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March 04, 2018 / Sunday

Cricket: buttons - I have a good friend who complains about her H doing all these little things for her. I really think he's very considerate but she feels smothered by them. However, the other day we met for golf and she commented that that morning her H hadn't gotten her golf things all together for her and hadn't put things in her bag for her. I had to bite my tongue as it hadn't been long ago that she complained about her H smothering with putting things in her bag for her, straightening her clubs, etc.

Dani: Cricket, that's funny. We are complicated aren't we?! I think it is most difficult for me when I get tired. Buttons, it sounds like you might be in the same boat. When the work becomes tiring and we don't take the time to plan something fun, it can get discouraging. We have been dealing with that as well, just because it is a busy time of year for us. The later it gets, the more I find myself thinking "why am I the only one doing this?"

 

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March 04, 2018 / Sunday

Cricket: Good evening Dani.

Dani: Hi Cricket, how are you doing tonight? Quiet night in the chat room!

Cricket: I'm good. Yes, it's been quiet lately. I haven't had anyone join me in chat on Saturday for over a year. I'm good, how are you?

Cricket: Dani - I lost track of time tonight doing some catch up and suddenly it was after 6

Dani: Wow really?! I had no idea! I'm doing well. Busy time of year for work, January through March, so I am looking forward to getting through the next few weeks!

Dani: I know me too. Only it was suddenly after 9:00!

Cricket: Dani - Yes I can relate. I had many annual fundraiser in February and still doing some wrap up but thankfully things have settled to a manageable pace.

Dani: Yes! How did that go?

Dani: Which is the busiest chat time?

Cricket: Dani - As far as Saturday chat, we'd move it to 10 a.m. Pacific time and some on the East Coast felt that was too early. We moved it to 11 a.m. and since it was moved, no one has come to chat. Saturdays were always light but before the time changed, we had a few who had been coming in. We've tried to keep an early chat for those on the other side of the pond but it isn't easy. For me, 11 a.m. chat is very difficult so frustrating to be here and have no one come in.

Dani: BRB - need to take something out of the oven!

Dani: Yes, I would say, right in the middle of the day! I am not even sure of the other chat times now. Are there any that are well attended?

Cricket: Dani - Sunday had been the best attended. We only have Saturday morning, Sunday 6 pm/9 p.m., Tuesday 6/9p.m, Wed with Bill at 5/8 p.m.

Dani: It's too bad because I am sure there are others out there that would appreciate the support as we all have, but perhaps they are just not finding us!?

Cricket: I've wondered if one of the problems is that we get a security warning when logging into chat. I've always had a screen with a warning at the log in screen but the past few months since I started using Norton, it won't let me log in on Firefox. I have still been able to get in through chrome but still get a warning. If I were a new person, I doubt I continue into the site.

Cricket: Yes that's another thing some noticed. If you Google midlife, MLD doesn't come up until much further down the list.

Cricket: Sadly some of the other sites are those that are not good, including the one rollercoasterrider created.

Dani: Oh, yeah, I probably would not continue if I had a security warning and did not know anything about the page. I login under Firefox and don't get the warning, but it is probably because I maybe it is because I said "yes" a few years ago when it asked if I wanted to continue.

Cricket: I know there is still a need for the support here; I've had people from my church ask about it including my former pastor's wife. I provide the info but haven't seen anyone come in. My worry is that the security warnings scare them off.

Cricket: Hey buttons! Nice to see you.

Dani: Hi Buttons, how are you doing tonight?

Dani: Cricket, I'm sure you are right!

buttons: Hi cricket how are you doing? Have you give yourself a chance to relax?

buttons: Cricket I don't get a warning

Cricket: buttons - I actually came down with fever Tuesday and it forced me to rest a few days but thankfully I'm doing much better.

buttons: Hey dani Doing alright, been working on report cards all weekend. I am not the only one they seem to have snuck up on

buttons: cricket sorry to hear about the fever, glad you needed to rest though and are starting to feel better

Cricket: buttons - I didn't use to get the warning until I started using Norton. Although there is a small warning bar at the log in page but pretty simple.

Cricket: buttons - How are things going for you? And how is your fur baby doing?

Dani: Buttons glad you are feeling better!

buttons: its cricket that wasn't well

buttons: cricket I don't seem to see one anywhere

buttons: cricket She and I went on three walks a day while H was away, I have been lazy the last week and only gotten her out for 2. He's work shifts have changed so she's not always getting one from him now, when he's home near the time I am then he's taken her out and I then take her again before bed however if he doesn't then I just get her out after school feeling bad about it but it does take quite a bit of energy

buttons: cricket I am glad H is home safe and sound however I am also finding myself very frustrated because while he was gone things were put in proper spots (laundry in a basket not scattered on floor NEAR the basket, dishes and such left laying around after cooking). I also just feel like its same old, same old, more roommates that share a bed

Cricket: buttons - I understand. My sister & BIL have a dog and take him for several walks but they aren't working full time. I will say that usually if I push myself, once I get out walking, it re-energizes me. BUT you have a good size yard for him to run in.

Cricket: buttons - That is hard. I think it's much like getting out for those walks; it takes energy to work on more than roommates. You have to schedule some quality time to do something fun together. Also, find a way to bring up the things that really bother you and let the other things go.

buttons: cricket she'll wander in the yard however she doesn't really run and exercise much in it, especially in the winter (unless she's already been for a walk and gotten damp, then she'll run rings around the middle bed)

Dani: Buttons - I certainly understand! I used to ask my h if it really took that much more energy to put it IN the basket rather than right beside it!!?? Eventually I figured it wasn't going to happen without making it an issue so. I gave up! Kind of funny, yes, kind of frustrating too!

buttons: cricket I don't mind the walk it's just that sometimes it feels like it is all me and I too have things to do and aches and pains

Cricket: buttons - I have a good friend who complains about her H doing all these little things for her. I really think he's very considerate but she feels smothered by them. However, the other day we met for golf and she commented that that morning her H hadn't gotten her golf things all together for her and hadn't put things in her bag for her. I had to bite my tongue as it hadn't been long ago that she complained about her H smothering with putting things in her bag for her, straightening her clubs, etc.

buttons: cricket thanks

Dani: Cricket, that's funny. We are complicated aren't we?! I think it is most difficult for me when I get tired. Buttons, it sounds like you might be in the same boat. When the work becomes tiring and we don't take the time to plan something fun, it can get discouraging. We have been dealing with that as well, just because it is a busy time of year for us. The later it gets, the more I find myself thinking "why am I the only one doing this?"

Cricket: buttons - Maybe you can throw a ball or a toy for her in the yard as an easier way to get her exercise. I do understand how frustrating it can feel to have things seem to fall more on you. As Dani said, you have to pick your battles.

buttons: dani I try to just let it go however things then spread out so it nearly trips me at night

buttons: cricket she will chase but not return with balls and toys, she will chase things in the house so sometimes I'm able to do that. Yes, I do pick my battles however the more I ignore the more other things seem to pop up

buttons: dani yes, it is partly tired, partly that he just goes off on this trip for a month and returns complaining of knee pain, needing to get more of one pill, etc, etc...

Cricket: buttons - Sometimes you have to just pick up those things and put them in the basket yourself rather than let them build up. There is always a chance that your H will notice you picking up after him and possibly try a little better but at least hopefully appreciate that you did.

buttons: ladies it seems that he goes off on these trips and I pick up everything then he returns and I then end up keeping it all because he doesn't pick much back up or is hurting or whatever

Dani: buttons - yes, I know. I now just pick up after my h. most of the time. He does most of the cooking now and he is a good cook, and he will take care of the cars, do the snow-blowing, fix anything that is broken, so I try to remember that as I am picking up the dirty clothes! Sometimes I do ok, sometimes not so great.

Cricket: buttons - Is it possible that the hardest part is his going off on the trip and leaving you to carry the load and not feeling appreciated? I can imagine that these trips bring up old wounds.

buttons: cricket yes, that is part of it, it's the whole MLC thing where I picked up paying everything, doing papers where he sort of kind of did them and did his share to then not doing his share, to just feeling like I am picking up things more often than not and no real appreciation

Cricket: buttons - Yes these trips have been linked to his mlc journey and I would think it's unsettling and stressful when he leaves. It has to be even worse when there is no sense of appreciation after all this time.

buttons: cricket thanks for understanding and helping me just say it

Dani: Ladies, I have some other projects to do before I go to bed (its 10 here) so I am going to say good night and God Bless. Buttons. I understand and I know there are SOME men out there that carry more of the load but as I hear my friends talk, so many feel the same way. I think it is quite common and I am sure you hit it on the head; appreciation would go a long way. If he even lets a little appreciation sneak out maybe you can say something like "thanks, I needed that, it helps to hear that you notice". You know that old affirmation thing.

buttons: ladies I truly am trying to change my focus to the positives, I did so much of that from the start this year just seems to have been chaos and has thrown me off balance

Cricket: Dani - I was just thinking I needed to get back to some things too.

buttons: dani thank you

buttons: ladies I have 6 more report card comments to write however my neck and lower part of my head started to really hurt just before we ate supper

Dani: Ok, I guess we all better get busy! Hope to chat with you next week. God bless you both! Good night!

Cricket: Buttons -It is challenging to change your focus I know but I would try to remember the progress that has been made. I know there have been some good things that have happened but I also know you have had a lot of stress in several areas lately too.

buttons:

cricket thank you

buttons: Hugs ladies, thank you both and prayers for an amazing week ahead. Night

Cricket: buttons - Can you try some ice and maybe some Aleve or something similar. I know I tend to wait until I'm really hurting. Actually if you can walk a little, sometimes this helps low back

Cricket: Have a good week Dani, hugs my friend

Cricket: buttons - I have a good friend who complains about her H doing all these little things for her. I really think he's very considerate but she feels smothered by them. However, the other day we met for golf and she commented that that morning her H hadn't gotten her golf things all together for her and hadn't put things in her bag for her. I had to bite my tongue as it hadn't been long ago that she complained about her H smothering with putting things in her bag for her, straightening her clubs, etc.

Dani: Cricket, that's funny. We are complicated aren't we?! I think it is most difficult for me when I get tired. Buttons, it sounds like you might be in the same boat. When the work becomes tiring and we don't take the time to plan something fun, it can get discouraging. We have been dealing with that as well, just because it is a busy time of year for us. The later it gets, the more I find myself thinking "why am I the only one doing this?"

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