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Nov. 9, 2009 / With Jim Conway

6:10 sbky: all how do I stop my brain.. it am usually good at it..

6:25 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: sbky: AND ALL, this is a good question: The way that this works for me is to rehearse to myself the character of God -- He loves me, He wants the best for me, and He wants me to experience peace. Feelings of negativity and fear are not from God. So I surrender my problem to God as I thank Him for who He is and how He loves me. I ask Him to take the problem and to give me peace. Then I visualize in my mind taking the problem in my hands and transferring it over to Jesus' hands. If the thought pattern reoccurs, then I realized that I have not fully surrendered the problem, and I’m not really trusting the situation to Jesus, then I repeat the process of surrender again.

6:32 taxi: Dr. Conway: I don't understand why he would feel insecure. I am still here and told him I was in love with him too. I have showed him unconditional love. DR. CONWAY: I go out of my way all the time to make sure I do not try to control or manipulate him trust me on that.

6:35 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: taxi: Insecurity likely has more to do with several factors more than just the fact that you are still there. There may be issues related to his work, or to something in his childhood background.

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6:01 LisaK [Administrator]: We're here! Getting ready to start tonight's session with Dr. Jim Conway. Jim will be with us momentarily. At that time, I will log off as myself, and login as Jim to answer your questions for him as he dictates them to me. Jim logs in as me to read along. Here we go.

6:02 Swanlake: Hello everyone, how are you tonight?

6:02 BlueSky: Hi Lisa, how are you? I hope all is well for you and your husband

6:03 BlueSky: Hi Swan, how are you tonight?

6:03 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Hi Everyone. I’m here with you now and ready for you questions.

6:08 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: It's 4 pm now here in Hawaii, and we'll be here another week and a half while Jan's book is officially being launched. For those of you who have an Amazon account, we would be grateful if you would go online to Amazon and write a good review of her book. :o) Jan's book, "The Finisher", is now available as an e-book on Amazon as well, that way you can get it for $9.95.

6:04 A M R: Hello to all, this is my first time here.

6:04 BlueSky: HI AMR, how are you and welcome

6:04 Swanlake: BlueSky - I am doing wonderfully, it was a nice sunny day here and sunshine is always good for us, creates endorphins, etc.

6:05 A M R: Thanks.

6:05 BlueSky: Swan, I was just thinking what a lovely day it was here too. I finally was able to turn our AC off a few days ago. Though my daughter would still like it on.

6:05 sbky: hello

6:06 Plumcrazy: JIM-Do you read the chat notes at all?

6:10 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: Yes - when I’m live in the chat room I read the comments. The other chat rooms, Lisa keeps me up to date about any information that is important for me to know.

6:06 taxi: Dr. Jim Conway:: This is my first time to talk to you on chat. We have had some phone calls.

6:10 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: taxi: Glad you're in the Chat Room today, I do know we have talked. :o)

6:06 BlueSky: Hey Plum, taxi, and sbky, how are you all?

6:06 Swanlake: AMR - welcome, this is a great place to come for encouragement, support and answers. Jim is in the room tonight and has wisdom abound for those of us living through the confusion of MLC.

6:07 Plumcrazy: Bluesky_ I am doing better than last nite

6:07 sbky: BlueSky, I am good.. my nose, head, throat and ears aren’t too good

6:07 taxi: Blue Sky: Doing ok. -How are you?

6:07 BlueSky: Plum, that’s good

6:07 BlueSky: sbky, a head cold? I had one a couple of weeks ago, first one in 10 years

6:07 A M R: Dr. Conway, Any advice on how you do deal with internet adultery?

6:14 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: A M R: There are many factors why men get involved in internet pornography and/or affairs. Some of them are related to a mans background and/or his personality, some are connected to work issues or work stress, and some are connected to lack of fulfillment in the marriage relationship. Which of these areas, or others, might be triggering your husband's situation?

6:08 Swanlake: BlueSky - I have been able to have the AC off for several weeks now, even had to turn the heat on to break the chill in the condo during the mornings a day or two a couple weeks back.

6:08 sbky: blue. it will be my first in several years too. I hope it goes away

6:08 BlueSky: taxi, doing okay, my husband is back in town now so I have no idea what is next move is

6:08 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: AMR, WELCOME! I’m Jim Conway, President of Midlife Dimensions. This room is here to encourage you and answer questions you have about your current situation. Important: Do NOT share personal information such as an email or home address, phone #, or any names. Here’s how to join in: 1) Type the name of the person you want to speak to followed by your entry. 2) you’re limited to 250 keystrokes per entry. If your entry is long, then click “chat” to post it and start your next entry with the word “continued”. 3) Type “To All” if you have a general entry not directed to one person. 4) If you’d like to contact someone in the room, email or call us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or 714-768-1777. We’ll have them contact you to exchange information.

6:09 Plumcrazy: Lisa did you read what was going on with me last nite in chat?

6:13 Lisa Kahan [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: No - I have not edited that chat session yet. Sorry.

6:10 sbky: all how do I stop my brain.. it am usually good at it..

6:25 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: sbky: AND ALL, this is a good question: The way that this works for me is to rehearse to myself the character of God -- He loves me, He wants the best for me, and He wants me to experience peace. Feelings of negativity and fear are not from God. So I surrender my problem to God as I thank Him for who He is and how He loves me. I ask Him to take the problem and to give me peace. Then I visualize in my mind taking the problem in my hands and transferring it over to Jesus' hands. If the thought pattern reoccurs, then I realized that I have not fully surrendered the problem, and I’m not really trusting the situation to Jesus, then I repeat the process of surrender again.

6:10 Plumcrazy: JIM_ I would really like to talk to you on the phone but when I tried to fill out the form on line it wouldn’t work

6:20 Lisa Kahan[Administrator]: Plumcrazy: and ALL, if you've tried to use the "contact us" form on the website in the past few hours, I've disabled it because of security issues. I'll re-enable the form after the chat room closes. Sorry for the inconvenience.

6:11 taxi: DR. Conway: I am trying to figure out why my husband keeps emailing the OW when we have a restored marriage. He says he is in live with me ...no one else above me and anyone else would be a step down. He says that I treat him like a king If I did not know about the other woman I would say all is grand and wonderful. Dr. Conway: The last thing he has said about this is that I need to give him some time to work through some things...be patient and not hurry GOD. What do you think he means?

6:28 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: taxi: I think your husband is still insecure about your relationship. It also appears that he is not sure that you are not really trying to control him. This is a good time to practice surrendering this whole thing to God and letting your husband handle the Other Woman issue -- just take yourself out of the picture.

6:11 Plumcrazy: Jim_The reason I asked was because of what happened with my H the other nite and what he said. I was wondering if you know what happened

6:20 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: No we don't know, sorry. Please update me.

6:11 Swanlake: sbky - when I needed to stop (still do sometimes) my brain I would turn on praise music with upbeat tunes like Third Day, Casting Crowns, Mercy Me, etc. I would get my Bible out, open it up and start reading until the thoughts left. I would call a

6:12 sbky: swanlake he just seems a little different.. good different. but teeny tiny things..

6:13 Swanlake: sbky - continued - friend, go for a drive (praise music blasting), read a good Christian book, pick a topic in the Bible and do an in-depth study, etc. anything that would keep my mind off of my husband and on greater things.

6:14 Swanlake: sbky - that is good, however, continue to be cautious because they can duck back in the tunnel pretty quickly and usually it really isn't anything you have done, just their own fears and thoughts.

6:15 sbky: swan I know. and it is tiny things like he called yesterday and when I said hello. he said hello, back.. usually he just says. Where’s which ever kid he wants to talk too. so I said hello again. and he said it again.. I had to ask him who he wanted.

To all: This is Lisa the Office Manager. I just want to remind you that if you have a private question you don’t wish to discuss here, please consider scheduling a 1-on-1 phone counseling session with Jim. Contact us at 714-768-1777 or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to set up a session. You can find information on phone counseling on our website: www.midlife.com. Remember, Jim always offers his live counseling in the chat room without cost. If you wish to donate to our ministry to support the Website/Chat Room upkeep, please do so at www.Midlife.com. Thank you.

6:16 Plumcrazy: Swan-I talked to H this morning. I apologized to H this morning I told him that I shouldn’t have followed him downstairs and tried to talk to him. I told him that I was sorry for something I said. I think he took it wrong and that is why he verbally attacked me.

6:17 Swanlake: sbky - those are little winks, it is important that you recognize them, but do not make an issue of them, even in passing conversation. They seem to take it as we are complaining when they change, even if the comment is complimentary.

6:18 sbky: swan that is why I want to turn my brain off

6:19 Plumcrazy: Swan-H said there wasn’t anything to apologize for that I was saying something that was on my mind

6:20 Swanlake: sbky - it is kind of like a glass of water, if you don't add anything to it, it sits and stagnates, but if you pour more water into the glass it pushes the old water out, our minds are like that, which is why we need to not allow the pain to sit, but

6:20 Swanlake: sbky - continued - instead add new things to push the hurtful thoughts out.

6:23 Swanlake: Plumcrazy - I know this may be very hard to do, but he accepted your apology so now you have to let it go and never bring it up again. When they are testing the waters with us, one of the things they are looking for is if forgiveness is something

6:23 Swanlake: Plumcrazy - continued - that can really happen, which means we can voice a hurt, displeasure, etc. and then let it go.

6:24 sugarmama: Dr Jim-- how long is too long to wait for h to return home? He has been gone from home since July 18 did have weekly visits on sun for a bit but the last month that has become less and less. he disappeared on his bday after saying he would be home gone the whole weekend no explanation acting more strange than ever and not taking meds.

6:30 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: sugarmama: Your husband sounds like the classic midlife guy who is depressed and feels a great deal of confusion. Remember that you can only work on the issues that are related to you. How you’re doing in these 3 areas? Midlife men complain that their wives: 1) are naggy, controlling, and often boss them around like children (sometimes men do act like children): 2) are overweight, out of shape, and don’t care about physical appearance. (Men are very visual, & when their wife looks good to them, that translates that she is interested in sex. A high priority in a man’s life is regular, exciting sex for which he doesn’t have to beg): and 3) have not had a new thought since they got married. (They complain that their wives are not growing intellectually or in their careers, which makes them very dependent and clingy -- which is often negative to a midlife man.)

6:24 faithfull: Jim H cashed his 401K he said he needed to make ends meet. I have not seen him in over a month and we have very little contact. Should I do anything?

6:32 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: faithfull: I don't know how much money was involved in this 401K, but perhaps this is an issue that needs local legal advice. How are you doing on working on any issues related to you in the marriage?

6:24 Jo2: sugarmama - How long have you waited thus far?

6:25 Plumcrazy: Jim_H has been very different since I came back from retreat. He has been initiating intimacy. But the other nite he stopped me from reciprocating. I asked what was wrong. He said he felt that if we made love that it wasn’t fair to me, he was using me. I has asked him what happened he used to care about me H said it is hard to care about someone else when you don’t even care about yourself. He asked me a question and I answered him truthfully. He was surprised and I said something and I think he took it wrong. So he verbally attacked me Very nasty. Before he attacked me the day before he told he didn’t THINK he would be the one for me That I should go find someone who could cherish me

6:33 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: Your husband is reacting with lots of guilt and shame. And he is caught in the spot where he both wants to be with you, and away from you. How can you help him want to be with you?

6:26 taxi: TO ANYONE: Has anyone experienced pain in their left arm as a result of going through all this stress

6:27 sbky: plum. I agree they can’t love us because they don’t love themselves

6:27 BlueSky: taxi, that sounds like you should have that looked at immediately

6:28 Jo2: taxi - Don't know your age but when I had pain in my arm it turned out I was having a heart attack. Much pain is caused by tension, lack of ability to let go and relax due to the emotional pain and the stress. Be sure to take it seriously.

6:29 faithfull: taxi all that stress could lead to heart problems. I would have it check immediately. It could be serious.

6:30 Plumcrazy: TAXI- You should see your Dr. as soon as possible to rule out anything serious

6:31 Ro828: Swan: My H has been gone for 3 years this month. He left and never looked back. Although I’m doing as well as can be expected, it's terribly invalidating to be left with nary a thought for how they handle leaving. (Con't)

6:32 sbky: ro28 we don’t know what they are or are not thinking

6:32 taxi: Dr. Conway: I don't understand why he would feel insecure. I am still here and told him I was in love with him too. I have showed him unconditional love. DR. CONWAY: I go out of my way all the time to make sure I do not try to control or manipulate him trust me on that.

6:35 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: taxi: Insecurity likely has more to do with several factors more than just the fact that you are still there. There may be issues related to his work, or to something in his childhood background.

6:32 faithfull: R0828 are you still married?

6:33 taxi: All: I plan to do that and check it out.

6:33 Ro828: Swan: Do they ever think about what/who they left behind? I believe they don't and think their new life is so grand that they justify why they walk out.

6:34 Swanlake: Ro828 - It is not possible for someone to be a part of your life and for you to never think about them again. Many who have left their families and returned years later say that they often thought of their spouse, especially on birthdays,

6:34 faithfull: Jim it was not that much in the 401k. It will be gone in a few months. How can I work on my marriage when he is not around. I try to be more patient and not put any pressure on him. I do not bring up the ow. I have stop asking him if he is coming home or if he wants a divorce. I guess I have let him go. I am doing well for myself. He is amazed of how well I am doing financially.

6:39 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: faithfull: If the 401K doesn't have much money in it, then don't worry about it. Remember that you don't need your partner present to work on your growth and personality traits which could be affecting your marriage or any marriage. It seems that your husband is expressing that you put too much pressure on him -- remember that there are no midlife men that like to be pressured or mothered. So your task then is to try not to be a controlling person at the grocery store, with your neighbors, or friends at church, or anywhere else. As you improve in this area, it will automatically transfer over to your marriage.

6:35 sugarmama: Jim no sir I am not overweight and have my own job he is depressed and under tons of stress I don’t know how much more I can handle with him, he seems he is sooo full of guilt he can’t look at my face he says my eyes haunt him

6:42 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: sugarmama: Remember that being over weight is not the only issue which trouble midlife men regarding their marriages. I also think that his job dissatisfaction is causing a lot of his stress -- be his cheerleader about his job - encourage him to change if he needs to, and that the 2 of you can survive any kind of job search or retraining that he might need. It also would be good if he can have a good physical exam and get some help with his depression.

6:36 Plumcrazy: Jim 6:33- I don’t know. Do you have any ideas. I was not initiating any intimacy was letting him take the lead. He started letting me initiate. then the other nite I asked him how he liked something and he said what are you talking about. He didn’t remember any of it except one thing and he wondered how he had ended up that way. Very disturbing. He was molestation victim as a child

6:43 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: Be careful not to over think any of these small things that happen. Such as his question about, "what are you talking about?" This is a good time to just let some things slide.

6:36 Swanlake: Ro828 - continued - anniversaries, key event dates, etc. There is a couple with Covenant Keepers, the husband left his wife, only communicated with her if it was something he couldn't talk directly to the sons about, he married the other woman and

6:38 Swanlake: Ro828 - continued - lived in Europe with her for three years and then in Florida for another three years, the wife and his sons were in Texas. He now says he thought about her often, never really did get her out of his mind no matter how much he

6:38 Swanlake: Ro828 - continued - tried or had no contact with her.

6:40 Swanlake: Ro828 - Additionally, it seems that the less contact there is with us, the more guilt they are experiencing and you cannot have guilt about something you have erased from your mind.

6:40 taxi: Dr. Conway: Holding all of this in is really affecting my health but I don't tell him due to he may see it as control/manipulation such as the pain that comes and goes in my left arm daily. Is it ok to keep that secret?

6:46 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: taxi: Anytime you continue to hold on to pain like this, you are going to have physical results. These results are not caused by your husband - they are caused by you not letting go and trusting God. Be careful not to blame him for what is happening to you physically, because you will just drive him away.

6:41 Jo2: sugarmama - Many of us have made the commitment that we are in this 'for the long haul' so that if it takes years, we will be ready and willing to work at restoring the marriage. We make vows, a covenant, when we marry.

6:42 sbky: all I am heading to bed. night

6:42 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: bye sbky :o)

6:42 Plumcrazy: SBKY_ Goodnite and take care of yourself. Feel better!

6:42 Ro828: Swan: We have no children so there is no reason for contact. My H compartmentalizes very well. He's left others in his life and never looked back. Not sure what goes on inside his head but I just am blown away how they handle things.

6:43 faithfull: Jim thanks that is what I am trying to do. I have always been in control but God is teaching me to be humble. I work on my controlling with my oldest son and do not interfere with his problems. My sisters says I am making good progress. I am also trying to be more patient and work on it with my kids. I am learning to stop and think before reacting.

6:47 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: faithfull: I’m proud out you, it's hard work, but the more you let go of controlling other people - the more others will notice it and congratulate you on your progress. I’m glad your sisters can give you feedback.

6:44 sugarmama: jo2 /Dr Jim—I have offered all those options to him he has a doctor appt. in Feb. and refuses to go any earlier will not consider therapy of any kind --he looks terrible I am so worried he is going so deep he will not be able to come out of this..I even offered to have him come home and stay in other side of house (your suggestion ) and was refused he is cutting himself off from all family friends and co-workers

6:49 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: sugarmama: Sometimes depressed midlife men feel that they have to work the problems through all by themselves. Be careful that you don't play the mother trying to keep your little boy from stubbing his toe. He may need to experience some pain before he gets through this process.

6:46 Ro828: Swan: 6:40. But that's my problem of acceptance maybe we are erased from their mind to make their new life easier to live otherwise how could you continue to move forward.

6:46 Plumcrazy: JIm@6:44- I was like "you really don’t remember?"

6:50 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: I would encourage you not to use phrases that emphasize any inabilities on his part, such as "you really don't remember?" This statement communicates to him that he not only doesn't care about you, but he also is losing his memory or his is just plain stupid. All of those suggestions are very counter-productive. And it's not necessary to press him with that issue - just let those things go.

6:47 sugarmama: I have read all your books and taken the advice they have been great I am just getting so discouraged esp with the holidays coming

6:53 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: sugarmama: Holidays are very difficult and it's best to think through what you're going to do so that you don't end up alone and feel resentful. Sometimes husbands will be glad to get together for a short period of time, or get together at a neutral location, for example: some families have arranged for a small room at a local restaurant or church for their family get-together. Sometimes the husband does not want to come to the house because it communicates that everything is ok and that he is coming back - and he may not be ready for that.

6:48 Swanlake: Ro828 - have you even been doing something and had a brief, sudden thought about someone from your past that you haven't seen in years, say from elementary school, maybe it was even the class bully who picked on you, not someone you would have loving

6:50 Swanlake: Ro828 - continued - thoughts about? No matter how much we try, people who have been apart of our lives, we cannot erase them without having a part of our brains removed. My stepfather was very abusive and I have tried for decades to forget him and

6:50 Plumcrazy: JIM_I want to clarify something that I think H took wrong should I or should I just let it go?

6:54 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: JUST LET IT GO.

6:50 Jo2: Plumcrazy - If he has molestation issues, I’m going to guess that pushing sex with him is not a top priority. He needs to be able to work through the issues he has been left with due to that childhood pain. Unconditional love lets the other - cont.

6:51 sugarmama: I am very guilty of that concept, how did you know? he has moved in with our son and I thought that was a move closer to home , but not yet . the s has had a hard time realizing dad is not his dad he has always known. seeing him like this has been hard on him but he still is harboring resentments. I have been being the mediator between our 2 kids to keep them from becoming bitter to their dad that behavior is unacceptable. I feel so sad for h our children grandchildren and all will be here as usual for thanksgiving I do ;;not want him to miss out any more than he already has our 5yr old asked yesterday why pop didn't love her anymore

7:00 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: sugarmama: Let your children decide how they want to react to their father, but sometimes it's helpful to just say that your dad is going through a difficult time and be patient with him. Regarding the holiday get-together with the grand children, try meeting at a location where the grandkids can have a lot of fun, and where your husband can join in - but not having the event entirely at your house. Try Chuck E. Cheese's, try meeting at the YMCA, try whatever is an age appropriate activity in a local park, or whatever, and then later going back to your home for the dinner or dessert. Then your husband can be involved in part of the process.

6:51 Swanlake: Ro828 - continued - the things he did, but it never happened, not even after he passed away. I have, however, been able to forgive him and now the thoughts are now bitter, more of a sad heart for the hell he lived through that contributed to why he

6:53 Swanlake: Ro828 - continued - made choices he made and actions he chose. Your husband has not erased you from his mind or thinking, and he also remembers the good times, even if he doesn't want to.

6:53 faithfull: Jim h finally made contact with s26. Ask son to forgive him for being a lousy father. He has not talk to son in over a month.

6:53 Plumcrazy: JIM@6:50 I didn’t mean it like that wasn’t implying anything. Sometimes he has said something like that jokingly. Then he said he must have been asleep when it happened So I was trying to see if he was joking again

6:55 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: Let me be as gentle as possible -- but you are making too much of very small issues. Look at the bigger issues of what you can do to make changes so that your husband wants to be with you.

6:53 Jo2: Plumcrazy - lets the other grow at their own speed. 1 Cor 13 says love is patient, kind... it does not keep a record of wrongs, it does not give up.... I read this whenever I feel myself getting impatient. God speaks through HIS WORD.

6:54 Plumcrazy: Jo2-It is sometimes hard to do that my H knows my insecurities and strikes at them and he is so very vile and nasty

6:55 faithfull: Jo2 yes God does speak thru His Word and is faithfull.

6:56 faithfull: Jim my h told my s5 that he was never coming home. How should I handle this?

6:56 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: We still have about 5 minutes left, and Before anyone logs out, I want to thank you all for coming. Please come again and invite your friends! Remember; the Sun./Wed./Fri. sessions are open to share and encourage each other, with the assistance of our trained facilitators.. The Mon. session is primarily a Q and A time with me in the room. Chat room hours are: Sunday, Wednesday and Friday: 6-7 pm Pacific Time. Monday (live chat with me): 6-7 pm Pacific Time. And don’t forget Saturdays at 1:00 pm PST.

6:56 sugarmama: I answered her that he does he just needs grown up time

6:57 faithfull: sugarmama I tell my kids their dad loves them very much but is going thru a very hard time right now and needs some time.

6:57 Swanlake: Plumcrazy - sweetie, this is hard to hear and not easy to say, but YOUR reaction to your husband's actions are ALL on YOU, another person cannot make you do anything without imminent force. And for me accepting that it was not all on my husband but

6:57 Plumcrazy: Jim@ 6:54 I had been letting thing go and we had been doing so much better but when he asked a question and I answered something he didn’t like he verbally attacked me and I resorted to old way of dealing with him. Like asking him a lot of questions. Which is something he really hates and he usually retaliates becoming very vile and nasty. I just thought with all the talking we had been doing that we had gotten past that.

7:02 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Plumcrazy: That's why I encouraged you at 6:55 to let go of all of this little stuff. It just reinforces to your husband that you're controlling.

6:57 Jo2: Plumcrazy - Give these qualities in your h to the Lord.... ask Him to give you patience, read 1 Cor 13 and see which areas you need to work on. This will go at the speed you h sets, along with the Lord's help your h allows. Be patient, don't push

6:58 sugarmama: thank you Dr Jim and Lisa for you help your advice gets me through another day

6:58 Swanlake: Plumcrazy - continued - the choices to react to his aggression as I did was my choice and once I did, it became easier to respond differently. It took a little while, but once my husband realized he couldn't push MY buttons anymore, he stopped.

6:59 taxi: Plum Crazy: I do the same thing and take steps backward as a result. Sometimes I explode and plow him to the ground for holding this inside and being silent

7:00 Jo2: faithfull - Yes, I found that reading God's words guides me along this journey of learning patience. Have you learned that too? What are some of your favorite verses?

7:01 Swanlake: Plumcrazy - Have you read Boundaries, by John Townsend and Henry Cloud? I learned how to calmly and lovingly tell my husband that I didn't deserve to be spoken to in the manner which he was and that I was not going to listen, in fact I will remove

7:02 faithfull: Jo2 just a few days ago I read that the battle is the Lords and has help me to step back and let God work. Psalm 27:14 and also Loves covers a multitude of sins.

7:02 Plumcrazy: Jim-I had changed from reacting to h for almost 3 and a half months So I have been working on it and H had noticed

7:02 Plumcrazy: Swan_ NO I haven’t

7:02 Swanlake: Plumcrazy - continued - myself and there would not be further contact until he can show me the respect I require. Again, it took several times of saying this and either hanging up or walking away from him, but he finally got it and stopped with the

7:03 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: Good night everyone. Jan and I will be praying for you.

7:03 Swanlake: Plumcrazy - continued - screaming, vulgarity, etc.

7:04 Swanlake: Plumcrazy - recommend reading it, also available on CD and has a workbook, it really helped me.

7:04 Ro828: Swan: Thanks for your input. I will never understand how someone can walk away from their spouse and believe they are in love with someone else who clearly has issues of their own.

7:04 LisaK [Administrator]: I’m heading out to eat at Denny's with my husband and kids to celebrate the 19th anniversary of the night I met my husband. So, I'll be closing the chat room in 30 seconds. Say some quick goodbyes, and come back on Wednesday to chat again.

7:04 Swanlake: Bye all

7:05 LisaK [Administrator]: good night everyone.

7:05 Swanlake: Happy anniversary Lisa

7:05 faithfull: Goodnight and God Bless

7:05 taxi: good bye

7:05 CindyJ: Good night!

7:05 Plumcrazy: Lisa=Hello. When you read last nites chat could you give me any ideas how to deal with things. I wish Jim would read them too so maybe he would realize why I was so upset by H and reacted after 3 and a half months

7:05 Jo2: faithfull - I like all of those, too! Have you read Psalm 37:3-6? I love Psalm 25 too.

7:05 taxi: Happy anniversary Lisa

7:05 Plumcrazy: Happy Anniv. Lisa

7:05 Plumcrazy: Lisa, good nite

7:06 A M R: Good night.

7:06 LisaK [Administrator]: 7:05 Plumcrazy: yes dear. :o)

7:06 LisaK [Administrator]: closing in 3, 2, 1!!!!

7:06 Plumcrazy: good nite

7:06 LisaK [Administrator]: You'll be booted out. Hey - check out the articles on the website - they've been organized.

7:06 Jo2: Blessings to you all.... Good night

6:10 sbky: all how do I stop my brain.. it am usually good at it..

6:25 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: sbky: AND ALL, this is a good question: The way that this works for me is to rehearse to myself the character of God -- He loves me, He wants the best for me, and He wants me to experience peace. Feelings of negativity and fear are not from God. So I surrender my problem to God as I thank Him for who He is and how He loves me. I ask Him to take the problem and to give me peace. Then I visualize in my mind taking the problem in my hands and transferring it over to Jesus' hands. If the thought pattern reoccurs, then I realized that I have not fully surrendered the problem, and I’m not really trusting the situation to Jesus, then I repeat the process of surrender again.

6:32 taxi: Dr. Conway: I don't understand why he would feel insecure. I am still here and told him I was in love with him too. I have showed him unconditional love. DR. CONWAY: I go out of my way all the time to make sure I do not try to control or manipulate him trust me on that.

6:35 Dr. Jim Conway [Administrator]: taxi: Insecurity likely has more to do with several factors more than just the fact that you are still there. There may be issues related to his work, or to something in his childhood background.

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