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February 20, 2019 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Little Magpie: Bill- how do we convince them?

Bill: Little Magpie: You don't. You just represent what is best and ask God to convince them.

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February 20, 2019 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Swan: Hi Bill

Bill: Hi Swan

Swan: Bill - with weather as bad as it is everywhere, I hope you are not traveling, or if you are, you are in a nice weather place. I have lived in California on and off since the late 70's and I have never had to bring in or cover plants. We have a couple of feral cats we have put food out for since they were kittens (their mother had them in the wood pile of our next door neighbor a few years back). They trust me enough to come near but not to touch them. I was able to get them in the garage this year, which was good, this week I have pretty much kept them in. When I go out in the garage, they go hide, but come back out and watch me, guess they want to make sure I don't try to get too close.

Swan: Bill - Good, I am glad she will be counseling with you, she has really had a rough time when it comes to relationships. She is such a nice lady and has a kind heart, it is a shame that men don't understand that and seem to take advantage of her more than respect her kindness.

Bill: Swan: Fortunately, we are in So Cal at the moment. As you know, lots of rain, wind and cold but still above freezing! March will be interesting. We will be in Indianapolis, Idaho, Montana and Utah. I am hoping for calm roads and clear skies!

Bill: Swan: Pray that the path is clear for her. Often, kindhearted people get taken advantage of because no one thought to teach them boundaries. They keep saying, "She is such a nice person," but ignore the side of this trait that makes them vulnerable. Hopefully, we can help her "add" to her kindness so her relationships can be more fulfilling.

Swan: Bill - my son, daughter in law and grandson are in Hawaii this week, they have been saving for a few years for this vacation. My grandson texted me to ask if I was staying warm, it is so sweet that he heard the weather for here and cared enough to check on me.

Bill: Swan: That is awesome. Moments like this are so sweet; it makes me wonder why so many people sabotage their relationships.

Swan: Bill - I agree about boundaries and how important they are, I know for myself I didn't have boundaries for years and often put myself in situations of being abused and then believed I deserved it. As much as I hate how MLC has affected me and my children's lives, there has also been positive from it, I learned about boundaries and how to enforce mine. I went from being a "nice" person to a hard person in the pursuit of self defense, I have to say boundaries were hard to determine at first but once I did and started using them, I noticed that I went from being walked over and/or keeping people at a distance to experiencing true respect. People don't always like boundaries, but when we stand firm with kindness to our boundaries, it opens the way for a much better relationship. Or in some cases no relationship and sometimes that is self respect when we let toxic people leave our lives.

Swan: Bill - And he is 17 years old, a teenager, he is a good kid and very respectful, my son and daughter in law have done a great job in his growth.

Swan: Hi Little Magpie

Bill: Swan: In the midst of hard things (like MLC) we have the opportunity to grow strong, as you have done. It is never fun but the rewards can be monumental. I love that you tied boundaries to self-respect because that really is the goal. Many people confuse boundaries with control. Saying to someone, "You can't talk to me like that," sounds strong but it is an attempt to control the behavior of another person, which just keeps us in unhealthy cycles. Boundaries say, "If you are going to continue talking like this, I am going to remove myself from the discussion," and announce that self-respect is in play. It is much more effective and allows us to be the best version of our selves. Well done.

Bill: Hi Little Magpie

Bill: Swan: Congrats on a successful teen.

Swan: Bill - Jim recommended Townsend and Cloud books to me years back, I read all of them and took the lessons to heart and action.

Bill: Swan: Smart lady. They were a great gift to the world.

Little Magpie: Hello all

Bill: Little Magpie: How are you tonight?

Little Magpie: All - I hope you are keeping warm. We still have snow here

Bill: Little Magpie: Snow is expected at 2000 feet here - it should be cold tonight.

Little Magpie: Bill - not so good. Lots of negative self talk going on in my head. Withdrawn and isolated

Bill: Little Magpie: I am sorry to hear that. What tends to help you turn the negative talk around?

Little Magpie: Bill - not too sure. Some of it is due to my daughter’s upcoming wedding. We are unable to find something for me to wear. I said if I can't find any thing that I will stay home or hide in the background

Bill: Little Magpie: What about your daughters?

Swan: Little Magpie - Sorry that is going on, we are often our hardest critics, please believe and tell yourself that you are a wonderful lady.

Little Magpie: Bill - we told the kids the virtues of good counseling (pre marital) but they aren't wanting to take us up on it

Bill: Little Magpie: I am sure this is difficult on you. With your permission, I want to strongly encourage you to find a way. I come from a family where moms tend not to attend their kids' weddings. My grandmother did not attend my mom's wedding. My mom did not attend mine (or my sister's or my brother's). We all lament the fact even though we pushed forward. There is something sweet about having mom at your wedding and nothing can replace the memory that goes along with your presence. I am sure your daughter wants you there at a very deep level in her heart.

Little Magpie: all - my job is looking to hire someone new basically for my job so that has me worried about my worth or purpose too

Bill: Little Magpie: Good job recommending pre-marital. It may feel they are "ignoring" the advice but you are planting seeds for the future. If they struggle in the future, your words will become very valuable down the road, even if they don't take advantage of it today.

Little Magpie: Bill - she says she wants me there which for her to say is a big deal

Bill: Little Magpie: I am sure it is very important to her. You may be fighting with your own sense of worth at the moment but rest assured you are extremely valuable to your kids. They often don't know how to say it when they are going through stages of separation but I guarantee you they view you with great value.

Little Magpie: Bill - She said they are worried that counseling with people of faith that they may get religion crammed down their throats. She claims to be agnostic and he seems to be seeking. They both grew up in the church. Baptized and confirmed.

Bill: Little Magpie: I know that is hard to hear but they are young and inexperienced. Life will temper them and you will appear to be a lot smarter in 5 - 7 years.

Little Magpie: Bill- how do we convince them?

Bill: Little Magpie: You don't. You just represent what is best and ask God to convince them.

Little Magpie: Swan- any ideas on how to draw myself out? All- 6 months without a car doesn't help isolation either. Still trying to figure out what is best. We are so good at procrastinating and not deciding that sometimes that helps.

Little Magpie: Bill - thanks

Swan: Little Magpie - Does the pre marital counseling have to be with a faith based counselor? If that is a concern for them, maybe find a non faith based counselor they can meet with.

Bill: All: See you next week.

Swan: Night Bill

Little Magpie: Swan - we want them to meet with someone we trust and know that their best interest is at heart

Little Magpie: Bill - good night

Little Magpie: Swan - I don't know any counselors who aren't of faith that would have their marriage being strong and on a firm solid foundation.

Swan: Little Magpie - you are not socializing with people outside of your home this past six months, that isn't good. Would it be possible to join a women's Bible study group, some type of group at your church, or a local community. It is hard only having one vehicle, but maybe try to find socialization with others when your husband doesn't need to use the vehicle so you could go.

Little Magpie: Swan - we did make it to Worship practice and have done a few things with some of his old classmates from high school. I have done a little texting but have almost totally stopped Facebook

Swan: Little Magpie - Who is marrying them? A man of God or a judge? I agree with Bill all you can do is present your case and then leave it be and hit your knees lifting them up to God.

Swan: Little Magpie - as you well know when we are in moods of depression, it is so easy to move away from others. I don't remember what product it was but the slogan was "Just Do It", sometimes that is what we need in life, to just do it even when we don't feel like it or there are road blocks.

Little Magpie: Swan - the pastor of the church they are getting married in. 3rd generation to marry there. It's the church she was raised in. Our pastor retired and they weren't able to keep one so we don't know this one. We left this church when they dropped the contemporary service.

Swan: Night Little Magpie

Little Magpie: night

Little Magpie: Bill- how do we convince them?

Bill: Little Magpie: You don't. You just represent what is best and ask God to convince them.

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