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December 26, 2018 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

buttons: bill yes, churches should be the places people can go for growth and healing, where they can find support challenge is that churches are also made up of humans who exhibit human nature and free choice and sometimes exude their own self rather than God's being. I have found love and caring in churches, I have also found those who love God but don't understand things too.

Bill: button: well said about the church as any collection of people are prone to bad behavior. The church is, however, covered by God's promise and His grace so there is more to work with in churches than any other institution.

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December 26, 2018 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Bill: Good evening Swan. How are you tonight?

Swan: Hi Bill. I am good. Hope you are good. You are traveling?

Bill: Swan: I am currently at my sister's vineyard in Central California. I am performing a wedding in San Diego on Friday. Not too many years I do a wedding between Christmas and New Years!

Swan: Is there an ETA on the site changes? Lisa still isn't able to log into the back.

Swan: Interesting you are in Central Ca, because the log in announcement shows New York. Guess it isn't always accurate.

Bill: Funny. I am a long way from New York. No ETA yet on site changes.

Bill: I keep running into important distractions that keep me from focusing on the midlife website. Imagine that, midlife being interrupted by distractions!

Swan: Lisa was asking me the other day. There are days when I log into the site and it will say 1 member and as many as 60 plus guests are on the site, other times; it will only show a few. So, I am guessing people are coming to the site and getting benefit of the information. I know we have had problems since we got hacked and then the one member that started her own midlife website hurt us in many ways as well. She didn't agree with the guidelines of MLD and was known to bad mouth the site and group to anyone that would listen. Sadly, she often stated that Jim told her as agreement to her views. I know she came to one of the retreats, but cannot confirm or deny that Jim ever told her those things. She did do the telephone counseling with him as well. Sadly there are those out there that want to believe you can manipulate the person going through crisis and that was her format, trick, manipulate, ultimatums, etc. And according to her, "sweetheart" and her reconciled, so it worked. I have found that dealing with a MLCer can create desperation in people and they can grasp at anything that might work. Plus it seems to be human nature to want to control situations in our lives.

Swan: Hi buttons

Bill: Midlife is complicated to say the least and anytime we go public people will counterfeit and manipulate. I am confident we are going to do a new launch in 2019 that will reach a new wave of midlife travelers. The needs are so universal that we can be assured people will begin to respond as we launch a new platform. It sounds easy, - upgrade the site, but there are many background issues that we need to address first and we need to find a new funding source to support a new hosting site, redesign, etc. Pray with us that we find the funding and the time to reorganize.

buttons: hi swan

Bill: Hi buttons. How are you tonight?

buttons: hi bill

buttons: bill doing pretty good. H lost his job a month ago and has been looking but not finding anything yet. He's caring for the fur baby and making meals he keeps saying it's the least he can do since I'm the one working thing is I am the one who's been carrying household expenses for years and especially the last 2 since we stopped doing papers so nothing has changed except he's not working (I also know he's got a comfy amount of money in his bank account so...) just venting a tad

buttons: bill and swan I know that when I changed computers I lost all my favorites links and had to put them back on my new computer the hardest one for me to find was this chat and even the site someone had to send me the link in the end.

Swan: I agree it is not as simple as it would seem. Will definitely keep it in prayer. Midlife is a real factor and destroys so many lives, rips families apart and just upsets the balance. As I often say, as much as I would love for there to be a CURE, there isn't and midlife isn't going to go away, in fact as stresses take over so many, it is getting worse. Hollywood can make fun of it all they want, but it is real and having a Godly knowledgeable information support site available in my opinion is very important.

Bill: buttons: I don't blame you for venting (even just a tad) because you can probably sense hesitation on H's part living at his potential. MLCers underachieve so much that it drives everyone around crazy.

buttons: bill I will pray for this site. I know I have "sent" a few this way and it has helped them. One of them is someone for South Africa she can't seem to get her new computer set-up to access it again and her phone doesn't work well enough

buttons: swan I agree

Bill: Swan: I completely agree. It amazes me how many times Pam and I address midlife issues at our conferences even when we don't speak on midlife issues! It is as prevalent and turbulent as adolescence but we don't take it serious as a society. We just assume people will get through it and we ignore the damage it creates as if it is "normal."

buttons: bill he's worked so hard all his life and now is past 50 and worries that he'll have even more challenges finding a job, also he's headed overseas mid-Jan for a month (a lasting occurrence since the blow-up years ago he has a business there)

Swan: buttons - I know a man that is older and retired from a long time professional career, he found himself unable to handle full retirement, but didn't want to get back into the stress of his profession, so he got himself a 20 hour a week job at a local fast food place and he loves it. Maybe your husband could look into something like that just to get himself back into the job market while he still seeks something in his job field.

Bill: buttons: I understand the turmoil of finding work over 50 but in our day and age there are so many opportunities for people who are willing to stretch and look for new ways of working. Jesus, please give Button's H grace and wisdom to see new opportunities that fit who you created him to be.

Bill: Swan: great advice

buttons: bill and swan I've learned/heard that our brains change about every 7 years and although our brains aren't doing the huge changes they do in their teens they do change and I have no doubt that can result in sending some off balance, especially if they've had challenges in their early developmental years people are learning to recognize mental health is real and causes challenges perhaps with time it will be recognized that MLC is a mental health issue

buttons: swan he's looking at doing papers for a few weeks while someone is off for surgery and recovery, then he'll be going away, then when he returns he'll search harder for a job or see if there's value in still doing papers (depends on what they'd pay him right now they are desperate so are going to pay quite well for the few weeks at least)

buttons: swan thank you

buttons: bill thank you my H has always been willing to attempt nearly anything, and he's pretty versatile, it's just a matter of him exuding confidence enough for people to give him a chance I think well part of it is that portraying the right presence

Swan: buttons - good he will be doing something; often it is defeating to one's self confidence when they are unemployed. I know for me, I feel more valid when I have a job.

buttons: swan I am sure H does too and that's why he keeps saying what he does, even though things haven't really changed on my side well one thing has. He's been walking the furry one for almost all walks so that means I get to sleep nearly an extra hour each day which is nice and he's been cooking so I don't need to come home from school, walk the furry one and make dinner those things are nice

Bill: buttons: As people keep living longer, there will be more insight into the impact of ML. My prediction is the discussion will slant toward treating it with medication since there is enormous profit in that approach. Alongside that process will be folks like you telling your story and sharing the steps that have provided real help in the storm.

buttons: bill yes, pills seem to be the solution to all actual mental health support is what is really needed man being a teacher I could go on with what I see needs to be adjusted to help support a healthier society later

Bill: buttons: agreed. We need to not get discouraged, however, because there will always be a need and an audience for the truth.

buttons: bill it's unfortunate that mental health support doesn't fall under any of our extended medical support plans, at least not in my province, and IF it does it is often very few sessions OR it's a company choice of places which don't always fit

buttons: bill sometimes I'm a broken record when I talk to people about what I see really needs to happen one year I learned more about dyslexia and how Australia actually tests their students for it and that over half those in prison are dyslexic and others struggle with other learning challenges if we supported them EARLY we wouldn't need to support them later well less of them anyway

Bill: buttons: Yes, it is unfortunate. I am a big believer in the church being the hub of most relational and personal growth healing because the church has a heart. By its nature, institutions that are driven by a profit motive have to take the heart out of it or they can't produce the volume to make it sustainable. When churches take on the challenge to serve one another, people find grace that brings supernatural healing and direction.

buttons: bill it's like my little students my heart hurts for some of them and their challenging lives, I do all I can to less the impact of their lives by being that one (of maybe 2) stable person in their life who shows they love them and care as they move up in school I am sure there are others too

buttons: bill yes, churches should be the places people can go for growth and healing, where they can find support challenge is that churches are also made up of humans who exhibit human nature and free choice and sometimes exude their own self rather than God's being. I have found love and caring in churches, I have also found those who love God but don't understand things too.

Bill: buttons: Your words remind me that what is really needed is an army of ordinary people investing in the lives of others. This is how families are created - ordinary people giving birth to children and then passing on what they know (good and bad). With human nature being what it is, many people who create a child don't go on to become effective parents, thus the need for folks like you who demonstrate stability and love to those you can.

Bill: button: well said about the church as any collection of people are prone to bad behavior. The church is, however, covered by God's promise and His grace so there is more to work with in churches than any other institution.

buttons: bill so many people have had events in their lives that change how they grow and develop, they have children and don't have the life skills some learn and do their best while others struggle stability, common sense and love is what I most needed

buttons: bill true

buttons: swan how are you doing?

Swan: buttons - I am doing good, God continues to bless me in many ways. I have a roof over my head, I have food to eat, I am with family, I have a job, and I have my health, blessing!

Swan: buttons - As a kid, life wasn't always easy. My stepfather drank heavy and was a violently abusive person when he was drunk. It was a couple of teachers in my life that gave me a positive influence that helped me make it through. They didn't know about the abuse, I didn't share that with others, but they were kind and encouraged me to succeed.

buttons: swan we don't always know about the abuse, what we do know is the child's behavior exhibits the need for extra love and positive attention (when doing positive), sometimes we know some things... my one little guy (had him 2 years) has such a messed up family life and he's going hearing challenges, he just needs stability... I'm glad you had some in your life who were kind and encouraged you

Bill: I would venture to say that most kids who are in abusive or oppressive families don't tell because "keeping the family secret" is one of the ingredients of a dysfunctional family system.

buttons: bill true and often they are able to hide any results of abuse

Bill: I think if one of the key defense mechanisms for kids. Until they are old enough to do something about it, it is easier to deny the pain and focus on something more positive (like a classroom that works!)

Swan: Bill - That was rule number one, if you told and it got back to my stepfather, the punishment would have been worse, or at least that is what I was told, along with no one was going to help anyway, no one cared. I was young and I believed, so I kept my mouth shut, hid the bruises, etc.

Bill: Swan: sad but true - we tend to believe the ones who raise us which is why it takes so much energy later on to unwind it.

buttons: swan hugs and yes, there are untruths told often to keep things secret, the challenge too is years ago it also may have been ignored, just as women or men being abused was ignored and still is sometimes

Swan: buttons - plus I don't think that teachers back then (in the 60's/70's) had the avenues available today, plus physical abuse seemed to be more accepted then.

Bill: Good night ladies. Thanks for your investment in helping others. See you next year!

Swan: Night Bill.

buttons: swan exactly it was not necessarily accepted as corporal punishment was seen as acceptable too.

buttons: bill night. Happy New Year

buttons: swan and there was not really a limit on what occurred either.

buttons: swan thank you for sharing! Hugs.

buttons: Happy New Year in case I don't get back into chat before the New year

buttons: swan night

 

buttons: bill yes, churches should be the places people can go for growth and healing, where they can find support challenge is that churches are also made up of humans who exhibit human nature and free choice and sometimes exude their own self rather than God's being. I have found love and caring in churches, I have also found those who love God but don't understand things too.

Bill: button: well said about the church as any collection of people are prone to bad behavior. The church is, however, covered by God's promise and His grace so there is more to work with in churches than any other institution.

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