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August 08, 2018 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Swan: Bill - At one point my husband was going on about being all alone, that no one loves or cares about him and that is when I, well everyone in the house heard their conversation. My son raised his voice and told my husband that was a lie, there are people that love and care about him down here, he should have taken the job with the old company he had been offered a few months back, he made his choice to stay where he is and to be away from his family, so stop whining. I did tell my son later that wasn't the best way to handle his dad, he is most likely dealing with depression. My son agreed, but said he is just fed up and then told me he would give it a couple days and reach out to his dad again, but will cut any self pity conversations. I don't know what has happened since, I try not to ask and figure son will tell me if there is something I need to know.

Bill: Swan: It seems to me your son is doing just fine. I think he has room to be confrontational with his dad in short spurts. He seems to truly love his dad and his willingness to reach out in a couple of days is impressive. It is fascinating how his family instinctively tries to get you to speak for him even now.

 

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August 08, 2018 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Swan: Hi Bill, hope you and your family are staying safe.

Bill: Hi Swan. I have an important meeting tonight at 6 pm so I will be signing off at 5:45. We'll see what happens between now and then.

Bill: Swan: I assume you are saying that because of all the fires in Cali. Fortunately, we are unaffected. We have some friends who were affected by the Redding fire and the Idyllwild fire

Swan: Bill - My son finally heard from his father and the man is being stubborn and full of self pity/loathing. Sadly my son is now saying he cannot deal with his father's stuff anymore, it is too negative and emotionally draining. My husband lives near one of the fires, since I don't know exactly where he lives I am not sure which fire, but he is telling everyone that he is not going to evacuate, he is going to stay and fight for his property. Apparently the other woman has already packed her valuables and is out of the area, she wasn't going to stay with him. I cannot say I blame her, he is acting irrationally. I do find it kind of strange (yes, I know everything about him the past few years has been strange), but when he was in the Marine Corps and we lived on base, he would go into panics when the fires got too close to our housing area. He would have us pack up our cars to be ready to leave at a moment and now he is taking a stand. Plus, he is telling the kids that they should be glad he is doing what he is, because everyone would be better if he wasn't around. It is just sad and my son got so frustrated that he said he was talking to a brick wall and just cannot continue to do it.

Swan: Bill - Yes, I was talking about the fires, I have the news on and there is a new one in Lake Elsinore and it looks really nasty. Fortunately for us the fire that was here in Fallbrook, has been contained, some lost homes and it burned hundreds of acres, but it was in the more rural area. It just seems like the fires are really bad this year and I do worry that winter is going to be bad as well and the risk of mud slides could create a entirely new problem.

Bill: Swan: I am so sorry to hear about H's stubbornness. This sounds a lot like the dialogue we had with Pam's dad over and over again as he spent years feeling sorry for himself rather than reaching out to people who genuinely loved him. I admire your son for wanting to stay connected and completely respect his frustration. I would encourage him to have a "for right now" attitude as nothing seems to be permanent with MLCers.

Bill: Swan: I heard on the news that this has been one of the worst fire years so it is not just your perception. Most people who do not live in California think earthquakes are our big deal when in reality fires are the big culprit.

Swan: Bill - At one point my husband was going on about being all alone, that no one loves or cares about him and that is when I, well everyone in the house heard their conversation. My son raised his voice and told my husband that was a lie, there are people that love and care about him down here, he should have taken the job with the old company he had been offered a few months back, he made his choice to stay where he is and to be away from his family, so stop whining. I did tell my son later that wasn't the best way to handle his dad, he is most likely dealing with depression. My son agreed, but said he is just fed up and then told me he would give it a couple days and reach out to his dad again, but will cut any self pity conversations. I don't know what has happened since, I try not to ask and figure son will tell me if there is something I need to know.

Swan: Bill - I have been getting emails from family in Missouri, the fires here are on the news there as well. Even my husband's siblings are wanting to know how he is, I connected them with my son and reminded them that I don't impose myself on their brother, it is his wish for there to be no contact between us and I respect that. I agree with the for right now advice, MLCers change direction so quickly.

Swan: Bill - I cannot remember the last time I felt an earthquake, but yeah that is what most relate California to.

Swan: Bill - Little Magpie has a college meeting tonight, she was going to try to make it in tonight. I really hope things are going well with at least that aspect for them, she has been so stressed and feeling overwhelmed lately.

Swan: Bill - If you want to head out earlier, I got the room, no reason to rush to your meeting.

Bill: Swan: It seems to me your son is doing just fine. I think he has room to be confrontational with his dad in short spurts. He seems to truly love his dad and his willingness to reach out in a couple of days is impressive. It is fascinating how his family instinctively tries to get you to speak for him even now.

Bill: Swan: I do pray for Little Magpie. She has so much potential for good and she has such a history of short changing herself. Hopefully, this is her breakthrough year.

Bill: Swan: I will hang out a few more minutes then sign off early. Thanks.

Swan: Bill - My husband cut ties with his family even before me because of his mother, they have tried to reach out to him, but it wasn't good, he got kind of nasty with them. They care, but aren't willing to risk contacting him direct.

Swan: Bill - I agree on Little Magpie, he heart is so much in the right place, but she does short change herself. She tries so hard to handle everything, but doesn't get much help and gets so overwhelmed. I am glad she is maintaining her relationship with God.

Bill: Swan: Agreed. It is remarkable how blind our beloved MLCers become to the love and support that exists for them. It is a vivid reminder to all of us how self-pity will ruin us if we allow it to take hold. The Bible is very clear that the heart of mankind is a self-deceiving force. It is easy to forget that until we watch someone close to us living in self-imposed blindness. Jesus, help us all.

Swan: Bill - Have you been in contact with Jim lately, some have been asking how he is and I haven't seen him on Face book lately.

Bill: Swan: I have not talked with him in a few weeks. I will reach out and let you know next week. Thanks for your faithfulness. May God bless you for the investment you are making in others. See you next week.

Swan: Thanks, see you next week

Swan: Bill - At one point my husband was going on about being all alone, that no one loves or cares about him and that is when I, well everyone in the house heard their conversation. My son raised his voice and told my husband that was a lie, there are people that love and care about him down here, he should have taken the job with the old company he had been offered a few months back, he made his choice to stay where he is and to be away from his family, so stop whining. I did tell my son later that wasn't the best way to handle his dad, he is most likely dealing with depression. My son agreed, but said he is just fed up and then told me he would give it a couple days and reach out to his dad again, but will cut any self pity conversations. I don't know what has happened since, I try not to ask and figure son will tell me if there is something I need to know.

Bill: Swan: It seems to me your son is doing just fine. I think he has room to be confrontational with his dad in short spurts. He seems to truly love his dad and his willingness to reach out in a couple of days is impressive. It is fascinating how his family instinctively tries to get you to speak for him even now.

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