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Feb. 8, 2010 / with Jim Conway

6:56 evaline: Jim, Thanks, I understand that, I am soo hurt because of the adultery , lying and betrayal and the D is almost final now, so much money has already been spent, I don’t know what to do

7:02 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:56 evaline: I firmly believe it's always too early to give up. Keep working on the positive areas that God has pointed out to you, that you need to change - regardless of whether the divorce goes through or not. I have also watched couples come back together after the divorce - so don't let yourself slide into despondency and depression.


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6:05 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Thank you swan

6:05 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hello everyone, welcome to Monday evening chat.

6:05 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Please stay and help

6:06 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Jim - Sure.

6:06 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hello ndakmom - how are you this evening?

6:06 ndakmom: Hi Swan and everyone!

6:06 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hi BlueSky and evaline, welcome

6:07 BlueSky: I hope others got the message to come thru this site.

6:07 BlueSky: HI Swan, Jim, Lisa, evaline and ndakmom

6:07 BlueSky: evaline, you have lots of time to talk to Jim right now since the room is small.

6:08 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: BlueSky - if they are at their computers trying to come into the room, they will most likely see their email. I would say take advantage of the smaller room for now.

6:08 ndakmom: blue- how do you get the message. The only way I found to get in was to do a Google search and it brought up the meet Jim page and I was able to find the chat link that way. Just curious because I missed chat last time I couldn't get in.

6:09 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Hello sbky and still- how are you doing

Sorry for the confusion everyone. We're having connection problems with our server. I was scrambling to email everyone to come to midliferetreat.com tonight. Thanks, Lisa

6:09 Still: Just fine, and you?

6:09 sbky: swan I am doing good

6:10 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Hi all, I’m here and ready to do what we can tonight. Sorry about the situation with logging on. We have a tech man working on the situation as we chat.

6:11 sbky: Dr Conway. my h actually looked at me when he was talking during a conversation at dinner at my in-laws. I was so shocked

6:14 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:11 sbky: Nice.

6:12 ndakmom: All- I felt I was making some progress with H, not alot, but to the point that he would have dinner with us and hang out, in fact when he dropped the boys off yesterday after having them all weekend, he stayed for 4 hours and had dinner. I felt that was a good sign since he had spent the time with the boys, so no reason to stay longer, but he did. However, once he left my 6 year old told me that daddy told him that he was never coming back and eventually would get a

6:15 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:12 ndakmom: yes it would seem that his hanging around is a very good sign. Remember that this is also a testing process, where he is asking himself the question, "is it possible for this relationship to work?" So keep focused on understanding what are some of his needs that need to be understood during this time in his life.

6:12 Still: ndak, that is wonderful!

6:13 BlueSky: Lisa, on phone with MAS, she is still having problems with this connection

6:14 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:13 BlueSky: tell her we're so sorry.

6:13 BlueSky: Lisa, she didn't get your email either, I forwarded and the link in the email didn't work

6:14 ndakmom: all cont again- place of his own. he stays with friends now because financially we can't afford another place. I felt so deflated after hearing this, I started to wonder if my standing is a lost cause.

6:18 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:14 ndakmom: it is important to keep standing for your marriage, but also you must identify why he wanted to be away from your marriage - and then solve those problems. For example, if the bathroom sink is overflowing, you can keep putting down towels down on the floor to soak up the water, but until you turn the faucet off, you're not really solving the problem.

6:15 Still: All, my h and I took the kids out to dinner Friday. Normally, each of the kids sits with my h and I. Out of the blue, my S and D decide to sit together. H and I ended up side by side....even though we live together, we are never side by side....

6:20 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:15 Still: How do you think everyone reacted to him sitting by you?

6:15 sbky: Dr Conway. little steps but something different. first time in years..

6:15 BlueSky: Jim she is in desperate need tonight. I am going to ask her question for her if that is okay. On phone with her.

6:19 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:15 BlueSky: Yes - go ahead, just let me know it's from MAS.

6:15 ndakmom: DR C- I think this may be my first chat with you, been chatting for a few weeks, but my first with you. It's great to be able to chat directly with you.

6:15 evaline: My h left 4 months ago, I made a mistake by asking him to leave , I wanted him to stop cheating with the OW, but he took that as his way out to leave, now OW is with him all the time, they work together, My H refuses to see me, the D will be final in about 4 weeks, my h does have to sign papers, he has agreed to deed me the house, I feel that everything is over the OW is 11 yrs younger than he is, I’m sure prettier than myself , our problems started with ED - after Bomb Drop 9/2008 my H still stayed with me another year but continued to see OW, he seemed uncomfortable all the time at home, now he has his own place but he won’t allow me to come to his house, should I still continue to stand

6:35 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:15 evaline: I’m sorry that your husband has been connecting to this other woman for so long. I may have asked you this before, but please refresh my understanding: how you are doing in the three areas that midlife men complain about. 1. Midlife Men complain that their wives are naggy, controlling, and often boss them around like children (sometimes men do act like children). 2. Midlife Men complain that their wives are overweight, out of shape, and do not care about physical appearance. Men are very visual, & when their wife looks good to them, that translates that she is interested in sex. A high priority in a man’s life is regular, exciting sex for which he doesn’t have to beg. 3. Midlife Men complain that their wives have not had a new thought since they got married. They complain that their wives are not growing intellectually or in their careers, which makes them very dependent and clingy -- which is often negative to a midlife man. How are you doing in these three areas?

6:17 ndakmom: DR C- a big reason why he left was I was battling depression for quite some time and really let myself go, along with letting my family down by not being the wife and mom I should have been, I’m doing everything I can to be the person I should have before he left, I just hope he sees how much I’m trying. I have made some big steps already, but still have some work to do to make bigger steps in improving.

6:22 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:17 (and 6:20 below) ndakmom: I’m glad that you're working on the depression issue - because it does affect many other areas of your life. I’m sure that everyone will notice the changes in you. What depression meds are you on?

6:17 BlueSky: Jim from MAS, my h went to Hawaii with OW, for a week. and what is bothering me is the fact that we never spent a week together anywhere in 26 years of marriage. I am having a lot of trouble with this info. How do I deal with this?

6:24 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:17 BlueSky: FOR MAS, this experience of your husband spending time in a vacation setting with another woman is obviously very painful for anyone. But I encourage you to use your will-power to stop thinking about that and rather use your energy to ask why he would rather be with someone else? The 2nd obvious question is, "what can I do to eliminate his need for someone else?"

6:17 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: ndakmom - during MLC they connect and disconnect. It is good that he spent the time with the family, staying on his own without being requested or by using guilt to get him to stay. However, in his MILC mind, he may have gotten scared by the comfort he felt during this time and he is now withdrawing. When they have moments of comfort, it causes confusion for them and they tend to retreat deep into the tunnel. Continue to show him unconditional love and no pressure, he will peak out of the tunnel again.

6:18 Still: Swanlake, I see this connect/disconnect all the time with my h. Do they eventually connect more than disconnect?

6:20 ndakmom: swan and Dr C- My H is so short with me when he talks, like if I ask how work is going, he snaps that it's hard and things like that, I usually just ignore it like it doesn't bother me, should I continue or should I ask he not snap at me all the time

6:20 Still: Dr. C, I have made all the personal change my H identified as issues after "The Speech". I have consistently done this for over a year. He still lives here and attends all family events, but hasn't moved towards me as a couple.
6:22 Still: Dr C. @ 6:20. It was just the my h and our 2 children. They didn't notice, but my h and I looked at each other and sat down. He is the one who avoids contact. Later we went bowling and he sat in the chair next to me....BIG STEP.
My H said, "Daddy keeps his ring in the car.". I can't imagine that my H doesn't wonder the impact this has on our little ones.

6:27 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:20/6:22 Still, yes, I think it's a big step that he is sitting closer to you. Remember that guys change very erratically, and unpredictably.

6:21 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Still - as they work through their issues they eventually stay closer to the opening of the tunnel and eventually will come all the way out of it, they may duck back in, but not as deeply and then one day when they have worked through their issues and come to a place of acceptance, they stay out of the tunnel.

6:22 ndakmom: Dr C- I’m currently on zoloft

6:31 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:22 ndakmom, Be sure to stay in touch with the doctor so they can monitor the effect of the Zoloft.

6:24 Still: Swan, thanks. Our "relationship" is much more comfortable than it was a year ago. It is void of any affection, but we are kind and respectful of one another. My son(9) asked my H where his wedding ring was this morning.....

6:25 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: ndakmom - in all honesty, they are often angry and usually don't understand why, which increases their confusion, which increases their anger - it is a cycle, much like a merry-go-round they just cannot seem to find a way off of. They are often short with us because they have a level of comfort with us that gives them the security to act that way. As for allowing his snapping, that would depend on how abusive his words are? If he is verbally abusive, you might want to establish that as a boundary and request that he not speak to you in that manner, you understand he gets frustrated, however, that does not give him license to take it out on you - but in your own words and with kindness, while being firm.

6:26 ndakmom: All- my H just called and told me he's planning to take our son to an event in town which isn't until the end of the month, no reason for me to know right now, I had suggested this may be a fun thing for them to do, do you think that's positive that he called and told me that out of the blue, I’m actually kind of stunned, since he's supposed to watch the kids for me tomorrow evening he could have just told me then

6:31 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]:6:26 ndakmom: That's exciting to see your husband's movement in taking responsibility.

6:28 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Still - the level of comfort they often feel with us is that they deep down know that we will love them and be there for them, even during and after their unkind behavior. Ironically this is the same thing they are running because it can sometimes remind them of mothering.

6:28 Still: Thanks, Dr. C. I miss him so much. I didn't know that it was possible to live with someone and still miss them.

6:37 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:28 Still: This morning I was chatting with my wife, Jan, about a couple that we're working with, who are extremely lonely, even though they are still married. In that situation, the problem is that the husband is very depressed and refuses to do anything about it. I commented to my wife, Jan, that living in a lonely marriage is worse than being single.

6:29 Still: Swan, that makes a lot of sense. Just like the adolescent child...they know they are loved and can safely vent without that love disappearing.

6:29 ndakmom: swan- I personally don't feel too offended by it, I mean I can tell he's agitated a lot of the times right when he walks in the door and I try not to take it personally, however I have friends who feel he's out of line and feel if I allow him to do it

6:30 ndakmom: swan cont- it now that he will think he can always do that, I guess I don't feel he will, I think once he gets through his anger with me that it won't continue any longer, do you think it's wrong to think that or should I do something about it now

6:31 Still: ndak, remember those friends don't have the knowledge and intimate understanding about our husbands that we do. They can't possibly understand and just want you to stop hurting.

6:32 ndakmom: Still- I know how you feel, even though H doesn't live here, he's here a lot still and I miss him more than ever, I’m used to him being out of town for months at a time for work, and I miss him now more then when he was gone before

6:34 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Still - my husband stopped wearing his wedding ring and when he informed me that he was filing for divorce, I had hear through the grapevine that the other woman wanted to have a "throw them away" party at the beach, wanting her and my husband to both throw their wedding rings from their marriages into the ocean, so they could be free to be with each other. I asked my husband for his ring (without telling him what I had heard), I want to some day pass our rings onto our grandson. My husband told me he lost his ring, so I assumed he threw it in the ocean. I later saw it was in his watch box, sitting on his night stand and after I moved (he was already married to the other woman at this time), he mailed it to me from England, where he went to live right after they married. He told our daughter, that she was constantly going through his stuff and he was afraid she would find it. He may have divorced me and married her, but he was holding onto that ring until the risk became too great and then he sent it to a place he knew it would be cared for.

6:35 ndakmom: still- you are so right, I’m so thankful for you all to have me here to remind me of that. I can't tell you how upset I was last night and I felt so defeated by it all, it helps so much when I stop and realize this is part of MLC and not the end

6:35 Still: Dr. Conway, Why are MLC'ers so secretive? I don't believe my H has an OW. He has been pretty open about his urge to explore other relationships, but states because he is married he wouldn't. He keeps his phone on him, password protects...

6:43 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:35 Still: Many midlife men are secretive because they are ashamed and they don't want to mess up their reputation - or even get fired. I would strongly urge you to pray for him, that God will protect him from internet pornography or a secret affair.

6:35 evaline: Jim, since my h moved out 4 months ago, I can’t understand why he won’t forward his mail to his new address, h continues to come to my house to get mail when I am not here,, he wants me to leave it in the garage weekly and I have been doing that

6:43 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:35 evaline: don't press him about having his mail forwarded, this is an excuse for him to keep coming around the house without him admitting that he wants to hang out. Just treat it as normal.

6:37 Still: Swan @ 6:34 that is quite a story. My H removed his ring this summer after we had an argument. He said like a crumbled paper the marriage can never be straightened....he has never asked for a divorce and states he is staying for the kids.

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6:39 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: HEY CINDY, IS THE SITE UP?

6:39 CindyJ: Well....I came in like I always do and with no problem.

6:39 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: ndakmom - well as much as friends and family love and care for us, they are not living our lives, therefore, don't get to tell us how to live them either. You know what is abusive and what your boundary is to not allowing him to continue and when he crosses that line you will inform him. Remember once they work through MLC, there is no magic time and they just poof become wonderful people, there will be a lot of work during reconciliation and there will be moments when he reverts and may experience anger. Just understanding that they bounce back and forth and working through their issues can take a long period of time.

6:40 CindyJ: I just tried it and it's not working yet.

6:41 Still: Dr. C at 6:37. I think my H must be totally shut down. He seems to fear me being close to him. Other than an occasional knuckle smash, we have not touched in nearly a year. I am very affectionate and it has been difficult.

6:45 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:41 Still: I agree that your husband seems very shut down. What might be causing this shut-down in his personality - his job, some childhood issue, some shameful thing that he has done, or something in your marriage which he wishes would change?

6:41 BlueSky: Swan, it would be nice if "poof" worked

6:42 ndakmom: Swan and all- I read a book by Gary Chapman I believe is the author, there is a chapter about a depressed spouse that really explains well what I was going through. I so badly want to copy and give it to H so he can somehow see what I’ve been dealing with. is that a bad idea, do you think he would take it more in a negative way more so then an understanding way, which is what I was hoping for.

6:43 sbky: ndakmom I was just getting out of a depression I didn’t realize ih ad been in for years when my h went into mlc

6:43 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: BlueSky - Hey if poof worked, I know a man here in Branson that can make a helicopter disappear - so abbra kadabra, not that easy, we got to go through all the steps, with our faith in God all the way.

6:44 Still: All, we had a super bowl party last night. Someone was joking with my H about turning 40 in two weeks. He became very irritable off and on all night. He is incredibly sensitive about it.

6:44 ndakmom: sbky- I’ve been in and out of depression since 2005 when my mom died, it became severe within the past 6-9 months and I was in really bad shape when H walked out in December, incredibly enough I pulled it together where I’m doing pretty good now

6:44 evaline: Jim, the only area that I feel he will feel is overweight, , he did have an issue with ED, that’s what I think attracted him to younger OW , he filed for D 1st in Sept 2008, but my mother died so he stayed with me a year so I wouldn’t be alone,

6:49 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:44 evaline: I want to kindly tell you that your husband is probably not having any trouble with ED when he is with the other woman. I strongly urge you to work on your physical appearance because men are so visually oriented. This is hard for me to tell you that, but many times I have found this to be the case.

6:45 Still: cont. it is hard to tell people not to be their normal kidding selves because it really "throws him off the deep end". I have decided natural consequences are the easiest.

6:45 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: ndakmom - giving them books, articles, emails, etc. are not normally accepted well and they often take offense, believing we are telling them what is wrong with them and what they need to do to fix it, it is taken as controlling. Even when the items define us, they still take it personal.

6:45 sbky: evaline my h still have mail coming to our post office box for 3 1/2 years. my name is still the checking account

6:46 Still: ndak, I would also encourage you not to leave MLC materials lying around. It really upset my H and made him deny that was what he was going through.

6:46 ndakmom: swan- that's what I was afraid of. thanks for the insight, I’m glad I decided not to go ahead and give him the book.

6:48 ndakmom: still- I try to keep all my reading material concerning any MLC, relationship help, or anything like that in the corner by my bed, so unless he goes snooping he hopefully won't find it, that was a concern of mine that he would freak if he saw any

6:48 Still: Dr. C. I have asked about things that he would like me to change. He has even said that I have addressed everything and that he just doesn't have the desire to try, just feels apathy. Lots of family of origin issues.....lots and lots.

6:52 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:48 Still: generally, husbands don't tell all the truth when you ask them what they want you to change. Generally, they are afraid of coming across as very shallow people. So they will ignore small issues such as the way you wear your hair or the lack of support they feel from you regarding their job stress. Most men want to feel as if they have no needs - so asking them what are their needs is quite humiliating to them. It's better to learn about their needs from other sources such as; books, our website, etc.

6:48 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: ndakmom - as great as it would be for our husband's to all read Jim's books and there have been some wives who have given them to their husbands, the results were not typically favorable.

6:50 CindyJ: ndakmom...I gave my h. Jim's book years ago when he was somewhat open to it and he skimmed through it and said it wasn't him...not at this time. He said he went through it when he was 30.

6:50 Still: Dr. C. I have to tell you that I have wondered if he has done something that he can't forgive himself. He has told me there is no Ow, but did tell me that a co-worker presented her "availability" which he says really messed up his head...

6:53 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:50 Still: It may be that he is fantasizing about this co-worker, and he doesn't know how to handle this problem - so he avoids thinking about it and avoids connecting with you. Is there a possibility that there might be a good men's retreat going on in your area?

6:50 ndakmom: Dr C- I have gained over 60lbs since H and I have been together, and I truly want to work on losing the weight not just for my H to notice me again but for my own health. When I say this, friends get upset that I want to lose for H, am I wrong for wanting to lose the weight so I’m attractive to H again?

6:57 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:50 ndakmom: we all are very proud of you for wanting to lose weight for your own health, as well as for your husband. When I had my annual physical in December, my doctor told me that he wanted me to lose at least 20 pounds - and that 30 pounds would make me even more healthy regarding the danger of diabetes, heart issues, digestive problems, and fatigue. So I am in the process of losing weight by avoiding sugar, eating smaller portions, plus I am taking a strenuous walk every day, 7 days a week. Since early January, I have lost 8 pounds, it's tough work, but I’m very proud of you for doing that, I understand what it takes. Let's work at this together, and all get more healthy.

6:52 Still: ndak, I have lost 61 pounds since April. People kept telling me that I shouldn't be doing that for my H. At first, I was, but my personal benefit and increased self esteem were amazing. My exercise has become my therapy and prayer time.

6:54 ndakmom: still- my main motivator is for H on losing the weight, but I also was recently diagnosed with diabetes, have high blood pressure, so the weight loss would also be beneficial for my health

6:54 Still: Dr. C, I read everything I can. I try the direct compliments, the flirtation....he just seems uninterested in any way. As I just told ndak, I have lost 60 pounds. My h is a health professor and has only made comments through others, not to me.

7:00 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:54 Still, remember that husbands don't react immediately to initial weight loss, or a wife looking more attractive. They will watch for several weeks to see if this process will continue.

6:55 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: ndakmom - the changes you make for yourself or even for your husband - do them and if friends object, tell them that you appreciate their concern, however, your relationship with your husband and your health is a priority. Not meaning to sound cruel, however, you might be giving your friends too much influence in your life and how you live it. They love you and want what they feel is best for you, however, they don't have to live with the consequences of their advice - you do!

6:56 Still: Dr. C. I don't know of any men's retreat. I am in very rural area. I don't know if he would go. He still attends Bible study and church...I think it would be a hard sell.

7:01 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:56 Still: It may be that some male friend can help him with some of the stresses he is facing.

6:56 evaline: Jim, Thanks, I understand that, I am soo hurt because of the adultery , lying and betrayal and the D is almost final now, so much money has already been spent, I don’t know what to do

7:02 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:56 evaline: I firmly believe it's always too early to give up. Keep working on the positive areas that God has pointed out to you, that you need to change - regardless of whether the divorce goes through or not. I have also watched couples come back together after the divorce - so don't let yourself slide into despondency and depression.

6:56 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Still - ok he hasn't said anything directly to you, but he has noticed and that is what matters most.

6:57 ndakmom: swan- not cruel at all, you're right, I do let my friend's input influence more so then I should, I get so desperate sometimes that I start grabbing at any advice I can, whether it's good advice or not

6:58 Still: Dr. C, It has been my fear that his fantasy is consuming his life. I asked him how he felt about her saying that to him. He said that he was flattered and it he was single she would be someone he would be interested in. That REALLY hurt me. if he is consumed by the fantasy made worse by the fact they don't work together anymore, how do I help him realize the damage this is causing to our relationship? I have approached 2 elders (also good friends of his) from our church to ask if they would talk to him. Both have tried, but he is so shutdown that they have not been able to get anywhere.

7:05 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:58 Still: Most midlife men are flattered when a younger woman pays attention to them. A part of the reason is not just because they are young - but someone is paying attention to them. This is why I keep urging women to give their husbands lots of affirmation, over and over again. Regarding your elders in the church, they are aware of the problem and I’m sure they will be looking for opportunities. Sometimes the process of midlife has to go on longer and to a more painful step before a man is willing to change.

6:58 Still: True Swan at 6:56, I need to keep focused.

6:59 sbky: night everyone

7:00 ndakmom: night everyone, Dr C it was great to chat with you- have a nice night everyone

7:00 CindyJ: Good night everyone!

7:01 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Still - How often do you read your Bible, how much time to do you spend in prayer or just talking to God, how deeply do you study the Bible. I find these things to help me stay focused regardless of what trial I am going through and has comforted me so much.

7:03 Still: Swan, I read scripture frequently. I look up verses, attend Sunday School, Bible Study, weekly sermons, and read all the Christian books I can find that deal with MLC.

7:03 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Still - asking others to speak to them is often looked at by them as us trying to fix them, control things and they don't often listen.

7:04 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Still - good, these things will help take your focus off of what your husband is or isn't doing and draw you closer to God, who is your comforter and protector.

7:05 Still: Thankfully the good days far outweigh the bad days these last couple months....I must be thankful for that for sure.

7:05 evaline: Jim, I know is holding hard feelings since I filed for the D he has no choice, he has at this point strengthened the relationship with ow

7:06 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Thanks everyone for being in the chat room today. If you got lost during the chat process, check back later to find the edited chat dialogue posted in the archives, there you can read it at your own pace. It's been fun talking with you today. We, at Midlife Dimensions, will remember you and your marriages in prayer throughout the week. Warmly in Christ, Jim. James 4:8, Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

7:06 Still: Thank you for all your help.

7:07 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: All - something else that I found to really help me during this, is to think each night about the ways I was blessed that day, then I spend time praising God through the storms and just remembering that there are blessings gives me so much to lighten my heavy heart.

7:07 Swanlakejgs [Facilitator]: Goodnight all, see you later this week

6:56 evaline: Jim, Thanks, I understand that, I am soo hurt because of the adultery , lying and betrayal and the D is almost final now, so much money has already been spent, I don’t know what to do

7:02 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: 6:56 evaline: I firmly believe it's always too early to give up. Keep working on the positive areas that God has pointed out to you, that you need to change - regardless of whether the divorce goes through or not. I have also watched couples come back together after the divorce - so don't let yourself slide into despondency and depression.

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