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April 29, 2018 / Sunday

Swan: Cricket - But whom else was going to take the responsibility! My stepfather was a drunk, my mother lived on mothers little helpers and someone had to make sure my siblings ate, went to school, that we had clean clothes, etc. I went from that to the Marine Corps (control environment) and from that to being married to a Marine, he was busy with his military duties and someone had to take charge of the house and then of course having been a Marine, I was able to step in and take care of many things for him to free him to do more important things. The typical stuff that makes MLC dominate so many. Sadly, my husband never really had to be responsible and when MLC hit him that played right into his mindset and made him believe it was appropriate to behave as he did/does.

Cricket: Swan - In my case, my mother needed my help and my father was having an affair with the woman I babysat for. He ended up murdering his own mother when she threatened to disown him and throw him off the ranch. My Mom always felt bad that she thought she robbed me of my childhood but I told her theses things made me stronger and led to a career I loved much like your Marine career.

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April 29, 2018 / Sunday

Brin: Hi Swan, How are you?

Brin: Hi tos, How are you?

Swan: Hello everyone

Swan: Hi tos - How have you been this week? Hope things are better.

Brin: Hi everyone. I logged out and logged in again because I thought no one saw my posts. How are you Swan and tos?

Swan: Brin - I am good

Brin: Hi Cricket, how are you? and how was your birthday?

Swan: Hi Cricket

Cricket: Good evening all. I needed a walk after a hectic weekend and it took longer than I anticipate. Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Swan: Cricket - Happy Belated Birthday

Cricket: Brin - It was nice, I played golf with friends that day and then went out to dinner alone that evening. Friends I would normally meet were busy so I decided to just go on my own with a good book. A place I hadn't been since my H left down on the beach near the wharf.

Cricket: Hi tos, how are you?

Brin: Cricket - sounds like a good birthday!

Cricket: Brin - Yes, it was nice although it would have been nice to share the evening with friends are family.

Brin: The weather was beautiful over here this weekend. Really enjoyed that.

Brin: Swan, how's work going these days?

Cricket: Brin - It was nice yesterday although a little cool and a few sprinkles came over briefly. We had a Touch A Truck event today and it was chilly but nice later. The Touch A Truck is where PG&E, Police, Fire, CALSTAR (Fire), ambulances, dump trucks, tow trucks, etc all bring vehicles for kids to climb into, hit the horns, sirens, etc. PG&E took families up in their bucket up quite high which was a real hit. Fundraiser for our schools.

Cricket: Brin - How did you do with your first week back to work. Hopefully you didn't overdo things too much.

Brin: Cricket, that sounds like a cool event! What a treat for the kids!

Swan: Brin - work is good, I love being busy but some days my body wants to rebel and reminds me of my actual age.

Brin: Cricket, I did ok although I saw a tiny amount of blood in the incision, and panicked but when I saw the nurse, she said it was all normal. So I get to see the doctor wed and hopefully he is happy with the progress.

Cricket: Swan - Are you back to work at the base/travel office?

Swan: Cricket - yes

Cricket: Brin - I'm sure that was scary so good you checked.

Cricket: Swan - Good to hear.

Brin: Swan, I hear you. I too like being busy and these past few weeks have been difficult because I can't do this or that.

Swan: Brin - the sad thing is my mind isn't ready to be 60 years old and it believes I can do way more than my body wants to. Although I have had a few people tell me that I run circles around most of the younger people there. I blame myself, I just have to find an even pace to work at and stay in it. I just see things that need to be done and jump in to get them done, I have always found it easier to just to it myself than to stop and explain how to do it to someone else.

Brin: Cricket, Yes, I'm glad she made me go in to see her. She was so kind. She told me that I needed to not stress/worry which I need to do. I've been working on taking my time instead of pushing myself.

Cricket: Brin - YES, as overwhelmed as I get sometimes with my schedule, I also know that I enjoy a lot of the things, just wish I could turn down the volume of activity.

Cricket: Brin - You need to keep reminding yourself that if you push too soon, it will delay and impede your recovery.

Brin: Swan, What happens when you do too much? Do you feel exhausted?

Brin: Cricket, Yes, I sure don't want to delay my recovery. She did tell me that since it's been 3.5 weeks, there is nothing I can do to really cause any damage to the incision. That was reassuring.

Cricket: Swan - That's something I struggle with too, delegating. I'm trying to remember that I am helping others by taking the time to explain or teach them. Still when you're on a role, there’s a tendency to just do it.

Swan: Brin - I do eventually feel exhausted, but typically far too late. I guess it comes from being around the Marine Corps for so many years with some of the tasks that needed to be done. I remember at Air Show when I worked at Mira Mar Air Station, I would be on my feet, on the go for hours, it was when I would be in my car on the way home that the adrenaline would wear off and I would crash, which is why after the first year I got permission to set up a cot in my office and just stay there for the weekend. I lived a long distance away, so it was easier to just stay on base, but lodging was typically booked months in advance in the area, plus they jacked to prices up for that weekend, so I just did what worked best for me. I had staff members invite me to their homes, but I didn't feel comfortable doing that.

Swan: Cricket - I delegate when I can, but I work in a small outlet office and I am pretty much it, not really anyone to delegate to.

Brin: Swan, That was nice that you could stay the weekend instead of making the long commute. I understand about not feeling comfortable staying at people's homes. I'm a bit like that too. But it was kind of your staff to offer their home to you!

Swan: Cricket - The manager does send someone to work with me on military paydays and/or when a big event is going on, but to be honest they get on my way more than help.

Cricket: Swan - Okay, I just noted your comment about finding it easier to just do it yourself rather than stop and explain to someone else. I know I struggle with delegating as I get on a role too.

Brin: Swan, Cricket, I too find it easier to do things myself instead of stopping to explain to someone how to do something and then it doesn't get done properly.

Swan: Cricket - I am the oldest of my mother's children and for most of my youth I took care of my younger brother and sister, guess that never really leaves you. I live with my son, daughter in law and grandson and I find myself pretty much daily saying to myself, "this is not my house, it is my home but not my house and my daughter in law IS the lady of the house" I just don't want to step on her toes, she would be so sweet about it, I just don't want to go there.

Swan: Brin - or it doesn't get done at all, that will send me right over the edge.

Swan: Ladies - Should I confess that I am somewhat of a control freak!

Cricket: Swan - Yes, that was the case with me too. I was the oldest and my dad was gone so my Mom looked to me to care for my siblings. I even went to work with my Mom when I was 11 and worked doing smaller tasks at the motel she worked at. We then moved in with my grandparents after my dad tossed us out, divorced my Mom and married his OW. So, we have many of the same circumstances. Now I

Cricket: I'm alone but much of my life I felt I took on responsibility.

Brin: I too am the oldest, which comes with responsibility. I too have been working on giving up control. It's difficult but thankfully my recovery group has been helpful.

Swan: Cricket - But whom else was going to take the responsibility! My stepfather was a drunk, my mother lived on mothers little helpers and someone had to make sure my siblings ate, went to school, that we had clean clothes, etc. I went from that to the Marine Corps (control environment) and from that to being married to a Marine, he was busy with his military duties and someone had to take charge of the house and then of course having been a Marine, I was able to step in and take care of many things for him to free him to do more important things. The typical stuff that makes MLC dominate so many. Sadly, my husband never really had to be responsible and when MLC hit him that played right into his mindset and made him believe it was appropriate to behave as he did/does.

Cricket: Swan - In my case, my mother needed my help and my father was having an affair with the woman I babysat for. He ended up murdering his own mother when she threatened to disown him and throw him off the ranch. My Mom always felt bad that she thought she robbed me of my childhood but I told her theses things made me stronger and led to a career I loved much like your Marine career.

Brin: Cricket, how scary that your dad murdered his own mother. Did he get convicted?

Swan: Cricket - I have to say I don't know that I would have changed much, yes it made me much stronger. I know there have been some who think I can be heartless because I don't get all sobby emotional when things happen. Fear is there as well as all the emotions others go through, I just don't give into them or maybe I don't know how to show them, I learned early not to show fear because my step father feed off of that and the torture would be much worse if he smelled fear. After my mother sobered up, she always felt badly for not protecting me or caring for us, but as I told her once, she had her own demons she was running from and she did the best she could at the time, we survived. When she was dying, we had a good long talk and I think she finally accepted that I forgave her and maybe she was even able to forgive herself some.

Brin: Swan that was a nice ending with your mom.

Cricket: Swan - Yes, I don't think I'd have changed much. My grandparents were wonderful to come help my Mom raise us and the experience developed much of who I am. I've always been more comfortable working with guys but then I always had since age 18. Still I appreciate there isn't the game playing and emotional rollercoaster working with guys. I didn't deal with the abuse you did but I dealt with a narcissistic sociopath father. It took me time to understand he wasn't capable of loving me.

Brin: All, I am going to head out. Have to get up early as usual. Have a great week!

Cricket: Swan - Yes I remember you driving to be with you mom when she was dying and having that time for closure.

Swan: Cricket - I am glad I got that and believe that is part of why God lead me to move to Missouri when I did, shortly after she passed I felt I belonged back here with my kids and grandson, but had such a strong feeling to be in Missouri while I was.

Swan: Ladies, I am going to head out as well, have a great week

Cricket: Yes Me too, wishing you both a great week too.

Swan: Cricket - I agree it was his issue and you had nothing to do with it, you are a very lovable lady

Cricket: Thanks Swan. You are as well and I think we are both better people for the journey we've taken and the Lord's work in us.

Swan: Cricket - But whom else was going to take the responsibility! My stepfather was a drunk, my mother lived on mothers little helpers and someone had to make sure my siblings ate, went to school, that we had clean clothes, etc. I went from that to the Marine Corps (control environment) and from that to being married to a Marine, he was busy with his military duties and someone had to take charge of the house and then of course having been a Marine, I was able to step in and take care of many things for him to free him to do more important things. The typical stuff that makes MLC dominate so many. Sadly, my husband never really had to be responsible and when MLC hit him that played right into his mindset and made him believe it was appropriate to behave as he did/does.

Cricket: Swan - In my case, my mother needed my help and my father was having an affair with the woman I babysat for. He ended up murdering his own mother when she threatened to disown him and throw him off the ranch. My Mom always felt bad that she thought she robbed me of my childhood but I told her theses things made me stronger and led to a career I loved much like your Marine career.

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