Cricket: Bluebird - It may be that they never argue because there is no real connection, no emotions involved. Five years is a common timeline for mlc men to work through the tunnel. There are many here who restored at about 5-6 years so this time frame is very natural. I know it's frightening, but I'd take it one day at a time, begin on rebuilding your friendship first.
Bluebird: It seems like he has been 'watching' social media. My daughter posts our activities. He says he is bored and OW doesn't like to do anything. I have changed a lot, and I know it. I think he sees it as well. Yes, I will try complimenting, etc. I just wasn't sure how to approach the situation! It seems so odd after so long a time.
Cricket: buttons - I have a good friend who complains about her H doing all these little things for her. I really think he's very considerate but she feels smothered by them. However, the other day we met for golf and she commented that that morning her H hadn't gotten her golf things all together for her and hadn't put things in her bag for her. I had to bite my tongue as it hadn't been long ago that she complained about her H smothering with putting things in her bag for her, straightening her clubs, etc.
Dani: Cricket, that's funny. We are complicated aren't we?! I think it is most difficult for me when I get tired. Buttons, it sounds like you might be in the same boat. When the work becomes tiring and we don't take the time to plan something fun, it can get discouraging. We have been dealing with that as well, just because it is a busy time of year for us. The later it gets, the more I find myself thinking "why am I the only one doing this?"
Beth: Bluesky I have often wondered if my H was happy or now. Did he ever think about coming home. Things do go through your mind.
Bluesky: Beth, I am sure that is difficult to deal with. I pray someday you will have your answers.
Swan: buttons - I spent 28 years of marriage and never snooped in any of his stuff and that was when he was active duty and his job often required him to just not come home and he couldn't tell me where he would be or what he was doing. If he would be gone more than 48 hours I would get a phone call and told who my point of contact would be. After a few years we picked a message and I would call his assistant, who I would ask the question and he would give me the selected answer, it didn't give me details but let me know that he was away on a mission. Sometimes the upper command was lack on calling me with my point of contact information. I always felt it was because they considered me a self provider and knew if I needed anything I couldn't handle I would either call the platoon or commander.
buttons: swan I too never snooped and even in the chaos I have only done it a few times and I hated that I did
buttons: ladies we are at 10 or 11 days until he returns and this always seems to be the time were we have even less contact
Kmkrn: buttons - That's when you have more contact with Jesus to hold onto for now until he returns.
Beth: Hopinginhim sometimes I think if my H had been abusive in any way never gave me money, never had relationship with the children, plain mean I would not fund it so hard. Yesterday I was terrible. I cried and prayed so much I did not know what to do.
HopinginHim1: Beth - I am so sorry. I wish I could take your pain away. Remember that the Lord is aware of every tear and even though we cannot always know or understand why, this is all for a purpose to draw us closer to Him. Lean in to Him and let Him begin to soothe your tender heart. Know I am praying.
Hannah: Swan my h is fine to everybody else. Sometimes I feel so sad and robbed of so much but then I think of my friends in this group and a few girl friends I have here and I am not alone in my lifestyle. I see my sister and her husband enjoying traveling together (she is still working but gets six weeks’ vacation a year and her husband is a retired police officer). I must admit I get jealous. My husband does come to some of my grandson's hockey games during the winter.
Swan: Hannah - I am not alone either, but lonely does creep in sometimes when I am either around couples or when those special holidays are coming up. My husband always made Christmas, my birthday and Valentine's Day special. The kids do things for my birthday and we still celebrate Christmas as we always did, but with him missing it can make me feel a little sad at times.
dumbfounded2: Beth- My H has been very repentant and treats me better than he did the first 20 years of our marriage. He was gone for almost 6 years and went down some dark roads but has come out the other side a changed man.
Beth: dumbfounded2 I don’t seem to be getting any answers. I find it confusing. Apparently H and ow were broke up and son wanted him to move in with them. H said he did not want to impose on anybody so stayed where he was. It seems they got back together. Ow in my H’s life was very controlling. My H was not the same man I married.
Swan: Little Magpie - so what are you going to commit to doing that makes you happy?
Little Magpie: Swan - IDk. It's tough with yd gone and she is the only one who I hang out with
dumbfounded2: Swan- I also had given my H to God a short while before his accident. It helped me so much when he came home to continue placing my faith in God and letting him work on my H. Our story is truly the work of the Lord.
Swan: dumbfounded - sometimes I think the Lord prepares us through trials. Right now, I work with a man who is a bully in many ways he behaves and there was a time when I would have snapped off on him, but I have been able to deal with him in more productive ways and since he reminds me of the bully my husband has become, I figure it is good training for when I will have contact with my husband someday.
Swan: Cricket - I am praying over it and am considering just reminding this man how unsociable my husband was as a youth and that he has gotten even more so as a mature adult and then let him decide if he wants to risk the rejection or now. Sad thing is these two guys were best friends, and then they lost touch as we were in the Marine Corps and rarely made it to St. Louis. Anyway continuing to pray and will see from there. The guy is really sweet, always was and I just don't want to subject him to MLC spew without him being prepared, but then I don't want to be the one to prepare him because I don't want to engage in negative comments about my husband, kind of a catch 22 thing.
Cricket: Swan - Hey, someone who'd been a best friend and a Marine can handle some MLC spew and would figure out that your H is a miserable man who hates life and that's where the anger is coming. The Lord will take care of the details.