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February 11, 2018 / Sunday

Beth: Hopinginhim sometimes I think if my H had been abusive in any way never gave me money, never had relationship with the children, plain mean I would not fund it so hard. Yesterday I was terrible. I cried and prayed so much I did not know what to do.

HopinginHim1: Beth - I am so sorry. I wish I could take your pain away. Remember that the Lord is aware of every tear and even though we cannot always know or understand why, this is all for a purpose to draw us closer to Him. Lean in to Him and let Him begin to soothe your tender heart. Know I am praying.

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February 11, 2018 / Sunday

Swan: Hi Beth

HopinginHim1: Swan and Beth - Hi ladies. I had a few minutes and thought I would stop in to say hi to you! How are you both?

Swan: Hi HopinginHim - How are you going

HopinginHim1: Swan - I am ok thanks. I have been struggling with a flu/cold virus for the last week which has kept me low. I am really hoping to get to a turning point in this soon!!

Swan: HopinginHim - I am doing good. I think Beth has left the room. You are definitely a busy lady, hope you also get time to rest

Swan: HopinginHim - so far we have kept the flu at bay, it is serious down here, killing people!! Hope you get well soon, will add you to my prayers.

HopinginHim1: Swan - Yes I sometimes think that I keep my life a little too busy. I don't normally get sick but this has taken my feet out from under me for several days now. It also means I can't see my mother. I am leaving next week for a week holiday and I don't want to leave without seeing her before!

HopinginHim1: Swan - Indeed. It has been a terrible flu this year. Two primary school aged children in the area have already died. My son had this first and "gifted" it to me! LOL. I feel badly for him as he was in the middle of University exams!

HopinginHim1: Swan - Sorry I missed Beth. I hope things are going better for her lately!

Swan: HopinginHim - that is wise to not see your mother while you are sick, illness can hit the very young and elderly quickly. When I was in high school I worked at a nursing home for ladies, it was terrible how quickly something would spread through the home if a visiting family member was sick.

HopinginHim1: Swan - Absolutely! I have definitely kept my distance although many would think I am not contagious anymore, but I am not willing to take any risks.

Swan: HopinginHim - That is terrible having to be able to concentrate on exams and be sick, poor guy, hope he did good on the exams.

HopinginHim1: Swan - How are things going with your new job? Are you enjoying it? Feeling like you have settled in some?

HopinginHim1: Swan - Thanks for your concern. He is a very good student and worked as hard as he could. I kept reminding him though that it was one year and only one exam in several in each course, so ultimately even if his marks suffered slightly, overall it wouldn't make a ton of difference. He drives himself pretty hard.

Swan: HopinginHim - I have settled in pretty well, it is going good. We have days were we are so busy feels like we never stop moving, other times we have dead periods and I don't like the dead periods. I would prefer an even pace.

HopinginHim1: Swan - I can completely understand. Steady is much preferred to frantic mixed with slow. I am just delighted that overall though things are going well! Is the fundraiser over now for Cricket? I know she drives herself pretty hard as well!

Swan: HopinginHim - it is good he has the drive as long as he doesn't drive too hard. My son has always been like that, he just gets focused on things, he is an over achiever, but he has learned how to balance that focus with down time as well. It was hard for him when he first got married and they had my grandson, but having a wife and baby is part of what helped him learn the balance.

Swan: HopinginHim - I don't believe it is over yet, I haven't seen her in chat the past week, but I believe it was getting ready to wrap up. She has so many things like that throughout the year, even if that one is over; there is most likely another coming right behind it.

Swan: Hi Beth

HopinginHim1: Swan - My son thankfully has a wonderful girlfriend (our pastor's eldest daughter) who keeps him balanced (although she drives herself pretty hard too). They are both very involved in our church which also helps them to stay balanced. However, I know he tries hard to "please" my husband who is one of the most driven men I have ever seen. I just wanted my son to not think he has to be just like my H.

Beth: Sorry I don’t know what I am doing here tonight. I put myself out several times.

Beth: Hello Hopinginhim I see you have been sick with the flu. I was reading

HopinginHim1: Beth - Nice to see you! How are you doing lately?

HopinginHim1: Beth - Yes. I am still getting over it. I am hoping that today is the turning point. We all celebrated my son's birthday today and I was determined to make a nice dinner and have H over as well. So that is all done and I had a few minutes so I thought I would check in to chat!

Beth: Hopinginhim there are days when I wonder if I will ever be the same again. My H may have been gone for years but it is still hard.

Swan: HopinginHim - My husband was a Marine Corps Officer and some of our biggest battles came from him driving himself and attempting to drive the kid’s way too hard. I used to have to remind him that fun is a valid part of life and we cannot always be preparing for battle, heck even the Marine Corps grants leave. Sometimes he would laugh and agree other times he would get upset and we would fight. When the kids were little, he was better but as they got older, he tried to treat them like troops not children. I think mostly because he just didn't know how to enforce boundaries with them and it was easier for him to try and enforce rules and regulations, which they rebelled against!

Beth: Swan there is this group that helps you deal with a spouse leaving but too bad there is not one dealing with a spouse that left and then passes away.

HopinginHim1: Beth - I understand. The grieving process can take some time. Give yourself time to get through this. But you will be whole again. I pray that the Lord will, in His perfect time, begin to heal those wounds for you.

Swan: Beth - I agree it is still so hard and mine too has been gone many years, I sometimes wonder if I will even know how to act when he shows up on the door stoop one day. I have changed and don't believe I can ever be how I was and I believe things will not be the same mostly because I will not accept things the way they were, I respect myself far too much now to go back to that.

HopinginHim1: Swan - I completely understand. My H is similar. He can joke around with the kids but yet at times his "perfectionist" nature comes out and he barks orders and I see them smile but yet are irritated underneath. Right now I say little. Zip my lips I guess. I pray that in time things may heal, but that is all in the Lord's hands.

Swan: Beth - I agree, you have a definite different and difficult situation and I don't know of a group like that, but I will do some checking and see if maybe Bill or Jim might know of some.

Beth: Hopinginhim if a spouse lives home you and your children have a say in funeral etc. A wife would know if there is insurance and more than likely it would go to that spouse. You would give something to the children belonging to their parent. People would be there for you and understand you grieving but people like me do not have people who understand what that LBS goes through.

HopinginHim1: Beth - I understand. I am grateful that you have this group as we at least understand how you are feeling and the loss of what you hoped would be. I will be praying that the Lord comforts you in these hard days as only He can do.

HopinginHim1: Swan and Beth - I am afraid I must sign off. I need to go get some cake ready for my son's girlfriend to take home to her family. It was nice to see both of you again! Hugs and blessings!

Beth: Hopinginhim sometimes I think if my H had been abusive in any way never gave me money, never had relationship with the children, plain mean I would not fund it so hard. Yesterday I was terrible. I cried and prayed so much I did not know what to do.

Beth: Hopinginhim take care

Swan: HopinginHim - Night, hope you feel better soon and come visit with us again soon

HopinginHim1: Beth - I am so sorry. I wish I could take your pain away. Remember that the Lord is aware of every tear and even though we cannot always know or understand why, this is all for a purpose to draw us closer to Him. Lean in to Him and let Him begin to soothe your tender heart. Know I am praying.

HopinginHim1: Swan - Thanks. I will try to get in again soon! Always nice to see you!

HopinginHim1 has left the chat room.

Beth: Swan there are days I am worst then others. Yesterday for some reason I just could not handle it. I know I am alone too much. I can’t do what I used to because of my back. Weather has not been greatest. Hopefully when weather gets better I can do little walking again.

Beth: Anyway I must go. I will try to get busier next few days .Good night and God bless you.

Beth has left the chat room.

Swan: Beth - You are grieving and unfortunately you didn't really get closure completely, you were kept out of things you should have been a part of and that leaves gaps. My husband has a heart condition and is on a transplant list, he has been abusive in many ways, stopped paying the spousal support, he doesn't have much relationship with our children because the other woman objects, but even with all that should he pass, I believe it will still hit me hard because there really has never been any closure between us.

Beth: Hopinginhim sometimes I think if my H had been abusive in any way never gave me money, never had relationship with the children, plain mean I would not fund it so hard. Yesterday I was terrible. I cried and prayed so much I did not know what to do.

HopinginHim1: Beth - I am so sorry. I wish I could take your pain away. Remember that the Lord is aware of every tear and even though we cannot always know or understand why, this is all for a purpose to draw us closer to Him. Lean in to Him and let Him begin to soothe your tender heart. Know I am praying.

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