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April 19, 2010 / with Jim Conway

6:22 buttons25: Dr. Jim... my H is in full-blown MLC... he is in the house... due to an accident on his "holiday" and now a herniated belly button operation... I know God is with me but do you have other suggestions for living with him and not becoming down?

6:30 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:22 buttons25: It is very important that you are connected with people outside your home such as the chat room group, or a group of women in your area. Also, it's important to have regular quiet times of reading the Bible and letting God nourish you so that you don't get pulled down by your husband's situation.

  

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CR#2, Mon. 4-19-10, 6-7 pm PST


5:52 LisaK [Programmer]: Good Evening. Welcome to Monday Night Chat with Jim. I’m Lisa, the Office Manager for Midlife Dimensions. I’m blessed to serve the Lord through our Chat Room Ministry which has helped so many people through their spouse’s midlife journey. Jim Conway will be online with us shortly and as he reads your questions, he’ll dictate his answers for me to type and post for you to see. He will answer all questions that come in before the end of the hour. If you would like to show your appreciation to Jim, you can make a tax-deductible contribution to Jim’s ministry via Paypal at www.Midlife.com. Funds support the Chat Room and Website upkeep. Thank you.

5:58 LisaK [Programmer]: Lord, thank You for caring about every single detail of our lives and for taking care of them all. Help us to trust You more and turn to You more quickly for help in every situation. In Jesus' Name, Amen

6:02 sbky: hello

6:02 Plumcrazy: Hello

6:02 Snickerdoodle: HI

6:03 MAS: Hello.

6:03 Swanlake: Hello everyone, how are you doing tonight?

6:03 Plumcrazy: Mas---How are you doing? Better I hope!

6:03 Still: Hi everyone.

6:03 Snickerdoodle: I was too tired to go to my Women's group tonight - side benefit, I get to chat but I may nod off.

6:04 MAS: Hi Plum, I’m okay. Thank you for asking. How are you doing?

6:05 Plumcrazy: MAS----I am tired Today was the first day back after spring break. Boy was the kids WILD today

6:06 Snickerdoodle: Plum: what do you teach?

6:06 MAS: Plum: They usually are after having some time off...It must have been crazy. Only 4 more days to go until the weekend. :)

6:07 Plumcrazy: Snicker---I am not a teacher. I am a one-on-one aide for special needs kids. I also do outside duty before school , lunchroom duty, lunch recess and buses. In the morning I work with 2nd and 3rd gr. Afternoon kindergarten

6:08 Snickerdoodle: Plum: is that all??? wow, you are busy

6:08 buttons25: plum.. we call them EAs here...

6:09 MAS: Plum: Wow..That can't be easy.

6:11 LisaK [Programmer]: Sorry for the delay. I’ve been trying to get a hold of Jim. He usually calls at 6 pm PST sharp. I'll keep trying to reach him. Thanks.

6:12 LisaK [Programmer]: Jim is on the phone. He's getting on line now. It will just be another moment.

6:13 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: I’m glad I finally got to join you all. Sorry I’m late. I’m ready for your questions so let's get going.

6:13 buttons25: MAS--- being a teacher's assistant is a rough job... trust me I’m a teacher... the one assigned to my class does not have her student some days or for mornings... to keep her job full-time they have her ALL over the place for the morning

6:14 buttons25: ALL... I need prayer for a friend who is in the cardiac unit at the moment... it is still unknown exactly what is going on, other than the two valves of her heart are pumping at different speeds

6:15 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Welcome Buttons25. I’m Jim Conway, President of Midlife Dimensions. This room is here to encourage you and answer questions you have about your current situation. Important: Do NOT share personal information such as an email address, phone #, home address, or any names. Now, here’s how to join in. 1) Type the name of the person you want to speak to before you type your entry. 2) You’re limited to 250 keystrokes per entry. If your entry is long, then click “chat” to post it and start your next entry with the word “continued”. 3) Use the words “To All” if you have a general entry not directed to one person. 4) If you’d like to contact someone in the room, email or call us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or 714-768-1777. We’ll have them contact you to exchange information.

6:15 buttons25: Sbky... Hi... I think I already told you I’m tired...concerned, exhausted and frustrated...

6:15 MAS: buttons25: I’m sure it is a very tough job. It must be very tiring.

6:15 sbky: buttons yes you did

6:16 buttons25: Sbky... the other thing I am realizing is that I am proud of myself because I came up with a really good idea for a student who is leaving (returning to Japan) and others were very impressed

6:16 buttons25: MAS... it is tiring and I know our EA (educational assistant) gets frustrated because they have her bouncing around the school

6:17 sbky: button good for you

6:17 Plumcrazy: Yoli---Nice to see you When do you leave for your mission trip?

6:17 buttons25: sbky... thanks...

6:17 buttons25: ALL.... everyone is so quiet tonight

6:17 Yoli: Lisak: Hi, just wanted to tell you that the mission trip was amazing.

6:17 buttons25: ALL please remember my friend in prayer...

6:17 Yoli: Plum: The mission took place last week. It was incredible.

6:43 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Yoli - Jan and I are very proud of you and glad that you have done the mission trip. It will forever change your life.

6:18 buttons25: yoli... where was the trip?

6:18 Swanlake: Yoli - that's great

6:18 Yoli: buttons25:To Santa Cruz del Quiche in Guatemala.

6:18 Cricket2: ALL - I was trying to come in to check in with everyone but rushing the past few days getting ready for company arriving Wednesday. Just as I logged in, my Sister began IM'ing me.

6:18 buttons25: yoli... I had thought about going on an YWAM ship and teaching..

6:19 buttons25: cricket... hello

6:19 Plumcrazy: Yoli ----The trip was only for a week? I thought it was a month

6:19 Yoli: buttons25:All I can say is that the people of the towns that these mission trips go to, are so incredibly grateful.

6:19 buttons25: yoli... sounds wonderful.. it would be such a neat experience

6:20 buttons25: yoli... my H went on a "holiday" to the Philippines, one thing he came back saying was how friendly they were and glad for what they had, which isn't much

6:20 Yoli: Plum: No, I have to work. It was for 6 days. But the clinic was open 1 full day (9-7) and the other days it closed early because it rained really hard. Despite this, 450 people got their eyes checked.

6:22 Plumcrazy: Yoli---Wow, Do you think you would do a longer mission trip sometime?

6:22 buttons25: Dr. Jim... my H is in full-blown MLC... he is in the house... due to an accident on his "holiday" and now a herniated belly button operation... I know God is with me but do you have other suggestions for living with him and not becoming down?

6:30 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:22 buttons25: It is very important that you are connected with people outside your home such as the chat room group, or a group of women in your area. Also, it's important to have regular quiet times of reading the Bible and letting God nourish you so that you don't get pulled down by your husband's situation.

6:22 Yoli: buttons25:The clinic was primarily for the indigenous Maya. They speak a dialect that is really hard to learn. On the first day as we were walking up the steps to the building where the clinic was to take place, they began touching us or shaking . our hands. Even the person with the hardest heart would have been crying. There were lots of men crying at this not just the women.

6:22 buttons25: yoli... that sounds fascinating...

6:24 buttons25: yoli... I am sure... it sounds so amazing... I watched a movie the other day called "A Walk to Beautiful" about women who end up leaking... mostly due to child birth... shunned.. to see how happy they were when someone helped them and didn't shun ... it would be so moving!

6:25 Yoli: MAS: Hi, hope you are doing well. Just wanted to let you know that I got your message before I left and wanted to thank you.

6:25 buttons25: ALL... my friend and her daughter are weighing heavy on my mind tonight... esp. since I didn't sleep well waiting to hear how she was/is... please remember her in prayer

6:26 Yoli: buttons25:Well that's what happens to the Mayans. They aren't even treated with any kind of compassion or respect. In all the years that the organization has sent in teams, they have not been allowed to hold their children. Well there were a lot carrying babies and toddlers this time. They even allowed us to take pictures of them.

6:26 MAS: Jim: My H said that he would be willing to attend 2 therapy sessions with me but was sure to emphasize the fact that it was NOT for couples or marriage counseling...It was simply so that I could come to terms with our separation and to fix myself. Do you think this would still be a good idea?

6:32 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:26 MAS: Tell your husband that you are willing to just focus on your individual health, but he must be willing to let the counselor decide how many sessions you need. Agreeing to only 2 sessions ahead of time could be a bad mistake.

6:26 buttons25: yoli... wow... that's so sad...

6:27 Bluesky1: bethel, Hi, how are you? done with taxes?

6:27 buttons25: yoli... that is so amazing.. that's what developing trust is all about...

6:27 bethel: blue, tax season is over! yeah!

6:27 bethel: blue, how are you?

6:28 MAS: Yoli: Hi Yoli. I’ve been thinking a lot about you and your trip. I can't wait to talk to you so I can hear more about it.

6:28 Yoli: buttons25:There was just so much to experience, I won't bore you with the details. We were supposed to be going there to help them, but ended up getting help from the Mayans. Had a rude awakening this morning when I went to work.

6:28 buttons25: ALL... my H asked me on Fri if I was in a chat room and what one... I told him... I know he checked out the other site, not the chat... never know.... he didn't freak out or anything over the whole midlife site thing, however he has been behaving..louder since..

6:29 Bluesky1: all, my poor daughter is really stressing about what college to go to. Everything she wants is at an East coast school, at the west coast school, are her grandparents and cousins and a place she would love to live and cheaper. She has stomach issues

6:29 Swanlake: MAS - maybe it would be good even if it isn't for couples counseling, it would be a safer place for your husband and you to voice your issues, concerns, fears, etc. He might also not use as cruel of words with someone else present.

6:29 Plumcrazy: Cricket----Are you here you have been very quiet.!!!!

6:30 Bluesky1: bethel, must be a big relief. Doing okay, thanks, looking for graduation announcements in between chat for both my kids. I have never been in to buying the 'standard'.

6:30 Plumcrazy: Jim---Hello How are you and Jan doing?

6:36 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:30 Plumcrazy: Jan is working these 3 weeks in a writer's training school, here at the University of the Nations. We are also getting ready to move back to the mainland after this university session for the next several months.

6:30 Cricket2: Plum - My sister is still IM'ing me. I’ve been going crazy trying to get everything done for my friend coming to visit. I'd put in a new Murphy Bed and they were late delivering. Had a Day Bed to sell & did. I banged up my new paint moving daybed

6:31 Cricket2: Plum - So tonight I touched up the paint & just trying to have things all nice. As I logged on here, my sister came on line so......

6:31 Yoli: Cricket2:Hey, how are you? Remember all the praises that I had before went on trip? Well now there are 2 couples that want to buy the house and on May 1sr, I’m having last interview for new job. Also, h and OW continue to have major fights! Yeah.

6:32 sbky: Dr. Conway I have lost 21 pounds so far on my weight watchers

6:38 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:32 sbky: Yeaaa for you! I am down 12 pounds and I seem to have leveled off. I am still trying to be down 30 by the time I see my doctor in mid-June.

6:32 bethel: blue, when does she have to decide?

6:33 MAS: Swan: That's how I’m feeling, also. I think it would be a good idea so that way I can express my feelings to him in front of a third party without fear of repercussion.

6:33 Yoli: sbky: She's a hot mama now!

6:33 Bluesky1: Cindy, I have to tell you about the video you sent today. I watched and it felt so familiar. I kept watching it and finally realized it was taped in my hometown and the mall. So I forwarded it onto my in-laws

6:35 bethel: blue, over this past weekend, I ran into h cousins. Over the last few years have spent many holidays eating with their families. Cousin told me h spent Easter with them, and he told them he is moving once the d is over - May. It struck me pretty hard. Here I am being abandoned in a foreign state, brought west by my h, who is acting like a 14 yr old, having an affair with someone he knew 30 years ago, getting a d, and moving home to Mom

6:35 Yoli: LisaK: Yeah I’m having the same problems with screen advancing really slowly.

6:35 Plumcrazy: Cricket--I saw your new Murphy bed. It is beautiful. Wow you sold your daybed quick

6:36 Bluesky1: bethel, she has 11 days left. She went out to the west coast this weekend to check things out and it just wasn't what she wanted except for family

6:36 MAS: Yoli: PTL! It sounds like things are finally starting to go well for you! You really deserve it! That's wonderful!

6:36 buttons25: Dr. Jim--- do I got about ignoring him or trying to talk to him? when he talks to me I acknowledge him and carry on the conversation until he stops... how do I deal with him in the house? most of the time I just go about my business, let him know I’m going out (most times) and ignore him the rest of the time. if strikes up a conversation, well or says something to me, I will talk to him sometimes it feels like a bad idea for me to have brought him home, however he was badly hurt and seemed to have missed me.... others tell me it's best if they remain in the house..

6:45 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:36 buttons25: I would encourage you to start an intensive process of giving him affirmation about everything you can so that you are not just two people ignoring each other.

6:36 Swanlake: MAS - if your husband is willing to go to counseling with you, is he also willing to provide you with transportation there and back, it would solve that problem for you and would be great for you not to have to worry about it.

6:37 Cricket2: Yoli - That is wonderful about all the praises. Keep in mind that often when we start having a lot of praises, the enemy tries to attack us, don't let him get to you. God is working big time.

6:38 Plumcrazy: ALL--Sbky has inspired me to really work on losing weight. I have lost 3 lbs this week

6:38 MAS: Jim@6:32 He is very controlling that way. I fear that if I tell him what you suggest, he will refuse to go at all. So, what do I do?

6:39 Bluesky1: bethel, oh my, were you shocked? I thought he already moved though? I am sorry

6:40 MAS: Jim: I’m lucky he offered to go at all. He detests going to counselors of any kind.

6:46 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:40 MAS: I’m glad that he is willing to go, hopefully he will choose the counselor so that he is emotionally invested in the process.

6:41 Cricket2: Plum - Yes I was stressed as was taking it to consignment shop that decided couldn't accept it because can’t take mattresses. Put it on Craig’s List and worried it would be in my way but it sold quickly.

6:41 MAS: Swan: Yes, it would be great, but he'll only attend 2 sessions.

6:42 sbky: Dr. Conway my long term goal is about 80 pounds so 60 more to go

6:47 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:42 sbky: We can keep encouraging each other. I am noticing some increase in energy, just from dropping 12 pounds.

6:43 Yoli: Cricket2:Yeah, I know. Even during the trip, they drew names to see who out of 29 people would get the picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe (the team carries it with them every time they go). Right before they drew the name, I knew that my name was

6:44 Swanlake: Plum - that's great, does that include the 1 pound from last week, you are doing good, it will be fantastic to see you and sbky at retreat after all your dedication and success.

6:44 MAS: Plum: That's great, Plum.

6:46 Plumcrazy: MAS--Maybe you should let the counselor approach how many counseling sessions she would like H to attend. He would probably take it better coming from the counselor

6:46 Swanlake: MAS - it is clear that he is going for purposes of his own, you accepting and moving on, therefore, you can always list your condition of allowing the counselor to set the number of sessions, if he wants it bad enough he will agree. You don't have tell him that you agree the counselor is to help you move on, just that you and he go together and allow the counselor to help you.

6:47 buttons25: Dr. Jim...I will do my best... he mostly hides in the room and isn't around... he cooks dinner and I give him lots of thanks for that.. .and when he does the dishes....

6:47 Free to fly: Don't know what happen but I’m still here..

6:47 Plumcrazy: All---tonight I tried making a chicken curry dish similar to one H makes. S said it was good. And H said it wasn’t bad for a first try

6:47 Bluesky1: bethel, I am sure it did. the net sure is hurting a lot of marriages. I wish this wasn't so difficult. I hate that it is so easy for them to walk away. I sometimes wonder if 'their love' was as strong as we feel it was.

6:47 buttons25: Plum.. good for you...

6:48 Plumcrazy: YOLI-----When will you find out about the new position?

6:48 bethel: blue, h had already moved out the house. This move is out of the state.

6:48 buttons25: ALL... I’m still here... just not showing

6:49 Jo2: Yoli - I knew you would get a lot out of your mission trip. Looks like the Lord put frosting on it when your name was drawn.

6:49 Plumcrazy: All--It seems that a lot of our members are having positive things happening in their lives and being presented with opportunities for new jobs. PTL!!!!

6:50 MAS: Jim: During the counseling session, would it be wrong for me to mention to my H how upset I am about the OW?

6:50 buttons25: Dr. Jim... I am working hard to do that... he just seems to push away...

6:50 bethel: all, good news.....I gained back almost all the weight I lost, up about 8 lbs

6:50 Free to fly: all, I’m still here:)

6:50 buttons25: bethel.. that's great...

6:50 Swanlake: MAS & Plum - that is a good idea, allowing the counselor to approach her husband about the number of sessions, that way MAS's husband doesn't look at it as her trying to manipulate him into more sessions.

6:50 buttons25: free... you keep vanishing and I don't appear...

6:51 Free to fly: sbky: Congratulations on your weight loss.

6:51 buttons25: koko... hi

6:52 Free to fly: buttons25, I know right? Must not be meant for me to chat tonight.

6:52 Plumcrazy: JIM------H has been more respectful towards me and doing more things with family. Spending a lot less time playing online game. We did have a bad day a week ago Sat. but seem to be getting back on track

6:53 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:52 Plumcrazy: It sounds like an encouraging direction.

6:52 buttons25: free... no...

6:52 sbky: free to fly thank you

6:52 buttons25: free... you just have to be more determined tonight... which I can see you are..

6:53 Free to fly: all, Will my H ever talk to me again???? I feel like I do not exist in his world

6:56 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:53 Free to fly: Remember that midlife crisis time is more like the teenage years. The process is not over in 2 or 3 weeks. Have you had an opportunity to read "Men In Midlife Crisis" and "When a Mate Wants Out" yet?

6:53 Plumcrazy: Koko---Do you also go to another MLC chat room? you are name is familiar

6:53 MAS: BlueSky@6:47 I agree. Ironically, my H claims that his love was actually much stronger than mine...How can that be when he's the one that moved out and found OW??

6:53 buttons25: free... mine is in the house and there are good days and bad... right now more low days...

6:53 bethel: thanks buttons, it really is just as hard to gain weight as it is to lose it. I’ve never been a big person - rather petite

6:54 buttons25: bethel... my aunt is that way and it's worse for her now since her colostomy...

6:54 buttons25: plum it sounds like an answer to frees question...

6:54 Free to fly: buttons25: will my H is out of the house, we communicate when it comes to the kids otherwise no communication.

6:55 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Welcome Free to Fly, and KOKO. I know you’ve been trying to come to chat and we’ve been experiencing technical problems. I’m so sorry. We still seem to have bugs in the chat room tonight, but we are working on it. Don’t give up on us.

6:55 Bluesky1: bethel, I wish I had known, you could have had some of mine. I am willing to share. I thought your h had already moved out of state, was he just visiting his "friend"?

6:55 koko: Jim: W has been going to church taking Daughters, not me says I only want to do it because she does and it is something she wants to do, I don’t like fact my 9 yr old asks why don’t you go dad? thoughts

6:58 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:55 koko: Keep assuring your wife that you really do want to go to church, and you are interested in your own spiritual growth. I also encourage you to get a new Bible, (New Living Translation), and start reading the New Testament in that version. As your wife sees you involved in growing spiritually that will help her to feel that you are not trying to manipulate her. I would encourage you to get them. You can find them on Amazon, via our website.

6:55 MAS: Swan@6:50: I would LOVE it if he would agree to more sessions. However, I do know that once he makes up his mind, that's pretty much it. I just pray he doesn't try to control the entire session the way he did when we attended a few years ago. When the therapist tried to take over, my H actually got up and walked out! She told me later that he was not a good listener and that he really didn't hear anything she had to say.

6:55 Free to fly: Dr. Conway: Never:)

6:55 buttons25: free... communicating about anything is a start though

6:56 Free to fly: buttons25/all: I know. They just change so sudden, it makes me wonder how long he felt this way about me.

6:57 Swanlake: MAS - most counselors can take care of themselves and rarely allow the people they are counseling to control them, they may try to tell you things more kindly than others might, but they are pretty smart people, not easily manipulated. his motivation is different this time, so he might actually stick around. I agree with what Jim said about asking his input or if he will select the counselor the two of you go to, he will be more vested, but will not control the counselor, they are not counseling you two to do what your husband wants, not even what you want, but what is in the best concern for your health.

6:57 buttons25: free... the same goes for me... nearly 23 years and then....

6:57 sbky: good night al.

6:58 Bluesky1: bethel, my h is away on a trip right now, called earlier and my d usually gets it. But today she didn't. So I answered, he said hi, is d around. That was it.

6:58 Free to fly: Dr. Conway, Yes I read Men in Midlife Crisis and Moving on after he moves out. Men in Midlife Crisis put a lot in perspective for me. A great book, thank you so much for writing and sharing it.

7:00 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:58 Free to fly: I think you will have some additional practical help by reading "When A Mate Wants Out".

6:58 Plumcrazy: Sbky ___Goodnight

6:59 Free to fly: Bluesky1: My H does the same thing, when he calls.

7:00 buttons25: ALL.. both our children are in the house and my H barely talks to them...

7:00 Free to fly: Dr Conway, I got and read them already. Haven't read When a Mate wants out yet.

7:00 buttons25: ALL... except to ask them if they've paid rent to me or not...

7:00 Bluesky1: Free, so sorry. He is fairly pleasant when in the house at the same time. It is their shame, it is not you.

This is Lisa, MLD office manager. If you feel you didn’t get enough time with Jim in the room today, or have a private question you don’t wish to discuss here, please consider scheduling a 1-on-1 phone counseling session with Jim. Call/email us at 714-768-1777 or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to set up a session. I’ll go over the suggested donation and provide you with ways to make the most of your time during the private call. I’ll need a list of dates/times that work for you to compare to Jim’s schedule and let you know the best one. When it’s time for the session, Jim calls you on the phone number of your choice. Remember, Jim always offers his live counseling in the chat room without cost. If you wish to donate to our ministry to support the Website/Chat Room upkeep, please do so at www.Midlife.com. Thank you.

7:01 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Thanks everyone for being in the chat room today. If you got lost during the chat process, check back later to find the edited chat dialogue posted in the archives, there you can read it at your own pace. It's been fun talking with you today. We, at Midlife Dimensions, will remember you and your marriages in prayer throughout the week. Warmly in Christ, Jim.

7:02 MAS: Swan: But shouldn't I take advantage of these sessions and let my H know how I’m feeling about things regarding the separation and the OW?

7:02 Plumcrazy: Jim---Didn’t you say that our H's often retreat after being intimate or close to us? I notice H Having 1-2 days of being very intimate with me then seeming cold after that. He doesn’t like it if I try to initiate intimacy

7:02 Swanlake: buttons25 - sometimes when they leave, they leave the children too, because they have as much guilt with them as with us. Most typically start to reconnect with the children before they do us, so hopefully he will reconnect with them again soon

7:03 MAS: Swan: That is what I tried to ask Jim but I don't know if he saw my question. Should I tell my H how upset I am regarding the OW and how it's making me sick?

7:06 LisaK [Programmer]: Mas - you are right, Jim and I both missed your question. So sorry. Swan answered it very well for you though, at 7:03. The session may seem "ugly", be prepared. But it will be good to get everything out in the open in a safe moderated environment.

7:03 LisaK [Programmer]: ALL: It appears we are still struggling with the same bugs in our chat room. It's very frustrating for us, and I know it is for you as well. We are so sorry, and we continue to keep on top of the issues with our IT men. We really want to get this fixed for our sanity, as well as to be able to chat without interruptions and distractions from the room going crazy.

7:03 buttons25: swan... I appreciate that, it's hard though because we are ALL in the same house... our S is on the same level... I’m hoping, our D is very upset with him and our S does not want to stay in the house much longer because his Dad is behaving oddly

7:03 Swanlake: MAS - Yes, you should if that is what the counselor elects to be part of the session, you will also need to prepare yourself for your husband to have opportunity for the same kind of honesty.

7:05 Swanlake: MAS - your husband knows it upsets you and as for it making you sick as far as he is concerned that you are doing to yourself, but his attending the counseling sessions is his way of trying to help you get past that and not be sick anymore. Remember your husband said no couples or marriage counseling, the first time you try to make it about that, he will leave and he will not come back.

7:05 MAS: Swan: Yes, but at least the therapist will be there to hopefully serve as a buffer. But if I don't mention what's bothering me, then what would be the purpose of going?

7:06 Free to fly: Good night all.

You have seen me tossing and turning through the night. You have collected all my tears and preserved them in your bottle! You have recorded everyone in your book. The very day I call for help, the tide of battle turns. My enemies flee! This one thing I know: God is for me! (Ps 56:8-9)

7:07 buttons25: ALL... worrying about my friend has made me tired, I have work for the morning and an errand to run... please keep my friend, my family and my H in your prayers....

7:07 MAS: Lisa: Thank you, Lisa. I appreciate both yours and Swan's help with this.

7:07 buttons25: night all...

7:08 Swanlake: MAS - You should mention what is bothering you and the counselor will want you to, however, you need to prepare yourself for how your husband may react and understand that he is not going to accept responsibility for your being sick, regardless of who tells him. You need to go to these counseling sessions for yourself and not with reconciliation in mind, at least not the first few, let the counselor control that and slip it in when they feel it is the right time.

7:08 Bluesky1: MAS, you could go in with an open mind and not have an agenda and see where it leads

7:08 Plumcrazy: Buttons We will!!!

7:08 buttons25: plum... thank you....

7:08 buttons25: All... Night

7:09 MAS: Swan, Lisa, and BlueSky: Thank you. I will take your advice and pray for the best.

7:10 Swanlake: Goodnight all, see you Wednesday

7:10 MAS: Goodnight everyone.

7:11 Plumcrazy: Lisa--I have a question. Lately H has been more adventurous in bed. Like the old days. But there is a little doubt coming out in me. Wondering where this is coming from. I think the Devil is trying to plant doubt in me about H

7:11 Jo2: MAS - One purpose for going is to hear your h talk about what is going on in his head, if he will do that. Just listen, very instructive.

7:11 LisaK [Programmer]: Teach us, Oh Lord, to understand and obey your commands. We want to live life Your way, not ours. Thank You Lord for the assurance of rewarding us for our obedience to You. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

6:22 buttons25: Dr. Jim... my H is in full-blown MLC... he is in the house... due to an accident on his "holiday" and now a herniated belly button operation... I know God is with me but do you have other suggestions for living with him and not becoming down?

6:30 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:22 buttons25: It is very important that you are connected with people outside your home such as the chat room group, or a group of women in your area. Also, it's important to have regular quiet times of reading the Bible and letting God nourish you so that you don't get pulled down by your husband's situation.

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