Little Magpie: Grace - How do you handle your frustration and angry feelings so you don't project it toward your H when he does something?
Grace: Little Magpie. I absolutely can relate. I don't know about you but I got closer to God than I ever had before in my life! He sustained me daily. He revealed so much to me that my h could not believe at the time. I was just telling my husband that I was on chat to "give back". That we have been so blessed and closer than ever! He agreed. I'll tell you. The guilt these guys carry for the rest of their lives is not something I would wish on anyone.
Swan: HopinginHim - It is awesome that he still desires that daily communication and you are doing so good. Too often when our spouses call, we attempt to be serious, trying to say meaningful things and to get them to "understand", which typically backfires. Jim always says to keep conversations light and safe; you are doing that, great job.
HopinginHim1: Swan - Thanks so much for that. We seem to have become good at being "friends". I don't ask anything and he is also kind in that his relationship with the OW is in no way public. In fact, in many ways, he still treats me as his wife. His secretary even emails me at Christmas and thanks me for her Christmas bonus. Those things help, but I still and trying not to look at him and his actions for security, but put my trust in my faith.
Brin: Cricket, Swan - And I feel so frustrated when he accuses me that I just want to stop talking. I do stop because I don't want to react and aggravate the situation but he gets upset that I won't talk anymore and accuses me of more.
Cricket: Brin - Then it sounds to me that he's reacting to not having your support in his new job. In his mind, this was extremely important for his and your future and he felt you drew a line in the sand that it was the job or you. Playing devil's advocate, he can feel that being newly married, the first obstacle or challenge that you faced as a couple, you weren't there for him. That you were only looking at how lonely or alone you'd be and not looking at what he saw as a great career opportunity for him. I don't mean that's how you reacted, but in a new marriage, neither has had a chance to build confidence & trust in one another.
Little Magpie: All - Thank you. It has been so many years that we have not really communicated that we have to learn how again. It sounds and seems strange but it is what has happened
Cricket: Little Magpie - It does not sound strange, it IS what happens. More common than you may realize. When you start learning to communicate again, it takes time to trust what you can say. It's common to feel like you're walking on eggs for a bit but the more you work at communicating better, the more comfortable it will get. A big thing is that I know you feel your H can be harsh and you feel defensive, it will be very important to keep those emotions in check. I compare it to working out - no pain, no gain. When you hold everything in and don't share honestly, you're avoiding conflict but it's healthier to be honest with one another and in time you won't feel defensive.
Brin: Little Magpie - I'm doing good. Going through some stress with my H possibly taking a job in another state. That means I will only see him on the weekend, plus he'll have to spend money on a living expenses there. Trying to trust God in all of this. I am feeling calmer about this than a few days ago. Been praying a lot.
Little Magpie: Brin - May the Lord give you His Peace and Wisdom as pros and cons are weighed and decisions are made