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September 27, 2010 / with Jim Conway

8:07 PM [Free to fly] hi Jim, Wish I could see the lake...just to forget for a while:)

8:09 PM Jim: Free to fly at 07, try to find something that can create peaceful moments for yourself. Think back to when you were a child, to a special place or experience. Remembering that time can often give you a few moments of quiet and peace.


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You have entered CR#2, Monday Chat with Jim at 6:00 pm PST.

8:01 PM [swan] Hello doveseyes and hepsy, how are you tonight?

8:02 PM [hepsy] hi swan - doing well. a little tired. how are you?

8:03 PM [doveseyes] Bad...just learned my husband moved into an apartment and signed a new 1 year lease. He has been out of our house for 1 year due to adultery..he isn't trying to move toward coming home. I am tired and discouraged.

8:03 PM [swan] hepsy @02 - I am doing well, enjoying the beautiful weather here

8:03 PM [hepsy] swan - me too! we finally got a break!

8:04 PM Jim: Hi Everyone. It's been a very peaceful still day on the lake in Northern Michigan, one of those ideal fall days. It's easy to forget that there are lots of marriages having lots of trouble.

8:04 PM [plumcrazy] Hello Everyone

8:05 PM [plumcrazy] Hello Jim! How are you and Jan?

8:07 PM Jim: plumcrazy at 05, Jan and I are doing super good.

8:05 PM [plumcrazy] All--Weather here today was cloudy and gray supposed to be that way tomorrow

8:06 PM [wiffe] Hello All


8:07 PM [wiffe] All-Went to the apple orchard with oldest daughter for a field trip. Talked to H and went to tell him how youngest was talking about all the road construction on the way out to the sitters and he interrupted me and told me he would have my check for the Chiro tomorrow and he would go pay it.

8:07 PM [Free to fly] hi Jim, Wish I could see the lake...just to forget for a while:)

8:09 PM Jim: Free to fly at 07, try to find something that can create peaceful moments for yourself. Think back to when you were a child, to a special place or experience. Remembering that time can often give you a few moments of quiet and peace.

8:07 PM [Free to fly] Hello everyone

8:07 PM [hepsy] Jim - I spoke with my h Sunday before his morning walk.. We don't talk much at night because he is usually intoxicated. I told him I love him and care for him and just wanted to keep open our communication lines since it is hard to talk at night. He admits he drinks a lot and he is tired. I read the section in your book "drinking depletes him". So true.

8:11 PM Jim: hepsy at 07, it would really be good if your husband could get involved in AA. Also, it would be good if his medical doctor could give him a thorough physical and help him get over some of his depression.

8:09 PM [plumcrazy] JIM H has been much nicer when he talks to me , watching his tone and what he says. The other day he was getting something out of the fridge and I looked at H > H looked at me and got a big grin on his face and said "What?" and it wasn’t in a nasty tone. So nice to see him with a genuine smile on his face.

8:11 PM Jim: plumcrazy at 09, that's really very positive.

8:09 PM [doveseyes] how do you keep on keeping on when things with H appears to not change..He continues living the single life while I hold things together at home.

8:14 PM Jim: doveseyes at 09, keep on learning what he is trying to find in his new single lifestyle. Then try to meet some of those needs.

8:10 PM [plumcrazy] Jim--H has even been helping around the house.!!!

8:14 PM Jim: plumcrazy at 10, great!!!!

8:11 PM [faithful] doveseyes at 8:09 that is how I feel sometimes. I am trying to keep things together and he is making a mess out of my credit and his finance are a mess.

8:11 PM [wiffe] All-My H has slid back. It is so hard. I wonder what he will be like tomorrow morning with me.

8:12 PM [Free to fly] Jim: Yes, I know, though I find myself day dreaming a lot of how things use to be. Does my H remember any happy days?

8:15 PM Jim: Free to fly at 12, yes I'm sure he remembers some of the happy days. But right now he is focusing on all the stuff he did not like about your relationship together - keep understanding and changing where you can. Look at your marriage through your husband's eyes.

8:12 PM [doveseyes] faithful at 9:11..how long have you been in this situation?

8:12 PM [hepsy] Jim - I feel that my h knows that his drinking is a problem and keeps him in this state of depression but he still doesn't seem to be able to do anything about it. I am trying to stay upbeat and encouraging but it is hard. He just had his yearly physical but I am sure he said nothing to dr. about his symptoms. Yes, he needs AA.. I am in al-anon myself.

8:16 PM Jim: hepsy at 12, I'm glad you're in al-anon, because that will give you insights about how to live with an alcoholic.

8:13 PM [plumcrazy] Hi Boscosdad and Still

8:13 PM [faithful] doveseyes a year and a half but is wearing me down. No signs of him coming home.

8:13 PM [hepsy] still - I was worried about you last night - you logged out so suddenly and I knew you were having a rough time...

8:13 PM [Free to fly] hey Still/Plum/BD

8:13 PM [plumcrazy] Hi Boscosdad and Still

8:13 PM [faithful] doveseyes a year and a half but is wearing me down. No signs of him coming home.

8:13 PM [hepsy] still - I was worried about you last night - you logged out so suddenly and I knew you were having a rough time...

8:13 PM [Free to fly] hey Still/Plum/BD

8:13 PM [Still] Hi All

8:14 PM [hepsy] wiffe - what happened?

8:14 PM [wiffe] Hepsy-he just seems distant again.

8:14 PM [doveseyes] Mine has been going on for 1 year..Same here. He is dating women and going on nice weekend getaways while I am holding all things together

8:14 PM [Still] Hepsy, My H came into the room and I had to log off. Thanks for thinking of me.

8:15 PM [Free to fly] still: Things are the same or a little better?

8:15 PM [hepsy] still - oh, I see.. Well, I was just concerned.. I could feel your desperation.. I am glad you are ok.

8:15 PM [doveseyes] Jim at 9:14..how can I meet some of his needs when we aren’t communicating or around each other. He refuses to stop seeing or contacting other women..So I said until he does, I can't be around him. Is that wrong?

8:18 PM Jim: doveseyes at 15, it's better not to make your relationship with your husband hinge on the other woman. He is seeing her because he is missing something in your relationship. Focus on understanding him.

8:15 PM [wiffe] all-part of me wants to scream at him and ask him if he really likes his life. I want to ask him what he felt when his dad left him because that is what he is doing to our girls. IT just hurts me so much to watch all of us going through this.

8:16 PM [Still] Free, I don't know what is going on with H. We had a horrible weekend. He was so nasty to me. My oldest was visiting and is really worried about how he treats me. She talked to my father about it and he came to see me today.

8:16 PM [Free to fly] Jim: Okay.

8:17 PM [Free to fly] all: I got my court date for Nov 1.

8:17 PM [plumcrazy] Sorry Free!!!

8:17 PM [Free to fly] so please pray for me.

8:17 PM [hepsy] wiffe - I am sorry. I know that is hard..I asked that same question to my h - he is doing just want his own father did - of course it didn't make any difference. Hang in there..

8:17 PM [Still] Jim, Good to see you. I am really struggling with my H. He is so disrespectful to me. I try to do all the right things and just try to make a peaceful environment, but it is so hard.

8:20 PM Jim: Still at 17, often a husband will try to irritate his wife so that he can drive her away - push her to file for divorce - then he can tell everyone that she is the bad person.

8:17 PM [wiffe] Free-will do

8:17 PM [faithful] Jim how can I keep going when I see no change in him. He was almost beside me the other day on the street and he went out of his way to avoid me.

8:23 PM Jim: faithful at 17: as you try to get into your husband's head, you will see that he avoided you the other day because he feels guilty and he doesn't want to get into some kind of uncomfortable confrontation.

8:18 PM [Still] Hi Calla. Good to see you.

8:18 PM [hepsy] free to fly - sorry to hear that.. Will be praying..

8:18 PM [calla] Hi, Still. Good to see you too.

8:19 PM [doveseyes] Jim at 9:18..do I initiate contact with him? He is not contacting me at all.

8:25 PM Jim: doveseyes at 19, Look for natural ways to contact him about things which are of interest to him, but nothing about your relationship.

8:20 PM [Still] free, how are things with you?

8:20 PM [doveseyes] Jim at 9:18...its several women..All different he is seeing...not just one.

8:25 PM Jim: doveseyes at 20, he's desperately searching for someone to care for him, and understand him.

8:21 PM [hepsy] calla - how are you doing tonight?

8:22 PM [calla] Hepsy, doing pretty well tonight. How are you

8:22 PM [plumcrazy] hello Calla

8:22 PM [Free to fly] Jim: Why is it when we talk about the kids it’s almost like its normal giving me all kinds of information but if he calls the house he acts like I'm a stranger?

8:26 PM Jim: Free to fly at 22, kids are a powerful connection when a marriage is in trouble. Keep building the kid relationship with your husband.

8:22 PM [calla] Hi Plum

8:22 PM [Still] Jim, although he has been in MLC for a couple of years, he hasn't been angry like this. I know he has been seeing a sports psychologist to deal with traumatic event that started all of this. His extreme irritable started about the same time. Thoughts?

8:27 PM Jim: Still at 22, sometimes anger is an indication of poor health than when a person is just numb.

8:23 PM [doveseyes] 9:18..Jim, has gone H and created another life at a higher lifestyle than what we were living. He felt our life style was beneath him. H is enjoying the partying scene...new women all the time, etc. H has abandoned our 3 kids as well.

8:23 PM [hepsy] calla - doing ok. My h is having dinner with a friend from out of town. I wasn't invited but no problem. I am enjoying chatting and having a peaceful house!

8:24 PM [dogwood] Jim, what about H committed adultery -- sin. Do we not at least confront him and letting him know that is not acceptable in a marriage? If we always shield him and protect him from embarrassment, he will continue to sin...

8:28 PM Jim: dogwood at 24, its best if God does the confronting about his adultery. The scripture says that the Holy Spirit convicts of sin, of righteousness, and of judgment to come -- let God do the work.

8:24 PM [faithful] Jim was it good then I just pretended I did not see him and just drove by him. After that he got behind me so as not to be next to me.

8:29 PM Jim: faithful at 24, his action suggest that he doesn't want to be totally gone from you, but that he doesn't like that past pain that he felt in the marriage.

8:24 PM [calla] Hepsy, sad when it is more peaceful without our Hs around.:( I remember being thrilled every time I heard the garage door open. Now

8:25 PM [Free to fly] still: I got the news about the date on Saturday. I knew it was coming but I didn't want to think about it. I worried a lot on Saturday and little yesterday, and I've asked God to help me get through it. Whatever His will is you know.?

8:25 PM [Still] Calla, I agree. My heart used to leap when I would see my H's car pull in the driveway. Now, it just makes me feel nervous...wondering what his mood will be, will he speak....etc.

8:26 PM [hepsy] calla - I know what you mean.. Sometimes I don't want to come home because things are so different.. I still can't believe it at times.. I dreamed about him last night..

8:26 PM [wiffe] Jim-people ask me if I ask H about reconciliation. I tell them I don’t ask him anything. Is that right. Right now don't ask him anything bout our relationship/marriage or his plans?

8:30 PM Jim: wiffe at 26, don't let people terrorize you - just tell them your husband is going through a tough time.

8:26 PM [Still] ((((FREE)))), God is there for you.

8:26 PM [Free to fly] Thanks Jim.

8:27 PM [doveseyes] Jim at 9:25 natural ways..Bills , updates on kids..Or other things...I thought you had suggested that mlc men work through it faster if their w left them alone..?

8:30 PM Jim: doveseyes at 27, yes - you're right on target.

8:27 PM [calla] Still, me too. I don't have the drama really anymore around here, but I still sometimes feel like I am on eggshells. Ick.

8:27 PM [Free to fly] Thanks Still.

8:27 PM [plumcrazy] Jim--The month before MLC started H told me I am the only person in his life that has ALWAYS been there for him. Then why does he become so nasty with me sometimes? Is he testing me?

8:31 PM Jim: plumcrazy at 27, he is trying not to get to close to you.

8:27 PM [hepsy] calla - h just got home... he is intoxicated.. I need to take this chat upstairs..

8:28 PM [Still] Jim, my H has told me that he has felt nothing for so long. So, is it possible anger is the regaining of emotion?

8:32 PM Jim: Still at 28, yes - this is an indication of getting his feelings back.

8:28 PM [calla] Hepsy, I keep thinking I am dealing well and doing well and then just the other day I woke up with that feeling in my stomach again, just wishing the nightmare would just go away.

8:28 PM [faithful] Calla and hepsy how long for the two of you.

8:28 PM [swan] Jim - Our daughter got married the 20th of August and my husband was present, she sent me pictures today and I got to see my husband for the first time in almost four years, he is so handsome, but the sparkle is gone and he looks so stressed. It breaks my heart, but it was really nice to see him. I have stared at the pictures a few times, wanting so badly to make his sorrows go away, but I have to leave him to the capable hands of our Lord. And my daughter was an absolutely beautiful bride.

8:32 PM Jim: swan, you are a good woman and your strength continues to be an encouragement and a model for all of us. Keep that consistent walk with God. Each family experience helps him to see the contrast between your growth and his lack of growth.

8:28 PM [calla] Hepsy, so sorry. That is fortunately something I haven't had to deal with . My H has never been much of a drinker at all.

8:29 PM [doveseyes] 9:28 calla..Amen to that. I want my family back intact. I hate my nightmare as well. I hate you are in the same boat.

8:29 PM [calla] faithful, about two years since I knew something was desperately wrong and he told me how messed up he was feeling and I felt him detaching for months leading up to that.

8:30 PM [Free to fly] Hepsy: Sorry about your H's drinking. It must be difficult.

8:30 PM [wiffe] jim-30 so I really don't need to ask him anything right now correct?

8:33 PM Jim: wiffe at 30, right now your questions come across as controlling him.

8:31 PM [faithful] Calla I was just hoping the pain would lessen but it does not. It feels like just yesterday when he left. I keep thinking he is going to walk right in the door.

8:31 PM [calla] Dovesyes, I know. I still can't believe that this man is the same one I married, even after this long watching him be not normal.

8:31 PM [dogwood] Jim, Thank you for the wise advice. Some book suggests being very angry toward adulterous H being the effective strategy to wake them up and get them back.

8:35 PM Jim: dogwood at 31, generally, when a wife confronts the husband and at the same time she doesn't try to understand why he wants out of the relationship, it comes across as a domineering, heartless wife.

8:31 PM [Cindy] swan, how nice you got to see him. Your daughter is beautiful.

8:33 PM [Still] Jim at 32. So what I have interpreted as a bad thing with his anger and hostility, may be a good thing that he is "feeling" and could work towards the good stuff again?

8:35 PM Jim: Still at 33, yes.

8:33 PM [hepsy] free to fly - yes, it is difficult.. But he wasn't like this before. This is just since mlc.

8:33 PM [faithful] Jim H has been back in the kid’s life now for three weeks and is going to take them on scouting thing all day on a Sat. I am glad for that. Is nice that he is back in the boy’s life.

8:37 PM Jim: faithful at 33, I'm glad he's involved with the kids

8:33 PM [doveseyes] calla at 31 same here. I look at him and I don't know him anymore. It just doesn't seem real. What's hard is I still care about him and love him.

8:33 PM [calla] Faithful, I am still amazed at how strong the feelings of pain can be. I am for the most part doing well and things have improved so much but some days it just hits me like someone punched me in the gut.

8:34 PM [Still] Faithful, that is wonderful that you H is rebuilding his relationship with your children.

8:34 PM [calla] Doveseyes, Me too. I know I still love my H but sometimes I just look at him and just don't know - I don't feel a whole lot sometimes.

8:34 PM [faithful] Calla I know I am do well for most of the part but there at times when I miss him so much but think of who he is now and I better that he is not here. It would be too painful.

8:35 PM [Free to fly] hepsy: I understand. My H is a different person now also. He's drinking, smoking, using profanity and involved in an adulterous relationship

8:35 PM [wiffe] dove and calla I hear you on the pain and love. I see him and he looks so miserable. I pray he finds his peace with God soon.

8:35 PM [hepsy] calla - I know what you mean about the sick feeling.. I get that too. Sometimes I wonder if my hormones affect that.. I will be doing fine and trusting God then wham I feel sick at my stomach and start obsessing like "is there ow?' "Will he leave me?" etc..

8:35 PM [faithful] still yes it is wonderful. He has been out of their life for now since Nov of last year. Almost a year.

8:35 PM [doveseyes] Jim at 30...it’s hard because some wisdom out there suggests you leave them alone....boundaries...with behavior that is out of control

8:39 PM Jim: doveseyes at 35, I'm guessing that your husband may feel that you are too controlling, commenting on his behavior makes you look like a mother instead of a friend.

8:35 PM [swan] Jim and Cindy - I didn't get to attend the wedding, but I am so glad he was there, every little girl should have her daddy at her wedding. I know daughter and son have commented that I was missed, have to admit I have wondered if husband noticed I my absence too. He came alone, didn't bring the other woman.

8:36 PM [Still] Hi Morwenna....an odd time for you, isn't it?

8:36 PM [plumcrazy] JIM I want to tell H I love him sometimes but I stop myself because I don’t want him to feel pressured. So hard not to tell him though. I find myself telling him " I wish you knew how much I love you" after he is asleep

8:40 PM Jim: plumcrazy at 36, keep focusing on giving him lots of affirmation - that's a good way to tell him that you love him.

8:36 PM [Cindy] hi morwenna...you're up late aren't you?

8:36 PM [Free to fly] Jim: I'm very glad I followed your advice and not say anything to him about his leaving or my feelings. Other than what he received from my lawyer he's pretty much guessing.

8:36 PM [calla] Faithful, I have to say having my H still living here at times has been incredibly hard. At the same time, at least the kids see him daily and he is becoming more and more involved in their lives again after practically ignoring them for months. For ME it would be easier to not have to have it shoved in my face every day, just that feeling that I am not his "wife" anymore.

8:37 PM [hepsy] free to fly - terrible.. I am so sorry.. Yes, it is difficult to see the person change so much.. My h was always happy, joking, always said "he was the man of steel" now, he is angry, withdrawn, no more joy... so sad..

8:37 PM [doveseyes] calla at 34 me to. I know nights when he has dates...it kills me. I have been married for almost 24 years..And these women get the benefit of the years I stayed by him aughhh


8:37 PM [Cindy] swan....I'm sure he noticed your absence and may have been hoping to see you. Good...he didn't bring the other woman.

8:38 PM [doveseyes] 35 wiffe..Mine looks miserable too. When he "pops" up around me without kids, he is so checked out...or creepy as the kids say.

8:39 PM [hepsy] calla - I can relate - although my kids are in college so that aren't around. It is hard living with someone whom you are married to, yet are treated like you are divorced. Seriously, my h only comes home to eat and sleep , and that's not with me.

8:39 PM [calla] Doveseyes - that's heartbreaking and so unfair.

8:39 PM [Morwenna] Still @:36 Yes, it's late for me. Sadly my new baby grandson died 24 hours ago and just can't go to bed yet. I thought I'd pop in here and get some hugs :-)

8:39 PM [swan] Cindy - by his own choice the other woman isn't allowed around our children, especially our grandson, but there have been times when she strong arms her way into family events. She had told our daughter if she wasn't invited not to expect her father, she was invited, but he refused to bring her. He knew I wouldn't be there too.

8:39 PM [wiffe] doveseyes 38 Mine just looks extremely tired. Running to the house every day (Mon thru Fri) fro before and after school and trying to sleep. Having to take youngest to speech

8:40 PM [Free to fly] All: My H is reading Battlefield of the mind by Joyce Meyer(My daughter told him to read it)..He’s told my oldest D15 that in some instances he doesn't think that she understood what the scripture really meant:)

8:40 PM [wiffe] doveseyes- he mentioned on Friday about not having money for food so he went to his parents. I know mommy fed them

8:40 PM [Still] Morwenna....I am so sorry. Oh, my prayers are with you and your family. My heart aches for you.

8:40 PM [wiffe] must be nice to have a family to run to.

8:40 PM [hepsy] morwenna - I am sorry... so sorry.....

8:40 PM [faithful] Morwenna I do not know what to say. My heart goes out to you.

8:40 PM [swan] Morwenna - honey, I am so sorry, ((((((((((Hugs)))))))) and know that I am praying and crying with you.

8:40 PM [doveseyes] Jim at 39..so I don't even bring up other women. When he wants to see me..I agree, even though he is dating other women?

8:44 PM Jim: doveseyes at 40, you are taking the right approach, and I'm sorry that you are in competition, but that's what it is for right now. When you get together with your husband, make sure that you are totally upbeat, happy, and looking smashingly cute!

8:40 PM [Cindy] swan....sounds like he's not in "paradise" as he had hoped.

8:40 PM [calla] Hepsy, my H was like that for months and months. He has gradually started being home more and more and is usually here when not at work, even calling when he thinks we might be out and coming home if we are home. So things are improving. He still sleeps downstairs and still doesn't treat me like his W, just a friend or a roommate. It is so hard.

8:41 PM [hepsy] calla - remind me again.. How long has h been in mlc?

8:41 PM [plumcrazy] Morwenna--So sorry for your loss!!

8:41 PM [plumcrazy] (((((Morwenna)))))

8:42 PM [wiffe] (((Morwenna)))

8:42 PM [dogwood] Morwenna: I am so sorry to hear that. May you and your children be comforted in His everlasting love,

8:42 PM [hepsy] calla - if only my h would stop drinking he might be able to improve.. But alas there is nothing I can do to make him see that.. He will have to figure that out for himself.

8:42 PM [Free to fly] Morwenna ((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

8:42 PM [calla] Hepsy, at least 2 years noticeably, but I would say he was headed that way for a long time before, it was just subtle.

8:42 PM [doveseyes] Morwenna..I am so sorry. Wow...

8:43 PM Jim: Morwenna, we all are so very very sorry for your terrible loss. Jan and I will pray for you dear.

8:43 PM [Morwenna] thank you all. My H is staying with his sister on the other side of the village as her H died the day my grandson was born. He's so near and yet so far as I can't go to him for comfort and I am experiencing the grief as flashbacks to when my H left me :'-(

8:43 PM [calla] hepsy, it is so hard just sitting back and watching them and their destructive behaviors isn't it? And they DO have to figure it out on their own.

8:44 PM [hepsy] calla - ok.. Mine is on year 3. Yes, it is hard - sort of like when you have kids - you tell them stuff but they have to walk the path for themselves. In our case, we can't even tell our h because it makes it worse.. So you have to sit back and watch them suffer through it..

8:44 PM [doveseyes] Jim at 44..ok but do I wait for him to initiate being together?

8:47 PM Jim: doveseyes at 44, during this time - it will be helpful if you think of yourself as a junior high school girl trying to attract a really cute boy - you wait for him to initiate - but you find other ways to let him notice you.

8:44 PM [Cindy] free to fly....that is one of my favorite books. It opened my eyes to so much.

8:45 PM Jim: To all: This is Lisa. Some of you may have not had enough personal time with Jim, or you have a very private question that you didn’t want to discuss openly in the chat room. If you'd like to schedule a phone counseling session call us at 714-768-1777.

8:45 PM [wiffe] Jim at 44 to Doveseyes. I do that. I'm so happy cheerful and looking SMOKING HOT!!! And he notices big time. :D I've been wearing makeup now for almost since July everyday and never did that before.

8:48 PM Jim: wiffe at 45, thanks for sharing that - it is a terrific example for all of the people in the room. It's good for women to remember that guys are extremely visual.

8:45 PM [Morwenna] Jim @:43 Thank you all so much. I have tucked my S23 and DIL up in bed and they are asleep, but I feel very lonely right now. I hope it's OK for me to come in chat and sit in the corner?

8:49 PM Jim: Morwenna at 45, we are glad to have you at any time to come and sit in the corner. It gives all of us an opportunity to pray for you.

8:45 PM [calla] Hepsy, I am trying as hard as I can to be as least like "mom" as I can, so I am waaaaaaay backed off and have been for a very long time now.

8:46 PM [Free to fly] Cindy: Mine too. I guess he liked it because he asked her for one more day to finish it.

8:47 PM [faithful] All I have to go I feel so tired and no energy to go on sometimes. But I keep going and taking one step at a time and hope this nightmare ends soon.

8:47 PM [swan] Morwenna - sweetie you can come here anytime, sit in the corner - we love you and are so blessed when you are here with us.

8:47 PM [hepsy] calla - me too. I just act "as if" - I even said on the phone to him "ok honey, love ya see you later" or course he won't say it back. And later before bed I'll kiss him good night and go to our room alone while he sleeps on the couch. Hard though..

8:47 PM [plumcrazy] Faithful---Take care. Do something nice for yourself

8:48 PM [dogwood] faithful. I feel your pain and share what you said about carrying on everyday

8:48 PM [hepsy] faithful - don't give up.. Remember God is in control.. And we are here for you...

8:48 PM [doveseyes] Jim at 47..ohhhhhhh,,but honestly, he is dating some very attractive 38 year olds...beautiful...I am an average 48 year old ...aughhh

8:50 PM Jim: doveseyes at 48, what was it that rang his bell when you first met - keep working on that kind of stuff.

8:48 PM [Still] Hepsy, I have not been able to get near my H for a very long time. I tried to hug him last Thanksgiving and he was stiff and unresponsive. I just haven't tried since.

8:48 PM [Free to fly] Morwenna: May this bible verse give you strength "And the peace of God which passeth all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

8:50 PM [hepsy] still - yes, my is stiff and unresponsive as well so I haven't hugged him in a very long time. My kiss is a quick peck.. At least he accepts that..

8:50 PM [Morwenna] Free to fly@:49 Bless you for that lovely scripture :-)

8:51 PM [Morwenna] Jim @:49 Thank you, prayer would be much appreciated

8:51 PM [hepsy] boscosdad - you are being quiet tonight..

8:51 PM [calla] Hepsy, I am not brave enough to say I love you to him, haven't for well over a year and a half.

8:51 PM [doveseyes] Jim at 50..ok...can do...just didn't want to do too much

8:55 PM Jim: doveseyes at 51, you're doing good, just keep hanging on to God.

8:51 PM [Still] Hepsy, sad isn't it? My H used to give me a kiss every time he left the house and always said he loved me before leaving or hanging up the phone. Now, he is like a total stranger who doesn't even like me.

8:51 PM [wiffe] calla-ask God to give you strength and just say it. Just do it :D

8:52 PM [doveseyes] everyone..Any testimonies from past retreats..

8:52 PM [wiffe] all-I got my ring back. I had to take my wedding ring in last Saturday to be sized. My finger felt so naked. I'm so glad it is back on.

8:52 PM [wiffe] it went from a size 8 1/2 to a 7

8:53 PM [Morwenna] All, it's not often I get into Monday chat and I'm encouraged to see so many people here chatting with Jim

8:53 PM [Cindy] Good night everyone.

8:53 PM [calla] Still, what would happen if you just lightly touched his arm when you were talking to him or something like that?

8:53 PM [hepsy] still/calla - it is a terrible feeling.. It was nice to be on the receiving end of his affection.. Now I am doing all the giving and it is not wanted.. Difficult to accept but I am trying to look at him as someone who has an illness..

8:53 PM [swan] doveseyes - I highly recommend attending if you can, it is a wonderfully spiritual experience and the love you will feel by the sweet people here is indescribable but awesome.

8:54 PM [doveseyes] 53 hepsy..How do you pursue h when he places so much rejection toward you

8:54 PM [calla] Hepsy, it is difficult to accept. I am fortunate in that my H will occasionally give me a hug (I let him initiate those) but that is about it. He hasn't rejected my touches for quite awhile now, but he doesn't reciprocate either.

8:55 PM [doveseyes] 53 swan..I am thinking about coming..Would be flying from the east which makes the cost more...but trying to decide

8:55 PM [Still] Calla, I haven't tried in a very long time. Once he almost shut my head in the automatic window when I tried to kiss him and once he told that "if I really had to" I could sit by him. I really am not willing to put my neck out there to be hurt. He knows how I feel.

8:55 PM [calla] so sorry Still. I don't blame you.

8:55 PM [swan] doveseyes - You'll love it, you will cry, you will laugh, you will hug and be hugged.

8:56 PM [plumcrazy] Doveseyes--I went to my first retreat last yr. It put me on the path to dealing with things in a better more productive way. Jim and Jan are so helpful and caring. Plus you get a chance to meet our awesome facilitators

8:56 PM [hepsy] doveseyes - idk - only by the grace of God I guess. I keep reminding myself of how he used to be - a good man - I know he is still there - somewhere inside himself..

8:56 PM [wiffe] all-how do I tell H that when the opportunity arises I plan on tutoring afterschool for an hour. I really could use the money

8:56 PM [doveseyes] 56 hepsy..good wisdom

8:57 PM [wiffe] DO I just tell him HEY I plan to do after school tutoring so you'll have to keep the girls until 5 ???

8:58 PM [plumcrazy] Wiffe-- I would say I have a chance to make some extra money tutoring and I would appreciate it if you could watch the girls

8:58 PM [Morwenna] All, thanks for the hugs and for letting me be here amongst you. (((((((HUGS))))))) to you all

8:59 PM [plumcrazy] Morwenna--Please take care of yourself and family and know you are in my prayers

8:59 PM [swan] doveseyes - hey they just announced that Southwest and Trans Air merged today, because of this the rates will be dropping for a period of time, check them if it is an option for you, might get some good deals.

8:59 PM [hepsy] still - I can see how that would make you not want to reach out..

8:59 PM [Morwenna] plumcrazy @:59 Thanks :-)

8:59 PM [doveseyes] 59 swan thanks...I will

9:00 PM [Still] doveseyes, I am in the east, too. I'll have to check the airline prices.

9:00 PM Jim: Thanks everyone for being in the chat room today. If you got lost during the chat process, check back later to find the edited chat dialogue posted in the archives, there you can read it at your own pace. It's been fun talking with you today. We, at Midlife Dimensions, will remember you and your marriages in prayer throughout the week. Warmly in Christ, Jim. James 4:8, Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

9:00 PM [Free to fly] Goodnight All

9:00 PM [Lisak] Hi all. I'm back as me now.

9:01 PM [plumcrazy] hey Lisa

9:01 PM [doveseyes] 00 still ok...

9:01 PM [Lisak] any questions on the retreat??? Do any of you know if you are coming?

9:01 PM [Still] Lisa, Has lodging been decided?

9:01 PM [plumcrazy] Lisa--Any info on the lodging?

9:02 PM [dogwood] Lisa, I am planning to come. Can you tell me if Jim will be at the retreat? When is his revised book " your husband's midlife crisis" available for purchase?

9:02 PM [doveseyes] lisa..is there a chance I could be picked up at the airport so I wouldn't have to rent a car..and maybe share a room with someone? Money isn't quit flowing right now..would love to come..but would need to do it and cheaply as possible.

9:03 PM [buttons] Hi ALL... just thought I'd pop in and say Thank you to those who have been praying for me

9:03 PM [doveseyes] lisa..what I mean is...what are my price saving options in deciding if I can afford to come

9:04 PM [buttons] Plum... hi, how are you?

9:04 PM [swan] All - thank you for coming, this room will be closing very soon, please wrap up your comments.

9:04 PM [buttons] Still, hi.. how are you?

9:05 PM [plumcrazy] Dogwood-Jim is always at the retreats as far as I know

9:05 PM [Still] Buttons, I'm doing fine. How are YOU doing?

9:05 PM [buttons] All... take care, know I am praying for each of you

9:05 PM [buttons] Better... need more sleep

9:05 PM [buttons] Still... better

9:05 PM [plumcrazy] Hey Buttons- I am ok How about you?

9:05 PM [Still] Buttons, I have been praying for you.

9:05 PM [buttons] Still... thank you... I for you too

9:06 PM [Lisak] ALL - REGARDING LODGING, I'm pretty well set with Ayers Inn of Yorba Linda, but Jim wants me to check out 1 more place. If we go with Ayers Inn, it's $92 night for 1 to 4 people, so if 4 split the cost, it's $23 per person per night, and includes a fabulous big breakfast, and a few other nice amenities. The other hotel I've been stalling on is $65 a night, but bare bones nothing, so for $6.75 per person more to get a great breakfast and the other amenities, it's very much worth it...............but now I'm having to check out the place Jim wants me to look at before I commit. So it might be a few more days before something is posted. Not to worry - there will be a place to make a reservation. In the meantime - get your transportation plans taken care of. AND start talking to other chat friends that you would want to share a room with to split the cost.

9:06 PM [buttons] Plum and Still... need sleep... did papers, had a spill, got called to sub and them my work afternoon.. thank heavens no store tonight... working on about 3 or 4 hrs sleep

9:07 PM [Still] ((((Buttons)))

9:07 PM [dogwood] doveseyes, keep in mind when we have details, I may be able to help you out, at least for sharing a hotel room, if you are a non-smoker. I may not be able to pick you up from airport, depending on which airport and if I know how to get there. I prefer sharing room with one roommate.

9:07 PM [Lisak] dogwood at 02, yes - JIM WILL BE AT THE RETREAT. Jan will be there too. And we're working on a special guest speaking for Sunday, but it's not confirmed just yet, so I can't say.

9:07 PM [plumcrazy] Buttons --A spill Are you ok What happened

9:07 PM [buttons] Thanks Still

9:07 PM [buttons] Plum.. misstepped got pretty scraped up, shaken up a bit but otherwise alright... tender/sore leg and arm

9:08 PM [plumcrazy] Buttons--Sorry to hear that

9:08 PM Lisak: dogwood at 02, I forgot to ask Jim about the book tonight! sorry! The publisher keep telling Jim certain dates / months, and then they things happen (delays) and then keep moving the date. So hopefully it will be out and available at the retreat, that would be great.

9:08 PM [buttons] Plum.... thanks...

9:08 PM [plumcrazy] buttons--Do you use Facebook?

9:09 PM [buttons] Sometimes....

9:09 PM [dogwood] Lisa, thanks

9:09 PM [plumcrazy] Buttons if so send me an email

9:09 PM [doveseyes] 07 good..I am a non smoker..will keep in mind...it will be a long shot if I get to go..but would love 2..but I will have to do it as cheaply as possible...thx

9:09 PM [buttons] k.... I have dropped you a few...

9:09 PM [buttons] through MSN... my hotmail

9:09 PM [plumcrazy] Dove check Southwest they are one of the cheaper airlines

9:10 PM [plumcrazy] Yeah--I don’t think I have responded to all of them was busy this week

9:10 PM [doveseyes] lisa..when on Friday does the retreat start..and when does it usually end on Sunday..thinking about when to book flight

9:10 PM [buttons] Plum... no worries

9:11 PM [buttons] Plum... will try to find you on FB... otherwise use my e-mail to find me...

9:12 PM [plumcrazy] Dove ---the retreat usually starts around 5pm Fri and end between 2-3 Sun.

9:12 PM [buttons] ALL... thank you for your prayers, know that I am praying for each of you--- usually at 2 am

9:12 PM [doveseyes] ok thx...so when do most usually arrive

9:12 PM [plumcrazy] Dove --Sun time is if you are flying

9:13 PM [Lisak] Lord, our hope is in You. You are the faithful and loving God. In You, we will find everything we need. Fill us, Lord. Complete us, Lord. May we find our identity and esteem just in being chosen as your adopted child, bought with a prices, the precious blood of Your Son. We are grateful for You loving us enough to send Jesus to Earth to die for our sins. We are here for 1 reason, and 1 reason only, because You put us here to worship You. Help us to remember that in our daily walk that it's all about You. We're so small in this one little universe among billions of universes that You created. You have everything in control. We trust You and love You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

9:13 PM [buttons] All... take care, know that God is with you and is working....

9:13 PM [plumcrazy] Dove an hr or two before

9:13 PM [buttons] Night all

9:13 PM [plumcrazy] AMEN

9:13 PM [buttons] Amen

9:13 PM [plumcrazy] Night Buttons

9:13 PM [buttons] Night Plum.. will send an e-mail

9:14 PM [Lisak] doveseyes at 10, We don't have the itinerary down to the minute yet, but generally starts by 6 or 7 pm on Friday night, and finishes around 2 or 3 pm on Sunday.

9:14 PM [buttons] (((hugs to everyone))))

9:14 PM [doveseyes] thx...blessings and many thanks

9:14 PM [plumcrazy] Lisa I was close on time LOL

9:14 PM [dogwood] Lisa, love your prayer, AMEN and AMEN

9:15 PM [Lisak:] plumcrazy at 14 - you're spot on! I just looked up to see what you're talking about and sure enough, you nailed it!

9:16 PM [plumcrazy] Night everyone Take care

9:16 PM [Lisak] Good night all.

9:18 PM [Lisak] I'm closing the door now. Be sure to join our facilitators during the week. As I get more retreat details set in stone, I'll post them on the website, and stop into to chat with you.

8:07 PM [Free to fly] hi Jim, Wish I could see the lake...just to forget for a while:)

8:09 PM Jim: Free to fly at 07, try to find something that can create peaceful moments for yourself. Think back to when you were a child, to a special place or experience. Remembering that time can often give you a few moments of quiet and peace.

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