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June 21, 2017 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Swan: Little Magpie - What happens if you don't step in and take responsibility for others? Just wondering, sometimes others will actually step in and take care of their responsibilities if no one else with jump in and do it for them.

Bill: Swan: Great question to consider. I am a big believer in fully taking on our responsibility while not taking on the responsibility that legitimately belongs to others. It is easier to think about than to do but I think it is a theme we should all keep in front of us on a daily basis.

 

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June 21, 2017 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Swan: Hi everyone, welcome to Wednesday evening chat with Bill

Swan: Hi Bill - How is boat life?

Bill: Swan: I am loving it. We, of course, are still getting settled but I like the scenery, the rocking back and forth as we sleep, the morning walks . . . Great lifestyle for us.

Bill: Swan: Fortunately, the boat drove flawlessly during the move. It was an 8 hour trip so many things could have gone wrong but everything ran like it should. Thank you Jesus!

Bill: Good Evening Little Magpie.

Little Magpie: Good Evening Bill! Glad that your boat drove well and that it is enjoyable

Little Magpie: Swan- Hello

Bill: Little Magpie: Me too. It would be miserable if we didn't enjoy it!!!!!

Little Magpie: Bill - That it would.

Bill: All: I also love the fact that we can clean and be ready to go in 30 minutes. Great stuff for an "on the road" lifestyle.

Little Magpie: Bill - That does sound Awesome.

Bill: All: The two "functional" goals of our transition to boat life were to relocate closer to my parents and make it easier to be away from home. We are definitely closer to my folks and first appearances look like the boat life will aid us in our ability to get on the road when necessary. Thanks for the prayers along the way.

Little Magpie: Bill - Being in the Sandwich is getting rough. MIL...

Little Magpie: Bill - You have our prayers! Glad it looks like it will work well!!

Swan: Bill - It is a nice way to have a home in one location or when you travel if there is a water path. Praise the Lord all went well during the transport trip, I know there were many praying for you. I have known many in the military that after retirement sold their homes and either bought an RV or a boat and I cannot think of any who went the boat route that didn't love it.

Swan: Hi Little Magpie - How are you this week?

Bill: All: The move to the boat is also reminding me of an important life lesson. God's plan for each of our lives will sync with our talents and spiritual gifts. So far I have discovered that living on a boat requires a number of things: (1) Mechanical skill. There are numerous things that need to be maintained regularly that involve machinery or some other mechanical functioning. Every male in my family has the tinkering gene so this is a good fit for me. (2) You have to be friendly. It seems everyone who has a boat wants to talk. I am amazed at how many people we have met in just a few short days who want to share about their lives and find out about ours. Fortunately Pam and I like people. (3) You have to be adaptable. Scaling down and living close to each other requires a flexible, cooperative environment. I have to give Pam credit here as she is taking it all in stride and finding the humor in it. I was confident she would because of how adaptable she has been on the road for 20 years.

Bill: Little Magpie: Ok, what do you mean by "being in the sandwich is getting rough?"

Little Magpie: Swan - I normally leave a little early on Wednesday so I can make it here on time but had to leave an additional 2.5 hours earlier than that today. MIL had a meeting to talk to those doing her care at the care facility and find out what needs to be done before she can come home. As part of her "Support Team" I had to be there as H was having a medical procedure today (out patient -routine procedure) so he couldn't be there.

Swan: Little Magpie - sometimes when others attempt to put us in the middle of their issues we have to start with prayer, ask God to show us what our boundaries are and how to lovingly let the others know, stepping back is often the best way to deal with it and if they are in strife, you might just need to let them knock it out with being dragged into it.

Bill: All: In the same way that God has equipped us for this season, He prepares each of us with the skills, temperament, interest, energy level and passion for what He wants us to pursue. The challenge is accepting the calling and walking in it.

Little Magpie: Bill - We need to get handrails put in at her home for her to come home, build an additional step on her house and purchase and install grab bars

Bill: Little Magpie: It all sounds very familiar!!

Little Magpie: All - My plate is full and overflowing and I went to our couples counselor solo last night and talked things thru with him (H couldn't go as he had to do prep for his procedure today). None of us know how to do this work and are at a loss. MIL's dad was skilled and so was her ex FIL but my H and his brother aren't.

Little Magpie: Bill - It must help some that you are skilled and know how to do this type of thing

Bill: Little Magpie: No doubt. So, do you all know anyone in your church or circle of friends who works in the construction field or is a good handyman?

Bill: Little Magpie: If you don't know anyone close, how do you go about finding people to help when situations like this arise? Also, does MIL have any funds to work with?

Little Magpie: Bill and Swan - I haven't had an opportunity to download w/ my H. Bill - We don't know anyone any more. The ones we knew have passed on to heaven or moved to the sunshine. Bill we normally fake it or just ignore it because it will eventually go away.

Bill: Little Magpie: How soon do you need to get the work done?

Swan: Little Magpie - Often at home improvement stores they have experts in the departments that can and will talk you through things, there are also a lot of do it yourself help videos on line and most are free. That is how I have learned to so many things when I was on my own and had my condo. That or I would ask around church, typically someone could and would help me for a very reasonable cost or in a couple instances a scratch made cake of their choice.

Little Magpie: Bill - They said that they want to keep her thru next week but don't know if her insurance will go for it. Insurance may kick her out before then. We do have a local hardware store chain that has been in the area for a very long time. Our plumber whose folks used to remodel (he did her bath room when he did that type thing) said his people are retired, died and aren't taking side jobs.

Little Magpie: Bill - the plumber had 3 guys who used to do that type of work for him

Swan: Little Magpie - Also depending on the size of your library, most have a great selection of do it yourself books or compact discs you can check out.

Little Magpie: All - so tho I didn't want to be involved I was thrown into being the only Doer of the group

Little Magpie: All - I am trying to figure out where to head to first before the grad party we have to go to tonight. We missed (our friend's son's) graduation tonight because of all this stuff.

Little Magpie: Bill and Swan - any more ideas???

Bill: Little Magpie: This is the time of life when asking for help is strategic. I am going to send you a private message with some contacts in your area. These are all good folks who will likely know someone who can give you the help you are looking for.

Little Magpie: Thank you Bill!

Little Magpie: Bill and Swan - I am going to contact two of my H's uncles on his Dad's side to see if they have any ideas or if maybe they know how to help

Swan: Little Magpie - What happens if you don't step in and take responsibility for others? Just wondering, sometimes others will actually step in and take care of their responsibilities if no one else with jump in and do it for them.

Bill: Little Magpie: Great call on getting a hold of H's uncles.

Little Magpie: All - I may see if H will be willing to call them since it is for HIS Mom

Swan: Little Magpie - that sounds like a plan, heck if they can help that would be great. You cannot become too stressed, seek help from others so you do not burn yourself out.

Bill: Swan: Great question to consider. I am a big believer in fully taking on our responsibility while not taking on the responsibility that legitimately belongs to others. It is easier to think about than to do but I think it is a theme we should all keep in front of us on a daily basis.

Bill: Little Magpie: Even better call at having H call his uncles!

Little Magpie: Swan - I don't know if anything will happen if I don't jump in. Mom tried getting ahold of her brother but he hasn't even called her back and it has been several days now.

Swan: Bill - I spent too many years being the E woman (everything to everyone) and it exhausted me, at one point I was sitting in the emergency and the doctor asked me that question, told me that I had to stop taking on everyone else's tasks, directions and responsibilities, if they needed to fall then that was something I just needed to let happen. It was really hard for me, but once I started to let go, it was amazing how many stepped up and did what they were supposed to. Bottom line as long as I was there to jump in they were going to let me, when I stopped they realized if they didn't do it, it wasn't happening. My life has been less stressed since I listened to that doctor.

Little Magpie: Swan - Yes, my stress level and plate are full and overflowing.

Little Magpie: Swan - sounds like my being referred to Behavioral health and cardiology because of my stress lately.

Bill: Swan: Thanks for sharing that. It seems to me there is a general fear among us that things will fail if we don't jump in. There is truth to that when the responsibility truly belongs to us but it is definitely not true when we are taking on what others ought to be doing. Your personal story of how this works is extremely valuable because it gives emotional oomph to what we all know is intellectually true. Little Magpie: I think it is a worthwhile activity to pray about how much you really should do in this situation. IF I were you, I would turn over whatever information you discover to your H and let him make the calls. If he sincerely asks for your help, you may want to take action but if it is just vaguely falling to you it might be better to pray rather than act. There is no formula for this stuff but it is worth considering.

Little Magpie: Bill - thank you! My parent's and our counselor have encouraged me to pray about the things "on my plate" that are stressing me out. Thanks for the suggestion to simply be a "help meet" to my H and give him information but let him to the follow through.

Bill: Little Magpie: It is my experience that God is always faithful when we take on our responsibility and leave others' responsibility to them. A common cycle is: we take on the responsibility of others; it makes them less mature because they don't have to follow through; their immaturity interrupts our lives; we complain about them not being mature enough; repeat. Nobody would ever say we like this cycle but it is a frequently traveled path.

Little Magpie: Bill - Thank you! We will need to share with H's brother some of the job w/Mom.

Little Magpie: Bill - My H is the oldest of two and he gets the responsibility

Bill: All: I am signing off. Let's all strive to be stewards of the life God has given us. In that pursuit, let's remind each other not to take on the stewardship God has directed to others. It may be a tough lesson to learn but God always provides for what He calls us to. Stay courageous! see you next week.

Little Magpie: All - BTW my H's b was in the meeting today so he is aware of what needs to happen.

Little Magpie: All - Have a good night and great rest of the week. Thank you!!!

Swan: Bye Bill see you next week. Have fun on the water!

Swan: Little Magpie - What happens if you don't step in and take responsibility for others? Just wondering, sometimes others will actually step in and take care of their responsibilities if no one else with jump in and do it for them.

Bill: Swan: Great question to consider. I am a big believer in fully taking on our responsibility while not taking on the responsibility that legitimately belongs to others. It is easier to think about than to do but I think it is a theme we should all keep in front of us on a daily basis.

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