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November 21, 2018 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Swan: Bill - I have found over the years of dealing with bullies, that they are actual very insecure people. My husband was a great Marine and could be so effective as a military leader, but the other areas of his life he really didn't know how to be secure and attempted to be in control and if anything didn't go exactly as he wanted his reaction was to try to overpower through aggression and intimidation. Coming from a step father that used abuse to control, I accepted my husband's actions as normal. It was went MLC took over our lives and I found this site (Jim) and reading books by Cloud and Townsend that helped me understand that is was not only OK to have boundaries, but to enforce them with love was beneficial for all concerned. I do find it helps me much more to have boundaries, I have far less resentments.

Bill: Swan: What you just described is information everyone ought to know and every parent ought to teach these skills to their kids. I am convinced that pride and insecurity are cousins. Those who feel a need to control are painfully aware that life is bigger than them but they don't want to admit it. As a result, they bully others and manipulate circumstances all the while feeling they are going to fail at any moment. Knowing how to set boundaries and choosing calm strength is a vital skill that everyone needs at some point in their lives. As a result, those of us who have these skills must keep sharing them with others. thanks for being on the journey.

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November 21, 2018 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Bill: Good evening Swan. How are you tonight?

Swan: Hi Bill, I am doing good. Are you spending Thanksgiving with family this year? My daughter and son in law will be coming up, so we will be having a nice family day.

Bill: We actually celebrated Thanksgiving early with our family. We were traveling and close enough to stop and see them so we spend three days in Louisville and three days in Phoenix. We will have a quiet day on the boat then I fly to Vancouver on Friday for a Promise Keepers Canada event

Swan: It is nice that you will have a quiet day before traveling again. It will most likely be very quiet tonight, I sent out the reminder for chat tonight, but typically this is a pretty busy week for most. The kids have the entire week off school as well. It seems there are less and less school days as the years go by, but I guess it allows families to travel for holidays better.

Bill: yeah, I anticipate that. If it remains slow we will cut it short but there is no harm in hanging around.

Swan: Bill - I have a supervisor that I am finding reminds me much of my husband, he seems to get frustrated so quickly and tends to ranting at staff. He literally throws little temper tantrums and a few times cursing comes out. Some of our staff are young and I don't think that know how to deal with it, so they just try to do whatever it takes to not make him angry. I found myself in the path of one of this fits a month back and I let it go for that shift, but let him know we would need to discuss what just happened later, I was not able to do so calmly at that moment. We talked the next morning and I explained to him that his action was unacceptable and would not be tolerated and he is to never, ever curse at me again, if he chooses to act that way with me, then I am giving notice now that I will immediately walk out the door and not return, plus I will also request a meeting with his supervisor. I show him respect daily and therefore require he demonstrate equal respect to me. I guess our talk worked because he hasn't directed any of his tantrums toward me, in fact yesterday when he started to throw one at someone else and I was present, he looked over at me and just walked out of the building for a little while. The girl working next to me commented that she likes when I work because he seems to watch himself more then. This man is 53 years old, I just do not understand that type of lack of self control or plain bullying by an adult.

Bill: Swan: Way to go. when you hang out with people who exercise self-discipline and seek supernatural strength from our Savior, it is remarkable to see people who don't. People love power (or feel they must exercise power) in order to lead others. The fact that meekness is more powerful than demands seems to escape way too many folks. I am very proud of you for standing up.

Swan: Bill - I have found over the years of dealing with bullies, that they are actual very insecure people. My husband was a great Marine and could be so effective as a military leader, but the other areas of his life he really didn't know how to be secure and attempted to be in control and if anything didn't go exactly as he wanted his reaction was to try to overpower through aggression and intimidation. Coming from a step father that used abuse to control, I accepted my husband's actions as normal. It was went MLC took over our lives and I found this site (Jim) and reading books by Cloud and Townsend that helped me understand that is was not only OK to have boundaries, but to enforce them with love was beneficial for all concerned. I do find it helps me much more to have boundaries, I have far less resentments.

Bill: Swan: What you just described is information everyone ought to know and every parent ought to teach these skills to their kids. I am convinced that pride and insecurity are cousins. Those who feel a need to control are painfully aware that life is bigger than them but they don't want to admit it. As a result, they bully others and manipulate circumstances all the while feeling they are going to fail at any moment. Knowing how to set boundaries and choosing calm strength is a vital skill that everyone needs at some point in their lives. As a result, those of us who have these skills must keep sharing them with others. thanks for being on the journey.

Swan: I had something happen today that I guess is standard for how hard hearts are these days. It is my grocery shopping day, so I went to the bank, then the military commissary and finally stopped by Wal Mart before heading home. At Wal Mart there was an older lady digging in the trash cans looking for soda cans. She had a cart with her that appeared to have all of her belongings in it and she appeared to be homeless. I was getting in my car, she didn't ask me for anything, but as I passed her she smiled and told me hello. I put my things in my car and she was still digging, I hear a little voice tell me to bless her, so I got a $20 out of my purse and walked over and handed to her, told her happy Thanksgiving. She looked up at me and with a humble smile said thank you. The lady getting into her car near mine yelled at me that I shouldn't give those people money, that I was being taken advantage of, she was just going to use it for booze or take it home to her mansion. I just smiled and said, well she asked me for nothing and if the lady uses it for something other than food, oh well, but I would rather have heart to bless someone who appears to be in need than cold hearted and close my eyes to another persons need. Guess I wasn't too kind in that part of my response, I just felt it wasn't any of her business what I do with my money. I don't do that often and I see homeless people daily, but this time I listened to that little voice.

Swan: I wish I had known about boundaries when I was younger, it would have helped so much. I have given Townsend and Clouds books to just about everyone in my family. Interestingly I can tell who has read them and who hasn't. Even my grandson has said it helped him in daily choices when dealing with people.

Swan: Well it is just about time to close, wishing you and your family a blessed holiday and safe travels for you. See you next week.

Bill: Swan: I agree that it is your choice to do with your money what you want to do with it and at times God will nudge us to act. It is interesting that a stranger thought it necessary to instruct you how to live. Happy Thanksgiving to you and those you love. May God fill your journey with surprisingly good memories.

 

Swan: Bill - I have found over the years of dealing with bullies, that they are actual very insecure people. My husband was a great Marine and could be so effective as a military leader, but the other areas of his life he really didn't know how to be secure and attempted to be in control and if anything didn't go exactly as he wanted his reaction was to try to overpower through aggression and intimidation. Coming from a step father that used abuse to control, I accepted my husband's actions as normal. It was went MLC took over our lives and I found this site (Jim) and reading books by Cloud and Townsend that helped me understand that is was not only OK to have boundaries, but to enforce them with love was beneficial for all concerned. I do find it helps me much more to have boundaries, I have far less resentments.

Bill: Swan: What you just described is information everyone ought to know and every parent ought to teach these skills to their kids. I am convinced that pride and insecurity are cousins. Those who feel a need to control are painfully aware that life is bigger than them but they don't want to admit it. As a result, they bully others and manipulate circumstances all the while feeling they are going to fail at any moment. Knowing how to set boundaries and choosing calm strength is a vital skill that everyone needs at some point in their lives. As a result, those of us who have these skills must keep sharing them with others. thanks for being on the journey.

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