Midlife Dimensions

www.MIDLIFE.com

We hope you've found our website to be helpful and encouraging. You can play a big part in the lives of others by supporting the upkeep of midlife.com, and our chat room, with a tax-deductible donation of any amount, big or small. Thank you for being a part of our team!

Choose your donation level:
SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

May 06, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

5:59 PM

dogwood

Bill Your response to Hopeful 1 @39 is at such a high level, total trust in God and let go. It seems very difficult to attain. however, what where is the line between this state and be a door mat?

5:59 PM

Bill

Dogwood: I agree it is a high level goal. I believe we need to look high in order to rise a little. The difference between being a servant of God and a doormat comes down to boundaries. Servants know their master and do what they do out of reverence for Him. Door mats simply do what others tell them to do without discerning the source of the demands. Servants do what is in the best interest of the other person. That means we take hard stands at times and say, "No," because it is clear a "yes" would be detrimental. Door mats say, "Yes," to whatever the other person demands. Servants stand up for their master. Door mats lie down and let others walk over them. Hope that helps.

Register to read more...

April 22, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

5:48 PM

dumbfounded2

Bill - For some reason, I see things so much more clearly than I ever have in regards to this midlife crisis journey. My husband is clearly interested at times in being a better man, but has no idea how to get there without seeing it as some kind of control issue, or doing something because everyone else thinks he should, or finding a way to fix this without looking like a bad guy or humbling himself, so he is in for a long walk

5:50 PM

Bill

dumbfounded2 @48 Wow that is great insight. I wish men were better at not feeding their egos. We want people to be proud of us then we avoid getting help when we know we need it because we don't want to look like we need help! The silly journey of men.

 

Register to read more...

April 08, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

6:04 PM

dumbfounded2

Bill - And I have a problem with signing his taxes so that can be done on time. I did that last year but didnt like it much. I spoke to him about it later, but it did little good

6:05 PM

Bill

dumbfounded2 No, I don't think you should shoulder the entire tax. He should pay everything that is his responsibility. I am not sure how you would handle that in detail this year since it is so close to the deadline. If there is a way to separate them this year, I would. If that is not possible, I would find a way to get through this year with him paying his share.

 

Register to read more...

March 25, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

5:57 PM

dogwood

Bill Thanks for a very practical help! it is like a mystery why he does this routine out everyday around this time of the day. I guess this is the time when his "friends" are off work and are free to gather; it sure hurts. I had a wonderful time of college reunion and trips. I shall follow your advice.

5:57 PM

Bill

dogwood: I am he is running from himself. His friends are probably a distraction that "rescues" him from thinking about the pain he is creating and his own disappointments in himself.

 

Register to read more...

March 18, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

6:01 PM

Little Magpie

Bill - I have been pretty good at rejecting what God supposedly says about me and say things like yeah right, for someone else. How can I see it is for me?

6:02 PM

Bill

Little Magpie: You have to "force yourself" to believe it by saying things like, "How dare I tell God He doesn't know what He is talking about. He is the smartest person ever so He must know."

Register to read more...

March 04, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5- 6 pm PST / CR#2

5:49 PM

Tiger

Bill - something I want to ask you. When husband comes out this weekend should I say anything to him about the rest of his "stuff"? I haven’t yet. But just like the gun case he is coming to get, he still has lots here?

5:49 PM

Bill

Tiger: It doesn't sound very strategic to me, unless you want to disconnect from him. It is a little weird to think of but his stuff keeps him connected to you and the family. Having said that, there is no right or wrong answer here and you are free to choose what you think helps you the most.

 

Register to read more...

February 18, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill / 6-7 pm PST / CR#2

5:57 PM

dumbfounded2

Bill - I just sometimes think, my goodness, is everything impossible? Just turn to the Lord, get on your knees and all will be revealed, but now I will go back to prayer as that is my part.

5:59 PM

Bill

dumbfounded2 @57 I think we all wish people would keep it that simple. God has given us very effective steps we can take to usher His blessing into our lives. He hasn't complained it even though He could. He hasn't asked all that much of us because He loves us so much. People, on the other hand, love complicated. We needlessly add layers of confusion and pain when all we really need to do is seek first His kingdom. Stubbornness never really helped anyone but we seem attached to it anyway. Let's all commit to keep praying!

Register to read more...

February 11, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

5:59 PM

dumbfounded2

Bill - But disappearing is not the right thing for his family. How will he ever resolve that in his mind, time? I am sure we do appear to be doing well as I always remain calm, hospitable and manage to take care of our home, but surely he knows that he is needed as a father and husband. I have assured him that he is loved and welcomed anytime, but I don’t harp on that. I guess only the Lord knows what it will take and I have told him that this is his family and his decision about how to handle any issues that relate to the family and I show acceptance in our current situation.

6:03 PM

Bill

dumbfounded2 @59: He knows intellectually that he is valuable as a husband and father. His emotional reasoning does not match his intellectual reasoning at this time. The change comes when a breakthrough happens. In essence, he needs to abandon his reliance on his emotional reasoning and replace it with what is actually true. Pray for this breakthrough and hold your ground on living healthy. This kind of breakthrough happens in the heart which requires the intervention of our God. We can set up the environment but we can't make the breakthrough happen.

 

Register to read more...

February 04, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

5:58 PM

dumbfounded2

Bill - I have been doing a lot of reading about how men and women differ in the "emotion/feeling" areas of life. I review things in my life and realize that my husband has never been emotional or shown very much feeling about anything (especially serious stuff) throughout our time together. Does midlife bring this issue up close and personal to a man. I can sometimes see my husband start to "feel" and then he hides.

6:02 PM

Bill

dumbfounded2 @58: Interesting you ask. Studies are showing that us men are actually as emotional, and in some circumstances more emotional, than our female counterparts. Women are more expressive than men, however. Men, therefore, tend to get emotionally flooded and bury their feelings. Often at midlife the dam breaks as emotions take over their lives. Since they have underdeveloped skills for expressing themselves, they act outlandishly, irrationally or in a self-absorbed manner. For most men, their skills are well behind their reactions so they erupt or hide or both.

Register to read more...

January 28, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

5:46 PM

finding nemo

Bill - So does it work the same way with knowing - or feeling something is about to happen? Not sure I am phrasing that correctly. Yesterday when I was near bottoming out, I did pray for clarity because the struggle was just too much. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of pain that washed over me and the words Keep going your husband is learning and growing and so close to figuring this all out and so are you accompanied it.   I shared that part with dumbfounded2 earlier as she was helping me gain some perspective on the situation. What I hadn't shared with her yet is that I had another voice talk to me this morning when I was taking out my trash can to the curb. I turned and looked in the garage at my husband's broken down car. I heard that voice say he's coming back slowly but surely. I hope I don't sound crazy. I really am trying to understand all of this.

5:46 PM

Bill

finding nemo: Let me answer you this way: God loves you and is always at work encouraging you, strengthening you, helping you make adjustments, disciplining you to make improvements and helping you see you’re potential as a person. To this end, He wrote the Bible to give you direction you can always count on. In addition, He will communicate with you personally at times to help you maintain focus and remember His love. It does us good to focus on what He has written as a grid to run everything else through since our hearts can be deceived easily and we are all vulnerable to our expectations. So, God loves you, He will never forsake you, He is always working to make all things work together for good, He gives you power in your inner self, He watches over you, rejoices when you rejoices and cries when you cry. He never explains everything but He is committed to walk every step of the path with us. I don't think you sound crazy; you just sound like someone who has been surprised by life and is trying to figure it out with God's help.

 

Register to read more...

January 21, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

5:27 PM

finding nemo

Bill - He ignored me for 10 days after hanging up on me right after Christmas. He tells me that he was in a very dark place and realizes that he is becoming just like his dad. He has no income, no guarantee of a place to live, vehicles broken down and he doesn't help with or see his child. He says he worries about me all of the time and loves daughter and me. If that's the case, then why hasn't he talked about coming home instead of worrying about the apartment, etc.

5:27 PM

Bill

finding nemo: I am not sure if this will make sense to you but here is a little "self-absorbed male logic." He is probably consumed by the conclusion that he cannot succeed. Since he can't figure out his job, apartment, cars, etc., he can't figure out the bigger things such as his wife and daughter. Isolation helps limit the pain of failure even though it does nothing to help him succeed.

 

Register to read more...