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January 13, 2016 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Little Magpie: Bill - How do I know that the Holy Spirit is still within me? There was a time when I could sense God but it is few and far between. The last time I sensed HIM was Feb 2013 when Pam out in my area. That was a couple years ago now. When I was a young college age person, before my violation, I actually felt God's presence and was gifted with some of the spiritual gifts, but that was another life ago. Will I ever be able to know God again like that?

Bill: Little Magpie: There are two truths about the Holy Spirit that we all need to keep in mind. The first is the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. When you received Christ as your Savior, the Holy Spirit took residence in your life. He became a part of your life and is committed to never leave. We know the Holy Spirit is within you because it is the work of the Holy Spirit that caused you to be born again and you cannot be "unborn." The other truth is the filling of the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 5:18 makes reference to this when Paul compares it to the influence of alcohol. Someone under the influence of alcohol will say things she wouldn't normally say, do things she wouldn't normally do and will have a boldness that is not characteristic of her everyday life. The influence of the Holy Spirit works the same way. When you chose to err (as you described it), you took over the control center of your life, rather than let the Holy Spirit guide your life. He is still there - the real issue is getting Him back in control of your thinking, feeling and deciding.

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January 06, 2016 / Chat with Bill

kiki: Bill - my husband left my daughters are I at the end of July. When I confronted him about his now 3rd affair in 2.5 years (the other 2 were emotional not sure about this one) he told me that it's not adultery since we don't live under the same roof. I told him we're still married, his response it's only a piece of paper.

Bill: Kiki - Your husband's reasoning sounds like typical midlife "logic." Part of the midlife transition involves moving from a life of high productivity to a life a interpersonal influence. Many men are intimidated by the fact that others will want to follow them now that they have real experience and wisdom so they sabotage their influence by doing and saying things that everyone else knows are silly.

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December 23, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Finding Nemo: Bill - He believes his dad is a narcissist, either that or a sociopath. I think that's the right term. A sociopath is someone who is abusive and manipulative, right? He's trying to learn how to deal with his dad better, yet he isn't sure how to deal with him so he's trying to give it a name so he knows what he is dealing with. I hope that makes sense. He's kept me busy - that's for sure.

Bill: Finding Nemo: A sociopath is way beyond abusive and manipulative. Sociopaths defy all social norms, write their own rules and destroy lives around them because they believe they are the equivalent of a god. It sounds to me that it is sufficient to say he is abusive and manipulative. Titles aren't going to help as much as boundaries.

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December 16, 2015 Wednesday, Chat with Bill

Little Magpie: Swan - I haven't been offered anything. I have just been seeing connections like puzzle pieces come together. I am continuing to pray and I want to be "All IN" to TRUSTING in God's path for me.

Bill: Little Magpie - As you look back on your life, When God directs you to make a change like this, how has He lead you in the past? Is there a pattern God typically follows in leading you through significant changes?

 

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December 09, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Little Magpie: Bill - It is easy to fall into your addictive behaviors. Last night, I "self soothed" by going to get a Peppermint Mocha and make the excuses and anger to defend why you needed that mocha. Sometimes reframing things not to be about the "mocha" or "gaining weight" (examples) could work but it is best in my case to talk about other things and let me address it myself and come to my peace about it so I can let it go. Does that make sense?

Bill: Little Magpie: It makes sense and I think this is okay as long as it is not directly causing damage to others in the family. As you know, some addictive behavior puts the whole family in danger, not just the addict. Your comment is a good reminder that different issues need different approaches and that we all need to take responsibility for the change we are willing to entertain.

 

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November 04, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST/ CR#2

5:52 PM

Little Magpie

Bill Tiger and dumbfounded2 - I appreciate it. I am working so hard and trying so hard, It gets so frustrating and discouraging. It is so hard! I keep trying to connect with God and everything. I just don't know if it is happening or not. I am trying to Trust HIM.

5:55 PM

Bill

Tiger: Well said Tiger @51. This is an intense struggle and it is easy to get love out of focus thinking it means we have to fix others. Also, making real change in life is strenuous. We are patient with you Little Magpie but we also want the best for you. We know it is one of the hardest things you will ever do. The change is painful but not changing is also painful so at least the growth is pain with a purpose. If we want to see our families we change, we need to work hard so we are not "the project." God loves us enough that he will focus on us if we are not doing well, rather than focus on the ones we want to see changed.

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October 07, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

6:02 PM

swan

Bill - Probably, but the man he was would have never done that and hated people who just stopped by. It is so strange to have so much contact after so many years of nothing to anyone, heck he hasn't really had much contact without own children in almost a year.

6:04 PM

Bill

swan @02: This is another example of the disconnect that accompanies ML. The very thing people "hate" earlier in life become habits in their life during ML. It shows the intensity of the struggle in their souls. The emotional energy shifts and drives them to behaviors they actually disagree with.

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September 30, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

6:02 PM

finding nemo

Bill - so how do I go forward with this because I am not sure if what I am doing is really making a difference?

6:02 PM

Bill

finding nemo: First of all, it takes a long-term view. We never know when the change will happen so we get "frantic" and "impatient." By "frantic" I mean we evaluate every step, every conversation, and every action and try to make it the key that will unlock every good and loving. By "impatient" I mean we set timelines that we hope (or expect) God to fulfill. These tend to leave us disappointed. I think a better approach is to commit to consistent personal growth while we ask God to make it so obvious when the change happens that we couldn't possibly miss it. I think this is what faithfulness is all about.

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September 23, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

6:03 PM

dogwood

Bill I just find myself getting a bit reserved in my day-to-day casual talking with husband, that I tend to be a little reserved in my emotion and transparency with him simply because I don't think he is transparent with me. I probably need to step down a level to meet his level. He is comfortable talking about facts and issues, or his depressive thoughts. I wonder how I should relate to him in the proper way.

6:03 PM

Bill

dogwood: For the most part, I would suggest you ask yourself, "What type of relationship is this in reality?" If it is a friendship, relate to him on a friendship level. If it is a casual friendship, relate to him on that level, etc. It will probably change with his moods but it at least helps you know how vulnerable and engaged to be as you interact with him.

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September 09, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 5-6 pm PST / CR#2

5:58 PM

Finding Nemo

Bill - And another quick question. My husband is telling me that he is not in a relationship with other woman that lives in his apartment. He is telling me that he is upset with me because he is trying to have a relationship with me, but I don't talk to him or contact him during the weekends. I don't because I am not sure what's really going on. Do you think it is okay that I contact him when he is at his apartment with this other woman?

5:58 PM

bill

Finding Nemo: Sure, but keep a watchful eye, midlife crisis is just weird enough that she might be just another tenant. IF he is asking you to contact him, feel free. If it gets weird, you can always back off.

 

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September 02, 2015 / Wednesday Chat with Bill 6-7 pm PST / CR#2

6:10 PM

Little Magpie

Bill - I have had to be god for myself these past several years to cope with the fact that God allowed this pain to happen.

6:10 PM

Bill

Little Magpie: I don't know why God "allowed this pain to happen." I just know that the world is filled with this kind of pain and Jesus is the only person I know of who has the power and the willingness to redeem our pain. I wish I had different parents and grandparents. I wish I hadn't been banished to the bathtub as a bed wetter. I wish I hadn't been in inappropriate situations with cousins before my parents discovered how unhealthy things were in the extended family. More important all that, however, is the fact that Jesus loves me and has an eternal plan that is much bigger than the pain.

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