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March 22, 2017 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Little Magpie: Bill - on this vein - I was listening to "Live the Promise" and the guest Robia was speaking on "Counterfeit Comforts" and spoke about asking the HS to help. How do you connect with the HS when you are empty??

Bill: Little Magpie: You just connect. We tend to think the Holy Spirit is only interested in helping us when we are doing well and on our game. The reality is He is a constant help to anyone who is humble enough to ask. The other part is, of course, is resting in Him so our ears are open. We all have a tendency to overwork our requests. In other words, we ask and then we strive to find the answer rather than just rest for the answer.

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March 22, 2017 / Wednesday Chat with Bill

Bill: Good evening. Welcome to the chat room. I hope life has been treating you well this week and that you can see the hope amidst the turmoil!

Little Magpie: Hello Bill

Bill: Little Magpie: Good evening

Bill: Little Magpie: How are you tonight?

Little Magpie: Bill - I am trying to figure it out. Life has been really crazy. Ended up picking up a c-pap tonight, YD has a concert tomorrow, H birthday is Friday, H concert Sunday and our Anniversary on Tuesday. Oh and ED got engaged.

Little Magpie: Bill - How was your speaking engagement last week?

Bill: Little Magpie: Wow, I think you have more going on in one week than anyone else I know. Your family is amazingly active and "intense."

Bill: Little Magpie: The Promise Keepers event in Edmonton was outstanding. Thanks for asking.

Little Magpie: Bill - Glad to hear it!

Little Magpie: Bill - Trying to figure how to ask. How does one keep from getting upset about failed expectations? I know H is not good with occasions and yet I always am hopeful that he will "get it", instead I am constantly upset because of his lack of response. I always try to show him how appreciated he is on his occasions but he may get a card for me if he remembers that.

Bill: Little Magpie: I have another question I would like you to share your thoughts on. I meet a significant number of people who become discontent during their 40s and 50s. It seems to get on a roll and assaults their thinking on just about every subject. I know you have struggled with this so any insight you have to share would be helpful.

Bill: Little Magpie: Great question. I don't want to pretend to have "the answer" but I am happy to share my observations. First, I think it begins with knowing ourselves. We are all emotionally attached to life in a way that is kind of unique to us. We also tend to marry what we "don't have" in people who have experienced similar pain. It is quite the formula for frustration. My brother, for instance, is very sentimental. I, on the other hand, am intensely tied to teamwork. When people disregard my brother's sentimental attachments he gets his feelings hurt quickly. When I feel left out of decisions and have to be "too independent" I get irritated. I, of course, married an independent, decisive woman! My brother, of course, married a woman who moves from experience to experience quickly with very little notice.

Little Magpie: Bill - I think if we would have had good pre-marital counseling to help us deal with our issues as individuals before coming together as a couple it would have helped me, us. You also can get to a point where you wonder if things are worth it when you are constantly voicing the same things and they don't change, i.e. importance of Significant Occasions and celebrating them. I think Gary Thomas' idea of Cherish which we are called to do may have something to do with it too. If people were taught how to cherish one another it would help. Society pushes the selfish, me first ideas and not the honoring of others

Bill: Little Magpie: So, recognizing that your frustration is based in who you are is step one. From there, it gets tricky. I believe every relationship can build a system together that is mutually satisfying. It doesn't happen easily, however, and it can't be forced. It happens when an atmosphere of trust, acceptance and freedom is developed. That is more of an art form than a directive because it involves the heart. When people are convinced they are accepted, forgiven and free to explore, they tend to get on a track of improvement. If there is fear of rejection, criticism, over analysis, judgment, etc., people throw up their defenses and guard territory.

Bill: Little Magpie: You, of course, are right but it seldom as simple as you described. Few people have grown up in healthy homes where the only influence we had to worry about is the society we live in. When you have been wounded by the people who love you the most early in life, it programs you to mesh love and pain together. One of the quickest ways to produce pain is to fall short of known desires and withhold love and encouragement.

Bill: Little Magpie: It has also been my experience that most of the real issues lie dormant until we get in an intimate relationship. In other words, the issues that need to be dealt with before marriage are invisible until the intensity of marriage pushes them to the surface.

Little Magpie: Bill -Hmmm, I hadn't thought of that. I also think Media might have a bigger role than we give credence to when it comes to relationships. Things are played out on the screen in such a way over time that we tend to think it is the way things are meant to be. We also think life will be easy as a married couple the fairy tale and don't realize the stress and how tough "real life" is for individuals and couples but as a couple you do have more strength when you receive the support from your significant other to face the trials of life.

Bill: Little Magpie: The influence of media goes up as the influence of family goes down. A family that avoids interaction, discussion and deliberate training becomes more susceptible to the messages in the world. To be sure, we are bombarded with messages that are entertaining but not realistic. Many of us have a hard time recognizing they are just entertainment because we didn't develop the filters and discernment to weed out poor ideas as we embrace healthy ideas.

Little Magpie: Bill - That is where I am. We are not deliberate, don't have discussions and avoid interaction. H and I don't really know how to communicate so we usually don't. Thus our discussions don't happen. I used to try to encourage conversation but my H has some issues with volume and such, sensory issue so he gets upset if we are trying to converse in the vehicle with kids in the back seat or around the dinner table.

Bill: Little Magpie: Since I have interacted with both of you, let me give my two cents. I see both of you as people who want things to work but are afraid. When new ways are introduced it produces either resistance or reactions that fight against your desires. For instance, your H will give simple answers to complex issues and shut down. You, on other hand, can become intense as you "push" for a solution. Keep in mind; I don't use "push" negatively as I think you are honestly trying to find a way to be in love. When mixed with resistance, however, it becomes a stone wall. It seems to me a good approach is to begin consistently asking God to share with you what will work. I believe He will whisper ideas to you and/or lead you to verses that will jump out to you with practical suggestions. They will probably be surprising because they are aimed at breaking through the resistance that only God knows the source of. You have certainly tried all the prescribed steps that tend to work when there is a lack of relational skill. Breaking through woundedness is a different animal.

Little Magpie: Bill - why are we so dysfunctional??

Bill: Little Magpie: It is in our nature. The fall of mankind is real and it has been furthered for generations. By nature, people are self-centered and self-destructive. At the same time, people loath to be alone so they join in relationships and share the misery! It is only through an intense relationship with Jesus and learned skills practiced over and over that we have a chance at healthy relationships. We really should not be surprised that people are struggling. We should be amazed when people figure out how to be sacrificially loving. I believe it is possible with the help of the Holy Spirit but it is tough. It usually starts with one person deciding to be selflessly invested in a healthy way of living regardless of whether anyone follows suit. Big calling but worth it in my opinion.

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Swan: Sorry all, I got stuck in traffic behind and accident.

Bill: Swan: No worries. For once, I had it covered for you!

Little Magpie: Bill - on this vein - I was listening to "Live the Promise" and the guest Robia was speaking on "Counterfeit Comforts" and spoke about asking the HS to help. How do you connect with the HS when you are empty??

Little Magpie: Swan - Hello! Glad you are okay!

Little Magpie: All - Oh, ED got a PT job at another daycare. She worked part time on Friday and worked today and Friday.

Swan: Little Magpie - I was just stuck in traffic, unfortunately in this area around rush hour any accident will bring traffic to a stop, even a little fender bender. There are signs everywhere telling people to pull off and exchange info, these four didn't do that and reduced a four lane freeway to one.

Bill: Little Magpie: You just connect. We tend to think the Holy Spirit is only interested in helping us when we are doing well and on our game. The reality is He is a constant help to anyone who is humble enough to ask. The other part is, of course, is resting in Him so our ears are open. We all have a tendency to overwork our requests. In other words, we ask and then we strive to find the answer rather than just rest for the answer.

Little Magpie: Bill - I long to have a close and intimate relationship with the Lord. I haven't been able to figure it out. Or learn how to balance things with our natural world and the Lord in the spiritual. One would think it would be simple to put it together

Little Magpie: Swan - When did the changes happen on the program? My chat doesn't work the same as it used to.

Swan: Little Magpie - For me, when it seems like I am not feeling the close relationship, I find that I am sometimes over thinking things, going back to prayer, praise music and daily Bible reading often helps me get back into balance.

Little Magpie: Bill - I hope my comments were in a vein you were looking for.

Swan: Little Magpie - I didn't notice any changes, what changes are you referring to?

Bill: Little Magpie: It is simple but it isn't easy. Our tendency is to complicate life and rely on self-effort rather than sow to the Spirit and let Him produce His life in us. As you can see, I can explain it quickly but yielding to it, crucifying the flesh's desire to take over, subordinating our felt needs to His guidance, etc. are tough, tough, tough.

Little Magpie: Bill - re: 40-50 years old

Little Magpie: Swan - I think I have not been in so long that I forgot how things were set up. I was trying to remember how to retrieve the message you sent.

Bill: All: I need to get going. Halfway to San Diego. Flying to Saskatchewan (PK) then onto Chicago (Olivet Nazarene University). Would appreciate your prayers.

Swan: Little Magpie - You scroll up to see what was said prior, simple for that one.

Swan: I need to head out too; getting stuck has put my entire night off schedule. Bill praying for safe travel and spiritual conference.

Little Magpie: Bill - Prayers!! Thank you!! Swan - Have a great night

Little Magpie: Bill - on this vein - I was listening to "Live the Promise" and the guest Robia was speaking on "Counterfeit Comforts" and spoke about asking the HS to help. How do you connect with the HS when you are empty??

Bill: Little Magpie: You just connect. We tend to think the Holy Spirit is only interested in helping us when we are doing well and on our game. The reality is He is a constant help to anyone who is humble enough to ask. The other part is, of course, is resting in Him so our ears are open. We all have a tendency to overwork our requests. In other words, we ask and then we strive to find the answer rather than just rest for the answer.

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