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June 17, 2018 / Sunday

Swan: Cricket - I don't care what some say about addiction not being transferred to generations, it is. When my son was in rehab, the counselor that lead the youth often said that parents really needed to stop blaming the children for their attraction to addictive substances and take a long hard look at their families, they will find others with the same issues. Once most did, they seemed to fall into a better understanding and were much less angry at their children. That type of anger only makes the child want to escape more and that is a lot of what drug abuse is about, escape.

Cricket: Swan - Yes, we know that addiction tendencies are genetic and during the course of adoption, this should have been discussed. The daughter who became a Marine is doing pretty well now however she had a pattern of picking the wrong guys one after another. Not only the father of her children who never stayed in the picture but after leaving the Marines, she met two different guys through her church who were both terrible. Both of them had criminal histories and probably used the church to meet trusting young women. Her family finally got her out of the recent dangerous situation and moved her to Florida (from CA) to live with her sister who recently became a police officer.

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June 17, 2018 / Sunday

Cricket: Welcome all to Father's Day Sunday chat. Our time to share and encourage one another.

Swan: Hello all

Swan: Hi Cricket

Cricket: Hi Swan, I'm assuming your family is celebrating Father's Day for your son. I don't want to take you from that special time so don't feel a need to stay.

Swan: Cricket - actually they just got home, they spent most of the day with my daughter in laws father.

Swan: Hi Dani

Cricket: Swan - Well, feel free to join in your family activities.

Cricket: Hi Dani, how are you. Any special activities with your family for Father's Day?

Swan: Cricket - thanks, they aren't really doing anything right, but if they do I will check out.

Dani: Hi Cricket and Swan, I seem to be consistently 10 minutes late on Sundays now!! Not sure what is going on with my head maybe trying to extend the weekend!?

Swan: Hi Beth

Cricket: Dani -It may be due to the days being longer; it stays light until almost 9 p.m.

Dani: Cricket. The boys went golfing this afternoon and we had a big shin-dig yesterday with smoked meet. Fun weekend but now we are all worn out!

Cricket: Hi Beth

Beth: Sorry I am late but I was away for the weekend and I have only been back for little while.

Cricket: Dani - That sounds wonderful but tiring too I'm sure.

Dani: Cricket. that's a nice thought, but I think I was doing it at the beginning of the year too! I think I get so busy trying to get things done before the work week starts that time just gets away from me. No excuse though everyone is in the same boat!

Dani: Beth, I hope you were able to get away for something enjoyable?

Dani: Swan, how has your week been? Has work been busier for you with schools being out?

Cricket: Dani - I suggested to someone that they set an alarm on their phone as it's so easy for the day to get away but still, it's not like we've been busy lately. I am wondering if the warnings people get when they log into MLD is a reason that new members aren't finding us. I have actually had to change browsers twice and now have to accept that I understand that this site is not safe and accept the risks. When I received a free membership to NORTON security, this warning has become a problem. Since Norton is the most used computer protection App, I worry about this being a problem.

Dani: Cricket that makes sense. When I get warnings, I stay away from sites.

Beth: Dani my cousin, sister and a friend and I went away for two days and a night. We did a lot of sightseeing .we enjoyed ourselves a lot.

Dani: Cricket - My phone alarm only works when I stay by my phone! I'm not very attached to my phone on the weekend. I try to "unplug"

Dani: Beth, good for you! Was the weather nice for you? It has been really nice this last week and I think this next week too.

Swan: Dani - I have been good. Not too much busier, families won't start vacation type events until next month, but the majority of our customers tend to be the single Marine's looking for stuff to do on the weekends, so we stay pretty busy year round.

Beth: Dani yes the weather was beautiful, not too hot nor too cold

Beth: Dani we saw three moose. One was a baby and we were really close to it. So close we got a good picture of it.

Cricket: Dani - Very good to unplug. Another tool I've recently been using is asking Alexa to set a reminder. Alexa was a gift and I don't really use it that much but it has been helpful for some general reminders.

Dani: Swan, ah yes, I remember all of our young marines in the area. We had a nice bunch at our church when I was growing up. I always felt grateful to them and thought it must be hard for them to be so far from home and young.

Dani: Beth Aw they are so huge, and cool to see! Scary if they get on the roadway!

Beth: Dani we call those trips road trips. We do a couple every summer. In April when I had to see neurosurgeon there was three of us and we took the long route and gone for three days and two nights.

Dani: Cricket, I agree, Alexa is a good tool for that! We are about a week away from the longest day of the year, so it is still light enough here outside to get some last minute gardening in at 9 pm and that is my downfall on these beautiful days! I just want to be outside!

Dani: Beth, where did you go this year?

Beth: Dani the baby was on the side of the road eating. One crossed the highway as we were driving home and the other was on the side of the road. You always have to watch the highway this time of the year. They seem more plentiful.

Swan: Dani - Yeah it is nice for there to be programs and places for them to spend off time, the USO offers a lot of things like that, plus the amusements in the area give them nice discounts and these days the rec rooms in the barracks are really awesomely equipped. Plus many of them have massive entertainment systems in their rooms. But anything that keeps them out of the clubs and bars is a good thing in my opinion. For so many years most things that were available to young Marines involved the ability to drink in excess and so many got in trouble. Someone finally learned and started offering more interesting things for them to do. I also believe the bases raised the drinking age to match everywhere else, for many years it was 18 and that is a recipe for many problems.

Beth: Dani we went on the west coast of Nfld. we went down around a lot of little places. My sister and friend has never been that far so that made it more interesting. My sister is the one who was so depressed. But she has come such a long way now.

Dani: Beth, I know, moose and cars don't mix. I am sure it is the same where you are. Many deaths from moose collisions

Beth: Dani that is true. On the west coast there is a lot of highway that has a fence around the woods to keep them in. I find that good.

Cricket: Swan - I have friends whose kids got into trouble with alcohol etc when they joined the Marines (and probably all military). My close friend’s daughter grew up in their Christian home, went to Christian school, did missions trips with her church, etc. She joined the Marines and started drinking, smoking and got pregnant (twice). The parents were beside themselves.

Dani: Swan, that is great that they have been offering other activities. They got an unfavorable reputation in Oceanside which we always felt bad about, but it wasn't like they had a lot to do!

Dani: Beth, glad you were able to get away!! It sounds like it was good for all of you.

Dani: Cricket, how was your week. Have things slowed down any for you or still lots going on?

Beth: Cricket that must have been hard in the parents. I know we raise them as we believe and teach them morals, values etc but once they grow up we have no control over them or what they do.

Beth: Dani we make a few day trips too. They are not as far away. But a bunch of women tighter can have lots of fun. I fir one need that.

Beth: Dani that was supposed to be women together

Swan: Cricket - Unfortunately Marine's are still children when they are shipped away from home to live in a barracks or their first apartment without any real guidance. They are free to do many things their parents either didn't allow and then there is the reality that they can be stationed in a combat area at any time, so then the live like there is no tomorrow mentality can come into play. Some deal with the independence well and snap right in, others are still immature (especially if they were raised in strict homes) and the sudden freedom typically isn't handled well.

Dani: Swan, yes, and then add to the fact that it is all pretty high stress environment with big expectations from them and more stress if it is war time.

Cricket: Swan - Yes and sadly although my friends did an exceptional job in being involved with their kids in healthy activities and church, it's still a huge change. There may also be a factor that the kids were adopted from abusive & drug using homes. The kids were adopted very young (1 & 3 yrs) but they were later told that they should have gotten the kids into counseling immediately after adoption. They really did everything I could imagine but no one told them about counseling at such a young age and who knows if that would have made a difference. Still, coming from a pretty protective home to the military was a huge transition.

Swan: Dani - for years Oceanside created their own problems with Marine's, too many bars and strip clubs, but as Oceanside has grown it has changed some. There aren't as many pawn shops and girly type hangouts with someone standing out front to talk the young ones to "come on in". It used to anger me when Oceanside wanted the Marine's to come out to town and spend their money, but when they acted out then everyone wanted to condemn them. Most of these clubs would give them the first few drinks free, and then keep it flowing all night long, usually by the pitcher full. I am not saying the Marine's were innocent, they should have done the "just say no", but being young and having these type of temptations isn't a good mixture.

Cricket: Swan - You and I both had to grow up more quickly and come from a different place but when you get young kids, who came from a pretty sheltered background, there is a huge transition.

Dani: Swan, I agree and I remember hearing an thinking the same thing about the town. Glad they have cleaned up their act for the sake of the young marines.

Beth: Ladies I am sorry but I am leaving chat. I am so tired from all the sightseeing and my back is bad. I have appt in early and AM so going to try get some sleep.

Swan: Cricket - I don't care what some say about addiction not being transferred to generations, it is. When my son was in rehab, the counselor that lead the youth often said that parents really needed to stop blaming the children for their attraction to addictive substances and take a long hard look at their families, they will find others with the same issues. Once most did, they seemed to fall into a better understanding and were much less angry at their children. That type of anger only makes the child want to escape more and that is a lot of what drug abuse is about, escape.

Swan: Night Beth

Dani: Swan, I agree. I used to think it was all "behavior" related, but the longer I live and the more I observe, I also am convinced that what happens inside our bodies can't always be explained and there are people that are going to be challenged with these things, just like some have genetically poor eye sight!

Cricket: Swan - Yes, we know that addiction tendencies are genetic and during the course of adoption, this should have been discussed. The daughter who became a Marine is doing pretty well now however she had a pattern of picking the wrong guys one after another. Not only the father of her children who never stayed in the picture but after leaving the Marines, she met two different guys through her church who were both terrible. Both of them had criminal histories and probably used the church to meet trusting young women. Her family finally got her out of the recent dangerous situation and moved her to Florida (from CA) to live with her sister who recently became a police officer.

Cricket: Swan - This daughter didn't seem to develop addiction issues though, more behavior in being drawn to men who took advantage of her. She is still involved in church but needs to build higher self esteem and break the cycle of abuse.

Swan: Cricket - My opinion but those who come from situations of abandonment (even when they had great adoptive parents), tend to seek out mates that will also abandon them. They never notice the signs and swear the mate will stay with them forever, but under it all, they already have one foot out the door.

Swan: Cricket - For whatever reason humans tend to repeat bad behaviors even when they don't want to.

Swan: Ladies - I am going to head out, I want to get a shower before dinner.

Dani: Swan, Maybe we tend to gravitate to what we are used to. It feels "normal", not good, but "normal"

Dani: Good night Cricket and Swan, I hope you both have a good, safe and blessed week!

Cricket: Swan - Yes, this young woman definitely is struggling with issues. Even her sister became involved in college with a very controlling young man, who was going to be a doctor, then joined the Air Force and going to become a pilot but has excuses for why none of this happened. He has always been one to stay up all night playing video games. Hopefully with this sister becoming a cop, she will become stronger and see how she has been manipulated.

Cricket: Dani & Swan - Good night to both of you ladies, wishing you a wonderful week

Swan: Cricket - I don't care what some say about addiction not being transferred to generations, it is. When my son was in rehab, the counselor that lead the youth often said that parents really needed to stop blaming the children for their attraction to addictive substances and take a long hard look at their families, they will find others with the same issues. Once most did, they seemed to fall into a better understanding and were much less angry at their children. That type of anger only makes the child want to escape more and that is a lot of what drug abuse is about, escape.

Cricket: Swan - Yes, we know that addiction tendencies are genetic and during the course of adoption, this should have been discussed. The daughter who became a Marine is doing pretty well now however she had a pattern of picking the wrong guys one after another. Not only the father of her children who never stayed in the picture but after leaving the Marines, she met two different guys through her church who were both terrible. Both of them had criminal histories and probably used the church to meet trusting young women. Her family finally got her out of the recent dangerous situation and moved her to Florida (from CA) to live with her sister who recently became a police officer.

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