Little Magpie: All - I am beginning to see that after years of being giving, putting others ahead of me. I was frequently being told to "take care of yourself", now I see that I have flipped and become selfish. I don't like it and it brings a lot of uncomfortable feelings to my heart. What do I do?? How do I flip back ad still be honorable to the self that God gave??
Brin: Swan, cricket - things have been a bit better at home. Thanks for the prayers. I have felt them this week. Please keep praying for a hedge of protection around our marriage, finances and health. I know the enemy is out to destroy.
Cricket: Brin - Good to hear there has been some improvement at home. I do know it's harder to go into a marriage as we get older and adjusting to different thinking and habits. They always say the first year is very difficult.
Cricket: Finding Nemo - The criminal case process takes time so not unusual for it to take awhile, I'd check in about a month to just stay in touch so things don't fall through the cracks. The important thing is that you won and eventually the OW will be held responsible.
Finding Nemo: Cricket - Wednesday night we were sitting at the computer together logged into my account. He got an alert from the bank stating someone was trying to access his bank account. This triggered him to go look at other accounts. I happened to notice on one of the credit card accounts that OW2 phone number was added to the account. I used to work for a credit card company customer service so I knew you can look to see when it was added, etc. So, he will call and give the information to the detective.
Bluesky: dumbfounded2, I completely understand. You were very lucky he said he loved you during the awful times. My h said he didn't love me anymore. At that time I didn't know there was an OW because she was in a different country. I had told him loving someone was a choice not a feeling. He disagreed. I go back and forth with forgiveness and resentment. And I don't like it. I almost feel I am getting depressed again and I shouldn't after so many years.
dumbfounded2: Bluesky - I have had my moments when something triggers my insecurity about the OW and I have to have time alone. I explained that to H and he at first would crowd me trying to make it all better, but is better about giving me room now. As time (been back together for 7 months) progresses, it is less and less an issue. I don't really think I need to know anything about that life because I know it was all lies, drinking and drama and H has commented that he is trying to live a better life and doesn't want to go back to that kind of life. H got a promotion last April and told me in May he still loved me, so I really think that his accident just sped up the crisis. There is a lot of zipping my lips now, but I have found that if I stay calm and state my opinion, H may take time, but will address the issue and reassure me in his own time.
dani2: HopinginHim1 - I'm sorry things have been difficult. Praying that this will draw your husband closer and help him to step forward to help your son rather than to withdraw. I am sure it causes him to feel helpless when he can feel how
HopinginHim1: Dani2 - Overall H is definitely drawing closer and I see that he is making efforts. I do see him trying to control the alcohol consumption but it slowly creeps back in. We actually had a great outreach at my law firm the other day. It was a set of 4 weeks of lunch chats with other lawyers discussing articles from CS Lewis. One lawyer who is an atheist that was an alcoholic came. He admits that something beyond himself was responsible for getting him sober and keeping him there. I was able to mention that in a conversation with my H only because my H knows him. My two youngest are also getting baptized soon and H has agreed to come to the service. I was also able to mention that our church is having the service on a Saturday night, most in part because they want him to be able to come and feel comfortable.
Swan: Ladies - we got a request from a lady through the website asking for help, please pray for her. Her husband of many years has reconnected with an old girlfriend that he hadn't seen or spoken to for many years; he has left her and their three children to be with this woman. The woman and her children are about to lose their home since the husband has stopped paying the mortgage. She is at that place where numb and overwhelming fear are colliding. I did invite her to come to chat, hopefully she will so we can offer her support and encouragement.
dani2: Oh my heart breaks for her. Yes, will pray.
Cricket: Swan - So sad, we'll keep her in prayer. I spoke to a couple at my church that have a friend who's h left her and the children and she too was desperate. I gave them the info on this site. The woman is Spanish speaking only and they were leaving for several weeks. I told them that Yoli had offered to help by coming to translate but we'd need to arrange the day and time.
Pualani: Swan: This is the son who was 'persuaded' to go and live with his father and OW. I kept in touch via text/FB and never gave up on him. When I visited him 18 months ago we really repaired some bridges, PTL! 2 weeks ago I had glimpses of my fun loving boy who had been forced to grow up so quickly through the midst of his father's MLC. His father disowned him about a year ago and wasn't in touch even on his birthday - so sad. I think my son has finally realized his true family is his blood ones. He wanted to see his Nan so often, but guess he'd been persuaded not to...
Swan: Pualani - That is common for MLCers, they attempt to cut children off from others and if that cannot be done then they cut the children out of their lives. My husband doesn't really keep in touch with the kids or our grandson, which is sad because he is missing so much. The other woman has been said to comment to our children often that it would be best for the "family" if I would just go away and let them all be happy". No one is allowed to even mention my name in her presence, guess to her that makes me not exist. Because our kids are a reminder of me and I refuse to go away, there is limited contact permitted. I don't really blame her, she may issue the order, but my husband is the one who doesn't stand up and tell her to back off. My grandson used to ask about grandpa, but not so much anymore now that he is older. My husband has more of a birthday/Christmas card relationship and when he sends those, he also includes a generous check so I guess to him he is being a good grandpa?
Kmkrn: Swan - It's our mother/daughter date night. Every few months we find a class that we want to try (and it's always yummy). We've done cookie decorating, brownies, cake balls, and holiday treats.
Swan: KmKrn - that is awesome that you do a date night, it is so easy once our children are grown up to drift. I see my son, daughter in law and grandson all the time, only because I live with them. My grandson and I do something a few times a year and we do have movie night on Friday's, we all decide on a movie, make popcorn and just stay in as a family. My daughter, however, lives down in San Diego about an hour away and we just don't get together that often, between her work, my son in law's schedule, we never seem to be able to plan much.
Bluesky: All, I do have a praise. As some of you know my father passed away in Jan. The obit was finally in the local paper last week. I actually got an email from my h offering his thoughts, prayers and condolences. And then today got an email from my MIL.
Cricket: Bluesky - Wow that really is a praise that you’re H sent an email offering thoughts, prayers and condolences. That really is huge and also one from your MIL! Wow, PTL.
Cricket: FN - In her case, she had a history of pursuing married men but she became totally obsessive, even got physical fighting with my H about his betrayal in seeing me after they split! I mean betrayal, really!
Finding Nemo: Cricket - that is what I think is going through this Ow2 mind, too. She keeps saying she has moved on with this new guy who is better than my husband yet she is obsessed with the fact that he came home to me.
Little Magpie: Swan - H seems to have so much animosity toward me because I became a controller to cope with life. I am working on getting healthy but it is so slow
Swan: Little Magpie - unfortunately we someone attempts to control, it is often viewed as an insult, that they are messed up, untrustworthy, less than we believe we are and they often put up walls or flat out strike back because they believe they are being attacked.