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July 30, 2017 / Sunday

dumbfounded2: dani3, Brin - Thank you. I was pretty heartbroken too. I had posted a picture of H and me last Dec at a work event and for some reason she felt compelled to text me, blasting me for being selfish, and unbelievably stupid, it went on and on. She is immature in many ways and my son is the more level headed one, but he can’t make her mature. I have treated it much like the MLCer in that I ignore the spewing and march on. I am going to treat them as my children and she will have to learn to deal with that or it will eventually cause problems with their relationship. My oldest calls me almost every day like he use to (on his way to work) and we talk about all kinds of stuff. I am mama and plan to always be so we will see. We are planning another Thanksgiving trip to see them and our son seems excited to see us.

Cricket: dumbfounded - It's hard as far as your DIL but in her mind, she is protecting her H. You're doing the right thing by applying lessons learned from mlc. It will probably take time to trust but hopefully as she sees her H/your son trusting, she'll slowly come around. Sadly, I wonder if there are some dysfunctional things from your DIL's family that makes her more rigid in her thoughts.

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July 30, 2017 / Sunday

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Swan: Hi, wishing God's blessings and contentment for all.

Brin: Good evening everyone. Welcome to Sunday chat.

Brin: Hi Swan, how are you doing?

Swan: Hello Brin - How have you been doing?

Swan: Brin - I am good

Brin: Swan, I am doing better. Healing slowly but surely. On antibiotics for 3 weeks.

Swan: Hey dani

Brin: Hi dani. How are you doing?

dani3: Hi Brin and Swan - I didn't think I was going to get into chat tonight, it just kept spinning! Glad I made it!

Swan: Brin - Good to hear you are healing, sometimes slowly is the best way so the body doesn't stress too much.

dani3: Brin - I am doing well thank you. Glad to hear you are getting better. Hard to follow the timing our body wants to take sometimes!

Swan: dani - glad you made it in.

dani3: Thanks Swan! How is the job going?

Brin: Swan - yes, I agree. Learning this lesson finally. I am often in a hurry to heal so I can get on with the next thing to do. God must be teaching me to slow down.

Brin: Dani - Yes I agree. Sometimes it's hard to accept the timing our body wants to take.

Swan: dani - good, summer is the busiest time with so many military on leave or taking time to do things with the family, but it is fun.

Swan: Brin - I have found that there are times that something will take place and I will think it a disruption, when it is all over, it was more of a blessing. I sadly tend to be one of those that God has to break out the 2x4 to get my attention sometimes.

dani3: Swan - I am glad that you are in a job that you are enjoying!

dani3: Brin - I agree with that for myself as well! I have a little reminder by my desk "Any unexpected change is a God Given opportunity for a new adventure" I need to be reminded that God will show me new things through each "adventure"

Brin: Swan, Me too - another one that God has to use a 2x4 on sometimes

Brin: dani - that's a great saying. I will have to put that on my desk too!

Swan: dani - for the most part people are in a happy mood to be going to an amusement attraction, they get upset at times, typically over something we have no control over and it is just a matter of explaining that it is the attractions policy and we cannot wave it for them, then make other suggestions that might better fit their plans. Even when it is something simple and you know they will have issues, just let them know in advance and then they can make a choice. Six Flags is probably one of the biggest issues for families with smaller children, there just isn't much for them to ride, but over three they have to have a ticket to get in, I just warn them that the kids won't be able to ride much and let them know that Knott's or Disney is a better fit for them. Some will change plans, others go and only a couple come back to complain. There was the one man who tried to demand a refund of all their tickets because their day was ruined when his five and six year old didn't get to ride much. I just smiled and reminded him of the conversation we had had and said I was sorry but there is a no refund policy. He wasn't happy, but accepted it and left.

Brin: swan, I can just imagine you smiling back at the man and explaining!

dani3: Swan - I am sure that your pleasant but firm attitude goes a long way to get people past what has happened, whether they are happy with the answer or not

Swan: Brin - I spent many years around the Marine Corps and can deal with them even when aggressive, but I have learned since MLC that not allowing myself to engage with them works much better. They will snap into command posture in a hurry, the key is to disarm them as quickly as possible and not allow them to get to you, once they get you engaged, they win and you typically end up in trouble or fired. Being able to speak their language does help in most instances.

Brin: Swan, that's great advice!

Swan: dani - We get the ones that want to know who our commanding officer is, it is their way of threatening us or attempting to intimidate us, I simply give them the phone number for the Chief of Staff or MCCS, typically they ask for my immediate commanding officer, to which I say that is my immediate, we are a primarily civilian organization. With a Marine one thing you cannot do is allow them to smell fear, they will go for the throat if you do.

Swan: Hi dumbfounded

dumbfounded2: To all - Hi everyone, so glad to be here.

Brin: Hi dumbfounded. How are you?

dani3: Swan - and I guess that is good since they are protecting our country!!

dani3: Dumbfounded - Hi How are you doing?

dumbfounded2: Brin - Doing well, just drove in from Texas about an hour ago. H and I went to see our youngest S17's robotics competition in Austin, TX this weekend, then I dropped H off at the airport in Austin and drove home with son today, about an 8 hour drive so we are tired, but it was fun.

dani3: Swan - that was supposed to be more of a smile of admiration than a crazy laugh out loud face!

Brin: dumbfounded - how was the competition? Wow, no wonder you are tired after 8 hours of driving. H has to go on a business trip?

dani3: dumbfounded2 - that sounds great! How is your son/sons doing with all of the family transition? Wow, he is already 17?!

Swan: dani - I love my Marine's, but they are all crisis candidates in the making, they live under a massive amount of stress, most come from damages families and they often tend to stay in a battle plan mind set, they get loud and aggressive when they hear the word no, so it is all about learning how to tell them no and give them a way to accept it.

Swan: Hey Cricket

Cricket: Hey, Happy Sunday! Sorry to be late, I came from a community event that went long.

dani3: Swan - and I remember growing up next to Camp Pendleton, so there were Marines all around, in our church, dated some, etc. This was the end of the Vietnam era and I had the utmost respect and horrid amazement of what these young men were asked to do for our country. Just kids

dani3: Hi Cricket! Glad you made it!

dumbfounded2: Brin, Dani3 - H travels a lot for work usually 3 out of 4 weeks, many times I go with him, but it depends on our youngest son's schedule. We are doing well and H and our youngest are doing really well. Our oldest is more of a challenge, but hopefully time will resolve things. As many of you know, my DIL spewed angrily at me last Dec in regard to "taking H back" and we have not made amends yet. I try to reach out by text, but she is not budging. Honestly, she said some very hurtful things to me by text, but I told my oldest that I would overlook it and I wanted to have a good relationship with DIL, she is just not interested.

Brin: Swan - what you posted about the Marines - reminds me of my H's behavior. It's almost comical.

Brin: Hi Cricket - how are you?

Swan: dani - because it isn't classified as a war or even a police action, so many don't realize these kids bounce back and forth from the mid east region and there are not really any rules, terrorism is an ugly thing to be faced with, they are expected to go so far beyond reason and they do it with complete dedication and I admire what they do and give up for our country.

Cricket: Brin - I'm doing well. It's been busy but pretty standard for me. How about you?

dani3: dumbfounded2 - I did not realize this had happened. I am so sorry to hear that. Life and love can be messy, and the sooner she learns that and also learns how to put it behind her the better. I hope she can learn that soon for your family’s sake

Brin: dumbfounded - so sorry to hear DIL is being stubborn about not reconciling with you. Maybe she will over time.

Cricket: Swan/All - Funny thing is that my church as a men's group that meets weekly and calls themselves the 2 x 4 group, they said it's because they're men and God needs a 2 x 4 to get their attention sometimes. The group leader just talked about that this morning. I laughed as I thought that was something our ESG "coined"!

Brin: Cricket - Yes, busy is standard you. And for me too, for the most part. This weekend is a little quieter and I have been able to catch up on house & yard work. And even a bit of cooking tonight. Healing slowly but sure. On 3 weeks of antibiotics.

Swan: Brin - I had a man tell me (a few years back) that he was going to get what he wanted and have my job! I just smiled and told him he really didn't want my job, but how could I direct him. He got angry and he did attempt to complain about me, he was told not even the base general could give him what he was demanding and I wasn't going to be fired because he was a jerk. This was when I worked at Miramar, the fly boys are the worse, and they honestly believe the world revolves around them.

dumbfounded2: dani3, Brin - Thank you. I was pretty heartbroken too. I had posted a picture of H and me last Dec at a work event and for some reason she felt compelled to text me, blasting me for being selfish, and unbelievably stupid, it went on and on. She is immature in many ways and my son is the more level headed one, but he can’t make her mature. I have treated it much like the MLCer in that I ignore the spewing and march on. I am going to treat them as my children and she will have to learn to deal with that or it will eventually cause problems with their relationship. My oldest calls me almost every day like he use to (on his way to work) and we talk about all kinds of stuff. I am mama and plan to always be so we will see. We are planning another Thanksgiving trip to see them and our son seems excited to see us.

Swan: Cricket - the 2x4 is a term I have heard used since I was a PFC in the Marine Corps back in the 70's so I am going to say it has been around a long time.

dumbfounded2: Swan, Cricket - My H told me that God got tired of hitting him with a 2x4 and used that bolt of electricity since he was so stubborn.

Cricket: Brin -Wow, 3 weeks on antibiotics is a long time but important to stay with it.

Brin: Swan - that's too funny that the angry man couldn't get your job!!! Wow, that must have felt good for you!

Swan: dumbfounded - at least he is aware

Swan: Brin - My boss was a reserve Marine Officer and he was very aware of the bullying some try and he always had my back.

Brin: Swan - how nice to have a good boss.

Cricket: dumbfounded - It's hard as far as your DIL but in her mind, she is protecting her H. You're doing the right thing by applying lessons learned from mlc. It will probably take time to trust but hopefully as she sees her H/your son trusting, she'll slowly come around. Sadly, I wonder if there are some dysfunctional things from your DIL's family that makes her more rigid in her thoughts.

Brin: dumbfounded - sounds like you're loving your DIL from a distance. Hopefully she'll appreciate it someday!

dumbfounded2: Cricket - Yes, there are, her father abandoned her mom and her sister when she was 6 and she has viewed men through that lens ever since. Sometimes, I worry that my son gives too much in the relationship, but as we all know, these things must be learned.

Cricket: dumbfounded2 - How funny and cute about what your H said about the bolt of electricity!

dumbfounded2: Cricket – Yes, he knows he is lucky to be alive and he does not dwell on the injury, but realizes every day is a blessing now.

Swan: Brin - I agree, I have had bosses that will throw you under the bus in a heartbeat and a few that stood up for you, this guy was one of the best and that he had a little rank behind him did help. Although he worked in a civilian position and his military rank had nothing to do with his job, it gave him a little advantage when they got stupid.

Cricket: dumbfounded - It would be good for your son to understand some of what we learned about mlc. If you can carefully/tactfully share, these are things that would help him too.

dumbfounded2: Swan, Cricket - Our youngest S17 is a high school senior this year and he has been offered an internship with the Army Corps of Engineers during his high school and college years. He would work as a civilian on a military installation where they do a lot of research for airfields, pavements and railroads. (Testing for military use). He is excited and his division chief has told him that he has excellent analytical skills and they want to support him through his education in hopes that he will want to work for the govt.

Brin: Swan, Same here. I currently have a boss who will throw me under the bus to save his own skin. It's sad because it's not good for the team's morale.

Cricket: Brin - I just saw your email about not wanting to receive e-cards from me through Birthday Alarm. I will go in and cancel the personalized card I made so you will not get anything further. I've made personalized e-cards with photos from past retreats for others and everyone had enjoyed them. I didn't realized you did not. So sorry.

dumbfounded2: Brin - Yes.I am trying. I send her trinkets on the holidays and have sent happy day texts. But she refuses to reply. She defriended me on FB, so I have to depend on my mom to let me know what they are doing. My oldest tells me some things but he is a guy and she posts a lot, but I just know God will handle this too.

Cricket: Brin - I just deleted the photo card I had created for you so you shouldn't receive any further emails. I will try to remember not to send you e-cards in the future as that's the site I use.

Swan: dumbfounded - I spent years protecting my husband from his mother, but she did some crazy stuff, things that could have adversely affected his military career. I would take her garbage, allow her to name call and belittle me but would not give him the phone (we lived states away from them) when she was on her raging rants. And I always knew when she had written a nasty letter, it would be addressed to my husband only, I wouldn't even read it, I even started putting return to sender and popping it back in the mail unopened. It took her years but she finally got it, at least for the letters. She had a horrible childhood, her mother died when she was seven and being the oldest daughter, she become the mom and her dad was a drunk, so that wasn't good. When she met my father in law, he was twenty eight and she was fourteen, two days after they met, they eloped and ran away from the boot heel of Missouri to the city several hours away. She only knew what she knew and she continued being that way until the end of her life. I came to feel empathy for her, but not until much later in life.

dumbfounded2: Swan - Wow, it is sad how others deal with pain.

dumbfounded2: Dani3 - I hope you and your family are doing well

Brin: Cricket - Sorry. I was confused because the email said that Brin sent me a birthday card! So I thought the website was doing the same thing to my brin account as my normal email account. I wish I saw your card now.

Cricket: Brin - No, I had created a very special personalized photo card from a retreat several years ago. Funny thing, Bluesky wrote to thank me for the card I made for her and how it brought back great memories. She said I was the only one who sent her a card so I was thrilled she loved it. I saw your email and was shocked but I went in and deleted it and noted to block your email from all future cards.

dani3: Dumbfounded2 - yes, good thank you. I have wanted to check in often, but my phone lost all of my contacts. Enjoying summer in New England!

dani3: Swan - it does give us a bit of understanding when we know the back story doesn't it?

dumbfounded2: Dani3 – Great I will try to remember to text you so you have my info. I have been traveling a lot with H and it seems as if time is flying by, but we are having a great time and we are blessed. I keep you all in my prayers and only wish you the best.

Cricket: Brin - I was sad as I spend quite a bit of time creating the personalized photo cards and I even noted names of the people in the photo. I spent probably 3-4 hours doing this Friday night for those who have birthdays in our group for this month and some other friends who I make personal photo cards for.

dani3: dumbfounded2 - it is a little understandable that she is so defensive after being hurt and watching her mother be hurt as well. I hope she understands soon that all situations are not always the same. She is blessed to have a patient Mother in law!

Swan: Cricket - Darn it, now I feel bad, I had created a card for Bluesky, but then got a notice that it didn't send, I thought I had the wrong email, but checked it was right. I planned to ask her about the email address in chat, but forgot and by the time I remembered her birthday was past. I had it happen with another person and I know their address was correct, so it must have been something I did in the program.

dumbfounded2: To all - Goodnight and I hope you all have a great week!

Cricket: Brin - Maybe I entered your email, in the sender box by mistake. I was making them Friday night for August and friend started texting me over and over which was distracting. I ended up sending her the one I was making for someone else by mistake due to all the texts and my jumping back and forth.

Swan: dani - it does, I can see why my husband is in mlc, I wouldn't have known it before hand because I never knew anything about MLC other than the jokes Hollywood and people make of it, but now that I know about it, I can see it so clearly.

Brin: Cricket - I am so sorry you wasted time. I know I would have loved the photo card if I had seen it. I was also confused because my birthday was last month so I thought birthday alarm was subscribing me to their list like they did with my other account where I am getting an email almost every day.

Cricket: Brin - Yes it was sent last month but it will keep sending emails until it's picked up.

Swan: Ladies - I need to head out, please join us on Tuesday and remember Bill is in on Wednesday

Brin: Cricket - Oh ok. I don't remember seeing the email last month. Boy, I must be out of it. So sorry!

dani3: Swan - Right - so much more to it than Hollywood shows us!

dani3: Good night all - have a blessed week!

Brin: All, good night. I hope your week goes well.

Cricket: Brin - Yes, I can't even retrieve it now as when I got your email I went in and hit delete & noted to drop you from the birthday list. I was sorry I upset you.

Cricket: Good evening all have a great week.

Brin: Cricket - they were sending me birthday and anniversary reminders for people I don't even know. No problem. You didn't upset me. I just was confused.

Cricket: Night Swan

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dumbfounded2: dani3, Brin - Thank you. I was pretty heartbroken too. I had posted a picture of H and me last Dec at a work event and for some reason she felt compelled to text me, blasting me for being selfish, and unbelievably stupid, it went on and on. She is immature in many ways and my son is the more level headed one, but he can’t make her mature. I have treated it much like the MLCer in that I ignore the spewing and march on. I am going to treat them as my children and she will have to learn to deal with that or it will eventually cause problems with their relationship. My oldest calls me almost every day like he use to (on his way to work) and we talk about all kinds of stuff. I am mama and plan to always be so we will see. We are planning another Thanksgiving trip to see them and our son seems excited to see us.

Cricket: dumbfounded - It's hard as far as your DIL but in her mind, she is protecting her H. You're doing the right thing by applying lessons learned from mlc. It will probably take time to trust but hopefully as she sees her H/your son trusting, she'll slowly come around. Sadly, I wonder if there are some dysfunctional things from your DIL's family that makes her more rigid in her thoughts.

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