dumbfounded2: Beth- My H has been very repentant and treats me better than he did the first 20 years of our marriage. He was gone for almost 6 years and went down some dark roads but has come out the other side a changed man.
Beth: dumbfounded2 I don’t seem to be getting any answers. I find it confusing. Apparently H and ow were broke up and son wanted him to move in with them. H said he did not want to impose on anybody so stayed where he was. It seems they got back together. Ow in my H’s life was very controlling. My H was not the same man I married.
Swan: Little Magpie - so what are you going to commit to doing that makes you happy?
Little Magpie: Swan - IDk. It's tough with yd gone and she is the only one who I hang out with
dumbfounded2: Swan- I also had given my H to God a short while before his accident. It helped me so much when he came home to continue placing my faith in God and letting him work on my H. Our story is truly the work of the Lord.
Swan: dumbfounded - sometimes I think the Lord prepares us through trials. Right now, I work with a man who is a bully in many ways he behaves and there was a time when I would have snapped off on him, but I have been able to deal with him in more productive ways and since he reminds me of the bully my husband has become, I figure it is good training for when I will have contact with my husband someday.
Swan: Cricket - I am praying over it and am considering just reminding this man how unsociable my husband was as a youth and that he has gotten even more so as a mature adult and then let him decide if he wants to risk the rejection or now. Sad thing is these two guys were best friends, and then they lost touch as we were in the Marine Corps and rarely made it to St. Louis. Anyway continuing to pray and will see from there. The guy is really sweet, always was and I just don't want to subject him to MLC spew without him being prepared, but then I don't want to be the one to prepare him because I don't want to engage in negative comments about my husband, kind of a catch 22 thing.
Cricket: Swan - Hey, someone who'd been a best friend and a Marine can handle some MLC spew and would figure out that your H is a miserable man who hates life and that's where the anger is coming. The Lord will take care of the details.
Swan: dani - I can understand how our spouses spin into MLC, one day all is one way and then you blink and life is passing fast.
dani2: Swan, yes you are right. I'm trying to change my ways this year so that my life is not revolving around work so much. It goes too fast!
buttons: swan that is exactly what is happening, there's something I've heard on the radio where they talked about how vast God's love and forgiveness is and how if GOD can give up His son to cover our sins then how can we not forgive and let go. Continuing to pray with you for your H and his healing
Swan: buttons - thanks, I appreciate the prayers. I just feel so badly that my husband feels that way, he was a strong self confident man from the time I met him until MLC hit. He was a great Marine and a role model for so many younger Marine's. We don't have contact and I only get limited information, maybe God is protecting me in that as well because sometimes not knowing is better, that way I don't worry about him so much.
Bluesky: Dogwood, agreed. Yes, knowing the spouse has another relationship is hard. My h, like Swan's is married to the other W. But I don't pay any attention to her.
Swan: Bluesky - Fortunately for me I don't have to deal with the other woman, they live up in central California. I don't really ask our children or mutual friends about my husband, but from time to time hear about him and it is always that he is miserable, even my husband a few years back told me that he is miserable every moment of every day. Yet he stays in his misery that is on him!
Cricket: Beth - I know with things I have had to take care of, timing can be different, especially when there are holidays involved. In the USA, we had Thanksgiving Weekend and Veterans Day holiday that tend to slow things down. Regardless, it's important to step back and let your D and your son work this out. If you get involved, the OW will use that against you claiming its greed, etc. The more you step back and keep hands off, the more opportunity your D will have to see the truth. Keep the focus off you and in time your daughter will see for herself.
Beth: Cricket I am not interfering. Son contacted HopinginHim and she told him what to do. Some of it she says there is nothing he can do. Ow name is not in the money so why should she have to call? We were just wondering what is going on or if D knows something and not saying. But I believe she does not know anything either. Son needs somebody to talk to so he was talking to me. This is first time in while we even talked. We only talked now because ow has to contact the other place and we can’t understand why she has to contact them.
Swan: KmKrn - Well, you understand how the guilt affects them, plus the other woman has a no contact rule in regards to me and she is aware that I live with my son's family, so when my husband calls, she has to be present and he has to have his phone so that she can hear their conversation to make sure there is zero contact with me. Ironically, he has never asked to speak to me even before she found out and he knew I was here.
buttons: swan it is amazing the control these OP can have paranoia
Kmkrn: Swan - My H was my first BF and my last, but there were lots in between! We dated for a year, and then just drifted apart. Got back together 7 years later and the rest is history!
Swan: KmKrn - my husband was my first real boyfriend, I dated a few guys in high school, but just didn't connect with them, ended up being friends with all of them, that seemed to work better for us. But there was something about my husband, once we met; it was honestly love at first sight, so to say.
Beth: Swan they do some weird things. My grandsons called ow Nannie and her name. It made me almost sick to the stomach. They were never married so I did not agree with it. Now their grandfather is gone they do not ask about her.
Swan: Beth - my kids and grandson call her by her name, she didn't like it at first, but has had to accept it, my husband will not support her demand to be called mom or grandma and he refused to allow her granddaughter to call him grandpa.