6:46 PM koko Bill when do you talk about the relationship?
6:46 PM Bill koko: There are moments when she will be vulnerable. At those times, talking about the relationship is effective and satisfying. It can be hard to recognize those times because the clues usually come from tone of voice and body language rather than words. Pray for wisdom to recognize those times.
6:45 PM koko Bill I know reading about MLC usually says spouses running from God, my W seems to be trying to find him, she was not brought up a strong Christian but has friends who are and seems to be searching for something, I guess it’s positive who she is searching for answers with
6:45 PM Bill koko: You mentioned MLCers usually run from God but that is not always the case. The intense MLC cases are more about discovering who you are when you didn't figure it out earlier in life. This is way ML often looks like the teen years. Teens experiment with a lot of different identities to see which one feels the best. People in ML often do the same. The fact that W is looking to God to find this is a really good sign.
6:18 PM digforhelp Bill - it seems like my wife holds a grudge against me. When she does talk to me it's very guarded and cold. Does MLCers have a problem with forgiveness?
6:18 PM Bill digforhelps: I appreciate your vulnerability and yes, MLCers have a problem with forgiveness. Almost always there is a deep wound involved which has been ignored and suppressed for a long time. The hurt finally catches up with the person who has refused to forgive for a long time. Since you are the closest person to her, she is resisting your influence and using you as a place to unload her stress. The safest people always get the worst treatment - totally unfair but common. Hang in there brother and pray for a breakthrough in her heart.
6:58 PM dogwood BillIt is hard to know how to place our faith in prayers since we pray for God's intervention and believe it will be done in his timing... but when it does not turn out as we prayed, it is hard to know how to have a prayer of faith.. with. The imperfect world which God can move the mountains, etc.
6:58 PM Bill dogwood at 58: I know it can be hard because we so tied to the now of life. We want to be happy now, wise now, healed now and so on. There is so much we don't have control over that makes learning to wait such a valuable skill. It hurts a lot now but when God does heal, we tend to forget how hard it was. I have made it one of my chief goals to "wait on the Lord from whom my deliverance comes."
6:24 PM dogwood Bill-- I have been trying so hard and keeping myself in all activities; I just want to feel no pain and want the fear to go away; unfortunately, my heart aches as soon as I woke up in the morning.I thank God for giving me a break yesterday; although I refused to read much into it at all. but at least one night I did not feel as sad as I have been
6:24 PM Bill Dogwood: Your situation brings to mind one of the great privileges we have when we go through the kind of deep pain you are describing. It is the privilege none of us asks for but once you find it, you treasure it. The privilege is a "friendship with God." God went through unimaginable pain when he sacrificed His son for our salvation and he asked Abraham to share the pain by taking his son to the altar. Jesus lived with remarkable limits when He became a man and then suffered great injustice and deep rejection by the very people who should have embraced Him. He told his disciples they were his friends and they all suffered similar pain and disappointment in the midst of their growth and victories. In the midst of the suffering rejection, limits and betrayal there is a friendship with God to be had. As you wrestle with all that you are going through, pursue God as a friend.
6:11PM yoli Bill: Don't the people, whether men or women, that get involved with someone going through MLC have issues as well?Not to mention in this case that they are low quality men.We have a saying in Spanish that you go from Guatemal to Guatepeor (You go from bad to worse).Seems to apply in this case.
6:11PM Bill Yoli: The Bible says that bad company corrupts good morals. People always look for others who are at the same level of pain as they are. They may not be aware they are doing that but they do it nonetheless. So, yes, you can safely assume that both people involved in the bad decision have issues.
8:07 PM [doveseyes] bill...I am doing horrible. Just found out a potential health problem that could be bad. I informed my h who said well, I care about you as the mother of my kids by I don’t love you and I want a divorce. then he spent times with each of our kids and bashed me. told them all the reasons he left and pursued tons of women. what say you?
8:07 PM [Bill] Doveseyes: First of all, I am so sorry. In a perfect world, things like this would never happen and I know it breaks your heart to hear such things. Give yourself permission to grieve because these things overwhelm the heart and build up intense emotions which need to be relieved somehow. Then pray like crazy for wisdom to know how to respond. Defending yourself to your kids or retaliating won't do you any good. I think we can all agree to pray for you and ask God to do a physical healing and a healing of the heart.
8:59 PM [sbky] bill I am afraid to hope anymore my husband has been gone 4 1/2 years and filed for d 2 weeks ago
8:59 PM [Bill] sbky: I know this is hard but never give up hope. God is always at work. He doesn't always do what we want but He eventually causes all things to work together for good. Pain in relationships is a real loss but we don’t want to keep losing by giving up hope.
8:27 PM [hepsy] Bill - h is still coming in our room in the am and talking to me for about 5 min. Sometimes it is awkward. I want to talk about more personal things but I try to keep it light. Is there ever a time for relationship talk??
8:27 PM [Bill] hepsy: Timing is everything. Things can get so strange during this time of life and it can seem like it will never change. The truth, however, is that when it changes, it moves quickly and we are often unprepared because of our own pain. Do your best to enjoy the time you get and pray that you are in tune when the time is right.
8:53 PM [koko] Bill I definitely hear you. I would wait a lifetime for her. I think by my w being home and in the same bed that the urge is a little stronger but I am more thrilled that she is home and I believe there is no OM. I believe through all this I have learned what love truly is. I wish I learned it sooner, they say God does everything for a reason. He gave me a wakeup call
8:53 PM [Bill] Koko: Wow. What a comment on your part. May we all learn from your example?
8:09 PM [hepsy] bill - my h won't look at me (unless he is intoxicated) and I assume it is because of guilt. Do you think most guilt points to OW or just because they know they are behaving in ways that are hurting the family?
8:09 PM [Bill] hepsy - Guilt is a strange thing. It causes people to act defensively and childishly. Trying to make sense of it is impossible because the dots don't connect. Once people start choosing poorly, they quit thinking clearly and act in ways that are confusing, ineffective and immature. I think the best response is to accept that he is responding this way because of him not you.