Cricket: Finding Nemo - What do you mean that your H abandoned everything and OW2 gets away with it and can do whatever she wants. With the video and everything that you & your H have done, it seems that it would help show she didn't have permission. The OW can claim all she wants but there is documentation of him calling the police and it's just not logical he agree to this debt.
Finding Nemo: Cricket - I have been talking to a lawyer and I told him about what happened when we went to court and what the judge said. Basically because they got evicted everything in the property became fair game to any and everyone. It doesn't matter what happened before that point in time.
Swan: Bluesky and dumbfounded - something to remember, men tend to demonstrate not use words. From what I read about the actions of dumbfounded's husband, he is demonstrating sorry, she may never hear the words, most likely in his mind, he has said it.
dumbfounded2: Swan - You are absolutely right, he fusses over me, wants to make sure I am happy, says he will spend the rest of his life showing me he loves me, he questions if I am satisfied with any and everything, reminds me that he loves me many times throughout the day, is affectionate and understands that is one of my needs. I show him respect and include him in my thinking and he reciprocates with affection and appreciation. WIN WIN
Hannah: Swan for sure. I wonder what he does now or if the ow controls everything! I also did a lot for my husband, as you know being military the wives are left to run the home.
Swan: Hannah - Exactly the military thing was what lead me to just jump in and take care of whatever he wanted, I cannot tell you how many times I heard the phrase, "could you take care of that?" and then I immediately answer, "sure", then it became my constant task. But I did it because it lifted the stress of his military obligations and… Ironically, when he was involved with the first other woman, he would often comment that I was not the boss of him (just like a toddler would say), yet he wouldn't do anything without running it past the other woman first. The second other woman is said to play stupid, but is in total control. Example: she is still in constant contact with both of her ex-husband's, one of them is even her go to if anything happens and my husband isn't home, which given his travel schedule is often. But she has also issued the no contact between my husband and I command and she limits the contact he is permitted with our children and grandson. He allows it, so it is on him as far as I am concerned. I never attempted to control him, I don't think he would have allowed it either, but she does and I have been told she has even given him chores, which my daughter says is why he spends so much time traveling for work.
HopinginHim1: Swan – Wow, to be recruited by so many colleges is wonderful! And already at such an early age. He clearly has a very promising future!
Swan: HopinginHim - I know, when my husband and I were teenagers you really didn't start hearing from colleges until senior year, but my grandson is on a sophomore and my son says that is typical these days, they start recruiting earlier than even when he was in high school. I guess what is said about starting to prepare your children for college in kindergarten is true. Considering the pressure that was put on my husband to achieve and the contribution to MLC it had, I sometimes worry that by educators and society putting so much more pressure on our youth today; it is only going to lead to worse cases of MLC. I am proud of him, but am glad that my son and daughter in law are not stressing him, they support him and talk with him about his future, but there isn’t a sense of life or death with it.
Little Magpie: Swan - I feel blessed this morning too. My H and YD went to get my vehicle emissions tested and it passed. After that I can't believe it, they were able to find a vehicle licensing center opened and were able to get the tabs. On top of that, they decided to go to Starbucks and are bringing home a coffee! This is pretty amazing
Swan: Little Magpie - Wow, sounds like so many blessings going on for you today. So often we get wrapped up the big wants, that we overlook the little blessings or as some call them God winks, good that you are seeing the winks and acknowledging them.
Little Magpie: Swan - That may also be part of the reason we don't really talk to one another and that I go to sleep around 7:30 each evening if not earlier
Swan: Little Magpie - depression has two signs in the sleep area, one is that we go to sleep extremely early, the other is that we cannot seem to sleep. When my husband and I still lived together, he would stay up till late hours of the night and then was impossible to get up the next morning. I believe I had my own depression going on as well because I was usually in bed early and up early. I would go to work a couple hours before I had to be in and didn't get paid for them, but it kept me busy and I didn't have to sit at home quiet and resentment building as the alarm clock went off over and over and don't dare attempt to wake him or remind him of the time. I am so shocked he didn't get fired; he was often late to work. He had a secretary that covered for him.
Little Magpie: Grace - How do you handle your frustration and angry feelings so you don't project it toward your H when he does something?
Grace: Little Magpie. I absolutely can relate. I don't know about you but I got closer to God than I ever had before in my life! He sustained me daily. He revealed so much to me that my h could not believe at the time. I was just telling my husband that I was on chat to "give back". That we have been so blessed and closer than ever! He agreed. I'll tell you. The guilt these guys carry for the rest of their lives is not something I would wish on anyone.
Swan: HopinginHim - It is awesome that he still desires that daily communication and you are doing so good. Too often when our spouses call, we attempt to be serious, trying to say meaningful things and to get them to "understand", which typically backfires. Jim always says to keep conversations light and safe; you are doing that, great job.
HopinginHim1: Swan - Thanks so much for that. We seem to have become good at being "friends". I don't ask anything and he is also kind in that his relationship with the OW is in no way public. In fact, in many ways, he still treats me as his wife. His secretary even emails me at Christmas and thanks me for her Christmas bonus. Those things help, but I still and trying not to look at him and his actions for security, but put my trust in my faith.
Brin: Cricket, Swan - And I feel so frustrated when he accuses me that I just want to stop talking. I do stop because I don't want to react and aggravate the situation but he gets upset that I won't talk anymore and accuses me of more.
Cricket: Brin - Then it sounds to me that he's reacting to not having your support in his new job. In his mind, this was extremely important for his and your future and he felt you drew a line in the sand that it was the job or you. Playing devil's advocate, he can feel that being newly married, the first obstacle or challenge that you faced as a couple, you weren't there for him. That you were only looking at how lonely or alone you'd be and not looking at what he saw as a great career opportunity for him. I don't mean that's how you reacted, but in a new marriage, neither has had a chance to build confidence & trust in one another.
Little Magpie: All - Thank you. It has been so many years that we have not really communicated that we have to learn how again. It sounds and seems strange but it is what has happened
Cricket: Little Magpie - It does not sound strange, it IS what happens. More common than you may realize. When you start learning to communicate again, it takes time to trust what you can say. It's common to feel like you're walking on eggs for a bit but the more you work at communicating better, the more comfortable it will get. A big thing is that I know you feel your H can be harsh and you feel defensive, it will be very important to keep those emotions in check. I compare it to working out - no pain, no gain. When you hold everything in and don't share honestly, you're avoiding conflict but it's healthier to be honest with one another and in time you won't feel defensive.
Brin: Little Magpie - I'm doing good. Going through some stress with my H possibly taking a job in another state. That means I will only see him on the weekend, plus he'll have to spend money on a living expenses there. Trying to trust God in all of this. I am feeling calmer about this than a few days ago. Been praying a lot.
Little Magpie: Brin - May the Lord give you His Peace and Wisdom as pros and cons are weighed and decisions are made