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October 11, 2017 / Wednesday

Dogwood: Hi Swan: I remember asking him whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with me or not before I left to visit our son and I told him that his behavior hurts me very much. He said that he is going to stay in our marriage, and it will take time for him to stop going to his friends. He said that is the only way to relief his depression and he does not do anything in appropriate, so he feels justified to go. When I got really frustrated, he said if I wanted him to move out, he will do it but he hopes I will not regret. So, the conversation ended there.

Swan: Dogwood - Well from what he has told you in reference to that he is going to stay in your marriage, but he needs time, is kind of telling you were you stand. You are important enough to him that he isn't willing to walk away from his marriage with you and he is willing to stop going to his friends, but he doesn't know how to do that. Sadly depressed people don't see things clearly and often have the traits of an addict. They don't seem to just be able to rip off the bandage; they try to peel it off slowly thinking it will be less painful.

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October 11, 2017 / Wednesday

Little Magpie: Hello Swan.

Swan: Hi Little Magpie - How are you tonight?

Little Magpie: Swan - Exhausted. I have a chest cold and my parent’s health isn't great. I had to take my M to the hospital after a stroke (TIA) on Friday. They were in the hospital for a day having loads of tests

Dogwood: Hi, It takes me a while to remember where to start typing. Is Bill not in tonight?

Swan: Little Magpie - sorry to hear you and your parents are not doing well, it is hard enough to take on the tasks of ailing parents, but when you are ill as well, that is rough.

Little Magpie: Dogwood - Hello

Swan: Hi Dogwood - No Bill isn't going to be in tonight, he had something come up that required his attention tonight.

Dogwood: Hi Little Magpie: Sorry about your mother's health issues. Hope the hospital tests will clarify a lot of her concerns, and will be able to get the best treatments

Dogwood: Hi Swan, thanks; it has been a long while since I take time to come to the Chat. Extremely busy at work.

Little Magpie: All - that was strange. I got kicked out and had a difficult time with CHAT reconnecting

Little Magpie: Swan - How was your week?

Dogwood: I was kind of being put on the unknown and rollercoaster last week. I came home from a 2 weeks visiting to our son and his family (4 grandkids) I had a good time, came home where it seems that H was staying at home for a couple nights, especially he was nice to stay with me when I had a dental surgery last week. I was just starting to think that he is going to stay home in evenings instead of going to his "friends (including ow)" place to watch games all nights and we had good casual talks during the weekend. Unfortunately, since this Monday, he has resumed his normal routine. I started to feel let down significantly. I went to bed before he came home, so I have not spoken with him for two whole days.

Little Magpie: Dogwood - It is good to see you

Dogwood: Little Magpie: Glad to see you too. I hope things are doing well with you.

Swan: Little Magpie - I am good, but tired, it has been very busy at work this last week. I am off tomorrow, so I will get a little rest.

Swan: Dogwood - I am so sorry you are having to deal with that hurt, I remember when my husband and I lived in the same house; it was so hard to bounce back and forth with him as he would do things with me and then disappear for the weekends so he could be with the other woman. Now, we have no contact and that is hard as well. I honestly don't know which is worse, having nothing or having his adultery thrown in my face.

Little Magpie: Dogwood and Swan - I am so sorry to hear these things. I am sitting here praying.

Swan: Little Magpie - Thanks for praying, much appreciated.

Dogwood: Hi Swan: I remember asking him whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with me or not before I left to visit our son and I told him that his behavior hurts me very much. He said that he is going to stay in our marriage, and it will take time for him to stop going to his friends. He said that is the only way to relief his depression and he does not do anything in appropriate, so he feels justified to go. When I got really frustrated, he said if I wanted him to move out, he will do it but he hopes I will not regret. So, the conversation ended there.

Dogwood: Little Magpie: Thank you for your prayer. It is just very hard for me to know where I am standing, whether he is together with me, or whether he is not one of "us"

Swan: Dogwood - I don't know if I have ever asked or not, but does your husband have a military association? He is aware he suffers from depression, yet doesn't take action to have it treated. I know that the military is big in the area you live and sadly the judgment and risk of admitting to things like depression are stiff in the military community.

Little Magpie: Dogwood - My H doesn’t

Little Magpie: Dogwood - My H is depressed and doesn't communicate so I have a difficult time sometimes knowing where I stand too. I do know how you feel and it isn't fun. I frequently go to sleep because I know conversation isn't going to happen anyway. I am trying to "touch base" with him but it is forced and difficult to do

Little Magpie: All - I am told that in time it will be easier and that it may become more natural.

Little Magpie: Dogwood - Patterns are difficult to break even if you are breaking unhealthy ones for healthy. I will continue to pray that H choices for the Healthy become easier

Swan: Dogwood - Well from what he has told you in reference to that he is going to stay in your marriage, but he needs time, is kind of telling you were you stand. You are important enough to him that he isn't willing to walk away from his marriage with you and he is willing to stop going to his friends, but he doesn't know how to do that. Sadly depressed people don't see things clearly and often have the traits of an addict. They don't seem to just be able to rip off the bandage; they try to peel it off slowly thinking it will be less painful.

Dogwood: Hi Swan and Magpie: Thank you for being understanding. No, my H did not have anything to do with military. His depression is solely because of his second half changed career to a new endeavor which he was very promising, and he had very high hope, but he knew it is too difficult to realize his dream and he could not get out of it either it is a huge innovative endeavor, but does not have sufficient funds to sustain.

Dogwood: Swan, thank you for your analysis. I made a few suggestions for him to start with exercise classes, or joining new group, or inviting him to do things or go places with me, but he is stuck with his love of ball games where he can simply space out and do nothing or listen to discussions of sports analysis.

Swan: Dogwood - That is good actually, I know there are several Navy bases around you and was wondering if PTSD might be a factor with your husband's depression, which is very common for military that have seen action the past several years.

Dogwood: Swan and Little Magpie: I guess I have to learn to go on my own activities to keep myself busy since I can't change H.

Little Magpie: Dogwood - My H isn't hooked on ball games, mine is hooked on books and train, plane or automobile videos. He isn't interested in the same things I am so I hear you loud and clear. I am trying to make time and trying to meet him where he is

Swan: Dogwood - finding an activity might be helpful for you, it would give you something apart from your husband to focus on and give you joy. It makes sense that he is addicted to sports, there is a clear winner or loser in sports, it is easy to get wrapped up in the fanfare of a game and because it is usually loud and intense activity, it allows the viewer to not think about their own life issues.

Little Magpie: All - I am sorry but I do have to get going. My H has some people he was in HS with that are getting together and I guess I get to meet people. I will be praying for you. Have a nice week.

Swan: Little Magpie - night, have a great week, see you later

Dogwood: Swan, He finally started to take anti-depressant medicine with doctor's prescription, now about 3 weeks but it seems he had some side-effects which are not helping that much the side effects include fatigues, sleepiness, lost of appetites it sounds strange to me. He also had 2 TIAs that he making effort to "avoid anything that may trigger stress"

Dogwood: Hi Swan, I am also going to leave the room soon, since the time is up

Swan: Dogwood - night, Bill should be in the room next week; he could be very helpful in your situation, so try to come back when he is in. Blessing to you

Dogwood: Hi Swan: I remember asking him whether he wants to spend the rest of his life with me or not before I left to visit our son and I told him that his behavior hurts me very much. He said that he is going to stay in our marriage, and it will take time for him to stop going to his friends. He said that is the only way to relief his depression and he does not do anything in appropriate, so he feels justified to go. When I got really frustrated, he said if I wanted him to move out, he will do it but he hopes I will not regret. So, the conversation ended there.

Swan: Dogwood - Well from what he has told you in reference to that he is going to stay in your marriage, but he needs time, is kind of telling you were you stand. You are important enough to him that he isn't willing to walk away from his marriage with you and he is willing to stop going to his friends, but he doesn't know how to do that. Sadly depressed people don't see things clearly and often have the traits of an addict. They don't seem to just be able to rip off the bandage; they try to peel it off slowly thinking it will be less painful.

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