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September 19, 2018 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Little Magpie: Swan/Bill - yes, she is thinking about seeing a counselor on campus, she didn't want to hear suggestions about bible reading or praise song singing. She did see my new counselor one session with me before she left as my counselor said she was open to it

Bill: Little Magpie: With your YD, I would also add that your acceptance is probably the strongest gift you can give her. We so often want to share our opinions and advice because we care so much about them and their growth. It can easily sound like criticism when anxiety is driving. Accepting them can feel like we are conceding or endorsing what they are doing but in reality it creates an environment of growth.

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September 19, 2018 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Swan: Hi Little Magpie

Little Magpie: Hello Bill and Swan

Little Magpie: Swan - How are you doing today?

Bill: Hello Swan and Little Magpie.

Swan: Hi Bill - how has your week been?

Swan: Little Magpie - I am doing good today, I am off work and managed to get several tasks done, so that always makes me feel good.

Little Magpie: Swan - yes, that does make one feel good

Bill: Swan: This time of year everything is "fine." Our travel schedule is crazy and the ministry load is big so we have to just focus, do the next thing and plan to rest in November. It is all good stuff but it is a very constant 2 months.

Bill: All: Despite the busy schedule, we are pretty excited because we have another grandson on the way any day.

Little Magpie: Bill - Congratulations!!!

Bill: Little Magpie: Thanks. It is hard to believe but it is magical.

Swan: Bill - Will this new grandbaby be near you and Pam or do they live in another area. For myself, I was so glad my grandson was close to us and really missed him so much when I moved to Missouri for a time, I am glad to be back with him. He is a teenager, but still a special guy to me.

Little Magpie: Bill - That's great! You and Pam are awesome parents and grandparents

Bill: All: Our new grandson will be living in Southern Indiana (near Louisville, KY). We are blessed that we travel so we can see our kids and grandkids but we none live "down the street."

Swan: Little Magpie - How are you doing with the stress and chaos going on in your life?

Swan: Bill - Now that is a blessing, traveling and getting to spend time with family in other areas. That would definitely be an upside to being away from home so much as you and Pam are.

Little Magpie: Bill - That is a blessing that you get the opportunity to see your family as much as you do. Swan- we had some new developments but the vehicle is totaled. My H is home safely from being in your area last weekend and my D and her Fiancé were really good to me while my H was gone.

Bill: Swan: absolutely. I can't imagine what it would be like if our kids lived where they do and we had to be home all the time. As it is we see them almost every month.

Little Magpie: Swan - there was a note to you in my last post

Bill: Little Magpie: Great to hear that your D and her fiancé were "really good to you" -Yea!

Swan: Little Magpie - Awesome that they were able to be there for you while your husband has to travel. PTSD can be a crippling part of one's life and getting control can leave one overwhelmed. Having someone around being a distraction and caring for you is really a great thing.

Little Magpie: Bill - they hung out with me every evening after my D got off work (that's a difficult time for me) and he drove us to church, took my grocery shopping and unloaded the groceries and took the garbage out and bins to the curb for pick up. It was a blessing

Bill: Little Magpie: I am so glad. I know you function best when you feel you are part of a caring community so I am sure this was a big boost for you.

Little Magpie: Swan - it was. Pray for my YD if you think of it. She is developing anxiety

Swan: Little Magpie - Will add her to my prayer list. Is she open to seeing a counselor to help with that because anxiety can take over a person's life if not addressed?

Little Magpie: Swan/Bill - yes, she is thinking about seeing a counselor on campus, she didn't want to hear suggestions about bible reading or praise song singing. She did see my new counselor one session with me before she left as my counselor said she was open to it

Little Magpie: Swan/Bill - suggestions from me

Bill: Little Magpie: Jesus, please open LM's YD heart to talking with someone who loves you and will sync with her current outlook on life. We know you have ways of connecting people so that real change takes place. Calm her heart and open her up to what you can provide for her.

Swan: Little Magpie - people dealing with anxiety often are not open to suggestions from others, especially those who hold an authority position in their lives, so don't take it personal, make limited suggestions in a light up beat kind of passing manner and then let it go. God is also often the first one people run from when they are dealing with stress, anxiety, chaos, etc. so maybe lead by example without words and hit your knees on her behalf.

Little Magpie: Bill - I was looking for comparisons today and found a peach/nectarine one, mine was 2 wd and the other was 4wd

Swan: Amen to Bill's prayer

Bill: Little Magpie: Sounds like progress.

Little Magpie: Bill - Thanks for the Prayer!

Bill: Little Magpie: With your YD, I would also add that your acceptance is probably the strongest gift you can give her. We so often want to share our opinions and advice because we care so much about them and their growth. It can easily sound like criticism when anxiety is driving. Accepting them can feel like we are conceding or endorsing what they are doing but in reality it creates an environment of growth.

Little Magpie: Bill - I did, I had prefaced it with something that can be helpful is. I also mentioned Saddleback's sermon this week was on giving up anxiety

Bill: Little Magpie: Well done.

Swan: Little Magpie - my daughter is a debate type person, when she was a teenager she would battle with me on everything, I could seriously comment on the sky being blue and she would want to debate the shade of blue. She really hasn't changed much as an adult and I often have to limit conversations with her. Fortunate for her she works in the legal profession and is very good at it. I have no clue why she needs to challenge everything, my son is very opposite and we raised them the same.

Little Magpie: All - she skyped us because she saw her HS was on a lock down due to a shooting and wanted to be sure we were all safe and get details

Bill: Little Magpie: Interesting she is that attached to you to inquire of your safety. That seems like a good sign.

Swan: Little Magpie - That is good she thought of skyping you during a stressful moment as that, it does show how much she cares for you and checked on your status.

Little Magpie: Bill - she is struggling for independence but she does love her family and friends

Little Magpie: Swan - Yes, that is good and we are VERY thankful

Bill: All: It is hard to watch our kids grow up - amen? We want them to be independent in a way that keeps them very connected to us - quite the journey.

Little Magpie: Bill - AMEN!

Swan: Bill - So true. I am so proud of both of my children, they had their hard times and did cause my heart to break at times, but they learned from those events and became honorable productive adults. My son and daughter in law are teaching my grandson well (his mom is the one he battles with, never his dad). They both married awesome people. To be honest, there are times part of my heart break now is how much of their lives my husband is missing out on, especially our grandson. Plus there is so much our grandson could benefit from his grandfather, but the choice has been made that my husband will have limited contact with his own flesh and blood to please the other woman. Our children have accepted it and are kind when there is contact, they don't want to cut their dad out completely, but do admit his choices do hurt and they don't understand. For holidays my husband will send a card and a sizable amount in a check to our grandson, the kid likes what he can buy with the money, but once a few years back commented that if grandpa wants to buy him off rather than spend time with him, it is grandpa's loss and he has to live with that.

Little Magpie: Swan - Your grandson is so wise especially for his young age

Bill: Swan: I echo so much of what you have said. I am very grateful that my sons and I are good friends and that we get along with the women they married. It is hard for me to believe that my parents just sat on the sidelines while my family developed but that is their choice. It has been well worth the effort working through the hard times, the experiences of rejection, disappointment, misunderstandings and criticism to finally arrive at a place where we develop good memories together. Praise God, progress is always possible.

Swan: Little Magpie - He is a pretty wise kid, he is an only child and I think that caused him to grow up earlier. He hangs out with other kids at school and sports and at church, but has mostly been around adults most of his life.

Bill: All: Good night folks. I need to get to another gathering and then prepare for travel tomorrow. I will be out of touch next week - men's retreat in BC where there is no wifi and no cell phone.

Little Magpie: All - Good night and have a wonderful rest of the week

Swan: Night all

 

Little Magpie: Swan/Bill - yes, she is thinking about seeing a counselor on campus, she didn't want to hear suggestions about bible reading or praise song singing. She did see my new counselor one session with me before she left as my counselor said she was open to it

Bill: Little Magpie: With your YD, I would also add that your acceptance is probably the strongest gift you can give her. We so often want to share our opinions and advice because we care so much about them and their growth. It can easily sound like criticism when anxiety is driving. Accepting them can feel like we are conceding or endorsing what they are doing but in reality it creates an environment of growth.

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