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July 15, 2018 / Sunday

Swan: Brin - we were married for 28 years, speaking to me personally was the least he could do. I know he didn't want to deal with the heartbreak it was going to cause and I also know the other woman was behind a lot of it, but he was going to show me respect. God had already instructed me not to fight, but God did not tell me to allow my husband to disrespect me in that manner.

Brin: Swan - that's cool that he invited you to dinner and talked in person.

 

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July 15, 2018 / Sunday

Cricket: Happy Sunday everyone.

Brin: Hi Cricket. How was your weekend?

Cricket: Brin - Hi back, my weekend was good, how about your?

Swan: Hello all hope your past week was good.

Cricket: Swan - Hello and you too.

Brin: Cricket - mine was good. Busy as usual. How is the fire situation there?

Swan: Cricket - my week was good, busy but good. I actually prefer a busy week to a slow one, but this past week was on the busier side and my body is telling me about it.

Brin: Hi Swan, hope your week was good too.

Brin: Swan, how's your grandson doing?

Cricket: Swan - Yes, me too. I had someone painting my home, exterior, the past week so kept me busy with things with them. Exciting as hadn't had my house painted for probably 25+ yrs. My H had said about 7-8 yrs ago when I was painting the interior, that I should have done the exterior instead... well now that's happening.

Cricket: Swan - YUP, funny how our body lets us know when we've overdone it!

Cricket: Brin - A firefighter was killed yesterday working a fire near Yosemite.

Swan: Brin - He is good, I am so proud of him. He is 16 and could be acting out and rebelling, especially since he has his own car, but he is a pretty good kid. He has his moments with his mom, she nags and he at times talks back to her. Interestingly, he doesn't do that with his father. He talked back to me once, it must have just been the look I gave him, because he immediately apologized and did as I requested.

Cricket: Brin - Did you hear that all of the kids & coach from Taiwan were rescued safely. Amazing story and even our local news media talked faith & it being a miracle. Joey posted a video on FB of how they brought the boys out.

Brin: Cricket - Oh no. So sad to hear of the firefighter's death as a result of doing his job!

Cricket: Brin - Yes, he was killed while fighting the fire.

Brin: Swan - So cool that he knew to not talk back to you after that first time! Cool to hear that he's turning out to be a fine young man.

Brin: Cricket, No didn't hear about the rescuer. I'm so happy to hear that they were all rescued!!! Praise God for the miracle!

Swan: Cricket - my body is almost 60, but my mind still thinks I am much younger and when my mind says I can, but my body says it would rather I didn't, the body rebels by sending aches and pains to the brain. It just gets hard standing on my feet for 5 to 7 hours a day, I move but typically within a limited area and at a cardio speed when there is a line. That is mostly me, I just have never felt I should move like a turtle and let a line grow longer.

Cricket: Swan - I still remember the story you shared when your grandson talked back about chores was it? It is wonderful what a great relationship you have, such a blessing on both sides.

Swan: Brin - My son and daughter in law have done an awesome job as parents, he is a respectful young man.

Brin: Swan - it's so nice to hear parents doing an awesome job of raising their children!

Swan: Cricket - yeah, he doesn't like to do chores (none of us do), but if they are not done by the time his mother gets home, the nagging and bantering begins and some days I just don't want to hear it, so one day I reminded him he needed to get it done and that his mother would be home soon. We haven't had that conversation since and yes, I still remind him from time to time.

Cricket: Swan - I believe in not giving in to age, fight it all the way and I do think that's kept me healthier. I did a few talks lately and mentioned that this August I'm celebrating working for my City for 50 yrs. At a reception afterward, I saw some people looking at me and thought they had a question. I walked up and they laughed and said they had just decided that I must have started working for the City at age 5! I'd told them it was my senior yr of high school but they said they didn't believe that. Did make me feel good and my H who is 5 yrs younger has so many health issues. I remember him teasing me about my age but he wouldn't now!

Cricket: Swan - I'm always moving too and couldn't move like a turtle if I had to!

Swan: Brin - my grandson gets a balance of parenting, which is good. My son was raised in a military strict home and he had way more chores than my grandson does. My daughter in law's parents were firm and she also had way more chores than my grandson. I did tell him one day that there is so much more he could be tasked with as a chore, so keeping his room clean, picking up after himself in the computer room and taking out the trash is easy compared to his parents.

Brin: Cricket - Wow, nice compliment! I agree with you. I don't want to be slow either.

Swan: Brin - my grandson and I share a bathroom, he was messy at first, but it only took a couple time of us "talking" that he stopped being so messy in there.

Cricket: Swan - You really are a great influence on him. I get frustrated with all the talk about working with millenniums and how they react differently... aren't punctual, approach tasks differently, etc I believe they need to learn to adjust to the generation they want to work with, not the other way around. I see too many families where the kids have grown up without responsibilities, no boundaries and no real respect for authority. Just wrong.

Brin: Swan - wow, a matter of perspective. He doesn't know how good he has it as far as chores go. He really doesn't have much to do as far as chores go. I had to do my own laundry, cook and wash the floor.

Cricket: Swan - You are teaching him the things that too many are not learning at this age. It really will help him in relationships, sports and career.

Brin: Swan, Someday he will be grateful for all that he's learning now.

Swan: Cricket - Yeah, I see that too in the younger generation, I often worry about this generation and how MLC will hit them and the affect it will have on society as a whole. The punctual thing with this generation really gets to me, but I do remind myself that I was trained by the Marine Corps, take a deep breath and shake it off. Good thing for them that I am not the boss (don't want to be either), because I have and would fire anyone on the third tardy and don't even dare to no show!

Cricket: All - That's the thing, younger people - teens through 20's and early 30's - live on social media, don't communicate well because they do everything by text, snap chat, messenger, etc. I've heard talks about how they approach relationships in general. "Hook up" earlier & quicker, slower to marry and tend to date among their friends each other's boy/girlfriends, etc. Really scary to think about it break up by text, etc.

Swan: Brin - Oh we haven't even gotten into all I had to do at his age, he hasn't done anything yet to warrant that speech.

Brin: Swan - LOL

Cricket: Swan - YES - but instead, companies simply shrug and say that's a millennial.

Swan: Cricket - I have seen people sitting next to each other and come to learn they are texting each other.

Cricket: Swan - YES, I've seen that too sitting in a coffee shop or even recently at a microbrew texting one another.

Brin: Cricket - wow - breakup by text! Unheard of!!!

Swan: Brin - my grandson got one of those, to me that is just coward and heartless.

Brin: Swan - yep, totally coward and heartless!

Cricket: Brin - Breaking up by text is extremely common now. I was watching World of Dance a few days ago and one of the dancers got emotional about the dance she was doing. She had choreographed the dance about the relationship. She said that her boyfriend had texted her to break up not long before she entered this competition. The next day she saw he posted a picture of him with another girl another dancer. She did put the emotion into a beautiful dance but it is how this generation does it.

Brin: Cricket - crazy I feel bad for the dancer.

Brin: All - I saw Pualani's email today. How cool that she got to see 2 of her grandchildren and had a wonderful time with them!

Swan: I guess the next new thing will be divorce by text, no communication required, no having to look a person you promised to love and honor for life in the eyes as you announce you are breaking that commitment, heck no contact at all required, let's even make the legal part text able so there are no reality consequences.

Cricket: Brin - The judges were great with her. They saw her emotion and asked what the dance was based on. She explained and the guys were both really encouraging, Jennifer Lopez replied.”Trust me, he will contact you and want to come back!" Of course I hope she knows she deserves better but I agree, she moved forward in the competition and I'm sure is being noticed in her community and beyond.

Brin: Cricket - It's amazing that she was able to move forward in the competition!

Cricket: Swan - Yes, they'll probably have property settlement computerized so they can select various options, swipe one way or another, etc. No communication or responsibility.

Brin: Swan - good point about divorce by text.

Swan: Cricket - the joke that today's society takes on for marriage is so obvious, have you seen the new trend of television shows, 90 day fiancé, marriage at first sight, etc.

Cricket: Brin - Yes it was good news about Pualani. She had been emailing a few of us about her concerns about her stepfather and mentioned her DIL was opening up more. I'd told her that since her son left the DIL and wasn't helping with the kids, I bet she'd want to have a break and be happy to have Pualani spend some time. Pualani is hoping that they'll be able to come for a weekend and I bet that will happen. Just praying that Pualani isn't taken advantage of during this time.

Swan: Brin - my husband would have done divorce by text if he could have, it was bad enough that he emailed me that he was filing and asked if I would meet him to sign. I simply emailed back that he didn't get to coward out with email, if he wanted my cooperation, he better pick up his phone and TALK to me about his plans.

Brin: Swan - I like your response to your H!

Cricket: Swan - I believe that is particularly true with men. They hate conflict or to see pain so they avoid communication and then blame us... as we all know only too well.

Swan: I have been keeping Pualani in prayer as well; it was such a shame to have her lose contact with her grandbabies. Again, the breakup of a family affects so many more than just the husband and wife.

Brin: Cricket - yes, too bad that Pualani has been taken advantage of. It's so important to stick to healthy boundaries.

Cricket: Swan - And as far as Pualani, her son "borrowed" money from her that she needed to repair her car and then failed to pay it back and instead cut off all communication with her. He even had the gall to lash out at her blaming her for his situation! Sadly, at least her two older sons have learned from their father and not in a good way. The oldest used the tactic of needing to borrow money to keep food & a roof over HER grandkids and that worked every time.

Swan: Brin - we were married for 28 years, speaking to me personally was the least he could do. I know he didn't want to deal with the heartbreak it was going to cause and I also know the other woman was behind a lot of it, but he was going to show me respect. God had already instructed me not to fight, but God did not tell me to allow my husband to disrespect me in that manner.

Cricket: All - Thankfully Pualani's youngest son developed a good relationship with Pualani and he seems to have been getting his life turned around the past several years. It was actually good that his father wasn't there for him as it helped this son see the truth. It was only because of him that she has transportation again and even then, she won't let him give her the car he offered, she's paying him for it but not because he manipulated her.

Swan: Cricket - I know about that and it ills my stomach, they know the state their father left her in and yet they go running to her whenever they can't be bothered with budgeting or controlling their wants. They don't care if she has nothing, they want what little she does have and have no plans to pay her back.

Brin: Swan - did your H make the phone call?

Cricket: Swan - Yes, my H & I were together 28 yrs too but because we worked together, he couldn't avoid me. Still he tended to come to my office to have these talks with me there rather than meeting me in a private and more appropriate location.

Swan: Brin - Actually he invited me to dinner and we talked in person.

Brin: Swan - that's cool that he invited you to dinner and talked in person.

Brin: Cricket - I'm so glad that her youngest son turned around for good! It was discouraging a few years ago when he was misbehaving.

Cricket: Swan - Exactly, I'd really like to throttle both her older sons, but particularly the eldest. So wrong and no sign that they have any conscientious, no sign of remorse at all!

Brin: Swan, Yes, it's so sad that the sons used her. I know it's difficult to say no when they come up with these kinds of stories. At the same time, saying "yes" does them more harm than good.

Cricket: Brin - Yes but between her going to court with him and working with him when he got into trouble with the police, etc. - the doors opened. The thing when the gang types came to the house to rough him up over money and she stepped between them to protect him seemed to be a real turning point. Good that he's working and apparently in a good relationship and with a better group of people

Cricket: All - I pray for her brother, that he opens his heart to the Lord and is saved. I understand his anger but I really pray for his salvation and that he is able to one day have a relationship with his daughters

Swan: For her son to use her grandchildren as a guilt to get her to give him money is just wrong. Learning what I have from my husband's MLC, I am pretty sure my response would have been that there is food at my home, the grandkids can come eat there anytime and if a roof is an issue, again there is a roof on my home, bring them over, but I cannot afford to fund two households.

Brin: Swan - I agree with your response! That would nip it in the bud!

Swan: Pualani always had one of the most difficult situations in this MLC hell; she not only watched her own family be ripped apart, but her brother and nieces as well.

Brin: Cricket - yes, it would be so awesome for her brother to be saved and have a relationship with his daughters.

Swan: Cricket - there is money somewhere not being used for what it should, they are either wasting their own funds or not using the money she gives them for what it was intended, either way something isn't being spent as it should have been and then they expect her to pay for their waste, just wrong on so many levels.

Cricket: Swan - Yes, that's still what she needs to remember because I'm sure there will be requests in the future and it broke my heart that Pualani went without her own needs. I know she thought she set boundaries by telling her son he had to pay her back and asking for payments but obviously that doesn't work and he just cut off all communication and lashed out. I have reminded her not to let this happen again as I worry the DIL will use the excuse that her son isn't helping with their needs.

Cricket: Swan - It sounded like her son and the OW were abusing drugs and alcohol.

Swan: Cricket - that was my thought as well

Cricket: Swan - She knew they were at least buying marijuana and suspected more and also knew they were partying so definitely not a situation to enable.

Brin: All, I'm heading out. I enjoyed chatting! I hope you have a great week.

Swan: I am going to head out as well, see you ladies next week.

Cricket: Brin - You have a good week too, hopefully you're feeling better. Didn't get to ask that.

Brin: Cricket - Thanks. I have 1 more visit tomorrow and hopefully it will be my last before the surgery (in Sep)

Cricket: Brin - keeping you in prayer, take care of yourself

Cricket: Good night Swan

Swan: Brin - we were married for 28 years, speaking to me personally was the least he could do. I know he didn't want to deal with the heartbreak it was going to cause and I also know the other woman was behind a lot of it, but he was going to show me respect. God had already instructed me not to fight, but God did not tell me to allow my husband to disrespect me in that manner.

Brin: Swan - that's cool that he invited you to dinner and talked in person.

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