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April 14, 2019 / Sunday

Swan: Sad to say, but it sounds a lot like he has been using his dad's abusiveness as an excuse to get away with things for years. Abuse of any kind is wrong, but that doesn't keep those being abused from using to their advantage with other people.

Brin: Swan, I agree. He should not use his abuse as an excuse. Because he doesn't want to work on his hurts and habits, our relationship suffers. One of his side effects is his excess weight. Because of that, he won't take photos with me, and won't go places with me. But then he won't do the right things to lose weight. His efforts are half-hearted. He works out, eats protein shakes, but then snacks on chocolate and desserts. Go figure.

 

For a list of media recommendations by Midlife Dimensions and our Chat Room Facilitators, please visit at http://love-wise.com/product.php or http://astore.amazon.com/midlife-20

Amazon sends a donation to the non-profit ministry of Midlife Dimensions anytime an order is placed via our link. We hope you enjoy the various lists of recommendations and thank you for supporting Midlife Dimensions through Amazon.

 

April 14, 2019 / Sunday

Brin: Hi Swan, how are you doing

Swan: Hi Brin - I am doing good. Today is the Avocado Festival here in town, so traffic and noise are busy. We live a few blocks from the event site (down town), it hasn't been too bad but people trying to park in drive ways has been annoying. There just isn't much parking for the size of the event, it grows bigger every year.

Brin: Swan, does this mean that there is a lot of avocado being sold at the festival?

Swan: Well, not so much avocado's, but there are several booths selling guacamole and chips, deep fried avocado's, avocado fudge, that type stuff.

Brin: I see. Makes sense.

Brin: Is Cricket not coming to chat tonight? Or can I not see her?

Swan: There are also lots of craft type booths, bounce house type things for the kids, pony rides, etc. It is a pretty big deal.

Swan: I haven't seen Cricket yet, not sure if she is going to make it in or not.

Brin: Wow, that's a big deal.

Brin: Swan, I got approved for citizenship

Swan: Well, we are the avocado capitol, town itself is small, but groves around town are massive.

Brin: Wow, I didn't know you live in the avocado capitol. No wonder you have an avocado festival.

Swan: Yeah! That is awesome, I am so happy for you. Will you be doing an official swearing in type thing?

Swan: Most of the Haas avocado's come from this area. They are the darker bumpy skinned avocados; also have a creamier inside and richer flavor. The Florida avocados are larger, smooth skin and lighter in color and have a different flavor, not as rich.

Brin: Yes, I will be doing an official oath swearing ceremony in a few months' time.

Brin: I love Hass avocados. They very rich so I have to eat them sparingly.

Swan: That is cool. I imagine it will make some things easier for you. My son in law was the first in his family born in the4 US. His older siblings and parents became citizens, I thought his mother said she is still a citizen of Mexico too, but I may have misunderstood her. They live here and haven't really gone back to Mexico much since my son in law was a teenager.

Swan: Brin - So was your husband not a factor after all or did he step up and do the right thing?

Brin: Swan, He was not a factor at all. They did not even ask for his documents but good to have them with me just in case. I applied based on the number of years I lived here as a permanent resident. He did end up lending me his documents.

Brin: BTW, he did get a job, and starting in a week's time. He announced that he was not going on the trip with me in a few months' time because he's going to see his new grand baby expected then. As usual, he puts his kids before me. But this time, I am actually relieved that he won't be going with me.

Swan: Brin - Considering the way he was acting and threatening, I am glad he wasn't as important to the process as he thought he was and I am glad he did the right thing after all. It does make sense with the number of years you have already lived here to base it on that.

Brin: Swan, the sad thing is he keeps seeing himself as the victim and that I hate him because I am not talking. I have been avoiding him to avoid arguments and him pressing my buttons. He only sees things his way - poor me mentality.

Swan: Great that he got a job that will take some pressure off. I can understand wanting to see a new grandchild, but I agree it is pretty selfish, especially since he had already agreed to the trip with you. But like you say, it might be a blessing that he isn't going.

Brin: Yes, he's pretty selfish and his kids have always come before me, and then he wonders why I don't feel close to him.

Cricket: Sorry to be late, I fell asleep on the couch before chat and just woke up. I did have trouble getting in tonight as kept getting the warning that this site is dangerous and may harm my computer. It took a few tries to get in.

Swan: Sadly my mother lived in "poor me - ville" her entire life. It was always someone else's fault, even when something wasn't against her, but went wrong, she would somehow turn it so that she was the victim in it. It frustrated me and there were times when I just couldn't deal with it or her. But then that would give her more ammo to why she was the victim.

Cricket: Swan - I took a photo of the warning to share. A little different but actually harder to get by.

Brin: He probably doesn't realize that I prefer him not going with me this time. It's possible that he thinks he's hurting my feelings by going to see his grandkid instead.

Brin: Swan, yes, it's so sad when people live like a victim their entire life. So unnecessary. I'm running out of steam with my H. I don't see him changing any time soon. He keeps doing the things that don't matter much to try and please me instead of working on the things that matter - e.g. his integrity and money spending habits. And then he feels sorry for himself, and lashing out at me for "being rude" or "hating him" when I don't want to engage in conversation. As soon I engage in conversation, he starts to say things that hurt and try to draw me into an argument.

Brin: So far, I have kept my answers to 1 word at a time and walk away or keep silent when he asks me another question that I don't want to answer (e.g. "Do you have me that much?")

Swan: When my husband and I were still married, he had planned a trip for us before he became involved with the other woman. A week before the trip he announced that he wouldn't be going, but I was welcome to go anyway. I did and had fun. I got really lucky; the flight was oversold, so they allowed me to sell his seat back to the airline both ways. The rental car was a little tricky, but it all got worked out and the entire trip only cost me a small amount for meals. I figured I got a vacation from him - on him. Later I found out the other woman got all angry because he gave me the trip, she thought he should have taken her.

Brin: Swan, woe, too funny that OW got jealous about you going on the trip! I am glad you had a wonderful trip. Where did you go?

Cricket: Good news Brin about your citizenship! Congratulations.

Swan: Interesting that he immediately goes to you hating him, could he be that he doesn't really feel much love for himself, therefore, reflects that self-loathing onto others towards him.

Brin: Swan, you hit the nail on the head - he doesn't feel much love for himself.

Cricket: Brin -I'm sorry to hear your H still doesn't understand why you don't feel close. Sad with everything that he isn't doing more to put you first.

Swan: The trip was to Missouri, to a place we often went. I flew into St. Louis, visited with some family (mine and his), I drove down to Branson (took his oldest sister with me), went to some shows, just had fun.

Brin: Swan, I gave him very short answers today as I was busy working but he didn't see me working because he was yelling to me from downstairs. I guess my tone has been short because I am stressed by him and by his questions.

Brin: Swan, sounds like a wonderful trip. How nice to see shows. I love shows.

Cricket: Are you two seeing that I'm here? With all the trouble getting in to chat, not sure it's working correctly.

Swan: I hate when people yell from other parts of a house or office, like I have nothing better to do that stop everything and jump for them. He could have got up and come up stairs if it was that important.

Swan: Hey, my sister in law got a little vacation, something she doesn't get very often.

Brin: Yes, he could have come upstairs to talk to me. I hate that he tried to talk light talk to try to get me to chit chat with him, because as soon as I let my guard down, he thinks he doesn't have to work on his bad behaviors.

Brin: It was nice of you to give your SIL a little vacation too. I bet she really appreciated it.

Swan: That is sad; he thinks he can sweet talk you and you are going to just let everything slide. Makes me wonder if he got by with that type behavior with his parents. The Eddie Haskell type actions (from the old Leave it to Beaver sitcom).

Cricket: Brin - Are you seeing my comments?

Brin: According to him, he did not get away with anything with his dad, who supposedly severely abused him physically.

Swan: She had a great time, my husband didn't know I had asked her if she wanted to take his place and when he found out later, he got upset. I simply told him that if he didn't want someone else using his tickets, he should have been there to use them himself. He shut up and didn't bring it up again. To be honest I could have gotten money for most of them, but figured she could use some time away from her hectic life and I enjoy her company. It was a win/win for us.

Brin: It's funny that your H got upset about his sister using his show tickets! Instead of being happy that his sister enjoyed herself.

Swan: Sad to say, but it sounds a lot like he has been using his dad's abusiveness as an excuse to get away with things for years. Abuse of any kind is wrong, but that doesn't keep those being abused from using to their advantage with other people.

Swan: It is all a part of the MLC selfishness, he didn't want to use them, didn't want anyone else to use them. He must have asked me repeatedly if I had a good time by myself on the trip. All I would ever say was that it would have been nice if he had gone too, but his sister and I had a blast.

Brin: Swan, I agree. He should not use his abuse as an excuse. Because he doesn't want to work on his hurts and habits, our relationship suffers. One of his side effects is his excess weight. Because of that, he won't take photos with me, and won't go places with me. But then he won't do the right things to lose weight. His efforts are half-hearted. He works out, eats protein shakes, but then snacks on chocolate and desserts. Go figure.

Cricket: Brin - As I posted earlier, congratulations on your citizenship!

Brin: Swan, too funny that he wanted you to go on the trip by yourself.

Cricket: Brin - Also, I had posted I was sorry to hear about your H still being selfish although I agree it may be a blessing in disguise that he isn't coming with you.

Swan: The fear of an overweight person not being overweight anymore is often a greater fear than the reason they became overweight in the first place. When a person is abused, they often behave in ways that will keep people at a distance and anything that changes that is cause for anxiety, which typically triggers the defense in them all over.

Cricket: Okay - Well apparently I don't show up. Good night all.

Brin: Swan, Sounds like he's in a catch 22 situation. He hates how he looks but then sabotages his effort. It's top of the hour already. Thanks for chatting. Have a great week and I'll try to make it to chat on Wed. Hope to be able to chat to Bill then.

Swan: I guess I was supposed to go, have a horrible time alone and then come back with stories of how miserable my time way. He should have known better, I am a person who is comfortable with myself and have never really needed someone else to entertain me. I chose his sister to go with me, not for myself, but I knew she could really use the time away from what was a stressful life then and she would never be able to afford it, so why not treat her on his dime!

Swan: See you Wednesday, have a great week

Brin: Swan, what a good plan that you carried out! Take his sister out on his own dime! I love that! LOL.

Brin: Good night Swan!

 

April 07, 2019 / Sunday

Swan: Ladies there is a gentleman that has emailed through the website with questions, I invited him to create a log in and come to chats, not sure if he will or not. I felt I should let him know most of the chat attendees are women, to which he did state he was cautious about that because his wife has installed spyware on their computer and he knows that she checks every key stroke on their computer now. He has been using his friend’s computer to email the site. I forwarded his questions to Bill, but thought I should let you all know in case he braves it and comes into chat. They have been married 35 years, he is the one going through MLC, he has had several affairs the past year, his wife found out and at first she threw him out of the house. She has since let him move back home, but watches his every move like a hawk. He says he understands, he has betrayed her trust, but her actions are also starting to wear him out, he doesn't know how much longer he can deal with it.

Cricket: Thanks for the heads up. Hopefully he'll be able to at least connect with Bill. Too bad that some of the guys who had participated haven't connected for quite awhile... but then most of the women members haven't either. When I signed in, it showed Brin but I haven't seen anything from her tonight.

 

For a list of media recommendations by Midlife Dimensions and our Chat Room Facilitators, please visit at http://love-wise.com/product.php or http://astore.amazon.com/midlife-20

Amazon sends a donation to the non-profit ministry of Midlife Dimensions anytime an order is placed via our link. We hope you enjoy the various lists of recommendations and thank you for supporting Midlife Dimensions through Amazon.

 

April 07, 2019 / Sunday

Cricket: Good evening all.

Brin: Welcome to Sunday chat!

Swan: Hello ladies, how are you tonight?

Cricket: I'm good. Bowled in a tournament (6 games) so crashed with the computer next to me when I got home. Beautiful day though.

Swan: Cricket - Wow, 6 games, that is a lot, I personally get tired after just one game.

Cricket: My only issue was one of my fingers was sore the last couple games, apparently lifting more with that finger and hard to be inside on such a beautiful day.

Swan: Cricket - Yes, today was really nice down here as well. Last week we were overcast and much cooler, this week it is feeling a lot like summer. At least at work I have plenty of windows so I can kind of enjoy the beautiful days. Much different from a bowling alley, not much natural light there.

Swan: Brin - How are things going for you?

Cricket: Swan - Same here. WE had a nice weekend but some showers, cooler and cloudy during week but nice weekend.

Swan: Ladies there is a gentleman that has emailed through the website with questions, I invited him to create a log in and come to chats, not sure if he will or not. I felt I should let him know most of the chat attendees are women, to which he did state he was cautious about that because his wife has installed spyware on their computer and he knows that she checks every key stroke on their computer now. He has been using his friend’s computer to email the site. I forwarded his questions to Bill, but thought I should let you all know in case he braves it and comes into chat. They have been married 35 years, he is the one going through MLC, he has had several affairs the past year, his wife found out and at first she threw him out of the house. She has since let him move back home, but watches his every move like a hawk. He says he understands, he has betrayed her trust, but her actions are also starting to wear him out, he doesn't know how much longer he can deal with it.

Cricket: Thanks for the heads up. Hopefully he'll be able to at least connect with Bill. Too bad that some of the guys who had participated haven't connected for quite awhile... but then most of the women members haven't either. When I signed in, it showed Brin but I haven't seen anything from her tonight.

Swan: Cricket - she said welcome at the start, but hasn't responded since. The male members have pretty much moved on. Many of the females spend more time communicating through email and face book these days. Not sure if it is because chat is only at certain times or what, but the 24/7 method seems more popular lately. Bill says he is working on upgrading the site and adding more communication features, but I also know his travel schedule has been pretty busy, so I think the website and chat take a backseat to his conferences.

Cricket: Really - I never saw a welcome either.

Cricket: Swan - I know there is a group that participates on a separate prayer site that spun off of MLD.

Swan: Interesting, you gave your good evening all at 6:02 and she noted welcome to Sunday chat at 6:04. The site has been acting up some nights as well, last week we had an issue on Tuesday night that there was a chat room, Beth and I were in it, yet others said they only saw the Sunday chat and somehow got in it. I had deleted Sunday when I created Tuesday, so I have no clue how they were able to chat in it.

Cricket: Swan - I do know some became concerned when they got the warnings about out safety with the site but others seem to connect privately.

Swan: I know about that spin off as well and sadly there were many that followed because they wanted to do more bashing of their spouse and the other person than we allow here.

Cricket: I really think that the warnings and lack of presence when you Google mld hurt's us.

Cricket: Swan - I think part of it is that they've worked through difficult times to where they don't need the encouragement as much as they did in early days. They don't feel needed either as most have been at this for quite a while. If new members were to find us, they'd feel more of a purpose. I understand that as I come to chat to give back but not for my own encouragement.

Brin: Hello Swan, Glad to see you. It's been lonely in this room.

Brin: How are you today Swan?

Swan: New people find the website all the time, I get emails from them and I invite them to chat. Many say they might come to chat; others worry about their spouses finding them on chat and using it against them.

Swan: Brin - Cricket and I were just commented that you haven't said anything. We have been chatting away; I am getting so frustrated with this addonchat program.

Brin: Swan, really? I don't see Cricket at all and only just saw you come in.

Brin: Swan, I've been here by myself (so it seems) the whole time.

Cricket: I think I'm going to head out and give Charlie a walk. I hadn't had a chance since I was bowling so would like to get out before it gets dark.

Cricket: Have a good week!

Swan: Brin - I just do not know what has happened, something similar happened last Tuesday, Beth and I were chatting away and others only saw the room from Sunday and had somehow gotten into a room that I had deleted. I kicked myself out of chat and when I came back in you are here, but Cricket seems to be gone.

Brin: Swan, yes very weird. Last week's Wed chat, I saw Bill post Good evening to you but you said Bill hasn't come into the room yet. But that was the only thing I saw from Bill. The previous Wed, I never saw Bill post anything, so I just chatted with you only.

Swan: Brin - Actually Bill was in the room, he and Little Magpie were talking. I have to get with the programmer before Wednesday and find out what is happening, thanks for reminding me.

Swan: Well it is the top of the hour; sorry you sat in here a lone for most of it. Hopefully I can get it figured out and we can get it fixed soon. Have a great week.

Brin: Have a great week Swan. Thanks.

March 27, 2019 / Wednesday

Swan: Brin - I used to anoint the house and my husband's items, there were times when I would be at the house while we were getting it ready to sell that it just felt like there was so much evil present. Heck I still anoint the doors here, figure why leave the pathway open.

Brin: Swan, It suddenly occurred to me after I parked my vehicle. So perhaps it was a God nudge - to anoint the house and some of his belongings.

 

For a list of media recommendations by Midlife Dimensions and our Chat Room Facilitators, please visit at http://love-wise.com/product.php or http://astore.amazon.com/midlife-20

Amazon sends a donation to the non-profit ministry of Midlife Dimensions anytime an order is placed via our link. We hope you enjoy the various lists of recommendations and thank you for supporting Midlife Dimensions through Amazon.

 

March 27, 2019 / Wednesday

Brin: Hi Bill, how are you?

Brin: Bill, I would like to chat about my situation with H.

Swan: Hi Bill and Brin - hope you are both well tonight.

Brin: Hi Swan, Doing ok. How about you?

Swan: Brin - I am doing good.

Brin: Swan, any news about your H?

Swan: Brin - No, other than he is now living in Texas, he is there alone and says the other woman isn't going to be joining him. My daughter says she hasn't asked him, but he has said things that make her believe they are getting or are divorced. In some ways that is sad, he is in a place where he is alone and he has never done alone very well. Maybe God needs him in a place alone so he will grow closer to the Father. I can only pray for him, other than that I don't pry. I just don't want the kids or him to feel like I am.

Brin: Swan, Understood. It's great you don't want to pry. In the end, God knows your heart and that you are not prying, even if others think you might be.

Swan: Brin - just because he and the other woman are not together, I have to believe since he isn't making contact with me or asking about me, that he isn't ready and I know how guarded he can get about his privacy. I also don't want to have him believe the kids are passing details about his life onto me, which depending on his mood could strain his relationship with them. He just get strange at times and then over reacts usually in an adverse manner.

Brin: Swan, Bill, I had a difficult week with H. And last evening, he really was stirred up and tried hard to goad me and hurt me emotionally/mentally. I ended up saying it would be better for both of us if he moved out and that was I really done with him now. I told him I'm going to re-send the divorce papers, even though I have not done carried that out. I left the house because he just would not stop saying things. When I came back about 30-45 min later, he said he was tired of arguing. He probably had calmed down by then. But what he said before that really made me think he was mentally unstable.

Brin: Swan, My H sounds a little like yours, reacting in an adverse way. Sometimes he says things and connects things in such an illogical way and pressures me to answer his illogical questions. I just can't. It's useless continuing a conversation with him. It never goes anywhere. It seems like he just wants to argue and make his point against me just to make him feel good or justified. What he says about me is not even true, as far as I can tell.

Brin: Swan, I just am so very tired now. On Monday morning, he insisted on talking so I asked him if he would pray together. I prayed the Doctrinal Affirmation per Bill's suggestion, and he did not like it. It truly must be spiritual warfare going on in my household. My H accused me of using exorcism on him. I can't help but think he's "possessed" by an evil spirit.

Swan: Brin - Your husband sounds a lot like my mother in law, she used to nitpick at someone and she wouldn't stop until she got a reaction from them and then she would jump onto victim mode. There would eventually something commented to her about her hateful words and actions, and then all heck would happen. She would start crying and get my father in law in defender mode, which then pitted him against whomever she was attacking. Typically anyone that didn't live in that house would high tail it out and she would take to bed for days. During which she would get on the phone with everyone, trying to rally as many as she could to her view. If you didn't agree with her, you were against her and she then attacked them. Heck, even when we weren't visiting and were states away, she would call my husband and try to stir garbage up. If he didn't jump on her side, she would disown him. She just couldn't seem to have peace around her, if it was too calm for any period of time, she could create chaos.

Swan: Brin - It sounds like he is projecting his own fears and insecurities onto you. When my husband and I were still together there were times he would behave as his mother had and if I refused to encage with him, he would get even more mean with his words. Which typically caused me to shut down, regardless of what he said, I would say nothing, he would eventually wear himself out and then there would be silence. But then, he would attempt to start a fight to end a fight! It was like he could never accept or admit he was wrong about something, so round two! Much like his mother did, she would disown someone and then start a fight to open up communication, even if the communication was just more attacking. There is a saying "There is good communication, there is bad communication and there is NO communication, most people will take bad communication over No communication any day." I think that in some twisted way she thought that by starting another fight, it was opening communication; sadly too many times I watched as my husband, his siblings and many of the spouses and even the grandchildren allowed her behavior and some even somehow wound up apologizing to her. Yes, apologize to her as if they had done something wrong, when they hadn't.

Brin: Swan, you MIL is something. My H doesn't go talking to everyone, except 1 of his brothers, I think. He is a bit of a recluse, except his 1 female friend who has been interfering since before we got married. I don't know if she is still interfering because I don't entirely believe my H's word. I don't even know if anything he tells me is the truth.

Swan: Brin - Wow her got upset by prayer, spiritual warfare could definitely be a factor.

Swan: Brin - my mother in law was very recluse as well, she barely ever left the house. There were seven children, many grandchildren and the spouses; she was always trying to turn the kids against each other. None of us spouses were good enough for her children and the grandkids became pawns in many instances. Fortunately we lived in other states and only dealt with it via phone or during the times we would be there visiting. My kids don't have some of the scares the other grandkids bare.

Brin: Swan, My H does sound like your H in terms of starting fights, and demanding answers from me. When he does something wrong, he would find something to pick on about me to use as "well, if you can do this/that, why can't I do A,B,C? and the comparison is not even fair! He justifies himself this way. And how I behave is because of self-defense, e.g. I stay out of his way because of how hurtful his words are whenever we talk, and I don't want to have sex with him because of the way he's been behaving towards me - so then he's angry that I am "rejecting" him. He threatened me yesterday about my citizenship application, asking me how badly I wanted it. He wouldn't clarify. Sounds like he either said something to an immigration officer or he won't give me his documentation for my citizenship interview next week.

Brin: Swan, your MIL sounds so difficult to deal with.

Brin: Swan, when I got home from work this evening, my H was not home. So I took the opportunity to anoint all the doors, his armchair and the bottom of his bed in the basement.

Swan: Brin - She was very difficult to deal with, even caused trouble at her own funeral. There were items that she had promised some of the kids that they would get when she passed away. The youngest daughter was instructed to read a letter at her funeral basically telling each of them that they didn't deserve anything from her, that she has instructed the youngest to burn and destroy anything any of them wanted. It was simple stuff like pictures (mostly of them and their families), a few things they had given her over the years, just little things. It was just hateful. The youngest was the most like her; however, I guess she had a change of heart because a few months later I got a package in the mail with pictures of my husband as a kid. I didn't ask for them, never said a word, figured there was no sense in it; however, I am glad she sent them and did thank her.

Brin: Bill, I got your email. Thank you. No I am not in any physical harm at this time, as far as I can tell.

Swan: Brin - I used to anoint the house and my husband's items, there were times when I would be at the house while we were getting it ready to sell that it just felt like there was so much evil present. Heck I still anoint the doors here, figure why leave the pathway open.

Swan: Brin - I am glad Bill asked that, promise that if you start to feel you are at risk of physical harm you will immediately remove yourself to a safe place.

Brin: Swan, It suddenly occurred to me after I parked my vehicle. So perhaps it was a God nudge - to anoint the house and some of his belongings.

Brin: Swan, yes, I promise I will remove myself. I have told a couple of people about what happened yesterday.

Brin: Swan, Bill, As soon as I get off chat, I will be calling 1 of those girlfriends and I have to call another one tomorrow night. Yesterday evening, what he said really shook me. I was so upset thinking that I am dealing with a crazy person.

Brin: Swan, I am so glad that your SIL sent you the package! That was a wonderful gift from God!

Swan: Brin - I don't know much about citizenship, you have been in the states for a long time. Could you continue to apply without your husband? There was a long period of time before you married him, so is he really required for this to happen. He is pretty much blackmailing you.

Brin: Swan, Yes, he's blackmailing, and this is the kind of thing that really pushes me away from him and makes me not want to have physical intimacy with him. He's so cruel to do that. Yes, I can definitely apply without him. I actually was not applying on the basis of marriage. I fully qualified many years ago but just didn't do the paperwork yet. I've lived here 20 years! But the application form was asking for all kinds of details about my marriages. It was unbelievable. If I don't get it approved, oh well. I can move back to Australia.

Brin: Swan, Bill, I should get going. Thank you for being here tonight for me!

Brin: Goodnight and have a great rest of the week!

Swan: Brin - I think we lost Bill, it looked like he was in the room, but didn’t respond, he would have if he had been able to, hope they get this issue fixed soon. I will lift you up in prayer, have a great week and maybe talk with the immigration person about options if you need.

Brin: OK thanks so much Swan!

March 10, 2019 / Sunday

Swan: Beth - I never understood it either, my mother in law was a completely controlling woman, to the point that most of her kids got out of the house as soon as they were old enough to do so without her calling the police on them (she did the first one, but the police told her they were old enough and could move out if they wanted). My husband complained about how his mother treated him and talked about how she did his older brothers and sisters, always saying she forced her kids to abandon them. Heck he joined the Marine Corps to make his escape. And yet, when he got involved with women outside of our marriage, they were controlling women, much like his mother. He always blamed his mother that his dad wasn't really around when the kids were growing up, for many years my father in law worked two jobs and slept when he was home. Even later in life, he worked the midnight to morning shift, did errands as soon as he got home and then went to sleep to be ready for the next night at work. He stayed married to my mother in law until he passed away, but used work to be away from her insanity.

Beth: Swan maybe it is like a young girl growing up in abusive home ends up dating and marrying a man just like her father.

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March 03, 2019 / Sunday

HopinginHim1: Cricket - I truly think that S has been trying to deal with his anger at H for a long time. I believe that the argument the other night tipped him over the edge. Now he wants "everything out in the open" and for the charade that H is a "perfect father" and "loving husband" to be recognized as not exactly accurate. He just wants the "pretense" or "hypocrisy" over with.

Dani: HopinginHim1 - Hopefully, if your son and h talk, your son will tell your h that he told his sister. Don't you think your h probably thinks the kids have figured it out? I agree with Cricket. Your son may have done it to take the focus off of himself and although it was painful for you to see, do you really think he did anything wrong? I guess I see it as frustrating and painful, but not wrong. It's reality in the family. I kept as much from the kids and family for as long as possible too, but reality comes out.

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February 17, 2019 / Sunday

Dani: Beth that sounds like a great "girl friend" group. How fun!

Beth: Dani it is a bunch of women who either have their husband left or passed away who celebrate the birthdays. Most of us have kids living away too. The other group is a group formed from our church.

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February 12, 2019 / Tuesday

Hannah: Swan/kmkrn he would say when I was young I had to do what my parents told me, my grandparents told me (he lived with them with his mom while his dad was in Air Force in Greenland), he had to do what he was told at school, then two years of college he had to do what his professors told him to do, then he joined the Air Force and they told him what to do so now he was going to do what he wanted to do and didn't want anything to do with marriage or family!

Swan: Hannah - My husband once said that his mother controlled him, the Marine Corps controlled him and he wasn't going to let me control him. I asked him when I had tried to control him, to which his response was, he knew that was coming. Interestingly, the other woman was extremely controlling and when that was pointed out to him by the friend, he got angry at this man.

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January 27, 2019 / Sunday

Dani: Oh, I was going to ask you about that! I know you were anxious to have him take a job. Are you feeling ok about this plan?

Brin: Things are a little better at home after I explained why I have been avoiding him - about his expectations of me to pay his bills. He clarified that he understands my position even though he doesn't like it. I did this over text to avoid a heated discussion about it.

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January 20, 2019 / Sunday

Brin: I guess I am wary about doing anything that gives him the impression that all is well now. And then he goes back to his old ways or expectations. I am lacking trust as you can see.

Dani: Me too!! Maybe he has other book suggestions. There must be new books out there I don't know about. I heard something on Focus on the Family the other day I thought would be really interesting to read. I'll look it up quick. It just seems like you are battling this on your own and SOMEWHERE there needs to be some support for you as you figure out how to maneuver this. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs Book by Emerson Eggerichs

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January 15, 2019 / Tuesday

Swan: Hannah - He has been telling people for years that I will never forgive him for everything he did, even when he is told I already have; he just lowers his head and says he doesn't blame me. It is like he just doesn't hear what others say, he is convinced he cannot be forgiven. I believe that until he is able to forgive himself, he will never accept that I or anyone he hurt will be able to forgive him. Even his relationship with the kids is strained and has become more of a birthday/Christmas card relationship, he calls occasionally, but the calls are limited and impersonal. He is a runner and I don't know what it is going to take for him to face his actions and choices and rebuild relationships rather than run from what he has done.

Hannah: Swan it is the forgiveness that is hard for them.

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January 14, 2019 / Tuesday

Swan: Dani - No actually I ran into an old friend of my husband's at the base a few weeks back. The kids got a Christmas card from my husband and it was post marked Texas, so I guess it is true. I try not to put the kids in the middle by asking questions about their dad. They usually tell me what I might need to know when it is important. As for their dad being alone again, I don't know they would be quick to tell me, they wouldn't want to get my hopes up. I have no hopes in regards to my husband; after all he isn't calling or coming to see me.

Dani: Swan, I understand and would agree. It is best to keep the kids out of it and I also understand about keeping your expectations in check.

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