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December 21, 2009 / with Jim Conway

6:42 bethel: Dr Jim: any advice for me and jankb with our pending divorces?

6:47 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bethel: Delay as long as possible - let your lawyer fight your battles - protect your family and assets - use the time for your own personal growth - don't consider the divorce as a final solution for your situation.

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5:54 LisaK [Programmer]: Good Evening. Welcome to Monday Night Chat with Jim. I’m Lisa, the Office Manager for Midlife Dimensions. I’m blessed to serve the Lord through our Chat Room Ministry which has helped so many people through their spouse’s midlife journey. Jim Conway will be online with us shortly and as he reads your questions, he’ll dictate his answers for me to type and post for you to see. He will answer all questions that come in before the end of the hour. If you would like to show your appreciation to Jim, you can make a tax-deductible contribution to Jim’s ministry via Paypal at www.Midlife.com. Funds support the Chat Room and Website upkeep. Thank you.

5:56 LisaK [Programmer]: "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16)

6:00 LisaK [Programmer]: Dear God, some of us here are heartbroken and confused, and we just want to do what pleases You. Please give us godly wisdom and assurance in the decisions we make each and every day. Help us to reflect on your Son and the reason for His birth that we are preparing to celebrate. Be with us tonight, that everyone who comes into the Chat Room would also leave in peace In Jesus’ Precious Name, Amen.

6:01 Swanlake: hello everyone

6:02 BlueSky: Hi Lisa, just lovely

6:02 BlueSky: Hi Swan, MAS, and jankb

6:03 BlueSky: MAS, I hope this finds you doing better today.

6:03 jankb: Hi all

6:03 MAS: Hello everyone.

6:03 Swanlake: Hello BlueSky, how are you doing tonight?

6:03 MAS: Hello, BlueSky

6:03 bethel: Hi all

6:03 MAS: BlueSky: Thank you. I wish I were.

6:03 BlueSky: Swan, pretty good. I am hoping I am done with the shopping. My d and I finally got our tree decorated even though we have had it for awhile.

6:04 BlueSky: MAS, you must take charge

6:05 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Hi All - Remember that we're only days from Christmas, and this potentially can be the most difficult days of the year. Let's commit ourselves to be encouraging to each other - not focusing on our losses, but rather seeing how we can be a blessing to other people. So what would you like to talk about tonight?

6:05 Swanlake: BlueSky - Luckily I was able to finish my shopping and got everything shipped last week, the last thing I want to do is be out at the stores this week, the countdown madness is on and I like to avoid it.

6:05 MAS: BlueSky: I’m doing what I can. I was blindsided again yesterday. It's hit me really hard.

6:05 jankb: Is anyone here divorced?

6:06 Swanlake: jankb - my husband got his divorce four years ago this month.

6:06 Swanlake: MAS - Lisa has posted the holiday chat hours and to answer your question from last night, the room will be open four hours on Christmas.

6:06 BlueSky: Swan, me too. I hate the mall and shopping. I was able to have the extended family done before Thanksgiving and h took everything out. So that was a lot of the plate.

6:06 MAS: Jim: I’m not doing so well right now. I just found out something about my H yesterday and it's really taking it’s toll on me.

6:08 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: MAS: What did you find out?

6:07 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Jankb, welcome back, glad you could be here again.

6:07 jankb: Swan- so sorry to hear that. Are you praying for reconciliation?

6:07 MAS: Swan: Oh, thank you. I was looking for the hours but I didn't see them. Do you know the times?

6:07 jankb: Dr. Jim -thank you

6:08 Swanlake: jankb - I am standing for my marriage to be reconciled

6:08 bethel: Dr Jim: why does the spouse feel the need to punish us?

6:11 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bethel: Many spouses feel that their mates have not met their needs and they are angry about that - so they punish.

6:09 jankb: Swan-good for you I am doing the same

6:09 bethel: jankb: are you the person whose d goes thru Jan 1?

6:09 BlueSky: jankb, most of here are standing, actually I can't think of anyone not

6:09 Swanlake: MAS - 24 Dec 6pm to 8pm, 25 Dec 1pm to 5pm, 31 Dec 6pm to 9:10pm pacific time.

6:09 Plumcrazy: JIM_Hello! How is Jan's Dad doing?

6:12 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: Jan's dad is out of the hospital and back in his condo in Florida, with a full time care-giver. He is very happy. Thanks for asking.

6:10 MAS: Jim: I found out that my H has had OW but has kept it from me for almost a year. Everyone else knew about it. It is making me sick. He told me a few months ago there was no one else.

6:13 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: MAS: Most affairs start very secretly, and many people think the affair is only a 1 time deal - but then they are trapped and they start the process of lying to everyone else and themselves.

6:10 jankb: bethel-yes but actually it will be New Year's Eve

6:10 Plumcrazy: Swan ___ Are the hrs going to be posted on the website here?

6:10 jankb: Blue Sky-good to know that

6:11 bethel: jankb: have you been in contact during the asset division?

6:11 Plumcrazy: Swan I mean

6:11 BlueSky: jankb, I am sorry you are dealing with the D

6:11 jankb: Bethel-no I have had no contact w/h since June

6:11 Swanlake: Plumcrazy - yes they will be, I thought they already were, guess I got a head of Lisa - Sorry.

6:12 MAS: Swan: Thank you.

6:12 jankb: Blue Sky-thank you

6:12 Plumcrazy: Jim-So glad to hear that

6:13 Plumcrazy: Swan_Have you heard anything about Helen?

6:13 bethel: Dr Jim: So even if they didn't tell the spouse their needs were not met, they have an affair, they still have enough feeling for their spouse they still want to punish?

6:15 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bethel: Many people feel that talking about problems only makes them worse, and many people feel that problems are very temporary and the situation will soon change. When the situation doesn't change, they begin the blaming and justifying themselves.

6:13 MAS: Jim: Can you please offer me some advice? He is spending Christmas with OW and my daughter.

6:16 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: MAS: I am so very very sorry for the painful situation that you are experiencing - that of being ignored by both your husband, and your daughter, during this Christmas season. My advice to you is to deepen your relationship with God, spend time with friends who will laugh a lot, and do something very special just for yourself.

6:13 Swanlake: Plumcrazy - no just what was in the ESG.

6:13 bethel: jankb: so what’s been going on since June?

6:15 bittersweet: Dr. Jim Conway: I am not getting support from my best 2 friends on this waiting and being quiet. They said you have done that long enough for 6 months now and you need to give him the ultimatum. They want to cart me off and say I am weak.

6:20 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bittersweet: I think that you have evidence that when you have backed off from talking about the other woman, your husband responds more positively to you. Perhaps you need to explain to your friends that you have not really been quiet about the other woman for very many weeks, and so you want to give this a little more time, and let him come to the decision of leaving the other woman.

6:15 MAS: Jim: They will be going away together over Christmas weekend. I don't know how to handle this.

6:22 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: MAS: You need to start by telling yourself that you can not really control the situation. Your daughter is probably thinking of it as a great vacation opportunity and she is not really aware of your pain. You can not control the situation, surrender it completely to God, and do some of the things I suggested at 6:16.

6:15 jankb: Bethel-you mean what have I been doing

6:17 Swanlake: jankb - well I was joined with my one flesh mate for life and just because he has chosen to follow a different path for now, doesn't change my heart or commitment, so I will be here waiting for him to return.

6:17 bethel: Dr Jim: But it seems that h would be indifferent to me versus making an effort to punish. Why does he keep attacking?

6:24 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bethel: He is punishing you because he feels that you have punished him - remember that's only his perception that you have punished him. There may not be any truth at all in it. But he might think that there were some issues that he had suggested you change, but you never did, so now he is punishing you for what he believes is his justifiable anger.

6:17 jankb: Bethel-OW has kept us from talking or texting since then

6:17 bethel: jankb: oh I’m sorry. did h file?

6:18 jankb: Swan-I'm doing the same though it's difficult

6:18 jankb: Bethel-yes he filed in Aug after I refused to

6:18 Plumcrazy: JIM_H has been more positive lately Joking and smiling. I have woken up 2 times in the last 3 days because he draped his arm over me. Something that hasn’t happened since this started in July 2008. We haven’t really got into a disagreement since the nite he said all those nasty things. think that was before Thanksgiving

6:25 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: I’m encouraged to see the small steps that your husband is taking. Whatever you're doing, it's working, so keep doing it.

6:19 bethel: jankb: my story is very similar. H thought I would file after I found out about OW. He served me last week.

6:20 jankb: Bethel-so sorry to hear that. I'll be praying for you

6:21 Swanlake: jankb - as I learned to turn it completely over to God, it got less difficult, the Lord gives me so much peace and contentment and has enabled me to lay my husband and marriage at the foot of the cross and leave it there.

6:21 bethel: jankb: thank you.

6:22 jankb: Bethel-he left me 3 time and came back twice but the last OW dangled a carrot in front of his eyes and he couldn't pass it up

6:22 bittersweet: Dr. Jim Conway: If I did not know about this girl he calls: A very close “friend", I would feel my marriage was 100% restored. It is very confusing. They know about my times of not being quiet and then back to quiet. They don’t agree on being quiet.

6:27 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bittersweet: Let me be gentle, but let me be firm - I think your friends have decided that the only solution is to get rid of him. So you need to decide, do you want to get rid of him, or do you want to do something that gives you a chance for restoration?

6:22 jankb: Swan-that does make it easier

6:22 bethel: jankb: my h never even looked backed

6:23 jankb: Bethel-mine didn't either

6:23 bethel: jankb: he came back 3 times?

6:24 jankb: Bethel-no, twice and the third time was the charm

6:24 MAS: Jim: My daughter is grown and she is very aware of my pain. She was with me yesterday after I found out about this situation, and she saw that I was a complete basket case.

6:28 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: MAS: For some reason your daughter feels that your husband is justified in what he's doing. Why is your daughter angry at you?

To all: This is Lisa the Office Manager. I just want to remind you that if you have a private question you don’t wish to discuss here, please consider scheduling a 1-on-1 phone counseling session with Jim. Contact us at 714-768-1777 or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to set up a session. You can find information on phone counseling on our website: www.midlife.com. Remember, Jim always offers his live counseling in the chat room without cost. If you wish to donate to our ministry to support the Website/Chat Room upkeep, please do so at www.Midlife.com. Thank you.

6:25 faithfull: Jim h has not made any contact to see the boys. I took a package that his mom sent to our home and I dropped it off at the office. I sent him a text telling him. He did not even said thanks. All he said ok.

6:29 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: faithfull: It's hard to answer your question because I’m not sure whether he is acting like a normal guy, very non-relational and abrupt, or if he's trying to deliberately hurt you. My guess is that he is just acting like a busy guy.

6:26 BlueSky: bittersweet. people out there suggest "zipping your lips", I say this with love can concern, but this should be just between your h and you, not your friends. At least in my opinion.

6:26 bittersweet: Dr. Jim Conway: The last time he and I talked about her ...I ask what he was talking to her about for 3 hours on the phone. He has only done that twice that I know of. He said "If I told you it would not be a relationship between she and" really made me mad. I want restoration!!! I just told them they did not understand because it was not their marriage. I plan to keep on keeping on. I love him.

6:32 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bittersweet: OK, let's go back to basics again. Has it helped you to be hounding him, questioning him?? Or does he respond better to you when you don't keep bringing this up?

6:27 bethel: Dr Jim: OK.

6:27 BlueSky: Bittersweet, that was supposed to be "love and concern"

6:29 Plumcrazy: JIM-H's company honored him for being with the company 5yrs. I told him when I dropped him off at work "I know that this job isn’t your dream job. I am proud of you for sticking with it." H said THANKS . I gave him a card when he got home that said "EVERYONE knows that YOU are the one who keeps the department running." H read it and said "Thank you very much" That was last week. It is just him and his boss. Boss does paperwork

6:33 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: You are doing a great job of affirmation - it will pay off.

6:29 Swanlake: bittersweet - your friends mean well and seem to be thinking with unforgiving feelings, but LOVE is not a feeling, it is a choice and the choice is between you and your husband, because in the end it is only the two of you. Your friends don't have

6:30 bittersweet: BlueSky: What do you mean at6:27?

6:30 Swanlake: bittersweet - continued - live with the consequences of doing as they want, you and your husband would. They love you and care, but until they walk in your shoes they really cannot tell you how to feel, what to do, etc.

6:30 jankb: Hi Cindy J

6:30 BlueSky: Bittersweet, I had a typo in my previous post

6:31 CindyJ: Hi jankb....and everyone.

6:31 bethel: Bittersweet and Swan: what swan says is so true. I would not even believe it if it hadn't happen to me!

6:31 BlueSky: Hi cindy, glad to hear things worked out on Sat.

6:32 MAS: Jim: My daughter has been angry at me for a long time. She can't deal with my depression and feels that I should have "overcome my denial about my marriage being over." She has known about and has even met the OW and completely accepts her.

6:33 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: MAS: Does your daughter still think that you are depressed?

6:32 Swanlake: bittersweet - you might need to explain to your friends that you love them and appreciate their concern, however, when it comes to your marriage, that is topic that will have to be off limits.

6:33 BlueSky: Swan, you said it so much better than me.

6:33 bethel: jankb: So what are going to do next?

6:34 jankb: All-it's so nice to chat w/people who aren't expressing so much anger and bitterness and resentment toward spouse

6:35 Swanlake: BlueSky - I have had some practice at it, had to make the topic of my marriage off limits with a few people and figured doing so nicely, yet firmly would be much better than aggressively. After all, I didn't want to lose these people from my life,

6:35 jankb: Bethel-I don't know. right now trying to deal w/the past 18 months

6:35 MAS: Jim@6:33: Oh definitely. She wanted to admit me to a hospital these past 2 days. I am losing weight and I don't sleep.

6:38 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: MAS: I think it is time for you to talk seriously and direct with some medical people in your area about depression, losing weight, and inability to sleep.

6:35 BlueSky: Swan, I wish I was more articulate

6:36 Swanlake: BlueSky - continued - but do want and expect them to respect me and my choices without condemning me for them. I appreciate their concern, however, it is still my life and only I am responsible to the Lord for what I do.

6:36 jankb: Bethel-also doing a lot of reading and praying.

6:36 Plumcrazy: Jankb - I think we have all had all those emotions you listed at sometime during this but have or are learning to let it go because if we don’t it makes us crazy and sick

6:36 CindyJ: Bluesky....yes it was rough for a while and scary but I don't know why I worry. God always works things out for the best. Thank you for your prayers.

6:36 BlueSky: Swan, amen

6:36 bethel: Jankb: I’m truly sorry. My H seems to be in a race to get d as fast as possible. From the time of telling me to the time he served me - 6 months.

6:37 BlueSky: MAS, go to the doctor!

6:37 jankb: Plum-yes it sure does

6:37 jankb: Bethel-it's so hard to believe isn't it ?

6:37 bethel: Jankb: I've just started reading "Love and Respect". Very good.

6:38 Plumcrazy: MAS_You can’t afford to lose more weight. Please go see a counselor and get some help.

6:38 faithfull: MAS I think you need to go to the doctors and seek help. It would help you deal with everything better.

6:38 bittersweet: Dr. Jim Conway: I really do understand and agree. My friends say the reason all is grand and wonderful when you are quiet is because he can have his cake and eat it too. It confuses me and angers me to hear them say how I feel. can’t act on feelings.

6:40 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bittersweet: I think your friends are just looking for a quick solution for your problem, and not focusing on healing your marriage. The quick fix is confront him, kick him out, but you will probably lose your marriage in the process. Keep trying the other approach.

6:38 MAS: BlueSky: I went last week.

6:38 Swanlake: MAS - anytime we have a shock in life happen to us, it has physical effects. Have you seen your doctor, if not please make an appointment and GO! The doctor may or may not subscribe meds for a period, but you cannot continue as you are. By the way

6:38 BlueSky: MAS, yea! did you get some meds?

6:38 jankb: Bethel-sounds like a good read who's the author?

6:39 bethel: Jankb: Ed ?

6:39 bethel: All: who is the author of "Love and Respect"?

6:45 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bethel: Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs By Emerson Eggerichs can be found via the www.midlife.com website, under "Jim's Recommendations" at the MLD Amazon Bookstore.

6:39 bittersweet: Swanlake: Thanks for that input. GOD has got this .It's just hard when your friends want to come get you and cart you off with the men in white coats.

6:39 jankb: Bethel-could I find it on Amazon?

6:39 MAS: All: I am under a doctor's care, have been to counseling, therapy, etc...

6:39 bethel: jankb: yes

6:39 Swanlake: MAS - continued - notice, angry or not, your daughter cares very much about you and wants you to be healthy and happy. Start trying to focus on the things that are loving from her and not the anger.

6:40 BlueSky: MAS, finally glad to hear it. Keep going

6:40 Plumcrazy: MAS-So glad to hear that. What has the Dr. said?

6:40 jankb: Bethel-great I'll look for it

6:40 Swanlake: Bethel - I think it is John Eldredge, you can do a Google search with the book title and it will bring up the author.

6:40 jankb: Bethel- will do that

6:41 bethel: jankb: as Dr Jim and everyone has said. God has revealed to me - I must change first, then the marriage, then my h

6:41 MAS: Swanlake@6:39: Yes, I am trying to do that. It just hurts very badly that she is going to spend Christmas day with my H and the OW.

6:42 BlueSky: MAS, but will she spend some time with you too?

6:42 Swanlake: bittersweet - everyone thought the disciples were crazy too! They love you, but also should respect you and enforcing your boundaries is up to you. When done with love, they will eventually understand and accept it. When friends don't understand,

6:42 bethel: Dr Jim: any advice for me and jankb with pending d?

6:47 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bethel: Delay as long as possible - let your lawyer fight your battles - protect your family and assets - use the time for your own personal growth - don't consider the divorce as a final solution for your situation.

6:42 bittersweet: MAS: I am really sorry for your pain. I can’t imagine. I will pray for you.

6:42 jankb: Bethel-Yes I've been trying to do just that. I've been feeling a lot of guilt as of lately

6:43 Swanlake: bittersweet - continued - it is usually best not to use them as a sounding board for your hurts of your marriage, that is one thing this place is great for, it gives a place to get encouragement and support and leaves our friends and family for all

6:43 bethel: jankb: about what?

6:43 Swanlake: bittersweet - continued - the other great stuff.

6:43 MAS: BlueSky/Plum: The doctor prescribed some medication, but my daughter still wants me to see another professional for an additional evaluation. She can't understand that my main issue is the fact that her father left and is now with OW.

6:44 bethel: MAS: I’m sorry about your news.

6:44 jankb: Bethel- I feel somewhat responsible for what has happened to us in that I took our relationship for granted

6:45 bethel: MAS: I probably missed it. Did h admit OW?

6:45 BlueSky: MAS, your main issue should be taking care of yourself right now. Let go of the other situation for now and concentrate on you. Until you get better you won't be any good to your d or h. So put yourself first.

6:45 MAS: BlueSky@6:42: Not on Christmas and I don't know why. We were all supposed to be getting together on Christmas Eve at her house for dinner, but then I found out about my H's OW and everything fell apart.

6:46 Swanlake: MAS - I love you dear lady and want to say this with as much kindness as I can, STOP focusing on Christmas and who is spending it with whom. It hurts, I fully understand, my children and grandson will be spending Christmas with their dad, not me.

6:46 jankb: Dr Jim-thanks for the info

6:46 bethel: jankb: I do too, however, no relationship is perfect. It always takes two.

6:46 MAS: bittersweet: Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I will pray for you too.

6:46 BlueSky: jankb, I think we all feel that way, also for me it was feeling safe.

6:46 bethel: Dr Jim: That's it. It's really an eye opener.

6:47 bittersweet: Dr. Conway and Swanlake: All my friends see is this is killing me and how it is taking me out to keep myself together while going through this. They see their friend is sometimes wanting GOD to come get her. rollercoastering.

6:49 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bittersweet: You need to decide which approach is going to most likely save your marriage - then do that one.

6:47 jankb: Bethel-that's true

6:47 Swanlake: MAS - continued - it is what it is for now and there is nothing I can do about it, but even more important, is that I do not allow the enemy to use this to torment me, to drive me crazy, into depression. Be stronger through Christ than the bad news.

6:47 jankb: Swan-I think that is also the case w/me

6:47 MAS: bethel@6:44 Thank you for your concern.

6:47 Swanlake: bethel - sorry for the wrong author, I knew it was and "E", but got the wrong one.

6:48 MAS: bethel@6:45: Admit OW??

6:48 bethel: Dr Jim: what if the lawyer want to try mediation? should I not show up at the meetings?

6:50 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bethel: Tell your lawyer that you're afraid of being manipulated by your husband, and you're willing to try mediation if the lawyer will really protect you, and not just throw you to the wolves.

6:48 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: We still have about 13 minutes left, and before anyone logs out, I want to thank you all for coming. Please come again and invite your friends! Remember; the Sun./Wed./Fri. sessions are open to share and encourage each other, with the assistance of our trained facilitators.. The Mon. session is primarily a Q and A time with me in the room. Chat room hours are: Sunday, Wednesday and Friday: 6-7 pm Pacific Time. Monday (live chat with me): 6-7 pm Pacific Time. And don’t forget Saturdays at 1:00 pm PST.

6:49 Plumcrazy: ALL_Got GREAT news tonight. MY Mom saw her Dr. for post op eval. after cancer surgery. NO sign of cancer anywhere.PTL!!! It was her second bout with cancer in 6yrs. Dr says she needs to gain 20lbs she weighs 86lbs after gaining about 4-5lbs

6:50 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: We are all so glad for the good news!

6:49 MAS: Swanlake: Thank you, dear Swan. I will try to learn from your strength.

6:50 bethel: plum: PTL!

6:50 BlueSky: Plum, that is wonderful, I have 20 pounds I can give her, just let me know where to send.....

6:51 jankb: Plum-ditto on PTL

6:51 Plumcrazy: Bluesky --I offered to send her some too

6:51 bethel: MAS: Maybe I misunderstood. I thought h said there was no OW, and you just found out there was.

6:51 Swanlake: MAS - I get my strength through Christ and it is so wonderful that I, nor you have to be strong on our own, the Lord has promised to NEVER leave us and He always keeps His promises.

6:51 BlueSky: Plum, well it sounds like more than 20 would be great too.

6:52 MAS: Swanlake@6:47: Thank you. I will try to be strong.

6:52 bittersweet: Dr. Jim Conway: I am going to stay here and fight for my husband. What the Devil meant for evil GOD can use for our good. My husband said once...Can't you see the good in this OW? He said ...if it were not for her we would still be taking each other

6:53 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bittersweet: I’m proud of you for deciding to hang in there and do what is right.

6:52 Swanlake: MAS - quoting the Master Yoda, "Try, Try not, DO!"

6:52 BlueSky: MAS, Swan said it all, Christmas is about Jesus, so focus on him that day and every day.

6:53 Plumcrazy: All- So doctor told her she was supposed to eat all the fattening Christmas goodies. I said what an awful thing to have to do. Told her to make herself a cake and eat it all herself. Eat a piece after lunch, one after dinner and then later for a snack

6:53 MAS: Plumcrazy@6:49 PTL That's great news!! I’m so happy for you.

6:53 jankb: All- will you please pray that my h doesn’t marry ow. I truly fear for his safety and sanity

Sorry the Holiday chat hours are not on the front page of the site yet. Here they are: CHRISTMAS EVE 6-8 PM PST CHRISTMAS DAY 1-5 PM PST NEW YEARS EVE 6-9:10 PM EST New Year's Day, same as regular Friday chat.

6:54 bittersweet: Dr. Jim Conway: continued...for granted and probably be separated by now. He said I gave you another chance and you gave me another chance. He said focus on us. it’s not important if I close the door on her or not.

6:54 MAS: bethel: You understood correctly. I just found out he has been seeing OW for several months.

6:55 bethel: MAS: that's why I asked if he admitted ow

6:56 Plumcrazy: ALL_Can you please say a prayer that things work out with the used car that I just bought. I trusted someone that maybe I shouldn’t have. I put most of my savings into this car. Pray that he gets the paperwork straightened out or I get my money back

6:57 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: When we close the Chat Room, I hope you’ll all take time lift each other up in prayer. Continue to grow closer to the Lord this week by reading His Word daily. I thank you for joining me today, it’s been fun talking with you. If you got lost during the chat process, check back later to find the edited chat dialogue posted in the archives, there you can read it at your own pace. We, at Midlife Dimensions, will remember you and your marriages in prayer throughout the week. Warmly in Christ, Jim. (Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. James 4:8)

6:57 jankb: Plum-will do

6:57 Plumcrazy: ALL-Pray that he is an honest person and not out to take advantage of me

6:58 bethel: Dr Jima: thank you for your wisdom

6:58 bittersweet: Lisak: I have not talked to you in a while and miss our chats.

6:58 LisaK [Programmer]: ALL - start saying your goodbyes to each other. It's almost time to close up. I have to close promptly at 7:00 pm PST tonight. Sorry about that.

6:59 Plumcrazy: cindy-Did things work out for your S?

6:59 BlueSky: goodnight all

6:59 Plumcrazy: Goodnite and take care everyone

6:59 CindyJ: plum...yes everything is ok.

6:59 jankb: All-goodnight and God Bless

6:59 CindyJ: Good night everyone!

6:59 bethel: jankb: I hope to see you back this week

6:59 Plumcrazy: Cindy-Glad to hear that

6:59 Swanlake: Lisa - we are just thankful that you were here with us tonight, goodnight all, see you in a couple nights. Blessings

7:00 bethel: all : goodnight

7:00 jankb: Bethel -thank you I'll be back

7:00 bittersweet: All: Goodnight. I am really concerned about MAS. Pray a lot for her this week. I don't want her to give up.

7:00 MAS: sorry, computer problems!

7:01 Plumcrazy: Bittersweet Will do She needs our prayers I think\\\

7:01 bittersweet: MAS; Don't give up!!!

7:01 LisaK [Programmer]: "Just thinking of my troubles and my lonely wandering makes me miserable. That's all I ever think about, and I am depressed. Then I remember something that fills me with hope. The LORD's kindness never fails! If he had not been merciful, we would have been destroyed. The LORD can always be trusted to show mercy each morning. Deep in my heart I say, 'The LORD is all I need; I can depend on him!'" (Lamentations 3:19-24 CEV).

7:01 Plumcrazy: MAS TAKE CARE SWEETIE

7:01 MAS: Thank you everyone!

7:01 MAS: Thank you Plum. Thank you bittersweet. I will pray for you both!

7:02 Plumcrazy: Lisa what a great passage

7:02 LisaK [Programmer]: Thank you Lord for this time together. Please watch over and protect everyone that was here tonight, and everyone who reads this chat in the archives. Bring everyone through this holiday season with confidence that they can have peace with You. You're all we need Lord, you're truly all we need. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

7:03 MAS: Amen.

7:03 Plumcrazy: AMEN

7:03 bittersweet: Amen

7:03 LisaK [Programmer]: Goodnight now. :o)

7:03 Plumcrazy: goodnite

6:42 bethel: Dr Jim: any advice for me and jankb with our pending divorces?

6:47 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bethel: Delay as long as possible - let your lawyer fight your battles - protect your family and assets - use the time for your own personal growth - don't consider the divorce as a final solution for your situation.

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