Midlife Dimensions

www.MIDLIFE.com

We hope you've found our website to be helpful and encouraging. You can play a big part in the lives of others by supporting the upkeep of midlife.com, and our chat room, with a tax-deductible donation of any amount, big or small. Thank you for being a part of our team!

Choose your donation level:
SocialTwist Tell-a-Friend

February 20, 2018 / Tuesday

Swan: buttons - I spent 28 years of marriage and never snooped in any of his stuff and that was when he was active duty and his job often required him to just not come home and he couldn't tell me where he would be or what he was doing. If he would be gone more than 48 hours I would get a phone call and told who my point of contact would be. After a few years we picked a message and I would call his assistant, who I would ask the question and he would give me the selected answer, it didn't give me details but let me know that he was away on a mission. Sometimes the upper command was lack on calling me with my point of contact information. I always felt it was because they considered me a self provider and knew if I needed anything I couldn't handle I would either call the platoon or commander.

buttons: swan I too never snooped and even in the chaos I have only done it a few times and I hated that I did

For a list of media recommendations by Midlife Dimensions and our Chat Room Facilitators, please visit at

http://love-wise.com/product.php

or http://astore.amazon.com/midlife-20  
 Amazon sends a donation to the non-profit ministry of Midlife Dimensions anytime an order is placed via our link. We hope you enjoy the various lists of recommendations and thank you for supporting Midlife Dimensions through Amazon.
 

If this Chat Room Session has helped you or ministered to your heart, please consider sponsoring 1 Chat Room a month to help us keep our Chat Rooms active and Archives updated. Each session costs us $30 to host, edit, and post.

We can't do it without your help. Thanks for caring.  Be A Chat Room Sponsor

 

February 20, 2018 / Tuesday

Kmkrn: Welcome all to chat!

Swan: Hello everyone

Swan: Hi KmKrn

Swan: Hi buttons

buttons: Hey swan how are you tonight?

buttons: Swan I nearly asked the group for prayer. I hadn't heard from H since early morning of the 16th and my brain was playing nasty tricks with my emotions.

Swan: buttons - COLD!! I know it is cold everywhere, but here in Southern California we don't normally get temps in the low 40's.

buttons: Swan when I got home from school today there was a message from him.

Swan: buttons - oh my goodness, he is ok! Hey, I would have gone to the same thoughts, four days is a long time especially when you have been hearing from him regularly.

buttons: swan from what I can tell he is okay. His message was just telling me how warm it was (26) as response to me telling him it's COLD here (highs of 5 and lows below 0 and with wind chill colder still)

Swan: buttons - yeah and asking any questions would only create strife, he might think you are over reacting, especially since his message was about weather.

buttons: swan well in my response I told him my brain was worried and then when he said whose brain I responded with my brain not brain was playing nasty tricks on me or something to that effect. no response again now.

buttons: Swan trust me there was a point where I was going to type a whole bunch of things (during time of not hearing from him) about us and where we stood and if he really missed me or just fur baby and about how I want us to be a team and how I've been feeling like we are working in isolation, not good and I did restrain myself

Kmkrn: Well, I sure hope that the second half of chat is "chattier" than the first half! Or I'm going to have to start arguing with myself!

buttons: Hi Kmkrn

buttons: swan how are things going? how is the job?

Swan: When my husband still lived in our house and before the other woman had moved down here, he used to call me almost daily, Sunday through Thursday, mostly under the guise of what still needed to be done to get the house ready to sell. He lived in it, not me! I would tell him what more we needed to do, what I had been able to get done, etc. and we would end up talking for a couple hours. He hadn't told me that the other woman packed up her car and showed up and they were shacked up in a hotel together (at least he didn't move her into our home). I hadn't heard from him for almost a week and I noticed he hadn't been at the house, so I got worried and I called him, left a simple message about the agent getting ready for an open house and would it be ok with him. Apparently the other woman listened to the message and got all kinds of nasty with him that I was calling him. He called me the next day and told me not to call him anymore because "the XXXXX" was sneaking looks at his phone. I didn't ask any questions just agreed and then asked how I was supposed to let him know things, he told me to call him at work, and she couldn't get a hold of that phone.

Swan: buttons - the job is good, I was working a lot of hours which I am finding that my body just doesn't like doing anymore, especially standing for up to 8 hours 5 days, now that the holidays are over my hours are back down to between 25 to 30 and that is much better for my back and legs. The work isn't hard, it is just on my feet and moving short distances (no more than 10 steps one way), but I guess at almost 60 I might have to accept that I cannot do what I did when I was younger.

buttons: swan it's amazing what the OW will do and the control they can have

buttons: swan I just reached 50 and I don't find things different as such until I do something that extends past my "normal" length of time doing things and then my body goes. Hey you are tired! Why'd you do that to me last night or yesterday!? I still can't figure out how I managed to do papers for those years since now I get enough sleep and still find it hard when I go past normal number of school hours. (Like parent meetings or going out and about for a while)

buttons: swan standing for long periods of time is hard on most bodies

Swan: buttons - I spent 28 years of marriage and never snooped in any of his stuff and that was when he was active duty and his job often required him to just not come home and he couldn't tell me where he would be or what he was doing. If he would be gone more than 48 hours I would get a phone call and told who my point of contact would be. After a few years we picked a message and I would call his assistant, who I would ask the question and he would give me the selected answer, it didn't give me details but let me know that he was away on a mission. Sometimes the upper command was lack on calling me with my point of contact information. I always felt it was because they considered me a self provider and knew if I needed anything I couldn't handle I would either call the platoon or commander.

buttons: swan right.

buttons: swan I too never snooped and even in the chaos I have only done it a few times and I hated that I did

Swan: buttons - I have to say there are some boxes that are heavy and when supplies need to be restocked I would just run in the back and grab a box, I am going to have to stop doing that, they are too heavy for me and even the manager told me the other day to let the younger people do that part. I guess I just don't want them to start thinking I can't do my part because of my age, I am going to need to embrace my age and stop thinking I can still do it all. One of the guys got on me the other day about it too, so I am going to give in on that one, my body is screaming at times, telling me to remember I am not 20 anymore.

buttons: swan Yeah, my brain tells me I am not old and then my body goes. Hey I'm not as young as you think you are

Swan: buttons - There was one time with the first other woman that an envelope arrived in the mail to me, no return address, but I noticed the post mark was from St. Louis, Missouri (we lived in California), I knew about the first other woman at this point and assumed the envelope was from her since my husband wasn't ending our marriage fast enough for her. I didn't open it; I left it on the desk for him and did text him to let him know what I suspected. He later called and thanked me for not opening the package, it was what I had thought and he couldn't believe she had done that and he didn't want me to be hurt like that. Yeah, I know! They don't make a lot of sense do they.

buttons: swan wow...

buttons: swan not good choices at all

Swan: buttons - I can tell you the few times I did need something from the platoon, they delivered! I had car trouble once and called my husband's assistant, I was told he would be there soon, twenty minutes later ten Marine's arrived and within an hour they had my car running and followed me home to make sure nothing else happened. These guys were not mechanic's by trade, so they went to the command motor pool and recruited a couple of mechanic's. I really appreciated how Marine's take care of their own.

buttons: swan I remember you telling me that last week. That is AMAZING!

Swan: buttons - that package was a big reason that she became the FIRST other woman, but rather than reconcile with me, he got on line and found a few more, to include the one he did finally divorce me for and married.

buttons: swan at least he had the sense to recognize the first was a jerk (to say the least) however not enough to see that You were meant for him and only you

Swan: I see KmKrn's icon in the right box, but she hasn't commented, so I wonder if she is occupied with something else.

Kmkrn: Wow! What a quiet evening! I sure hope that everyone else had something fun to do. This week marks another week of tragedy and senseless violence yet again. There have been discussions and "debates" in our household about what the answer is, no one knows except The One Who Knows. So, keeping all of our prayers lifted to Him who hears us and has mercy.

buttons: swan most likely since it is often quiet

buttons: I did say Hi to her a while back

Kmkrn: Good night and God Bless!

Swan: buttons - to be honest the one he is with now if far more controlling and I just have a hard time understanding how he has allowed these two women to control him so much. We knew couples that had relationships like that during our marriage and he often said he would never put up with that kind of stuff, yet he does?

Swan: buttons - I said Hi too and she didn't response, which isn't like her, so I figure something else got her attention

buttons: swan I think he feels he deserves to be treated like that

buttons: swan exactly

buttons: swan maybe he

Swan: buttons - he has said that a few times to others, the he is getting what he deserves. Sad!

buttons: swan maybe he's afraid to listen to his feelings and brain because they are likely telling him he's wrong and yet he feels like he deserves the mess and you won't forgive or something like that

buttons: swan it is so sad when they feel that way

Swan: buttons - he has been told I have already forgiven him and he acknowledges that he believes that, but then will comment how I don't deserve someone like him. He is making choices for me based on his own unforgiveness for his choices, my opinion anyway.

buttons: swan that is what he's doing, there's a song I don't know whether I've heard before or not but it talks about forgiveness and how God has forgiven us so we need to forgive ourselves and others. Not heard it more than a couple-few times so can't recall much more than that, either that or it was a message from Joyce Meyer

Swan: buttons - my husband still bounces when it comes to me, there are times he will ask others about me, say kind things and how I don't deserve this or that, but then other times he will say very unkind things about me to attempt to justify his choices. I just don't really put much value in these things one way or the other when I am told because I know he is bouncing.

Swan: buttons - there are really good messages on forgiveness, Joyce Meyers has a really good one.

buttons: swan yeah, that's the toughest yes, she has really good clear God based messages

Swan: Well, it has been great visiting with you, I need to start dinner for the family and want to watch some more of the Olympics. Have a great week.

buttons: Swan thanks for the chat. Enjoy dinner. Prayers and wishes for a great week back. Night

buttons: Night Kmkrn

 

Swan: buttons - I spent 28 years of marriage and never snooped in any of his stuff and that was when he was active duty and his job often required him to just not come home and he couldn't tell me where he would be or what he was doing. If he would be gone more than 48 hours I would get a phone call and told who my point of contact would be. After a few years we picked a message and I would call his assistant, who I would ask the question and he would give me the selected answer, it didn't give me details but let me know that he was away on a mission. Sometimes the upper command was lack on calling me with my point of contact information. I always felt it was because they considered me a self provider and knew if I needed anything I couldn't handle I would either call the platoon or commander.

buttons: swan I too never snooped and even in the chaos I have only done it a few times and I hated that I did

Register to read more...