be doing a special Saturday Night Live chat with all of us at the retreat and all of you around the world. :O) That would be great to have you join us that way. I'll be posting the time on the website soon, and I'll send out an email.

6:56 geebo2b: Cricket...well that would help because in the folder was the translation I sent you..and all the composed music..it was nearly finished!!

6:56 RJM: Geebo2b: Hi Geebo.

6:56 RJM: ALL: thanks for all the input people, it's 2:50am here and so I best get some shut eye before the new day starts. thanks for your time Cricket, much appreciated. I may join again once i've caught up my sleep.

6:56 Cricket [Facilitator]: 6:54 geebo2b: My H left on Saturday of Labor Day weekend 6 yrs ago. So we (and Joey) share this sad anniversary.

6:56 LisaK [Administrator]: 6:53 MAS: Yes - it's through me. I sent you the form to fill out, but it was returned. Do you have any other emails I can send stuff to you on? If so, email me with that address. I'll resend the form.

6:56 geebo2b: Hello RJM..Blessings.. my heart really breaks for you in this..

6:57 faithfull: Lisa thanks I guess it will be better than nothing.

6:57 MAS: geebo2b@6:54: It must have been a difficult weekend for you. I am very sorry.

6:57 geebo2b: RJM; I am so sorry you are here for the reason you need..but, it is the best place to be right now

6:57 geebo2b: MAS

6:57 geebo2b: Yes..it is always a difficult thing for me..

6:58 faithfull: MAS are you doing better.

6:58 RJM: Geebo2b: thanks Geebo, yeah, no good, but I’m working hard at just having faith through this. who knows what God's going to do hey...

6:58 helpme: Lisa; I have been able to 'see' my son once by webcam from overseas! That was SUCH a blessing :)

6:58 MAS: Lisa: Oh no! I never got it! I will send you another e-mail address, where hopefully, you will have better luck.

6:58 LisaK [Administrator]: RJM - it was a pleasure to have you. I'm glad you got to meet a good bunch of us tonight. Even Geebo showed up. He's a wonderful man of great faith. I hope you'll get to visit again soon.

6:59 geebo2b: All: I have been having interesting thoughts ..almost like a voice inside..and several times over the last few weeks it says something like: She isn't happy and she realizes she made a mistake remarrying

6:59 Cricket [Facilitator]: 6:55 RJM: I wouldn't invite her again. Just let her know you want to start working on you. Can you email her? Put it on you... you have areas you want to work on... you can also let her know you talked to an nationally known counselor (Jim) tonight who has given you areas to work on for You. But keep this light. You are doing it for you.... not to get her back.

6:59 helpme: Cricket; By the way, son said he did get your letter and said to tell you a big 'thank you'.

6:59 RJM: LisaK: I will try, it was good thanks.

7:00 geebo2b: All; I tend to dismiss these things..but I am not 'concentrating ' on the problem..in fact I am usually busy with something else and It is like this voice just speaks in my head (almost audible) 'She realizes she made a mistake and she is not happy

7:00 Cricket [Facilitator]: Geebo - I'd listen to the thoughts. Leave it to God but take heart in these messages.

7:00 RJM: Cricket: Thanks for the advise, I'm so nervous to contact her in case I push her further away. But I’ll pray about it and see where God leads me. thanks for all the advise.

7:00 LisaK [Administrator]: 6:55 geebo2b: oh my! Isn't there some way to retrieve it???? Talk to someone with tech knowledge.

7:00 faithfull: helpme can you send me your sons address maybe I can have the kids draw him some pictures and sent it to him.

7:00 Cricket [Facilitator]: Helpme - I'm so glad your son got it.

7:00 LisaK [Administrator]: 6:58 helpme: Webcams are so wonderful for that reason. I love that!

7:00 geebo2b: all: The few times these kinds of things have occurred have usually ended up being confirmed..I am not really placing any hope or thought into it..I just go 'That's nice' and go on

7:01 MAS: faithfull@6:58: Each day is a struggle, and not a day goes by when my H is not on my mind, but yes, I am doing much better than I was. How are you doing? I'm so sorry you won't be able to make it to the retreat.

7:01 LisaK [Administrator]: 6:58 MAS: That will be great. I pretty much get everything I send you returned to me, saying that you box is full. You might also not be getting everything from the ESG???

7:01 geebo2b: LisaK: I am running a demp program now and if it finds the file I will purchase the program and unlock the recover function

7:01 helpme: faithful; That would be so nice, he appreciates any mail from anyone back here in the states!

7:02 Cricket [Facilitator]: RJM - Yes always pray over it. Don't make to many contacts, but do let her know when you start counseling. Try to tie in lightly that you worked with someone tonight that is giving you advice on things to work on for you.

7:02 LisaK [Administrator]: 7:01 geebo2b: oh how I hope that works for you.

7:02 faithfull: MAS I am doing better and staying busy. Yes I think about h a lot still. I was at a point where I wanted to file for D yesterday but I know is not Gods will.

7:02 geebo2b: all: anyway..those thoughts really have come out of nowhere as I really am not consumed with the problem of my marriage sitch but really concentrating on my son and work and finances

7:03 geebo2b: LisaK me too..I have spent almost 2 full months writing and detailing every little detail

7:03 MAS: Lisa@7:01: I'm probably not. Hopefully, another e-mail address will rectify things.

7:03 LisaK [Administrator]: "We can rejoice when we run into problems... they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady." Romans 5:3-4

7:03 faithfull: geebo I really think if we are sensitive to the spirit we can hear him in so many ways.

7:03 Cricket [Facilitator]: Geebo - Keep concentrating on the things you have been, but take comfort and PTL for the thoughts. Keep your focus where it is.

7:03 MJ 2: All: Goodnight

7:03 MAS: faithfull: Yes, I know. It is very, very hard. Somehow, we just need to stay strong and have faith.

7:04 LisaK [Administrator]: Lord, our hope is in You. You are the faithful and loving God. In You, we will find everything we need. Fill us, Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

7:04 geebo2b: well anyway all: I hope those thoughts aren't a 'twilight zone' thing..I have experienced some things like that before which I believe were the Lord speaking to me and were confirmed..but like many I also have had many self-generated thoughts that

7:04 helpme: Lisa; AMEN!!!

7:04 geebo2b: led to nothing so we'll see

7:04 faithfull: Geebo I was mad at God Sat and vented at him and on chat. When I was cleaning later the Spirit reminded me of Moses when he became angry. He did not get to see the promise land.

7:05 geebo2b: well anyway..I know chat is over..Lord please let me recover the Music!! If not, Bless your name and Thy Will be done!

7:05 LisaK [Administrator]: Time to close the room. Hope you all can join the chat on Wednesday and Friday, 6-7 pm PST. Then Saturday, 1-2 pm PST.

7:05 faithfull: I got on my knees and repented. Praise God for the Holy Spirit.

7:05 MAS: Goodnight everyone.

7:05 geebo2b: faithful: yes that is a good lesson to remember

7:05 faithfull: Amen geebo

7:05 helpme: faithful; Amen!

7:06 geebo2b: well night all blessings

7:06 Cricket [Facilitator]: 6:51 RJM: It's still good that your W knows you are going but you can use the car reason to follow up later as it gets closer.

7:06 MAS: I pray you find the music, geebo!

7:06 LisaK [Administrator]: Helpme, if you have pictures of the museum, I'd love to see them, if it's convenient to pop an email or bring them to the retreat.

7:06 helpme: God Bless Each And Every One! In my prayers, good night

7:06 Cricket [Facilitator]: Geebo - I sent you the email I sent to the group with your son. But I'll look for your original message in case it's better.

7:06 LisaK [Administrator]: Goodnight my dear facilitators. Thanks for being here tonight Cricket and Helping. You're such a blessing to us.

7:07 helpme: Lisa; What do you think??? Yes I have pictures :)

7:08 Cricket [Facilitator]: Good night Lisa -

7:08 LisaK [Administrator]: I thought you'd have pictures! :O) and I bet they're good too! Do whatever is easiest for you.

7:08 LisaK [Administrator]: Good night.

For a list of media recommendations by Jim Conway, Midlife Dimensions, Lisa Kahan, and our Chat Room Facilitators, please visit Amazon via our special link: http://astore.amazon.com/midlife-20. Amazon sends a donation to the non-profit ministry of Midlife Dimensions anytime an order is placed via our link. We hope you enjoy the various lists of recommendations and thank you for supporting Midlife Dimensions through Amazon.

6:22 RJM: Dr. Jim Conway: I've also bought a few other books. I've never read this much before. I've been going for counseling for a while now and doing what I can to plug into God. lately it's been really tough, I think she's seeing someone.

6:27 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: RJM: If she is seeing someone else, it is probably her attempt to just feel good about something. For now, don't get tense about someone else, just focus on your own personal growth as an understanding man and a working at a deeper relationship with God. How are you doing with the issues that women typically complain about when they want to leave their husbands? Women often say their husband: 1) is too controlling, dominating and “it’s all about him.” 2) doesn't understand that I'm growing (spiritually/mentally) as a person and he is not encouraging me in my career, education, or other activities. 3) doesn't take care of his physical body, hygiene, and general appearance (sometimes I can't stand to touch his flabby body).

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