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April 14, 2019 / Sunday

Swan: Sad to say, but it sounds a lot like he has been using his dad's abusiveness as an excuse to get away with things for years. Abuse of any kind is wrong, but that doesn't keep those being abused from using to their advantage with other people.

Brin: Swan, I agree. He should not use his abuse as an excuse. Because he doesn't want to work on his hurts and habits, our relationship suffers. One of his side effects is his excess weight. Because of that, he won't take photos with me, and won't go places with me. But then he won't do the right things to lose weight. His efforts are half-hearted. He works out, eats protein shakes, but then snacks on chocolate and desserts. Go figure.

 

For a list of media recommendations by Midlife Dimensions and our Chat Room Facilitators, please visit at http://love-wise.com/product.php or http://astore.amazon.com/midlife-20

Amazon sends a donation to the non-profit ministry of Midlife Dimensions anytime an order is placed via our link. We hope you enjoy the various lists of recommendations and thank you for supporting Midlife Dimensions through Amazon.

 

April 14, 2019 / Sunday

Brin: Hi Swan, how are you doing

Swan: Hi Brin - I am doing good. Today is the Avocado Festival here in town, so traffic and noise are busy. We live a few blocks from the event site (down town), it hasn't been too bad but people trying to park in drive ways has been annoying. There just isn't much parking for the size of the event, it grows bigger every year.

Brin: Swan, does this mean that there is a lot of avocado being sold at the festival?

Swan: Well, not so much avocado's, but there are several booths selling guacamole and chips, deep fried avocado's, avocado fudge, that type stuff.

Brin: I see. Makes sense.

Brin: Is Cricket not coming to chat tonight? Or can I not see her?

Swan: There are also lots of craft type booths, bounce house type things for the kids, pony rides, etc. It is a pretty big deal.

Swan: I haven't seen Cricket yet, not sure if she is going to make it in or not.

Brin: Wow, that's a big deal.

Brin: Swan, I got approved for citizenship

Swan: Well, we are the avocado capitol, town itself is small, but groves around town are massive.

Brin: Wow, I didn't know you live in the avocado capitol. No wonder you have an avocado festival.

Swan: Yeah! That is awesome, I am so happy for you. Will you be doing an official swearing in type thing?

Swan: Most of the Haas avocado's come from this area. They are the darker bumpy skinned avocados; also have a creamier inside and richer flavor. The Florida avocados are larger, smooth skin and lighter in color and have a different flavor, not as rich.

Brin: Yes, I will be doing an official oath swearing ceremony in a few months' time.

Brin: I love Hass avocados. They very rich so I have to eat them sparingly.

Swan: That is cool. I imagine it will make some things easier for you. My son in law was the first in his family born in the4 US. His older siblings and parents became citizens, I thought his mother said she is still a citizen of Mexico too, but I may have misunderstood her. They live here and haven't really gone back to Mexico much since my son in law was a teenager.

Swan: Brin - So was your husband not a factor after all or did he step up and do the right thing?

Brin: Swan, He was not a factor at all. They did not even ask for his documents but good to have them with me just in case. I applied based on the number of years I lived here as a permanent resident. He did end up lending me his documents.

Brin: BTW, he did get a job, and starting in a week's time. He announced that he was not going on the trip with me in a few months' time because he's going to see his new grand baby expected then. As usual, he puts his kids before me. But this time, I am actually relieved that he won't be going with me.

Swan: Brin - Considering the way he was acting and threatening, I am glad he wasn't as important to the process as he thought he was and I am glad he did the right thing after all. It does make sense with the number of years you have already lived here to base it on that.

Brin: Swan, the sad thing is he keeps seeing himself as the victim and that I hate him because I am not talking. I have been avoiding him to avoid arguments and him pressing my buttons. He only sees things his way - poor me mentality.

Swan: Great that he got a job that will take some pressure off. I can understand wanting to see a new grandchild, but I agree it is pretty selfish, especially since he had already agreed to the trip with you. But like you say, it might be a blessing that he isn't going.

Brin: Yes, he's pretty selfish and his kids have always come before me, and then he wonders why I don't feel close to him.

Cricket: Sorry to be late, I fell asleep on the couch before chat and just woke up. I did have trouble getting in tonight as kept getting the warning that this site is dangerous and may harm my computer. It took a few tries to get in.

Swan: Sadly my mother lived in "poor me - ville" her entire life. It was always someone else's fault, even when something wasn't against her, but went wrong, she would somehow turn it so that she was the victim in it. It frustrated me and there were times when I just couldn't deal with it or her. But then that would give her more ammo to why she was the victim.

Cricket: Swan - I took a photo of the warning to share. A little different but actually harder to get by.

Brin: He probably doesn't realize that I prefer him not going with me this time. It's possible that he thinks he's hurting my feelings by going to see his grandkid instead.

Brin: Swan, yes, it's so sad when people live like a victim their entire life. So unnecessary. I'm running out of steam with my H. I don't see him changing any time soon. He keeps doing the things that don't matter much to try and please me instead of working on the things that matter - e.g. his integrity and money spending habits. And then he feels sorry for himself, and lashing out at me for "being rude" or "hating him" when I don't want to engage in conversation. As soon I engage in conversation, he starts to say things that hurt and try to draw me into an argument.

Brin: So far, I have kept my answers to 1 word at a time and walk away or keep silent when he asks me another question that I don't want to answer (e.g. "Do you have me that much?")

Swan: When my husband and I were still married, he had planned a trip for us before he became involved with the other woman. A week before the trip he announced that he wouldn't be going, but I was welcome to go anyway. I did and had fun. I got really lucky; the flight was oversold, so they allowed me to sell his seat back to the airline both ways. The rental car was a little tricky, but it all got worked out and the entire trip only cost me a small amount for meals. I figured I got a vacation from him - on him. Later I found out the other woman got all angry because he gave me the trip, she thought he should have taken her.

Brin: Swan, woe, too funny that OW got jealous about you going on the trip! I am glad you had a wonderful trip. Where did you go?

Cricket: Good news Brin about your citizenship! Congratulations.

Swan: Interesting that he immediately goes to you hating him, could he be that he doesn't really feel much love for himself, therefore, reflects that self-loathing onto others towards him.

Brin: Swan, you hit the nail on the head - he doesn't feel much love for himself.

Cricket: Brin -I'm sorry to hear your H still doesn't understand why you don't feel close. Sad with everything that he isn't doing more to put you first.

Swan: The trip was to Missouri, to a place we often went. I flew into St. Louis, visited with some family (mine and his), I drove down to Branson (took his oldest sister with me), went to some shows, just had fun.

Brin: Swan, I gave him very short answers today as I was busy working but he didn't see me working because he was yelling to me from downstairs. I guess my tone has been short because I am stressed by him and by his questions.

Brin: Swan, sounds like a wonderful trip. How nice to see shows. I love shows.

Cricket: Are you two seeing that I'm here? With all the trouble getting in to chat, not sure it's working correctly.

Swan: I hate when people yell from other parts of a house or office, like I have nothing better to do that stop everything and jump for them. He could have got up and come up stairs if it was that important.

Swan: Hey, my sister in law got a little vacation, something she doesn't get very often.

Brin: Yes, he could have come upstairs to talk to me. I hate that he tried to talk light talk to try to get me to chit chat with him, because as soon as I let my guard down, he thinks he doesn't have to work on his bad behaviors.

Brin: It was nice of you to give your SIL a little vacation too. I bet she really appreciated it.

Swan: That is sad; he thinks he can sweet talk you and you are going to just let everything slide. Makes me wonder if he got by with that type behavior with his parents. The Eddie Haskell type actions (from the old Leave it to Beaver sitcom).

Cricket: Brin - Are you seeing my comments?

Brin: According to him, he did not get away with anything with his dad, who supposedly severely abused him physically.

Swan: She had a great time, my husband didn't know I had asked her if she wanted to take his place and when he found out later, he got upset. I simply told him that if he didn't want someone else using his tickets, he should have been there to use them himself. He shut up and didn't bring it up again. To be honest I could have gotten money for most of them, but figured she could use some time away from her hectic life and I enjoy her company. It was a win/win for us.

Brin: It's funny that your H got upset about his sister using his show tickets! Instead of being happy that his sister enjoyed herself.

Swan: Sad to say, but it sounds a lot like he has been using his dad's abusiveness as an excuse to get away with things for years. Abuse of any kind is wrong, but that doesn't keep those being abused from using to their advantage with other people.

Swan: It is all a part of the MLC selfishness, he didn't want to use them, didn't want anyone else to use them. He must have asked me repeatedly if I had a good time by myself on the trip. All I would ever say was that it would have been nice if he had gone too, but his sister and I had a blast.

Brin: Swan, I agree. He should not use his abuse as an excuse. Because he doesn't want to work on his hurts and habits, our relationship suffers. One of his side effects is his excess weight. Because of that, he won't take photos with me, and won't go places with me. But then he won't do the right things to lose weight. His efforts are half-hearted. He works out, eats protein shakes, but then snacks on chocolate and desserts. Go figure.

Cricket: Brin - As I posted earlier, congratulations on your citizenship!

Brin: Swan, too funny that he wanted you to go on the trip by yourself.

Cricket: Brin - Also, I had posted I was sorry to hear about your H still being selfish although I agree it may be a blessing in disguise that he isn't coming with you.

Swan: The fear of an overweight person not being overweight anymore is often a greater fear than the reason they became overweight in the first place. When a person is abused, they often behave in ways that will keep people at a distance and anything that changes that is cause for anxiety, which typically triggers the defense in them all over.

Cricket: Okay - Well apparently I don't show up. Good night all.

Brin: Swan, Sounds like he's in a catch 22 situation. He hates how he looks but then sabotages his effort. It's top of the hour already. Thanks for chatting. Have a great week and I'll try to make it to chat on Wed. Hope to be able to chat to Bill then.

Swan: I guess I was supposed to go, have a horrible time alone and then come back with stories of how miserable my time way. He should have known better, I am a person who is comfortable with myself and have never really needed someone else to entertain me. I chose his sister to go with me, not for myself, but I knew she could really use the time away from what was a stressful life then and she would never be able to afford it, so why not treat her on his dime!

Swan: See you Wednesday, have a great week

Brin: Swan, what a good plan that you carried out! Take his sister out on his own dime! I love that! LOL.

Brin: Good night Swan!

 

Swan: Sad to say, but it sounds a lot like he has been using his dad's abusiveness as an excuse to get away with things for years. Abuse of any kind is wrong, but that doesn't keep those being abused from using to their advantage with other people.

Brin: Swan, I agree. He should not use his abuse as an excuse. Because he doesn't want to work on his hurts and habits, our relationship suffers. One of his side effects is his excess weight. Because of that, he won't take photos with me, and won't go places with me. But then he won't do the right things to lose weight. His efforts are half-hearted. He works out, eats protein shakes, but then snacks on chocolate and desserts. Go figure.

 

For a list of media recommendations by Midlife Dimensions and our Chat Room Facilitators, please visit at http://love-wise.com/product.php or http://astore.amazon.com/midlife-20

Amazon sends a donation to the non-profit ministry of Midlife Dimensions anytime an order is placed via our link. We hope you enjoy the various lists of recommendations and thank you for supporting Midlife Dimensions through Amazon.

 

April 14, 2019 / Sunday

Brin: Hi Swan, how are you doing

Swan: Hi Brin - I am doing good. Today is the Avocado Festival here in town, so traffic and noise are busy. We live a few blocks from the event site (down town), it hasn't been too bad but people trying to park in drive ways has been annoying. There just isn't much parking for the size of the event, it grows bigger every year.

Brin: Swan, does this mean that there is a lot of avocado being sold at the festival?

Swan: Well, not so much avocado's, but there are several booths selling guacamole and chips, deep fried avocado's, avocado fudge, that type stuff.

Brin: I see. Makes sense.

Brin: Is Cricket not coming to chat tonight? Or can I not see her?

Swan: There are also lots of craft type booths, bounce house type things for the kids, pony rides, etc. It is a pretty big deal.

Swan: I haven't seen Cricket yet, not sure if she is going to make it in or not.

Brin: Wow, that's a big deal.

Brin: Swan, I got approved for citizenship

Swan: Well, we are the avocado capitol, town itself is small, but groves around town are massive.

Brin: Wow, I didn't know you live in the avocado capitol. No wonder you have an avocado festival.

Swan: Yeah! That is awesome, I am so happy for you. Will you be doing an official swearing in type thing?

Swan: Most of the Haas avocado's come from this area. They are the darker bumpy skinned avocados; also have a creamier inside and richer flavor. The Florida avocados are larger, smooth skin and lighter in color and have a different flavor, not as rich.

Brin: Yes, I will be doing an official oath swearing ceremony in a few months' time.

Brin: I love Hass avocados. They very rich so I have to eat them sparingly.

Swan: That is cool. I imagine it will make some things easier for you. My son in law was the first in his family born in the4 US. His older siblings and parents became citizens, I thought his mother said she is still a citizen of Mexico too, but I may have misunderstood her. They live here and haven't really gone back to Mexico much since my son in law was a teenager.

Swan: Brin - So was your husband not a factor after all or did he step up and do the right thing?

Brin: Swan, He was not a factor at all. They did not even ask for his documents but good to have them with me just in case. I applied based on the number of years I lived here as a permanent resident. He did end up lending me his documents.

Brin: BTW, he did get a job, and starting in a week's time. He announced that he was not going on the trip with me in a few months' time because he's going to see his new grand baby expected then. As usual, he puts his kids before me. But this time, I am actually relieved that he won't be going with me.

Swan: Brin - Considering the way he was acting and threatening, I am glad he wasn't as important to the process as he thought he was and I am glad he did the right thing after all. It does make sense with the number of years you have already lived here to base it on that.

Brin: Swan, the sad thing is he keeps seeing himself as the victim and that I hate him because I am not talking. I have been avoiding him to avoid arguments and him pressing my buttons. He only sees things his way - poor me mentality.

Swan: Great that he got a job that will take some pressure off. I can understand wanting to see a new grandchild, but I agree it is pretty selfish, especially since he had already agreed to the trip with you. But like you say, it might be a blessing that he isn't going.

Brin: Yes, he's pretty selfish and his kids have always come before me, and then he wonders why I don't feel close to him.

Cricket: Sorry to be late, I fell asleep on the couch before chat and just woke up. I did have trouble getting in tonight as kept getting the warning that this site is dangerous and may harm my computer. It took a few tries to get in.

Swan: Sadly my mother lived in "poor me - ville" her entire life. It was always someone else's fault, even when something wasn't against her, but went wrong, she would somehow turn it so that she was the victim in it. It frustrated me and there were times when I just couldn't deal with it or her. But then that would give her more ammo to why she was the victim.

Cricket: Swan - I took a photo of the warning to share. A little different but actually harder to get by.

Brin: He probably doesn't realize that I prefer him not going with me this time. It's possible that he thinks he's hurting my feelings by going to see his grandkid instead.

Brin: Swan, yes, it's so sad when people live like a victim their entire life. So unnecessary. I'm running out of steam with my H. I don't see him changing any time soon. He keeps doing the things that don't matter much to try and please me instead of working on the things that matter - e.g. his integrity and money spending habits. And then he feels sorry for himself, and lashing out at me for "being rude" or "hating him" when I don't want to engage in conversation. As soon I engage in conversation, he starts to say things that hurt and try to draw me into an argument.

Brin: So far, I have kept my answers to 1 word at a time and walk away or keep silent when he asks me another question that I don't want to answer (e.g. "Do you have me that much?")

Swan: When my husband and I were still married, he had planned a trip for us before he became involved with the other woman. A week before the trip he announced that he wouldn't be going, but I was welcome to go anyway. I did and had fun. I got really lucky; the flight was oversold, so they allowed me to sell his seat back to the airline both ways. The rental car was a little tricky, but it all got worked out and the entire trip only cost me a small amount for meals. I figured I got a vacation from him - on him. Later I found out the other woman got all angry because he gave me the trip, she thought he should have taken her.

Brin: Swan, woe, too funny that OW got jealous about you going on the trip! I am glad you had a wonderful trip. Where did you go?

Cricket: Good news Brin about your citizenship! Congratulations.

Swan: Interesting that he immediately goes to you hating him, could he be that he doesn't really feel much love for himself, therefore, reflects that self-loathing onto others towards him.

Brin: Swan, you hit the nail on the head - he doesn't feel much love for himself.

Cricket: Brin -I'm sorry to hear your H still doesn't understand why you don't feel close. Sad with everything that he isn't doing more to put you first.

Swan: The trip was to Missouri, to a place we often went. I flew into St. Louis, visited with some family (mine and his), I drove down to Branson (took his oldest sister with me), went to some shows, just had fun.

Brin: Swan, I gave him very short answers today as I was busy working but he didn't see me working because he was yelling to me from downstairs. I guess my tone has been short because I am stressed by him and by his questions.

Brin: Swan, sounds like a wonderful trip. How nice to see shows. I love shows.

Cricket: Are you two seeing that I'm here? With all the trouble getting in to chat, not sure it's working correctly.

Swan: I hate when people yell from other parts of a house or office, like I have nothing better to do that stop everything and jump for them. He could have got up and come up stairs if it was that important.

Swan: Hey, my sister in law got a little vacation, something she doesn't get very often.

Brin: Yes, he could have come upstairs to talk to me. I hate that he tried to talk light talk to try to get me to chit chat with him, because as soon as I let my guard down, he thinks he doesn't have to work on his bad behaviors.

Brin: It was nice of you to give your SIL a little vacation too. I bet she really appreciated it.

Swan: That is sad; he thinks he can sweet talk you and you are going to just let everything slide. Makes me wonder if he got by with that type behavior with his parents. The Eddie Haskell type actions (from the old Leave it to Beaver sitcom).

Cricket: Brin - Are you seeing my comments?

Brin: According to him, he did not get away with anything with his dad, who supposedly severely abused him physically.

Swan: She had a great time, my husband didn't know I had asked her if she wanted to take his place and when he found out later, he got upset. I simply told him that if he didn't want someone else using his tickets, he should have been there to use them himself. He shut up and didn't bring it up again. To be honest I could have gotten money for most of them, but figured she could use some time away from her hectic life and I enjoy her company. It was a win/win for us.

Brin: It's funny that your H got upset about his sister using his show tickets! Instead of being happy that his sister enjoyed herself.

Swan: Sad to say, but it sounds a lot like he has been using his dad's abusiveness as an excuse to get away with things for years. Abuse of any kind is wrong, but that doesn't keep those being abused from using to their advantage with other people.

Swan: It is all a part of the MLC selfishness, he didn't want to use them, didn't want anyone else to use them. He must have asked me repeatedly if I had a good time by myself on the trip. All I would ever say was that it would have been nice if he had gone too, but his sister and I had a blast.

Brin: Swan, I agree. He should not use his abuse as an excuse. Because he doesn't want to work on his hurts and habits, our relationship suffers. One of his side effects is his excess weight. Because of that, he won't take photos with me, and won't go places with me. But then he won't do the right things to lose weight. His efforts are half-hearted. He works out, eats protein shakes, but then snacks on chocolate and desserts. Go figure.

Cricket: Brin - As I posted earlier, congratulations on your citizenship!

Brin: Swan, too funny that he wanted you to go on the trip by yourself.

Cricket: Brin - Also, I had posted I was sorry to hear about your H still being selfish although I agree it may be a blessing in disguise that he isn't coming with you.

Swan: The fear of an overweight person not being overweight anymore is often a greater fear than the reason they became overweight in the first place. When a person is abused, they often behave in ways that will keep people at a distance and anything that changes that is cause for anxiety, which typically triggers the defense in them all over.

Cricket: Okay - Well apparently I don't show up. Good night all.

Brin: Swan, Sounds like he's in a catch 22 situation. He hates how he looks but then sabotages his effort. It's top of the hour already. Thanks for chatting. Have a great week and I'll try to make it to chat on Wed. Hope to be able to chat to Bill then.

Swan: I guess I was supposed to go, have a horrible time alone and then come back with stories of how miserable my time way. He should have known better, I am a person who is comfortable with myself and have never really needed someone else to entertain me. I chose his sister to go with me, not for myself, but I knew she could really use the time away from what was a stressful life then and she would never be able to afford it, so why not treat her on his dime!

Swan: See you Wednesday, have a great week

Brin: Swan, what a good plan that you carried out! Take his sister out on his own dime! I love that! LOL.

Brin: Good night Swan!