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May 02, 2018 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Swan: Bill - sometimes the best answers come from the common everyday person, not experts. Plus people will tend to listen better to someone they can relate to more than someone who is speaking more from education. Sadly, I know I can get lost when someone is speaking at me from educated knowledge, but when someone who has lived it is talking to me and I can relate, it sticks with me far more.

Bill: Swan: Exactly! People don't view their families and close friendship like an education or a career. These are casual pursuits for them which are why casual conversations are so powerful. There are numerous studies that have established that people who are significantly connected to people they trust overcome issues better than people who are pursuing the same change in counseling.

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May 02, 2018 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Swan: Hi Bill, sorry I am late, had something come up at work and needed to stay longer there.

Bill: Swan: No worries since I was flying solo anyway.

Swan: Bill - I am amazed at the youth of today, no regard for others, no idea of responsibility, no concern for how their personal selfishness affects places and people they have made commitments to. Maybe that is the problem, they haven't actually committed, they just show up when they want and think it is all good to go. When I was a teenager and was working, I, nor any of my fellow workers would have even considered just not showing up for work, not calling, not caring and then three days later finally sending an email that you quit and where to send your paycheck!!!

Swan: Bill - spouses of my age group are dealing with midlife crisis, I cannot even imagine what it is going to be like for my grandson's generation.

Bill: Swan: Wow, sounds like you had quite a day. So, it is interesting you bring this up because there is a growing burden on my heart related to this. In simplest form, there is a Biblical mandate for one generation to pass on to the next two generations the truth about God and life. Psalm 71:18 is just one example, "Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come."

Bill: I believe one reason we are in the shape we are is the link is broken. So many "adults" have given up their authority for selfish pursuits (hence MLC) and lost their God-given influence among the next generation. I have tried to get away from this burden because it looks impossible but God won't let up in my heart.

Bill: Swan: I think there is a great opportunity for the church to address this and the key is to get the generations together simply to answer each other's questions. Most people don't feel they qualify as experts but everyone I know can answer sincere questions.

Swan: Bill - That really is an issue, I don't know if it is because families live so far away from each other in this age or people have just gotten lazy, but grandparents are not doing their part either for the most. As much as I don't want my grandson to feel upset with me, I have had times when I simply could not keep my mouth shut and spoke to him about some of his attitude he gives him mother. I don't always agree with her, but do not want him to feel it is ok to push her until she gives in. And my grandson is a good kid, just rebels from time to time. I wait until he is alone and will bring the subject up and just give him my view point on it. Typically he admits he didn't handle it well and would never speak to his father that way and I can tell when it happens again, he pauses and will not repeat the same approach.

Bill: Swan: Way to go. This is a good example of what I believe is supposed to be happening. Your grandson knows you love him and that you don't take sides. He may not always like what you say but he can't deny it is sincere and motivated by love. It seems to me that many are afraid because they haven't handled their own lives well, others are intimidated by the rush of technology and many are just "boomers" who think they are the best generation that has ever lived.

Swan: Bill - sometimes the best answers come from the common everyday person, not experts. Plus people will tend to listen better to someone they can relate to more than someone who is speaking more from education. Sadly, I know I can get lost when someone is speaking at me from educated knowledge, but when someone who has lived it is talking to me and I can relate, it sticks with me far more.

Bill: Swan: Exactly! People don't view their families and close friendship like an education or a career. These are casual pursuits for them which are why casual conversations are so powerful. There are numerous studies that have established that people who are significantly connected to people they trust overcome issues better than people who are pursuing the same change in counseling.

Bill: Swan: My personal conviction is that counseling is for "injury recovery" in much the same way as athletes go to trainers and doctors when they are injured. Aside from that they need coaching which in relationships is provided by family and friends.

Swan: Bill - When my grandson was little he attempted to play his parents against his grandparents, he even told his dad once that he was going to tell grandma and she would tell him to do it. Back then I would tell him that his mommy and daddy made the rules and when it came to him I even I had to listen to them. I would always ask them about anything I had questions about when my grandson said it was ok with his parents, but it didn't seem to me it would really be. I had a mother in law that had the rule when we were in her house she was the boss and would often tell my kids the opposite of anything I had rules for, even things I know she had the same rules for her own children, I just never wanted to make my daughter in law feel like I had. Plus too many different rules only confuse children.

Bill: Swan: I think your approach is much better but I also contend it was good for the kids to have their grandmother in their lives even though she was difficult. Even irregular family members create stability if they are committed to be around. Having said that, I also think it is vital for those of us who are committed to healthy living to consistently show an example of how to stay focused and centered in the midst of chaos so the next generation has a clear choice of how they would like to live.

Swan: Bill - I had been to counselors over the years in regards to the abuse from my step father, the feeling of abandonment by my father, etc. I would go, sit, listen and when I was asked "And how did that make you feel" I would feel like a wounded animal having bright lights directed in my eyes, I would freeze and my mind go blank, then the probing of how I felt would start, it only made me want to escape and quickly, which froze my thought process even more. The last counselor I went to was when my husband was with the first other woman and this wonderful lady didn't ask me how I was feeling, she told me that she understood, that she herself had been abused in her youth and told me that we could just talk and when I was ready to try to understand my pain and emotions, we could talk about that too. I was our third session that I started opening up and was able to finally express how I felt and was feeling, it was finally safe to say those things, I didn't feel like I needed to keep them locked away or that what I had to say was going to shock her and make her think badly of me.

Bill: Swan: Amazing how it is the little things that make the difference. Her ability to simply "know what pain feels like" raised your confidence level. I think too often we try to replace this with credentials and big vocabulary. In contrast, Jesus (the smartest person in the universe) was simple and relational!

Bill: By the way, Pam and I leave on Saturday for Israel. I will miss the next two weeks in chat room

Swan: Bill - We didn't live the same state as the grandparents and as hard as it was at times; I made her the kids called each grandma weekly, even when they were teenagers and really didn't want to take the time. The calls were never more than 30 minutes, but when my mother was at the end, she told me that those phone calls were the high points in her life and she waited all week to be able to talk to the kids. I must have made some positive impression in my mother in law, when we went to Missouri for my father in laws funeral, she immediately knew who my husband was, even called him by name and when my youngest sister in law asked if she knew who I was, she said "yes, xxx's wife" She was in the last stages of Alzheimer’s so for her to recognize anyone was something. She kept calling my younger brother in law, that little girl, no one knows why; she looks nothing like a little girl, but...

Swan: Bill - Ok, I will cover the room and keep you in prayer for your trip. It sounds like an exciting trip.

Bill: Swan: All my grandkids live in different states but we are diligent to stay in touch. It is a hassle but well worth the effort. I can tell they think more of themselves because we go out of our way for them. The trip to Israel should be very fulfilling. I am especially excited because this is Pam's first trip.

Swan: Bill - My church has a group that goes to Israel each year, plus the Christian network is always advertising for someone going there. It seems like a wonderful place and I imagine it is very spiritual walking were Jesus walked, but I personally really hate to travel by air, so it isn't even one of those places on my bucket list.

Bill: Swan: Haha. I think the big value is in seeing the Bible in 3D. Things just make more sense when you can picture the context where the Bible was developed.

Swan: Bill - If you are even in Arkansas around Eureka Springs, stop in for the Passion play and Bible land experience, awesome and I didn't have to fly!!

Bill: Swan: Awesome!

Swan: I am going to say chat is over for today, thanks for your views, I always appreciate getting them. You and Pam have a safe trip, have fun and I will see you when you get back.

Bill: Thank you Swan. I appreciate your commitment and insight. Thanks for sharing it!

Bill: See you in a couple weeks

Swan: Bill - sometimes the best answers come from the common everyday person, not experts. Plus people will tend to listen better to someone they can relate to more than someone who is speaking more from education. Sadly, I know I can get lost when someone is speaking at me from educated knowledge, but when someone who has lived it is talking to me and I can relate, it sticks with me far more.

Bill: Swan: Exactly! People don't view their families and close friendship like an education or a career. These are casual pursuits for them which are why casual conversations are so powerful. There are numerous studies that have established that people who are significantly connected to people they trust overcome issues better than people who are pursuing the same change in counseling.

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