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September 02, 2017 / Saturday

buttons: cricket although my H threw me the party and I really appreciated it I just am feeling like I really don't know where things stand and sometimes I truly feel like he is going to stay but other times I feel like he's just here because it's easier than doing anything else (kind of used but not totally as he talks about doing this or that around the house/to the house/repairs), just a mess in my brain

Cricket: Buttons- As far as your H, there really are some good signs and I'd try not to get into the what if's. He is home and there are really good signs. He may very well be struggling but all indications are that he is there for the long haul, he just needs to work through his own stuff. Treat him and look at it as he's all in, affirm him where you can specifically such as the party and the computer. Now it's really important that he feels appreciated for the good things. Remind yourself that you’re dealing with your own stuff and during this time there is a tendency to look at the glass as half empty so try to give your H the benefit of the doubt.

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September 02, 2017 / Saturday

Cricket: Happy Saturday all!

buttons: Morning. Happy Saturday back

buttons: H got me a new computer for my birthday and I'm trying to figure out it's quirks

Cricket: Good morning. Sorry I was a couple minutes late, I ran down to Starbucks for an iced coffee as we're having a heat wave here. I ran into the sister of a new officer we just hired and she introduced herself. Talked a few minutes which made me late getting back. Glad you're here, last Sunday I was alone the whole hour.

Cricket: Congratulations! What a nice gift but always challenging to learn the new things. I got a new smart phone a couple days ago and still trying to learn it.

buttons: It seems to be slow lately hey? I forgot it was 11 not 10 so came in at 10:30 thinking I was late H has gone off golfing and I'm in a funky mood so.

buttons: It's that it lets me do some things and not others on the internet and so I can't open my outlook using my Hotmail. I have to fiddle around to get it an then it uses my e-mail as my log-in for the computer, just odd things

buttons: yes, it was a nice gift, now I have the bigger key board and screen again

buttons: I saw your post about the heat wave with the car temp, we're still hot and haven't had any real rain (1mm) in over 80 days now!

Cricket: buttons - I remember when I replaced my laptop a few years ago, I was amazed at all the things I could do. They say they are outdated every 5 years but who replaces them that often!

buttons: cricket they seem to make them so they will self-destruct in less than 5. We've managed to drag a bit more years than that out of some but this time the mother board went on my last one

Cricket: Yes -today the news is putting out heat warnings, they are listing cooling places and warning people not to say outside too long. It was at least 110 yesterday and one new broadcast said 112. This morning at 7:30 a.m. it was 74 already. Today is suppose to be hotter than yesterday

Cricket: buttons - Years ago one of my officers got into trouble and lost his job. I bought his Mac computer from him to help him out and he promised technical support!

buttons: cricket YIKES!

buttons: cricket that's nice you were able to do that

Cricket: After adjusting to a Mac, I really did like it and have stayed with them since 2002 or so. The do seem to last longer but I agree, it's like they implant a device to start destructing after a few years!

buttons: I know many who swear by their Macs once they adjust to them, the SD uses PCs pretty much except the Mac books and Chrome books (not sure where they fit)

Cricket: buttons - It broke my heart when he got into trouble. I'd been his supervisor and he had such a good heart, his parents worked as Captain for Salvation Army, strong Christians who gave so much. He got married and his wife was very controlling. He was extremely tech savvy and had lots of ideas for new things. She threatened to divorce him and take his son if he charged any more on credit cards. He had a new idea for a program to track graffiti for law enforcement. He secretly worked on that and was actually about to receive a Federal contract for it. She got a credit card bill and confronted him and he panicked and said that someone else must have made the charges. She insisted they got to our PD and file a police report of fraud. He did and then tried to cover things up and ended up getting arrested for filing a false report and attempting to defraud the credit card company. I know he never meant to do this, but it just snowballed and one lie turned to another. Very SAD!

Cricket: Buttons - The thing I love about my Mac is that you almost never have to deal with viruses. It is really simple and easy to learn. My friends used to give me a bad time about having a Mac but then the IPhones became so popular they can't really do that now. Funny thing, I don't have an iPhone, I have an Android and love it!

buttons: cricket that is very sad, people forget that women can be as bad or worse for controlling my aunt and I were just having a conversation about a young family she feels are like other children to her, the wife seems to be controlling and she's seeing a side of her she didn't see before

buttons: cricket the wife had the nerve to call my aunt and say I'm putting this much into a savings account (or REP) for X how much are you going to put in? My aunt did not even help her own child pay for college, it was shock to her

Cricket: Buttons - This young officer made a mistake and he should have been strong enough to deal with it but he had a very promising career that he lost as he was convicted of a crime. He actually started his own computer business and has been successful with that but after several years, ended up divorced anyway!

Cricket: buttons - WOW! Now that really takes nerve!

buttons: cricket yes it does and my poor aunt lost sleep around it and didn't know how to respond

buttons: cricket – such a sad story, glad things ended up working in some ways for him

Cricket: buttons - Well it is a sad story as his love was being a police officer and he still went through a difficult divorce. His wife never let him forget he brought shame to the family with all the publicity and his arrest. I now think he's going through a midlife crisis since the divorce, I see his posts on facebook and he looks like he's trying to be a kid and just not the person I've known since he was 20 yrs old!

buttons: cricket- so sad, sad too that she can't see how her responses to things contributed

Cricket:

How are things going with you, your H and your kids?

buttons: cricket it's my prayer week coming and I sent a request as my emotions have been a mess for a few weeks, usually "big" birthdays for others don't affect me when I hit them however I am feeling like this one has

buttons: cricket although my H threw me the party and I really appreciated it I just am feeling like I really don't know where things stand and sometimes I truly feel like he is going to stay but other times I feel like he's just here because it's easier than doing anything else (kind of used but not totally as he talks about doing this or that around the house/to the house/repairs), just a mess in my brain

buttons: cricket it doesn't help that I feel like I've taken most of the summer and done little with it, not even enjoy the relaxing as I feel guilty for not doing anything or spend the time thinking. I should get up and do this or that

Cricket: Sorry- got a phone call. Now reading to catch up.

buttons: cricket alright- That's my vent, rant, and ramble

Cricket: Okay - THANKS For venting and I have answers.

buttons: cricket I have Omega-3 and also LW suggested Probiotics-- I picked them up and now need to get into a routine

Cricket: Buttons - Big birthdays definitely play with our minds. When I hit 60, it really threw me, I struggled with feeling my life had passed and where was I! I've talked to friends who went through the same things but it's worse when our marriage/life is in some turmoil. Hopefully you're taking Omega 3 - twice a day (2 capsules if regular strength).

buttons: cricket I have not been consistent yet

buttons: cricket I also think there are changes at school, the other K teacher gone, more challenging students we already know of, let alone the unknowns, potentially 2 new adults (that I haven't worked with) in the room, the other K teacher says I was her rock/grounder and she forgets she was mine too, also my reminder

Cricket: Buttons- As far as your H, there really are some good signs and I'd try not to get into the what if's. He is home and there are really good signs. He may very well be struggling but all indications are that he is there for the long haul, he just needs to work through his own stuff. Treat him and look at it as he's all in, affirm him where you can specifically such as the party and the computer. Now it's really important that he feels appreciated for the good things. Remind yourself that you’re dealing with your own stuff and during this time there is a tendency to look at the glass as half empty so try to give your H the benefit of the doubt.

buttons: cricket thanks Hugs

Cricket: Buttons - Also you've been through a lot with your kids and you and your H deal with this differently. Your nurturing tendency kicks in and your H's fix it personality and frustration kick in. I have close friends going through something similar and I love them both completely but the H has had to cut himself off of his son and he's put up walls. The Mom knows her son is still using drugs and lying to her but needs to stay connected and slips him funds. It's really hard and I know it's putting a lot of pressure on them both and their marriage.

buttons: cricket yes...

buttons: cricket I've been meaning to ask, what happened with your sister and the e-mail later.

buttons: cricket I guess this year is the first year I've really been able to not do anything (well should have been more careful with budget) and not deal with anything (except my dad) and so my brain is finally able to start processing everything!!!! Ever since we moved into the house things have been going on

Cricket: What you've gone through with your son and d has taken a toll on you both and it says a lot that your H didn't bail when all this was hitting. You both will deal with it differently but it's important that your H feels you two are a team, even if you have different reactions, bottom line you both will stay united to work on what's best for your kids. It takes some compromise and patience as your H's reaction will be different than yours and not necessarily wrong. All of this and then what you've had at school naturally is affecting you on top of dealing with significant birthdays.

buttons: cricket yes, there has been so much and so little time to process.

Cricket: buttons - Did you move? When you stopped doing papers, you were talking about taking in a student renter, did that happen?

Cricket: Buttons - It's important that you step back and remember where you could have done better and things your H has accepted as it's so easy for us to look at things our H did and our frustration with that and forget that our H has also dealt with frustrations with things we did. Especially when we're carrying a lot of stress and just reacting at things thrown at us.

buttons: cricket we moved into the house 10 yrs ago, the Mother's Day after that my MIL passed away (2 days before), I worked that summer to help carry the expenses associated with carrying the estate until things were settled, I was able to take the next year off but then H went into MLC and I've been going ever since with one thing or another, in there was also my aunts moving and health problems for them

buttons: cricket thank you

Cricket: Were you able to take in a renter? I know that plan would have really helped with expenses.

buttons: cricket we didn't as H felt that with D's rent money we would be able to make it and it has been nice not having anyone upstairs

Cricket: Yes - Your d's car accident, your son's various issues, emotional issues earlier on and then all the stuff with his girlfriend and your aunt, etc. It's been a lot to deal with not to mention everything with your school and your friend.

buttons: cricket whew I need to just toss it all and start clean somehow

Cricket: Buttons - Actually I agree. It is not easy taking in a stranger and as long as your d does pay rent regularly. It's important that she does as if you let her slide with rent, you'd be enabling her. It's important that she grow and learn to manage financially as no other landlord would let her slide if she couldn't pay the rent. I know it will be your nature to help her out when things are tight but it will be important to let her know that things are tight financially for you too and if you can't depend on her paying rent, you'd have to rent to someone else.

buttons: yes, thank you so much for listening and letting me vent, school is back Tuesday and that means back to routine which may help some

buttons: Know I truly appreciate you and our friendship. Hugs and prayers

Cricket: buttons - I would try to take an attitude of the past is the past, after this birthday, you're planning for YOUR and your H's future. You've been there for everyone else but now is your time to live your life. Life is too short and I can tell you that I'm feeling it now. I just turned 67 and for me 65 was tough. My Mom died at 71 and I have thought that is only 4 years away. I can't keep putting off things I want to do. For example, I may have lost the $1500 gift certificate I bought for the Victoria Condo I used before because I kept waiting. The owner told me she'd extend it a year and that was probably 2 years ago. I haven't taken a vacation in two years because of one thing or another and I need to schedule time for me You and your H need to do that too.

Cricket: Thank you - I really appreciate you and your friendship. I've missed chatting with you. Hugs and prayers to you too.

buttons: cricket thank you for being the voice of reason. I hope you can still use the certificate, you never know Have a wonderful rest of the day!!!

buttons: cricket although my H threw me the party and I really appreciated it I just am feeling like I really don't know where things stand and sometimes I truly feel like he is going to stay but other times I feel like he's just here because it's easier than doing anything else (kind of used but not totally as he talks about doing this or that around the house/to the house/repairs), just a mess in my brain

Cricket: Buttons- As far as your H, there really are some good signs and I'd try not to get into the what if's. He is home and there are really good signs. He may very well be struggling but all indications are that he is there for the long haul, he just needs to work through his own stuff. Treat him and look at it as he's all in, affirm him where you can specifically such as the party and the computer. Now it's really important that he feels appreciated for the good things. Remind yourself that you’re dealing with your own stuff and during this time there is a tendency to look at the glass as half empty so try to give your H the benefit of the doubt.

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