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October 15, 2017 / Sunday

HopinginHim1: Swan - Oh no. I am so sorry that happened. I think I know exactly of whom you speak. Yes. There is no quick fix and no way to "control" the situation or manipulate this. It is clearly something these men will come through in their own time. And to me our faith would indicate that the Lord is the one we trust not our own "feelings".

Brin: Swan & HopinginHim, I too think that part of why people want to go to "how-to" sites is because they want a quick fix and are not willing to do the waiting for the Lord thing. It's certainly difficult to keep waiting past a few years.

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October 15, 2017 / Sunday

Swan: Hi Cricket

Swan: Hi brin

Brin: Hi Swan & Cricket. How are you both?

Swan: brin - doing good, how about yourself?

Brin: Swan, Doing good. Tired but good.

Swan: Brin - are you home or traveling to some wonderful place?

Brin: Swan, I'm home. Not traveling for the rest of the year. No more vacation days left

Brin: Hi dani & HopinginHim - how are you both?

HopinginHim1: All - Hi ladies! Hope everyone is doing well tonight?

dani2: Hi everyone! Hope you are all doing well. Doing well here.

Swan: HopinginHim - Nice to see you, how have you been doing?

HopinginHim1: Brin - Hi there! I am doing ok. A little swamped but I found myself with some free time tonight and thought I would stop in to say Hi to everyone!

Brin: All, we had a very long day of rain yesterday and flash floods were reported at various places. And I heard there were raging fires in CA...

Brin: HopinginHim - Glad that you were able to stop by!

Cricket: Brin - Congratulations on doing the run when your hike was canceled! Good job.

HopinginHim1: Swan - Nice to see you too! How are things going with your new job? I have been overwhelmed lately my mother has been quite ill and she lives out of town. I have been spending a lot of time with her and also managing her care which has not been great. She is also progressing in her dementia and is now having angry outbursts. This is so unlike my mom. So I am trying to identify triggers to see if we can keep them to a minimum.

Cricket: HopinginHim - Good to see you tonight!

HopinginHim1: Cricket - So nice to see you as well! How are things with you? The fires aren't in your area are they? My H was supposed to be in Sonoma last week for a meeting but they cancelled it of course.

Brin: Cricket - thanks! I just really wanted to do it! It felt good!

Cricket: Brin - The fires in CA have been record breaking disasters. So far over 30 people killed in the Napa Valley Area, Santa Rosa was pretty much destroyed and there are over 100 people still missing, unknown how many were killed in the fires. So very sad.

Brin: Cricket, Yes so very sad about the fires. Do they know what started the fires?

Cricket: HopinginHim - Our area is not very close to the fires although we have been hit with the smoke, several schools closed all outside sports and other activities due to such poor air quality.

HopinginHim1: Cricket - Oh my! That is awful! Are they feeling they are gaining any progress on putting out the fires?

Cricket: Brin - Possibly blown power transformers and lines that went down during high winds. They fires are still so out of control that the focus is on saving lives first and then trying to contain the fires. There are three very large ones in the Napa area and a large one in So. CA.

Brin: Cricket - the run was canceled so that's why I still did it on my own.

HopinginHim1: Cricket - Yes. I guess that would make sense as the smoke would travel quite a distance.

Cricket: HopinginHim - As of last night, none of them were close to containment, Friday I heard only 3 % contained.

dani2: Hoping in Him - so sorry to hear what you are dealing with. So difficult to watch someone we love go through this.

Cricket: Brin - Aw, that's right, I remember you said the run was cancelled, not hike, due to weather. Good for you still doing it on your own.

Brin: Cricket - That's just awful. Will be praying for people's safety and control of the fire.

HopinginHim1: Cricket - Oh my. That is awful. We can only pray for those affected and that no more lives are lost.

Brin: HopinginHim - I'm sorry to hear about your mom's deterioration. It has to be so difficult to go through this.

HopinginHim1: Dani2 - Thanks. It is something that many of us go through...but unfortunately it is new to me. My mom lives 1.5 hours away but she is half way between my sister and I so there isn’t any real way we can move her at this point. I am enjoying the precious time we still have...and trying to focus on that.

dani2: Cricket - yes, such terrible disasters and so heartbreaking to lose lives

Cricket: All - There have been many in the fire areas praising the Lord for being able to escape. One elderly couple got into their pool when the fire overtook their home and they survived. Another couple lost everything but their dog had run when they were trying to evacuate and they found him alive. Sadly, another couple both in their 90's had just celebrated their 75th Anniversary and both were killed in the fire. So many very sad stories but still so many thanking God

HopinginHim1: Brin - Thank you. As I said to Dani, I know that many go through this. My mom is 87 and she has lived a wonderful blessed life. It just throws you a little when it all starts happening and her responses become very unpredictable and so unlike the wonderful godly woman I know and love.

Brin: Cricket - wow, so heart-warming that the dg was found alive, and that people are praising God for being able to survive!

dani2: Cricket such terribly scary stories. I can't imagine

Cricket: HopinginHim - I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. I cared for my Mom the last 9 months of her life and I know how hard that was. In my case, thankfully her mind was good, it was cancer. From what I've learned, the anger outbursts are usually when they are frightened by not remembering things. With memory low, you feel so vulnerable and alone.

Swan: HopinginHim - Caring for someone dealing with dementia is difficult, my respect to you for taking that on. When I was in high school I worked at a home for elderly women in the medical care area, we have ladies move into that stage and some of the sweetest ladies could become so angry. One lady that I had been reading to before bedtime for almost a year, just suddenly one night threw her water pitcher at me, scratched my face and tried to bite me; it was so not like her. She became a mystery - one day she would be her normal sweet self, other days striking out at the nurses and aides.

Cricket: Hoping - I lost my Aunt to Alzheimer’s and another struggled with dementia. The one aunt tried to run from her home as the horrible disease progressed and she fought with my sister who was caring for her. She really didn't remember her and was afraid.

HopinginHim1: Cricket - Yes. I think that I realize my mom's outbursts are when she feels "out of control" (that people are listening to her) and when she is faced with someone "new". So I am trying hard to ensure that we have her caretakers down to a private nurse, my sister and I and also other little things like finding a "bathtub" to bathe her in rather than having her showered on a stool in a cold bathroom! It's the little things. It's a huge learning curve for me.

HopinginHim1: Cricket - I can only imagine how hard that is. This disease is horrible. I can only pray that the Lord takes my mom home before it progresses significantly. She knows me and my children still which is great.

HopinginHim1: Swan - How are things going with your new job? Are you enjoying it?

Cricket: HopinginHim - Yes anything new is frightening but with my aunt, as it progressed, even familiar people didn't help but that was Alzheimer’s.

HopinginHim1: Dani2 - Have you had much opportunity to see your little grandchildren lately?

HopinginHim1: Cricket - We don't officially know whether this is dementia or Alzheimer’s as my mother refuses to be tested which I don't want to force at this point. Really we are just symptom managing right now.

HopinginHim1: All - be right back - someone at the door!

dani2: HopinginHim1 yes, just went apple picking with him yesterday. It was a beautiful stellar fall New England day here. Good picture-taking day!

Brin: dani - how nice you went apple-picking with grandson. Did he enjoy helping out?

Swan: HopinginHim - good, with the forced budget cuts and hiring freeze, my hours have been reduced so I am also working a few hours a week at a shop here in town as a cashier. I am thankful because so many people were furloughed (nice work for laid off), I have a long time history with the manager so she was able to keep me in a kind of "fill in" position. I go in when anyone goes on leave, calls in sick, etc. it has been giving me 10 to 15 hours per week and will become more of a full time position once the budget cuts period is over. Sadly our government seems to think there is a greater value to constantly traveling all over the world (he and his entire family) than properly staffing operations that support our military service persons.

dani2: Brin, yes, we have some great pictures of him eating a gigantic apple. I think that his favorite part was the tractor that took us around the orchard.

Brin: Swan - wow, sad to hear that your hours have been cut. How long is the freeze for?

Brin: dani - how cool. Trying to picture him eating a giant apple.

Swan: Brin - I am ok with it, civilian jobs are hiring all the time here, and it is only the government that is at a stop. No one knows how long it will last, I am going to guess until the next election and then depending on who wins.

HopinginHim1: Dani2 - That sounds so wonderful. Do they live close by? Children love apple picking. It is such fun! Glad the weather co-operated!!

HopinginHim1: Swan - I am so sorry about the cuts that have affected your ability to get full-time hours but I am thankful that, as the Lord has provided, you are still able to get 15 hours or so per week! With everything going on lately I am not sure your current government is going to last the full four years.

dani2: HopinginHim1 - they live about a half an hour away and they are really good at including us whenever they do something fun like that.

Cricket: All - I need to get out for my jog. Hadn't been able to get out before chat and it's getting dark. Have a great week all.

Swan: HopinginHim - one thing about having been around the Marine Corps for so many years, you learn to adjust and bounce with the ball. I am thankful that she was able to keep me even if it is for only a couple days and I am very thankful this little shop here in town needed a cashier and is willing to work around my other schedule pretty much even though they have it in the hiring package that they will be your only employer. I make due and don't mind working at two different places. When I lived in Missouri I was working two fulltime jobs, so this is a piece of cake.

Swan: Night Cricket

Brin: Cricket - enjoy your jog and be safe!

Cricket: Brin/Swan - Thanks.

HopinginHim1: All - I have been giving some thought to the question of how to improve chat. I am wondering if it comes down to "hope". I think we are all looking for "hope" in our current circumstances. I know for me it seems like many of the websites are offering "how to's" in our situations. I don't think there are simple answers and unfortunately a lot of this is waiting. There is no guarantee. But I wonder if with Jim there seemed to be a sense of "hope". Am I off my rocker?

dani2: Cricket - have a good evening!

HopinginHim1: Cricket - enjoy! Be safe! Hope to see you soon!

Cricket: Hoping - Jim really was unique and he did exude hope and a wonderful sense of humor. Bill is wonderful too but there was really something special about Jim.

Swan: HopinginHim - Jim brought a lot of hope to the group, Bill does as well. I would love to be able to get Jim to do a special hosting of chat a few times a year, but he has been having health issues and has even had to stop doing things with the LateLifeHope group they started after leaving Midlife Dimensions.

HopinginHim1: Cricket - I only had one phone call with Jim but he was wonderful. I agree he was very special. I don't have answers and I do think we are competing with some out there that think there is a perfect way to "manage" MLC. However, I always felt here a sense of "waiting on the Lord" and that has what has helped me to get through. That this is not in my control but the Lord's hands and in His perfect time things will be made clear. It isn't the easy route to let go and try not to control things but the directions provided through Jim and all of you have just seemed so "true" to me.

HopinginHim1: Swan - That is so thoughtful of you. I am so terribly sorry to hear that Jim is struggling health wise. I hope things improve.

Swan: I am putting a proposal together for Bill; one thing I might suggest is that Wednesday evening chat with him be a relationship chat, not specific to midlife crisis. There are several emails that come into the website and many of them start "it isn't midlife crisis, but...) so they might feel more comfortable coming to chat with him if the tag of MLC isn't there.

Brin: Swan, all, I agree with Cricket about Jim. I wonder if Jim's counseling sessions were also something that helped the ministry as well. I know I counseled with him a number of times.

HopinginHim1: Swan - I wondered if having some "testimonials" like Charlyne does may help. Just a small story (without names of course) of some of the marriages that have been restored through MLD. That may help too?

Brin: Swan, I just emailed you back my responses to your email questions regarding chat improvement. Is Bill also available for counseling sessions? I also wonder if because Jim himself went through MLC and was the Men in Midlife Crisis book that people were more inclined to seek him for counseling ...

Swan: HopinginHim - sadly one of those sites out there is a person who used to come here and not professes to be a counselor and she isn't one that was into waiting on the Lord, she was more into manipulation and controlling her husband. She offers answers to "how to" and uses her husband as proof that it works; we had some people leave here to follow her. Sadly she got confrontational in chat and was getting rather nasty to people, I had to block her ip address from being able to come into or even register to the site. She was also part of the email support group and was sending horrible emails to some of the other members. She did some damage to the image of MLD, but I honestly thought that as time passed it would have gotten better and we would grow past her affects.

HopinginHim1: Swan - I also wonder if there are any men who have come through MLC that would be willing to share any comments or thoughts on what it was like for them what they were thinking. I have only been able to get one of Jim's books here in Canada so maybe that was already covered?

Swan: Brin - Bill is a counselor through his being a pastor and has studied relational situations, but he isn't a licensed doctor like Jim, so I don't know the legal aspects of his being able to do that, but I will mention it to him and see if he would be able to offer that service through the site.

HopinginHim1: Swan - Oh no. I am so sorry that happened. I think I know exactly of whom you speak. Yes. There is no quick fix and no way to "control" the situation or manipulate this. It is clearly something these men will come through in their own time. And to me our faith would indicate that the Lord is the one we trust not our own "feelings".

Brin: Swan & HopinginHim, I too think that part of why people want to go to "how-to" sites is because they want a quick fix and are not willing to do the waiting for the Lord thing. It's certainly difficult to keep waiting past a few years.

Swan: HopinginHim - I agree, we had a male that came to chat often to give insight, however, he is going through a really tough time right now, after he had gone through his MLC and reconciled with his wife, years passing, she suddenly announces that she never really forgave him for what he put the family and her through and she has filed for divorce. I have been trying to get him to come back to chat, but so many know him, he feels they be seeking support from him more than giving it. Heck I have even suggested he create a new log in and not tell anyone it is him, just come in fresh.

HopinginHim1: Swan - Oh no. I am so sorry that has happened for him. I understand how he may feel as he does but your suggestion is a wonderful one!! And I hope that we all hear could recognize that he needs support and encouragement. That is what we are all here for!!

dani2: Good night all. Hope you all have a blessed week.

Brin: Swan, I agree that you made a great suggestion for him to create a new login account to get support here.

Brin: dani - good night! Have a great week too.

Brin: All, I'm heading out too. Just realized the time. Have a great week!

HopinginHim1: Brin - Goodnight. Have a great week!

Swan: Night ladies, see you next time. Remember we also have chat on Tuesday and remember to try and come in for chat with Bill on Wednesday,

HopinginHim1: Swan - I must head out as well. I have some office work I still need to get done before I tuck in. Have a great week. Hope to see you soon.

HopinginHim1: Swan - Thanks for the reminder!!

Swan: HopinginHim - night and thanks for stopping in, I have been wondering how you were doing.

HopinginHim1: Swan - Thanks - just crazy busy it seems. It's nice to be back in and touch base with everyone. I will try to get in again soon!! Maybe Tuesday!

HopinginHim1: Swan - Night!


HopinginHim1: Swan - Oh no. I am so sorry that happened. I think I know exactly of whom you speak. Yes. There is no quick fix and no way to "control" the situation or manipulate this. It is clearly something these men will come through in their own time. And to me our faith would indicate that the Lord is the one we trust not our own "feelings".

Brin: Swan & HopinginHim, I too think that part of why people want to go to "how-to" sites is because they want a quick fix and are not willing to do the waiting for the Lord thing. It's certainly difficult to keep waiting past a few years.

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