Bluesky: So I am not sure why I stick around waiting for him to possibly come home.
Swan: Bluesky - I have asked myself that question as well, which is sometimes why I think God is protecting me by there being no contact between my husband and myself. I believe that until my husband is changed through Christ, he and I cannot be reconciled, because I cannot accept his behavior as normal anymore and cannot handle being around it.
dumbfounded2: Swan – Yes, at times I feel a little insecure and then H will tell me he loves me or misses me (when he is traveling). He gives me no reason to doubt him, but it seems he is more secure about our marriage than I am. He is traveling for work and I have been traveling with him some. He tells me to decide which trips I want to go on. He says he likes me with him. I decided to stay home for a few weeks as we still have our youngest son in high school and I was feeling guilty about not being here. Although our son is barely at home as he has school, his robotics and basically eats and sleeps at home just like a teenager is suppose to.
Swan: dumbfounded - I never once considered my husband's deployments as anything to even worry about, even after he retired and traveled for his civilian job, not until I found out about the first other woman. She was someone he had gone to elementary school with; she was bored with her life and stated looking up old male classmates (no she didn't look up any of the females). Things often work in strange ways, during the "business" trip he took to visit with her in the state we grew up in, there was an incident at work and they couldn't reach him, so they called me in hopes of getting an emergency message to him. I was a little shocked when I was contacted because what he told me was he was in DC on business. I got a hold of him, but not before I did some detective work and found out where he really was. The phone call that day was not a pleasant one. After that even when he did go on actual business, I didn't trust him and sadly that was one of the things that really ate away at our marriage. The first other woman didn't last past six months, but the damage was there and the more I didn't trust, the more he felt that he didn't need to be trustworthy and started looking for someone who would trust him. Hindsight is horrible, wish I could have seen those things while they were happening and not made the mistakes I did. Fortunately, you are a godly woman (I wasn't at the time) and are listening to God.
Cricket: HopinginHim - Both blessings. So nice to have time with your girlfriend, be able to be near for her daughter and connect more and then very nice to have this time and the good signs with your H, very nice. I know your H left with thoughts of your time together circling in his mind.
HopinginHim1: Cricket - Yes indeed. Both very nice blessings. As well, for a variety of reasons I have noticed that my H is consuming much less alcohol lately. That is also a blessing. He is also talking about us taking a holiday together with the kids for a few days in May. All little signs, but again nothing to put too much weight into. Just nice little things.
Bluesky: sorry, my husband did say something to the effect upon leaving that we were so different.
Little Magpie: Bluesky - Your mother's intuition may have led you to believe they weren't right for each other so could be why you aren't broken up about it. Sorry for your son but the Lord may have given him wisdom in that area. My H and I are total opposites and it is a horrible struggle to find common ground.
Hannah: Swan I know people say if we are sinning then our prayers won't be answered but we are human and sin all the time. How do you feel about that?
Swan: Hannah - Well how many in the Bible sinned and even ran from God, but it didn't keep the Lord from seeking reconciliation. We all sin, intentional and oops what just happened. The Bible says that God cannot be with sin, but I don't believe that means He turns off his ears to us, if that was the case, how would He ever hear us when we call out for forgiveness.
Cricket: Finding Nemo - What do you mean that your H abandoned everything and OW2 gets away with it and can do whatever she wants. With the video and everything that you & your H have done, it seems that it would help show she didn't have permission. The OW can claim all she wants but there is documentation of him calling the police and it's just not logical he agree to this debt.
Finding Nemo: Cricket - I have been talking to a lawyer and I told him about what happened when we went to court and what the judge said. Basically because they got evicted everything in the property became fair game to any and everyone. It doesn't matter what happened before that point in time.
Swan: Bluesky and dumbfounded - something to remember, men tend to demonstrate not use words. From what I read about the actions of dumbfounded's husband, he is demonstrating sorry, she may never hear the words, most likely in his mind, he has said it.
dumbfounded2: Swan - You are absolutely right, he fusses over me, wants to make sure I am happy, says he will spend the rest of his life showing me he loves me, he questions if I am satisfied with any and everything, reminds me that he loves me many times throughout the day, is affectionate and understands that is one of my needs. I show him respect and include him in my thinking and he reciprocates with affection and appreciation. WIN WIN
Hannah: Swan for sure. I wonder what he does now or if the ow controls everything! I also did a lot for my husband, as you know being military the wives are left to run the home.
Swan: Hannah - Exactly the military thing was what lead me to just jump in and take care of whatever he wanted, I cannot tell you how many times I heard the phrase, "could you take care of that?" and then I immediately answer, "sure", then it became my constant task. But I did it because it lifted the stress of his military obligations and… Ironically, when he was involved with the first other woman, he would often comment that I was not the boss of him (just like a toddler would say), yet he wouldn't do anything without running it past the other woman first. The second other woman is said to play stupid, but is in total control. Example: she is still in constant contact with both of her ex-husband's, one of them is even her go to if anything happens and my husband isn't home, which given his travel schedule is often. But she has also issued the no contact between my husband and I command and she limits the contact he is permitted with our children and grandson. He allows it, so it is on him as far as I am concerned. I never attempted to control him, I don't think he would have allowed it either, but she does and I have been told she has even given him chores, which my daughter says is why he spends so much time traveling for work.
HopinginHim1: Swan – Wow, to be recruited by so many colleges is wonderful! And already at such an early age. He clearly has a very promising future!
Swan: HopinginHim - I know, when my husband and I were teenagers you really didn't start hearing from colleges until senior year, but my grandson is on a sophomore and my son says that is typical these days, they start recruiting earlier than even when he was in high school. I guess what is said about starting to prepare your children for college in kindergarten is true. Considering the pressure that was put on my husband to achieve and the contribution to MLC it had, I sometimes worry that by educators and society putting so much more pressure on our youth today; it is only going to lead to worse cases of MLC. I am proud of him, but am glad that my son and daughter in law are not stressing him, they support him and talk with him about his future, but there isn’t a sense of life or death with it.
Little Magpie: Swan - I feel blessed this morning too. My H and YD went to get my vehicle emissions tested and it passed. After that I can't believe it, they were able to find a vehicle licensing center opened and were able to get the tabs. On top of that, they decided to go to Starbucks and are bringing home a coffee! This is pretty amazing
Swan: Little Magpie - Wow, sounds like so many blessings going on for you today. So often we get wrapped up the big wants, that we overlook the little blessings or as some call them God winks, good that you are seeing the winks and acknowledging them.
Little Magpie: Swan - That may also be part of the reason we don't really talk to one another and that I go to sleep around 7:30 each evening if not earlier
Swan: Little Magpie - depression has two signs in the sleep area, one is that we go to sleep extremely early, the other is that we cannot seem to sleep. When my husband and I still lived together, he would stay up till late hours of the night and then was impossible to get up the next morning. I believe I had my own depression going on as well because I was usually in bed early and up early. I would go to work a couple hours before I had to be in and didn't get paid for them, but it kept me busy and I didn't have to sit at home quiet and resentment building as the alarm clock went off over and over and don't dare attempt to wake him or remind him of the time. I am so shocked he didn't get fired; he was often late to work. He had a secretary that covered for him.