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November 07, 2018 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Swan: Bill - I know people that are in second or more marriages and they say they never think of their ex spouse unless someone brings them up, I just don't understand how anyone can just not think of a person they once shared so much with, especially when there are children. My mother was like that, or so she claimed, we would ask her about our father as we got older and she often said, she couldn't remember as an answer. When I did meet my father as an adult, he often said the same thing. How do you just forget?

Bill: Swan: Weird isn't it? I think people "forget" as a defense mechanism. They actually remember and it is traumatic so their soul causes a fog to roll in to protect them feeling all the pain.

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November 07, 2018 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Bill: Hi Folks. Welcome. Just a heads up, I fly out to Wisconsin tonight so I need to head out to the airport at about 5:30 pm PST. Until then, let's see where God leads us!

Swan: Bill - It has been getting chilly in Wisconsin lately, I miss snow, but then again I didn't care for it daily either when I lived in the Midwest.

Swan: Bill - Last winter I planned a day trip up to Julian a couple times, but always seemed to get side tracked, maybe this year.

Bill: Swan: I checked the weather - high of 23! The blessings never stop.

Bill: Swan: I am sure you will figure out a time to get to Julian. Beautiful spot.

Swan: Bill - The strangest thing happened this past week, an envelope with Mr. (husband's name) and Mrs. "our last name" on it arrived at my son's house. It was junk mail, but was just odd. I haven't had anything forwarded from Missouri for years since I haven't lived there for almost 7 years. My son lived at another address when my husband and I shared an address, so... It was just odd, my son said at first he thought of just throwing it away, but then didn't know if it was something real or junk, so he gave it to me. I told him it was fine to give me stuff with his dad's name on it, I am not as sensitive to that stuff anymore. It was my son that then commented that he wondered what his dad is up to and giving his address out for. Just one of those odd things that happen and make you say HUM

Bill: Swan: Definitely something that makes you say, "Hum," but I think it is cool that your son asked about it. Our kids need to be curious about this kind of thing but it doesn't work as well when we bring it up.

Swan: Bill - I know people that are in second or more marriages and they say they never think of their ex spouse unless someone brings them up, I just don't understand how anyone can just not think of a person they once shared so much with, especially when there are children. My mother was like that, or so she claimed, we would ask her about our father as we got older and she often said, she couldn't remember as an answer. When I did meet my father as an adult, he often said the same thing. How do you just forget?

Bill: Swan: Weird isn't it? I think people "forget" as a defense mechanism. They actually remember and it is traumatic so their soul causes a fog to roll in to protect them feeling all the pain.

Swan: Bill - We are at the stage were my husband can be mentioned and there isn't any discomfort, but when he comes down here at Christmas time and they are going to spend time with him, they tell me they have an event to attend and I am on my own for dinner. Although there was the one time I got home from work and my husband was standing in the garage talking with our son, I walked past him and he didn't so much as skip a beat in what he was saying, didn't even look in my direction. I just walked past and did what I was doing, went back into the house and stayed in my room. I did later tell my son if he had told me his dad was coming over, I would have made plans to do something after work. My son told me that he didn't know himself, his dad just showed up at the door.

Bill: Swan: I don't think there is any way to completely remove the awkwardness. Family relationships are so intense and we are so connected that events like this happen regularly. We know we can't predict or control the actions of our beloved MLCers so it is amazing they don't show up spontaneously more often just to make things interesting.

Swan: Bill - I agree, there were a couple times I tried to ask my dad things and he either didn't remember, told me it was rude to bring up that part of his past around his current wife or just told me those things are better left in the past. I didn't think the questions I was asking were rude to anyone, they were not about him and my mother, but more about why he visited one day when I was six and then never visited again, no letters, no child support, no nothing. His parents lived at the same house for years and I had sent letters, but neither he nor they ever responded and the letters didn't come back return to sender. He claimed he never got them, but his own mother ratted him out, when I asked her why she never gave them to him, she said she had.

Bill: Swan: interesting. I do find it fascinating that my dad refused to talk about any of the strange things going on in our family until he turned 84. Then, for some reason, he felt a need to start sharing - it has been quite revealing.

Swan: Bill - Unfortunately my dad didn't get to that point, he passed away a couple years back, and we had a strained relationship, kind of a Christmas card thing. But it would have been nice if someone had let me know he was sick and had passed. My daughter was the one to find out when she tried to contact him to get some family history information. His wife told her he had passed and no one knew how to get a hold of me, really he had just send me a Christmas card a few months before he passed, so the address was someplace.

Bill: Swan: I had the same thing with my grandparents. Families are strange and weird while they are also warm and wonderful!

Bill: Swan: Thank you for your faithfulness. I am out the door. See you next week.

Swan: Night Bill, see you next week, be safe.

Swan: Hi buttons

buttons: Hey swan just got home from staff meeting and meeting up D with furry one. H is off in 45 and dinner takes 30 to cook so I thought I'd pop in and say Hi

buttons: how are you doing swan?

Swan: buttons - I am doing well, thanks for stopping in, how have you been?

buttons: swan feeling pretty decent about my class this year and glad because emotionally things feel chaotic outside of school so.

Swan: buttons - good you have a decent class now, it is rough when chaos takes over all parts of your life, nice you at least don't have that at school.

buttons: swan D was supposed to meet with insurance side of things for fact finding or something mid-month however it's now been moved to June next year She is on mental health leave and is hoping to make it into a pain clinic program. S is nearing his lease being expired, sounds like he has a plan for where to live at least for a bit his car insurance went up 255% and now he's looking at borrowing money dang that reminds me I need to get from school to home (if I don't bring furry one to school), to S's place by 5 I think it is.

buttons: swan it sure is at least for the moment. There are challenges in the group and challenges due to changes in approach/concept on the part of the school district which has resulted in less support for some and really it's a mess. Thankfully my group can mostly function with myself and one person to support, where it falls apart is supervising the students who need support outside. Sigh, swan that's it, the vent

Swan: buttons - June of next year, that is long time to move a meeting to. Wow, that is a large increase, are you able to lend him that kind of money, remember not to put you and your husband is financial binds. I love my children, but there was a time when I had to tell my daughter no, she was always needing to borrow (she was never going to pay it back), but then I noticed she was wearing new clothes, going out with friends, etc. had to cut that off, she got so mad at me, but it was what was best at the time.

buttons: swan that is what reminded me we are trying to arrange for him to borrow money with us co-signing. We tried lending him money, even with a "contract" a few times and it just doesn't come back the challenge is it sounds like his bank wants US to take out the loan and it affects our rating but not his in any way we want something that helps him build up credit rating (co-signing I know affects us but it also affects the other person both positive and negative so more reason to pay!)

buttons: swan YES, June of next year is a long ways away that is also for fact finding, not settling. I think it's now at 3 yr point since accident.

Swan: buttons - sometimes co signing is not wise, depending on how responsible the child is. Sometimes they know the parents will be on the hook for payment or it will ruin their credit rating, so they assume the parents will make any payments they don't or can't make. You know the responsibility level of your son, so I would say let that lead your decision.

buttons: swan I also believe H said he was headed overseas again in February what he also had said is for the last time in quite a while however heard that before so. No one seems to understand that NO, he hasn't asked me to come and NO I can't just up and go away when I want, it is unlikely that I would get permission to go either.

buttons: swan really I don't know what to do however I also feel that as long as him not paying reflects on him too he's more likely to pay it's the bank not just us

Swan: buttons - my husband only ever asked me to attend work travel a couple times in 28 years, mostly because I just couldn't up and go until our kids were grown, even then I had a job and it wasn't as easy to just take off. I went a couple times, but to be honest found myself spending most of the time in the hotel room or sightseeing on my own, which was boring.

Swan: I need to head out so I can get dinner ready, hope life gets less chaotic for you, will add you to my prayer list.

buttons: swan it's just that often people ask and it's frustrating this is part of his MLC journey and although he shares more about it than he used to it's still his thing he at one point had said he'd never go without me again which has happened twice (at least once) since he also has said he'd like me to see things but that's the extent of it

buttons: Night swan!!! Hugs and continued prayers. Thank you

 

Swan: Bill - I know people that are in second or more marriages and they say they never think of their ex spouse unless someone brings them up, I just don't understand how anyone can just not think of a person they once shared so much with, especially when there are children. My mother was like that, or so she claimed, we would ask her about our father as we got older and she often said, she couldn't remember as an answer. When I did meet my father as an adult, he often said the same thing. How do you just forget?

Bill: Swan: Weird isn't it? I think people "forget" as a defense mechanism. They actually remember and it is traumatic so their soul causes a fog to roll in to protect them feeling all the pain.

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